Chapter 5
Lexa. Saturday, November 5, 2016.
I get to the rest stop at 3:27. Because I walk everywhere, and have been for 7 years now, I have legs of steel and walk a lot faster than most people. On average it takes someone around 6-9 hours to walk 17 miles. My average is 4-5 hours.
I get there and I am absolutely exhausted. I don't wanna do anything except sleep. But before can fall into a blissful slumber, I have to get my stuff. I have a duffel bag with the majority of my belongings buried by a tree. Even though very few people come to this rest-stop, I won't risk some jackass finding my stuff and stealing it. So I go around to the back of the building into the woods, and several yards away is an old tree that looks like it's been here for all time. It's a pale color that I can't exactly describe, with infinite branches that stretch out forever. And if you look to the left there's a carving with a date: 3-07-09. That's where my duffel bag is buried. It's not buried deep, so I just dig it up with my hands and head back with it on my shoulder.
My feet are sore and my shoulders hurt. I just want to sleep and dream. As I'm walking to the building I start to think about Clarke, or more specifically, me and Clarke being together. The options for our ending are limited. She either: finds out who I am and dumps me, doesn't find out and gets frustrated that I'm keeping something from her and dumps me, finds out and accepts me but her friends and/or family don't so she dumps me, or the least likely one is that she finds out and accepts me along with her friends and family allowing us at a shot at a happy ending. I can feel my stomach churn with anxiety and decide that this is a thought for a less tired, future me.
Inside the rest stop, that I like to think of as home, is 2 restrooms, 2 shower rooms, a snack and drink vending machines, and some benches. However, in between the girls and guys restrooms, is an extremely old looking door. It's once dark wood, is now chipped and covered in a variety of stains. About 3 inches above the doorknob is a horizontal plank of wood nailed across the door.
I grab the rusty doorknob and push the door open. I duck under the wooden plank and enter a small dark room. I close the door behind me and take out my flashlight from my backpack. I shine the light on the room, showing what used to be an old office. In the back corner however, there is a wooden staircase that leads upstairs. That's my destination.
I walk up the stairs to the attic. I turn on one the lamp in the room. The lamp shines light on what many would consider to be a sad, dark, little room. I however, consider this room to be the closest thing to home that I have. There is a small dirty window across from the door, a king size bed which was here when I got here, and a large bedside table with the lamp on top. There is also an old mini fridge that I'm surprised still even works.
I drop my duffel bag by the door and collapse onto the bed. I kick off my shoes and pull the blanket over me. I don't have enough energy to change into pajamas, so I fall asleep in my dirty clothes.
I can't breathe. I can't see. I feel heat covering my body. I yell out for my parents. I don't hear anything. I keep yelling and screaming for them. I see orange and red flames outside of the boat window. I feel hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I'm running but I can't see. I trip over something and slam to the ground. On the ground I'm met with my mothers face. There are tears in her eyes that she refuses to let out, especially with me looking so terrified.
"Nomon." I squeak out. I sob over her. There's blood pooling around her.
She reaches up and touches my face. "My Heda." She says, repressing a sob. "My sweet girl. We tried so hard to protect you. You must protect yourself now, my love, your fight is not over. Ste yuj. We will always be with you, feva en otaim. Ai hod yu in." Her tears spill over and she leans up to kiss my forehead. She lays back down and closes her eyes.
I can't control my tears. "Ai hod yu in seintaim! I love you too!" I sob out. I can't stop coughing. There's smoke everywhere and I can't breathe. I have to get out. I let go of my mom's body. I quickly take her necklace off of her and put it in my pocket, and with one last look at her I run in search of an exit.
I find a door that seems to have little flames on the other side. Right next to it is my father's body with 3 bloody holes in him. I squat down, kiss his cheek, take off his trikru ring, and put it in my pocket with my mom's necklace. "Goodbye nontu. Ai hod yu in." I grab both of their duffel bags and my small backpack and open the door. I look back, pull myself together and say, "Goodbye, may we meet again." And run out of the smoky room.
