No Quick Fix

He couldn't stop the words before they came out. He knew as soon as he asked his stupid question exactly who Castiel has been talking about, and now he had just made the whole thing more uncomfortable than ever.

The answering silence, however, turned his embarrassment into anger, and hurt.

Cas didn't move. Dean watched his shoulders tense as soon as he spoke, but the guy didn't even try to turn around and face him. Didn't even try to lie. So Dean did the sensible thing. He looked up, caught Charlie's pained gaze, and told her he was leaving.

"Dean, wait..."

"It's fine, Charlie. I'll catch you later."

He left the apartment in even more desperation than he had arrived, and started jogging down the stairs. He was pissed, quite rightly too. What the hell had he ever done to the guy? Wait, did he know that Dean had eavesdropped on what had turned out to be an extremely private conversation?

No. He couldn't. Nobody knew he had heard anything. He hadn't even said anything to Charlie when he got back in, just said he couldn't see him and they'd call him if he didn't turn up soon.

So why the hell was he so uncomfortable to be around him? He stepped out into the evening air and took a deep breath.

Oh. But he hadn't been that obvious, had he? Usually he was quite good at keeping himself in check when he had a crush, especially when he had no idea if the object of his affections even liked guys. But he had found it especially difficult with Cas. The guy just...spoke to him. He felt this weird bond with him, even though they had only spoken a few times. He had tried to keep conversations at the hospital with him short, but he had found himself needing to see the nurse's shy smile, and he had been going out of his way to make it happen. Somehow, it soothed him around the hellish visits to see his dad.

Na. There was no way Cas new that Dean wanted him so badly. He hadn't even flirted with the guy at all since the disastrous night out. Every other nurse was fair game, but he had behaved himself around Cas. Hadn't he?

Dean reached the Impala and opened the door, but he couldn't bring himself to slide inside and drive away. Instead he rested against the driver door, his back to Charlie's apartment block and the scene of his current hurt and humiliation. What the hell was he going to do now?

Inside, Castiel was drowning in guilt. He'd started with mortification as soon as he realised that Dean had known he was the subject of his little chat with Charlie, but when Dean had left so awkwardly, clearly trying to hide the confused hurt in his voice, Cas' emotions had done a full swing into guilt. He was an ass.

When the front door clicked shut, Castiel finally raised his eyes to look at Charlie, who was scowling at him.

"Charlie-"

"He doesn't deserve that," she said bluntly.

Cas winced. "I know, but I didn't do it on purpose!"

"You could've lied, or apologised, or something!"

"I'm a terrible liar," Castiel sighed, slumping against the kitchen worktop. "And apologising would've meant admitting it was him I was talking about, and then that would've meant explaining what I meant. How do you tell a guy 'I'm sorry, you make me uncomfortable because I'm unbelievably attracted to you and I'm scared you don't like me back, but I'm even more scared that you could, because I can't have a relationship, ever'?"

Charlie stared at him. "What the hell do you mean, you can't have a relationship, ever?"

"Exactly what I said. Not ever," Cas said firmly.

Charlie narrowed her eyes at him. She was clearly upset for Cas and this bleak outlook of his life he was sharing with her, but her loyalty to Dean was winning out.

"Either way; you need to fix this. Dean's my friend, and he's a good guy. And he likes you. Right now he's feeling that rejection you're scared of, so what are you going to do about it?"

