Chapter 2
Lexa. Thursday, November 3, 2016.
We pull into the Wendy's after a few minutes. I feel a little nervous still. I can't tell from what though. Is it because I've never had a conversation with her before? Is it because she saw me with the alcohol? Is it because I think she's kinda pretty, and I'm trying to deny this? Probably a combination of all of these. OK, I got this. I'll be fine, I always am.
We park and she gets out of the car, I follow suit. I stand up and look over at her. She is stretching. Her hands are together over her head, and she's on her tip-toes. She is beautiful and she knows it. Maybe she knows I think she's gorgeous, and is trying to torture me. I look down at my watch: 2:47. We walk into the Wendy's and get in line. She's standing close to me. Does she mean to? Maybe she doesn't want to step away and seem rude. The people in front of us move up. As we move up, I step a little farther from her. She gives no reaction. Question answer. Problem solved.
Oh no, I have to pretend I'm not hungry or something like that. I'm not spending the little money I have here. I break our silence. "I'm not very hungry, do you want me to grab a table while you're in line?" She looks at me. I can't read her expression. It's strange, usually I can read people very easily. Clarke however, is difficult to decipher. I don't like this. I like being able to tell what people are thinking, it makes life easier. She finally speaks. She gives a small smile, nods, and says, "OK." I go and find us a table. It's not very busy, but there are a few people here. I pick a booth in the back. This way we have space, and we can't hear other people talking.
I lean against the wall and start counting. I zone out until I hear someone walking over to the table. I look up and see Clarke with 2 sodas in her hands, and the food bag hanging from her mouth, being held by her teeth. I quickly lean over and try to help by taking the bag from her lips. She makes a noise of disgust; I don't think the food bag tasted very good.
"Clarke, why do you have 2 sodas?" I look in the bag quickly. "And 2 things of fries?"
She gives me a look. It's a look like she knows everything. But she can't know anything, can she? The only person who knows is Ms. Kane, and like a few other kids I've met on the street. She finally responds. "I figured you would at least want something to drink, and maybe you just didn't have any money to spend or something. And I saw a coca-cola bottle in your backpack, so I got you that. I also got you fries, because everyone loves fries." She shrugs. I don't know how to respond. My mouth is open, but nothing is coming out. She notices, and continues. "They're only a few bucks, and my momma always said: 'If you can't buy someone some fries and a coke, what kind of human are you?'" She says with a fake southern accent.
I laugh and say, "Thank you. That's good advice. Your momma's wise." I joke as I get one of the things of fries.
She sits across from me and grabs her burger from the bag. She unwraps it and greedily takes a bite. As her teeth sink into the burger, she gives a small moan of satisfaction. I raise an eyebrow. "Ya hungry?" I say with a small laugh. She just shrugs, swallows, and says, "I'm hungry." I laugh and start eating my fries. She seems funny. And not afraid to eat. I find that these are very good qualities in a human. She demolishes all her food. She somehow manages to look graceful and gorgeous, while also eating like she hasn't ever tasted food before. I eat kinda slow, taking sips of Coke after every few fries. But we finish around the same time.
I grab both of our trash and put it in the trash can. I come back to see her mumbling at her phone. When she sees me she puts her phone away and smiles, but the smile is tighter than usual. We aren't really friends or anything so I'm not gonna ask. Instead I bring up the project. "So, the 1920's. I always liked the 20's, they seemed interesting, and fun." She nods in what I assume is agreement. She seems distracted. Should I ask her what's wrong? I don't want to overstep and make her uncomfortable. I'll be timid. That usually works. "Um, I don't mean to pry, but- um, are you OK? You seem, I don't know..." I say softly, and without any confidence. I find that people are less likely to get angry at you when you seem weak. She gives the smallest smile and runs her hand through her long hair. "No- yeah, it's just- My friends, Octavia and Raven, are being stupid. They're arguing about something, and apparently I'm the middle-man. I have to try and fix it before they kill each other or break-up."
I nod. "I get it. Well, kinda. I'm usually the problem-solver too." I start drinking my Coke out of nervousness. The damn nervous feelings are back again and I don't like them.