I jump into the emergency boat and try to see through my remaining tears. I release the emergency boat from the yacht and row away from the flaming vessel. In the distance I see the speedboat of the people who just made me an orphan. Anger starts to replace sadness. I wipe away my tears and start rowing the boat to land. I am alone.
I wake up drenched in sweat and with tears streaming down my face. I sit up, and I reach up to my neck and feel my mothers necklace, and my fathers ring that I added onto the necklace. I feel like i'm gonna puke. I check my watch, it's 6:51. I'm even more exhausted than when I fell asleep. I feel anxious and spazzy. I haven't had a nightmare about that day in a few weeks. I still remember everything about that day, especially the things I don't want to remember.
I get out of bed and take off my sweat-soaked clothes. I rinse myself off using the sink that's on the other side of the room. I normally don't use it due to the fact that I'm scared it's going to explode. I put on the clean pajamas I was too lazy to put on earlier, and climb back in bed. I start singing that Tarzan song, "You'll Be In My Heart" to myself. My parents used to sing it to me when I was little. They saw it in the theater while my mom was pregnant with me, and she said that when she first heard the song, she thought of me. "And you're dad too of course." She would say, but then she would whisper to me, "But you were my first thought." Within a matter of 2 minutes I feel myself falling back asleep.
I wake up again, this time peacefully. I look at my watch, it's almost 4 in the afternoon. God, I've been asleep forever. I really must get up, but this old bed is so comfortable. I've been asleep so long and yet, I feel like I could still sleep for an entire week. I finally get up because the need to pee is growing rapidly.
I grab my hygiene bag and run downstairs, almost falling because I'm in socks, into the bathroom. I wash my face and look at myself in the mirror. I see dark circles under my eyes. No matter how much sleep I get, those bastards never leave my face. On the left side of my face, at the hairline, is a smallish scar. I stare at it. It was my only wound from the day of the fire. My permanent reminder of that day.
I go back upstairs and start unpacking a few things from my backpack and duffel bag that I'll use this weekend. I empty out my backpack completely so that I can take out the things I've acquired throughout this week that I don't need to carry around all the time, such as: the alcohol, food, and dirty clothes. I put back the essentials that I always have in my backpack, the most important and sentimental being my mothers knife. It was the knife in the story I told Clarke about my parents getting into college, the one my grandmother made for my mom when she was young. It was in my mom's duffel bag that I took when escaping the boat fire. I always carry it with me, even when I don't have my backpack.
After dealing with my stuff, I decide to watch a movie. I have an old portable DVD player that I got for my 10th birthday from my parents. I have a fairly extensive movie/tv show collection, for someone who's homeless anyway. I keep them in a box under the floorboards next to my box of books. I pick out "Freedom Writers" and grab the bag of food that Mrs. Kane gave me, and settle onto my bed.
Monday, November 7, 2016.
I've been walking since noon and it is currently 4:38. As much as I love my little rest-stop home, it takes forever to get there and back. I promised Niylah that I'd tell her about my date with Clarke today, and I've timed it so that she'll buy me dinner.
A block away from the library I see Raven and Octavia walking together in my direction. Shit. I suck at small talk, mostly because I hate it. I can't just pretend to be busy on my phone because I don't have one. I look into the window of the store I'm walking by hoping they won't notice me or just ignore me. I chance a look at them and accidentally make eye contact with Raven. Fuck, now I have to talk to them. I put on a smile and turn to face them.
Raven yells from a couple yards away. "Hey! Lexa! Fancy seeing you here."
"Hey Raven, hey Octavia. How's your weekend been?"
"It's been pretty great." She says with a grin. "We had to keep Clarke company while you've been gone, even though it interfered with my plans to whisk this one away into my bedroom for the entire weekend."
Octavia glares at her and smacks her arm. Raven just laughs. "She's joking. How was yours? We heard you had some family thing."
I really hate small talk. They sound like they actually want to know though, so that's nice. "It was kinda boring. My parents had a work thing out in Michigan and that's where a lot of our family is. They wanted me to go so we could see all of them and all that."
