Starting Again
“Oh my goodness, thank you!” Lapis exclaimed, as much as she was allowed to with a hushed voice. “You have no idea how much I needed this.”
“I think I have a clue.”
Her girlfriend took a long sip of the large Americano in her hand, and smiled as the warming drink rejuvenated her. Peridot knew it was the only drink she would get when they took coffee breaks, and figured she especially needed it this afternoon. The poor girl ended up working all last night. When Peridot went to pick her up, she could see small tears from exhaustion running down her cheeks. Lapis was overworking herself, and Peridot wished with all her might she could relieve her stress. She knew what that feeling was like.
The least she could do was bring her coffee.
Lapis kissed her on the cheek, with the scent of espresso on her lips. It was earthy and floral at the same time.
Blue Pearl was with Lapis when Peridot met up with her at the library. Now that midterms were just around the corner, they felt stuck studying at their houses. It was good to get out, or rather, study in a different kind of environment. They went down to the basement floor, where it was usually quieter and could have a bit of solitude. It was also the place where Peridot’s other housemates studied when they were not at the temple.
“If I knew you would be here I would have brought you one too,” Peridot turned to Blue.
“Don’t worry, lately water has been my primary go to drink,” she held up a gallon bottle hiding under her chair, and set it on the table.
“That’s dedication,” Lapis remarked to her roommate, as she pulled out her notes and textbooks. Sitting next to Peridot at the table with Blue on the other side, she slid a book across. “I’m going to start on my Psychology of Language class if you want to use this first.”
Her girlfriend was lucky that she was able to share books with her roommate. Peridot did not have that luxury, even though most of her work was on her computer. She pulled her laptop open, and the keys glowed green once it turned on. Despite taking eighteen units, the only test she had yet to study for was for her VLSI Systems class. She felt very confident about her other upcoming exams.
Now that they started to spend more time with each other, Peridot felt more comfortable around Lapis’ quiet housemate. Realizing she was just shy around people, she opened up after the three of them hung out for the first time. She was a very kind person, and complimented Peridot on her vintage 80’s band shirt, knowing their music.
Peridot did not take Blue as the kind of girl to be into 80’s punk rock.
“I still don’t know how you understand that,” Lapis peered over the blonde’s shoulder, looking at her computer screen.
“Well I could never understand that,” Peridot pointed to the tan girl’s chicken scratch notes in good humor, and grinned.
“Neither do I,” Blue said, supporting Peridot’s claim.
“Oh please, I’m trying. It’s not like I have the time to write everything out in perfect cursive,” she glanced at her roommate.
“It’s a dying art,” she said in her defense.
“On a different subject,” Lapis tactfully attempted to get the attention off of her, “you should come to Stop, Rock N’ Roll this Friday.”
“That campus concert event?”
Lapis nodded, “Rumor has it they invited a surprise artist to show up. The line-up looks pretty good as well,” she passed the list on her phone to Blue. “Peridot’s coming along as well.”
“I am?” The pale girl said, caught off guard. Being a senior, the thought of spending a Friday night on campus did not sound that appealing. On the other hand, she usually just stayed at home or went to the 24 hour diner with Lapis, which to people was not a super exciting way of spending a Friday night. Maybe it would be nice to go to a school related event or two, just to say she experienced some form of campus life before graduation.
“I am,” Peridot said less confused, confirming Lapis’ suggestion.
“Afterward we can go out to celebrate finishing midterms. I have that night off of work.”
“It’s about time, you work so much,” Peridot agreed fully with Blue’s statement.
“Well, that’s how it is I suppose.” The blonde could see right through her words. Maybe it was the glare in the lighting, but dark circles revealed themselves much more prominently under her violet eyes. The previous evening when they were driving together, they contrasted against the street light seeping through the car windows.
Though Peridot kept asking herself why Lapis stuck with this in the first place, she knew the answer.
“I work Saturday and part of Sunday though.”
When they were alone, the way she talked about work was becoming increasingly discouraging.
She really is not liking it.
Though Lapis was human and felt down at moments, she never brooded over anything for over a long period of time. Her true nature was upbeat and cheerful. Or was she hiding it, in attempt to spare Peridot her more negative emotions?
She hoped that was not the case.
This is why she did not tell Lapis all the details about meeting her mother for breakfast. Lapis, being caring and sweet, checked in with Peridot later that day to hear how it went. She already knew that Peridot and her mother did not get along, or at least a delicate relationship.
Deciding to share the general details, Peridot told her that most of the time consisted of her mother berating her on different aspects of her life. She refrained from confiding with her the deal she made, since she was still toying with going the easy route of ignoring it.
“Does she know about us?”
“I don’t know.”
If or when Yellow Diamond found out her daughter was dating a girl, she would definitely not be “chill” about it. The CEO, wanting her life to depict the ideal portrait, would not have any of it. Peridot would not fit in.