She still looks off. Maybe I should continue? Or should I stop because it didn't help the first time I asked questions? Sometimes I really hate that I over-think everything. I'll ask again. "What are they arguing about? Maybe I could help, I'm pretty good at fixing problems, usually." She bites her lip. I think she's deciding whether or not to tell me. Her internal argument seems to cease and she speaks.
"OK, so Octavia and Raven are an item. They finally admitted their feelings for each other after years of hiding them,and they've been together for about half a year now. So Raven is jealous and thinks that Octavia has a crush on coach Lincoln. Octavia is angry because she thinks Raven's being hypocritical because Raven is a big flirt, even though she's usually just joking. And here I am, stuck in the middle, not sure how to fix it. So, any solutions O Great Problem Solver?" I laugh at the name she calls me, and try to think. "I'm not sure. Does Octavia actually have a crush on coach Lincoln? Has she said something?" I ask. "No, she doesn't have a crush on him. But, she has called him hot. In front of Raven."
I nod. "Ah. Well, I don't have any solutions that I can give other than the obvious: they just need to talk to each other. You can't have a relationship if, when you disagree, you just scream at each other, instead of hearing the other persons side of the story. That's just what I think though." After I finish giving my 'solution', she looks at me with a puzzled expression. "What?" I ask. "My advice too lame?"
She smiles and shakes her head. "It's actually pretty good, and I agree with it. How I'll get them to listen to it though, that's the other problem." "Well that, I can't help you with. I have a feeling though, that they'll listen to you. You're their healer." I get more puzzled looks after this statement. Maybe I shouldn't have asked in the first place.
After discussing Octavia and Raven's relationship some more, we decide we should probably work on our project at least a little. "So, what happened in the 1920's" Clarke asks me.
"Well, you know, the usual: a world war had just ended, jazz music was the shit, baby boomers, and the great depression."
She nods. "Great! We got some work done."I laugh at her want to not be working. "When do you want to meet up to actually work on this project?"
Ooh, tough question. Just be vague. "It doesn't matter to me, I'm almost always free."
"Do you wanna do tomorrow? Maybe go to the library, or one of our houses?"
I cringe internally. "I can do tomorrow, but not my house. My family's not that big on having people over." She just rolls with it, thank god.
After a while of talking about Octavia and Raven, or Octaven, as Clarke put it, Clarke starts asking me questions about me. She says, "I'm not a huge fan of history. I think it's important and all, I just don't like it. What about you?"
Interesting. It's subtle, but it's a question for me. I figured we'd get to know each other a little since we're working together for a month, but I figured it'd be all awkward at first. I thought it'd be mostly business at first, but no, it feels natural to be working together. Weird. "I like history, just not at school. They teach us boring stuff in a boring way. I like Mr. Kane, just not his class." I answer.
She nods in agreement. I decide to ask a small question to even things out. "What's your favorite class?"
After a second she responds. "Art."
"Ooh, your an artist. Personally, I can't draw to save my life, but I always wished I could. What kind of artist?"
She smiles at my response. "I'm mostly a drawer, but I can paint, and sculpt and all that jazz. Not the greatest at sculpture, but it's fun. What about you? What's your favorite class?"
I have to think about this for a moment. "Probably Anatomy. I know it seems weird, but I like it. I like knowing how everything works, and why things happen, especially in the body."
She looks slightly puzzled. Oh god, now she thinks I'm a freak. Instead of making a disgusted, or weirded out comment, she asks, "Why the body? I mean, Why especially the body?"
The feeling of relief spreads through me. "Well, the body is me, it's everybody. What better thing to know how it works, than the thing you live in everyday."
She has a hint of a smile on her face. I don't think she knows how to respond. "Makes sense." Is all she says.
After a little bit of these little personal questions, Clarke catches me off guard. "So, I don't mean to pry, well I guess I kinda do, whatever. Anyways, what's with the liquor? I saw you with it this morning. I get the whole drinking thing, cause everyone does it, but it's kinda risky bringing 2 somewhat large bottles of alcohol to school."