They both nod. "Well we're gonna go eat at the Dropship Diner, you're more than welcome to join us." Octavia says. Raven nods.
That's nice, but I still only have $10 to my name. I smile. "That's really nice, but I have to meet a friend at the library." I try to say this as sweetly as possible. I really don't want Clarke's best friends to think I'm blowing them off.
They both just nod and say OK with there charming smiles intact. We say our goodbyes and go in opposite directions.
I walk into the familiar library several minutes later. Niylah is talking to some mom with her little girl, so I wave and point to her office. She smiles excitedly and nods. I think she's excited to hear how the date went. She's my oldest friend, so she knows how anti-social I am. I imagine she's very proud of me for just going on a date. I wonder how proud she'll be when I tell her that I now have a girlfriend.
A couple minutes later she comes into her office looking more tired than me. She flops down onto the couch and puts her head on my shoulder. She exhales loudly. "I'm so done with parents Lex. They're so complainy." I laugh. "Shut up, they are! I had this mom just now, she didn't seem to understand the concept of a book being checked out. She was all like 'I checked the website yesterday, and it said that the book was here!' I told her with my best smile, 'Ma'am, that was yesterday, it's been checked out since then.'" I laugh again and she looks up to glare at me. "But she just kept going. She complained on how we should have more than one copy of a book, and didn't listen to me when I told her that we do, it just so happens that they're all checked out at the moment. Ugh! I hate her. She seems like one of those parents who refuses to give her kids vaccines." We both laugh.
A minute later she seems to remember something and sits up so quickly I flinch. She drums on her thigh and squeals. "How was your date?! You never told me."
She's so excited I can't help but feel excited too. I tell her everything. About dinner, the park, how amazing she looked, how her friends tracked her down and made it a double date, and how she asked me to be her girlfriend. She's grinning the entire time. She looks like a proud older sister.
After I'm done talking she sighs happily. "I'm really happy for you Lex, and proud too. Your alone so much, I thought you'd never make another friend besides me, let alone a girlfriend."
I feign hurt. "I have other friends besides you."
She gives me a look. "Do you? Do you really?" I nod. "Name 3."
I roll my eyes. I do have to think about it though. "Clarke, obviously." She nods and tries to hide her laughter. "Ummm. Shit. I guess you're right, but let me keep thinking about this."
She rolls her eyes and a new employee calls Niylah for help. "I'll be back. Keep thinking, but don't hurt yourself Lexa." I flip her off. She laughs her way out of the room.
A couple minutes later I give up. I get up and stick my head out of the office door to tell her that I concede, when I meet sky blue eyes. "Lexa." She says in surprise.
Niylah turns around with excited eyes. She mouths, "Is this her?" She looks over eager.
I don't respond, but I do answer her question when I say, "Clarke, hey."
I walk around the main desk to meet Clarke. "Hey!" She says with a smile, and she gives me a quick kiss. "What are you doing here?" She asks.
I smile. It's only been a couple day, but I think I missed her. "I was just hanging out with the librarian, Niylah. We've been friends since I moved here." I introduce them to each other. They each give the other a polite smile.
"I was just checking out a book. Do you wanna go get something to eat? Oh unless you're still busy with Niylah." There it is, my kryptonite: buying food. I don't want to make her pay again either.
Niylah shakes her head and before I can say anything she says, "She's good. She can just come by after. It'll be less busy here by then, so I won't keep getting called away."
I look back at Clarke. "I, um, don't have any money on me, and I really don't want you to have to pay for me again."
She shakes her head with a kind smile. "Don't be ridiculous. I was going to offer to pay anyway."
"Are you sure?" I ask her. She simply nods. "OK. I'll say bye to Niylah while you checkout your book." She nods again. I kiss her on the cheek and walk back to Niylah.
"I swear, I am so done with people today." She says to me when the person she was checking out is out of earshot. I laugh.
"Hey, can I leave my backpack here again? I'm coming back later anyway." I ask even though I already know the answer.
She nods. "Of course. I'll be here forever, so come by whenever."