Castiel stared at her blankly for a moment. What the hell could he do? Well, he could man up and deal with it. Dean had been nothing but nice to him, had gone out of his way to speak to Cas every time he came to the hospital and Cas was working. He owed him something, at least. With a groan at the inevitable embarrassment that awaited him, Cas turned and rushed out of the kitchen.

~~~

What the fuck was he standing out here for, moping against his car like a goddam girl? He'd be growing boobs and wearing panties next, for fuck sake. Rolling his eyes, he turned around and wrenched open the driver's door.

"Dean?"

He glanced up. he hadn't heard the door to Charlie's block opening, but there he was: the culprit of Dean's current torment. So he went with his instincts, and bit back.

"What the hell do you want, Cas? I'm leaving, ok? I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything, dude."

The nurse in the doorway actually winced when Dean threw his words back at him, and it made him pause for a moment, rather than fling himself in the car and drive away. Instead, he stood and watched as the raven-haired man warily stepped towards him until he was standing at the other side of the car.

"I want to...I need...," Cas trailed off. Dean would've smirked at how cute he looked in his embarrassed awkwardness, in normal circumstances. "Fucking hell. I'm sorry, Dean. That's what I wanted to say...I apologise."

Dean waited for a moment, but nothing else seemed to be forthcoming. "Definitely me, then," he said, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't misread that situation?"

Castiel sighed. "No, you didn't. I'm sorry I made you feel bad."

Dean was totally confused. "Can I ask why, Cas? I didn't think I'd done anything to make you feel..."

"No, Dean! No. This is all me. All me. I promise. You've been nothing but nice to me, and I am ashamed that I returned that favour by being so insulting."

"Cas, there must be a reason..." He wasn't any clearer on what the hell was going on in Cas' head.

Cas' eyes widened in what Dean was horrified to see was panic.

"Cas, I just wanted to...I think. Christ, we're both shit at this!" Dean sent a ary smile to Cas, but it wasn't returned. He sighed. "Look. I got the feeling from you the first time we met that you needed some friends, and that you and I could be good ones. I'm sorry if I was wrong about that, but being uncomfortable around me suggests a whole lot more than just not liking me, man."

"I do."

"Huh?" The words were so quiet Dean hadn't quite heard them.

"I do. I like you. That's the problem." Cas rested his forearms on the car and bowed his head.

"You've totally lost me, dude."

Cas lifted his head and frowned over at him. "I like you, Dean. I find it difficult to be around you because I like you a little too much. Any clearer now?"

"Woah, man," Dean raised his hands in mock-defence. Cas bit his lip in apology for his tone. Jesus Christ that was distracting. Focus, Dean. "So, you're telling me that I make you uncomfortable, because you like me? As in, want to go out for dinner and a movie and maybe get my clothes off like me?"

"Yes, Dean." Cas hoped his face wasn't burning, because damn that was a pleasant image. But no. he wasn't allowed that.

"But, why not just ask me out, man?"

Cas sighed. Here was the difficult bit. "I didn't know if you were gay for a start."

"I'm bi."

"Yes, Lisa and my conversation with Charlie has made that clearer."

Dean started to walk around the car, but Cas kept talking.

"I can't, Dean."

"You can't what?"

"I can't act on any feelings I might have, requited or otherwise."

Dean stopped and stared at Cas. "Why the fuck not?"

"Can we just leave it at that, please?"

He wanted to demand that Cas explain himself, but that damn vulnerable puppy look kicked in again, and Dean just found himself wanting to protect that guy from whatever the hell was stopping him living his life.

"Cas..."

"Please, Dean. For now, at least, can I please not have to explain any more?"

The firefighter looked over the man in front of him and sighed. "You're killing me here, man, but ok."

Cas smiled at him, relief clear in his eyes. Some kind of shit had clearly happened in the guy's past, and one day Dean would find out what the hell it was.

"Will you come back inside?" he asked, softly.

"Are you sure?"

"We've still got some movies to watch, and it might be difficult for me, Dean, but I would very much like your friendship."

Dean searched his face thoroughly for any doubt in the man's face, but finding none he shrugged in acquiescence and finished his walk round the car and joined Cas as he headed back inside.

"Just for info, Cas," he said softly, bumping his shoulder. "It's totally requited."

The nurse's head dropped. Life was so damn unfair. He stopped in front of Dean, tilting his head gently to one side as the other man stopped and stared at him, confused. He watched his flecked green eyes widen and smirked slightly. If Dean was going to play that game, he was going to make it difficult for him too.

"Are you hungry, Dean?"

"Always," he answered warily.

"Good. I made pie." He turned and started up the stairs to the apartment.

"You what? You made...Cas!" He chuckled as Dean whined behind him. He pulled out his last weapon as they reached the door.

"It's pecan."

He laughed as he walked inside, Dean groaning behind him. He stopped abruptly when a hand snaked out and gripped his wrist, somehow soft in its firmness. He felt Dean step up closely behind him, and suddenly the firefighter was practically growling in his ear, his breath warm on Cas' neck. Dean sighed, and it was filled with sadness.

"I will make you cave, Cas. I promise. I can't seem to resist you, man, and I'm going to be here until you can't resist me either. Then we're gonna deal with whatever shit you need to deal with to be happy. You deserve it, I know you do, and Goddam do I want to be there when you're ready for it."

Dean's lips ghosted a kiss over the shell of his ear, and then Cas was alone. He stood still in the hallway, listening as Dean went into the kitchen, enthusiastically greeting Charlie and then exclaiming over what Cas assumed was the pie he had made that morning. He could still feel the lips on his ear, and he shivered.

Resisting Dean Winchester was going to be damn hard, and this was going to be a very dangerous game. Half of him wanted to play it, but the sensible part of him was screaming about the danger of losing. Straightening his shoulders, he headed for the kitchen, pushing down the aching sadness as he made his decision. He was going to be the best damn friend he could be, but he wouldn't step an inch beyond it.

No matter how much his heart was telling him that this could be the happiness he had been waiting for.