She has a good point. A normal teenager would hide it in their bedroom. Me, I don't have a bedroom. I do have a hiding place where I stash some stuff in the woods, but it's by the good rest stop that's 17 miles away. How do I lie about this? I'm very good at lying, but she makes it so difficult. She seems so accepting, and her questions make it very hard to be vague, or lie. Maybe a joke? "What can I say? I'm a rebel." I say this with a grin and try for laughter in my eyes. She laughs, but I'm not sure that she's convinced. Not that there's much I can do to convince her at the moment.
"Any chance you wanna share?" She says with a devious look in her eyes. How do I respond to that? She laughs. "Not today. It's Thursday and I have to drive. Soon though?" I just nod. How can I say no?
After a little while longer we decide to leave. I get in the car and put in my seat-belt. Clarke does the same. She starts the car and asks, "So where do you live?"
Oh shit. Shitty shit shit. I didn't think this far ahead. How could I be so stupid? She drove me here, of course she would drive me home. Why didn't I think about this earlier? "Um," I say, my voice giving away my nerves. She looks at me expectantly. To other people this question is one of the easiest questions on earth. She probably thinks I'm- Oh I don't even know, stupid? Insane? Something like that. "I actually have to go somewhere before I go home." I say, winging it to the best of my abilities. "It's not very far." She doesn't believe me, I can tell. I see it in her eyes, she knows I'm lying.
"That's fine, where do you have to go?" She says instead of calling me out. Maybe I was wrong? I'm usually right about these things though.
The next problem: A place for her to take me. Where could I go where she'd believe me? The mall? The laundromat? She's still looking at me with that confused expression. "Um, I have to meet someone at the mall." I say, unsure of myself. How could I be so stupid? I should have thought this through more carefully. I always think things through; I'm an over thinker. I over analyze like every single thing I do. She nods and puts the car in reverse.
I decide to try and get her to think about things that have nothing to do with me. "So, you doing anything interesting this weekend?" I ask. I feel like I sound nervous. She doesn't seem to notice though.
"Oh, you know, nothing really interesting. I was just gonna work on this piece for Art, and watch a little TV. What about you? Anything wild planned?" She asks with a grin. I'm spending this weekend at the good rest stop. We have a 3-day weekend for some reason, which means I get to stay there an extra day. I lie to Clarke though. "Just read, watch movies, the usual stuff." Actually that's not a total lie.
After a few moments of comfortable silence, we pull into the mall parking-lot. She pulls up to the entrance by the food court to let me out. she smiles and says, "Bye Lexa! See you tomorrow." I smile in return and say, "Bye." and get out of the car. I walk into the mall as she drives away. I look at my watch: 4:24. I decide to wander around the heated building. It's not extremely cold outside, but I would rather be inside, than out.
I wander around for a few minutes before deciding to look at some of the stores outside the actual mall. I walk outside to where there are about a dozen other individual stores and stuff. The first store I see is a book store. I'm tempted to walk in, but I don't feel like stealing a book. Something always felt weird to me about stealing books. I love books, and I do steal them, but it always feels off. I continue down the sidewalk until I see something familiar in one buildings window. I look in the window more closely and see the woman from gym class today, Anya. She is in workout clothes and is destroying this weird dummy thing with a staff. She's spinning, twirling, yelling, hitting. If that dummy were a real person, it'd be dead by now. I watch in awe. She stops for a moment and looks towards the window, towards me. She smiles and gives a small wave. Me, not sure how to respond, wave back. Before anything else happens I turn and keep walking down the sidewalk. I look at my watch; 4:53. I'll go find a place to sleep for the night.
I try to get to my sleeping spot by at least 9:00. I've got 4 hours to find one. Plenty of time. I walk across the street and feel a drop of water land on my head. Oh no, not again. I guess I'm sleeping in the same playground tube as last night. The park is about an hour and a half away, walking time. I button up my coat, and continue the walk as it starts drizzling. Great. I don't mind the rain, really. What I mind is the cold that comes with it. I can handle the cold, I just really don't like it.