"Thanks." I say as Clarke comes up to the desk with her book.
Niylah does her thing, and then we start walking away together. When we're almost to the door, Niylah yells, "Bye Lex! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" I laugh and wave goodbye as we walk out of the library.
Dinner with Clarke is great. We talked about our weekends, I lied about mine of course; however, now that she knows about my heritage, she has many questions.
"So were you at that village where your parents are from?" She asks.
"No. They prefer not to go unless there's a holiday. We did visit with a few relatives who live in the other-kru, like we do. We also had my aunt surprise us at our hotel, and she lives in the village. It was all pretty great, but nothing exciting really happened."
She asks what feels like a million questions, but it feel like we've only been talking for 5 minutes. "Enough about me though. How was your weekend? I ran into Raven and Octavia when I was walking to the library, and they said y'all hung out all weekend."
She nods. "For a lot of it, but we just watched movies. Oh, and my dad's coming back in a week, so you get to meet him." She sees my wide eyes and laughs. "Only if you want of course, but I think you 2 would get along." I nod.
Is it bad that I don't want to officially meet her parents? I only briefly met her mom, and she seemed very intimidating. I can't even begin to imagine sitting down with them and having them interrogate me about what I want to do with my life. Also, does this mean she expects to meet my parents? Because I can lie and fake my way through a lot of things, but that is one thing I don't think I could pull off.
I change the subject and shift the focus to her. "So, Clarke. You've heard what feel like my entire life story. What about you? I feel like we're always talking about me."
She grins. "What do you wanna know?"
"Anything. Everything." I reply.
She gives me a small laugh. "Well. My favorite color is blue, my favorite food is mashed potatoes, I hate oranges, and I could spend forever in my pajamas."
I laugh. "What about you, Raven, and Octavia, how did y'all meet?"
"Well Octavia and I met in pre-school. We ate lunch together one time and she spilled her juicebox all over her pants. It was hilarious. It looked kinda like she peed, but not really. We were 4 though, so anytime there was liquid anywhere near your crotch, it looked like pee. But anyway, I gave her my jacket to cover up her front and I walked behind her as we went to go find a teacher. Then we were inseparable."
"That's so sweet. You were such a nice toddler." I say.
She grins. "I'm still nice." I give a small laugh. "And Raven we met in 6th grade. She had just moved here after she almost blew up the school." I laugh at the memory of her telling us the story while at the park. "All 3 of us had science together. We thought she was super weird because she was the only one who seemed excited to be learning sciency stuff. So we decided that we wanted her to help us with a project and the rest is history."
We exchange a few more stories and then head out. We walk up to her car and she gently pushes me against her door. I look up at her in surprise. She gets an inch away from my face and says softly, "I never got to give you a real kiss hello." She scans my eyes to get permission. I tilt my head and lean up a bit as a way of saying yes. She kisses me softly at first, and then it turns desperate. Her hands are on my face, with her thumbs caressing my cheekbones. My hands are gripping her jacket at her sides. I feel warm everywhere. I feel content. We are back in our own little bubble and I love it.
Eventually the moment has to end, and we say goodbye. She gets in her car and drives away, and I walk back to the library.
I walk inside and see a note on the desk that says Niylah's in the back dealing with a new shipment of books. I walk back there and see her knee-deep in boxes and boxes of books.
"Wow." I say.
She looks up. "I know. I may have over-ordered. It's fine though. I actually really need to concentrate on this, so can you wait in my office? I'll be there in like 20 minutes.
I nod. "Of course."
I walk back and lay down on her office couch. I kick my shoes off and cover myself with the blanket that's on top of the couch because her office is cold. I can't get the image of the way Clarke's eyes light up when she talks about something she loves. Like when she talked about art, and her eyes were shining so very bright. And the way her eyes get intense if we're talking about something serious; like when we were talking about the government. And when she's thinking, she bites her lip and kind of looks off to the side. And how her laugh and her voice sounded angelic. And how her smile can light up a room.
These thoughts consume my mind and I slowly drift off to sleep.