Another part of her mind also whispered that her mother already knew, that she was waiting for Peridot to tell her.
Like everything else in the world, this also had a time where it would come to light. Her only desire was to be mentally ready, even in just the slightest way.
Peridot remembered back to the day she went for breakfast, and feeling lost. Yellow Diamond’s words gripped her like a leech that would just not come off.
“What are you doing with your life?”
Of course, she was majoring in computer science and achieved a full ride through college. She was one of the youngest, if not the youngest, employees to work at Diamond, officially or unofficially. That alone, not including the freelance work she did, could help her land a position almost anywhere. For the first time in her life she had real friends that considered her one as well. On top of everything, she was dating Lapis Lazuli, the most beautiful girl inside and out. But all this led to a next question.
Where is this all going?
Continuing to type on the computer keyboard, her eyes moved to the right, in the direction where Lapis was sitting. With a hand supporting her head, Lapis pursed her lips slightly to the side as she read. She was in her deep studying mode, as the blonde had come to realize over time. Peridot blushed slightly. Even when she was heavily focusing, she was pretty darn cute.
An overwhelming feeling of care and gratefulness swept over her. She was amazing. There was not any other way she could describe it, despite feeling so much for the blue haired girl.
Well, maybe one other way.
Her mind wandered off again, as she multitasked with her homework. After getting into her car and leaving the hotel restaurant, she was finally able to make a call. Having to wait all morning until that point, she pressed call.
“Good morning Peridot,” the warm, calming voice answered.
Just her voice was music to her ears, after listening to her mother all morning. “Hi Garnet.”
“Are you feeling better after yesterday?”
“I should be the one to ask you that,” after all, Garnet was the one who stayed to calm Pearl and Amethyst. Peridot just took off. “How’s everything back home?”
“Better. After you left, we were able to sit down and talk about things more calmly. It took a bit longer though to bring Amethyst back down.”
“That sounds like her. How did that go?”
“A lot of pent up emotion was released, and they both successfully expressed what they wanted to. In the end, they both listened to what each other had to say.”
“I… I’m sorry for not being there. They were both hurting and I ran away.”
“They understood, and I told you to in the first place. You’re sweet for caring about them, and I’m sure in any other situation your presence would’ve helped. But in this case, because they considered you to be a part of the situation, it was wasn’t alleviating this circumstance.”
“Great,” Peridot spoke, all too mad at herself.
“None of this was your fault. You wanted to support the both of them equally, and unfortunately they took it out on you. It was their way of coping, of avoiding what really needed to be said. You didn’t run away Peridot.”
So why did she still feel awful about it?
“Are they still upset with me?”
“I can’t say for certain. The way you can know for sure is by talking to them. Separately would be better than at the same time.”
The blonde wanted to say in the phone how they must hate her, how they would never consider listening to her. But she did not. It would only sound stupid self-pity to Garnet.
“Though you may not feel like it now, you are a good friend and so are your intentions. It’s a great quality about you,” Garnet continued, as if she read her mind. “In the end, I know they’ll appreciate you for wanting to talk.”
Her eyes watered. What was this? Was it due to her own anxiety towards her mother, the stress coming from work and school, or that her friends might not actually resent her? Peridot looked down at the steering wheel. Could it be from simply keeping everything in?
Wiping her eyes with her only available hand, she was not about to let herself tear up about anything. She was not alone, was not the only one of her friends dealing with life’s problems. And above all else there was Lapis, always ready to listen, though she had her own burdens. But with that knowledge, why did she still feel alone? No. She would not subject herself to those feelings.
It was not true, she was not alone.
Her hands were shaking, and despite protesting, her eyes became glassy. She grit her teeth.
“Where are you Peridot?” Garnet asked, interrupting her thoughts. How long was she silent for?
“W-What, I’m in a parking lot.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m not sure.” She had no idea how on earth those words exited her mouth.
“Are you okay to drive?”
“Yes,” it was a feeble answer.
“Okay. I’ll be home since I don’t work today. When you get back, we’ll go out and do something fun. My treat.”
Peridot initially refused the gesture of Garnet treating her, but she insisted.
The drive home from downtown was a blur. When she parked in the driveway, and walked inside the house, Garnet was in the living room reading. She got up from the couch and went over to give Peridot a reassuring hug. They ended up going for a walk to get some ice cream from the convenience store. It was a simple way of hanging out. But she found just the task of moving around distracted her mind for a while, and made her feel less terrible.
The rest of the day went a little better after that.
“Ready for dinner? I’m starving,” Lapis put a hand over her stomach, which moved away from the library table. She was enthusiastic about eating.
“Give me a minute, I need to wrap this up,” Peridot’s eyes were fixed on the screen. It took her only a few seconds.
“If I had a quarter for every time you say that, I would be rich.”
“All the more to say it.”
The blonde chuckled.
She was beginning to feel alright again.