As I continue walking the rain starts to come down harder. My hair is already wet so I don't bother putting my hood on. As I'm waiting to cross the street, I feel someone tap my shoulder. Surprised, I turn around and see Clarke under an umbrella. "Clarke." I breathe. She looks magnificent in the rain. There are a few droplets on her eyelashes, and some drops running down her cheek. The way her skin looks in the gloomy background, and the way her wet hair frames er face, takes my breath away.
"Lexa, why are you walking in the rain?"
I smile. "Funny, I was gonna ask you the same thing." She rolls her eyes playfully. "Wait,"I say. "Why are you walking in the rain?" I ask.
She blushes slightly from what I think is embarrassment. "Well, funny story. I was running an errand for my mom. I go to the store to get something, and when I came back to my car I realized I did not have my keys. I looked inside and saw them mocking me from the front seat, where I left them." I laugh. She looks at me as I continue to laugh. eventually she smacks me in the arm and says, "It's not funny Lexa."
"Hey, you were the one who said it was a 'funny story'." She pouts a little and I finally stop laughing. "OK, OK. Where are you going? You can only walk so far."
"I'm going to the hospital, where my mom works. She won't be pleased, but I think she has an extra set of keys."
I'm fairly certain the hospital is 3 miles away. I can make that walk no problem. Clarke on the other hand; I'm sure she could do it, it would just take a while. "OK, I have a plan. Where's your car?" She looks at me with confusion, and like she's deciding whether or not to listen to me. Before she responds the rain suddenly starts pouring. She grabs my arm and pulls me under her umbrella next to her. I trip and end up with my face an inch away from hers. I swallow hard and stand up straight. She clears her throat and says, "This way." And points in the opposite direction.
We walk towards the parking lot where her car is. I try not to get too close to her. I'm a big believer in personal space, especially if I don't know someone very well. Because of this half of my body is in the rain, getting soaking wet. Clarke notices. "Get over here, it's pouring!" She grabs my elbow and pulls me closer to her. I don't trip this time. That's what I call progress.
As we walk closer to the parking lot, Clarke suddenly says, "Why were you walking in the rain. You never said."
"I was walking home, and then it started raining." I reply simply. "Didn't feel like stopping." She nods and looks like she wants to say something else but we get to her car. She has a kinda old dark blue Volkswagen beetle, this should be pretty easy.
Clarke walks up to it and looks at me. "So, what's your plan?" She asks me.
I don't know if she'll like this. "I'm gonna break into your car." I say matter-of-factly. She opens and closes her mouth, but no sound comes out. I'm going to take that as a "go for it". I start digging through my backpack.
Finally she says, "How?" I find what I'm looking for. I smile and look up at her. "With this." I say pulling out a long wire from my backpack. "OK first, how much shit do you have in that backpack? Second, how are you gonna break into my car with a wire?"
I smirk. "My backpack is full of what I need. And How I'm gonna use this wire to save your ass? Well, watch and learn Clarke." She scoffs and rolls her eyes at me.
I wedge the door open enough so that I can get the wire in through the top of the drivers side door. I slide the wire in, and start pushing it further down. I get the bottom of the wire down to where the buttons are on the side of the door. I adjust it so that it's on top of the unlock button. I look back at Clarke who has a look of awe and confusion. I grin and then quickly push down hard on the wire. This pushes down on the button and we both hear the click of the door unlocking. I open the car door. Clarke grins and gives a celebratory squeal. "Oh my god Lexa! I don't know how you did that, but thank you so much!" She reaches up and gives me a hug. It catches me off guard. She has a tendency of doing this. She's very good at it. I guess should hug back? I'm not very good at this, but I do want to hug her back. I hesitantly put my hands on her sides. The hug lasts probably a few seconds longer than normal, but she's probably just grateful.
The hug ends. I like it when she hugs me though. I feel colder without her. She smiles happily at me, still very close to me. "You're soaking wet." She says. When I was breaking into her car, she was standing back a little, with the umbrella. I look down at myself and see that I am dripping. Even though it had lightened a little, the rain was still coming down. I shrug. "Come on. You're coming to my house and drying off." Well, why not? I nod, and get in the car.
As we're driving to her house, she starts asking me questions. "When did you learn how to do that?"
This kind of question, is the kind I have fake answers already prepared for. "Oh, you know, Internet. I figured that if I ever got locked out of my own car, it would be better to break in myself, than to have someone do it for me and then have to pay them a couple hundred bucks." She looks almost satisfied with this response. Almost.
"That makes sense. But why did you have a wire in your backpack?" Huh, wasn't prepared for that one.
I play it cool. I give a small laugh. "You ask too many questions, you know that. You ever leave anything to the imagination?"
She smiles slightly at me and shakes her head. "What can I say? I like knowing too much." Yeah well, me too.
We pull into a driveway several minutes later. The house seems large, but not too big. It seems nice. We get out of the car, and walk up to the front door. I start coughing a little, not enough for concern though. Clarke does not agree with this however. "Oh no, are you getting sick?" I shake my head. She doesn't believe me. "You can take a shower here."
"Really Clarke, I'm fine. It was just a cough." As she looks like she's starting to believe me, I sneeze. And then I sneeze again. What the hell? This is sudden and annoying and I don't like it. Maybe I should just accept the shower. Not that I really have a choice, it seems.
I finally accept the shower, and Clarke shows me the way. "How will your parents feel when they find a random girl in your shower?" I ask.
Clarke shrugs. "They won't care. Probably. Anyways, it doesn't matter. My dad's on a business trip, and my mom's working late at the hospital."
"Convenient." I reply with a half-smile. She shows me where everything is, then leaves the bathroom. I turn on the hot water and get in the shower and oh my god it feels glorious. I have not had a proper hot shower since god knows when. The showers at school have shit water pressure, and the water is almost always cold. The showers at the rest stops have better water pressure, but it only gets lukewarm. This shower, is amazing. It has great pressure, and it's literally steaming. I could stand under this forever.
I emerge from the shower 20ish minutes later in dry, clean clothes. Since her house is relatively warm I only put on a t-shirt, and jeans. Not the many layers I started out with. I have never felt cleaner. I wander down to the living room and see Clarke laying down on the couch, scrolling through her phone. I look at my watch: 5:13. I walk to the couch and stand at the end. I've got that damn nervous feeling again. I clear my throat to get her attention. "Hey. Thanks for letting me shower. It may have just saved me from a killer cold." I joke, trying to ease that nervous feeling. It doesn't work. It actually gets worse when she smiles at me.
"No problem." There's a silence. Unlike the other ones, this one is awkward.
I break the silence. "I should, um, I should head home."
Clarke nods. "It's still sprinkling, do you want me to drive you? Or you could wait it out here for a little while?" She suggests. I can't have another "driving me 'home'" incident. What's the harm in staying her a little while longer?
After I tell Clarke that I would wait it out, I put my backpack by the door, and then sit on the couch. Now what? I feel like I've asked that question a lot today. "Wanna watch a movie?" Clarke asks me.
"Sounds good. What do ya got?" I reply. She walks over to a shelf where the movies live and waves me over to her. I walk over to see a pretty great collection of movies. She's got a bunch of the great old ones like Roman Holiday, and the amazing new ones like Mad Max Fury Road. "Pick one." She tells me. I decide on Rent. She seems impressed with my choice. She puts it in and we watch. We both sing along to most of the songs. We both feel sad when Angel died. We joked around a little. It's fun. Probably the most fun I've had in awhile.
Throughout the whole night I try my hardest not to just stare at Clarke. She's just so... I don't even have a word. Perfect? I feel like she's more than that though. I try my hardest to convince myself I don't have at crush. Obviously that isn't working out very well. I find myself losing control and staring at her every once in a while. During the middle of the movie, during one of the times I give in and look at her, I find her already looking at me. I feel my face grow warm under her stare. I can't read her face, I can't tell what she's thinking. I try to read her eyes, but I get distracted by how blue they are. I turn to look back at the movie. I see her do the same out of the corner of my eye.
During the movie, we both adjust in our seats many times. Somewhere along the way, we ended up sitting close to each other. There are still several inches between us, but we're close to one another. Towards the end of the movie, our legs are almost touching. Almost but not quite. I feel like there's tension in the air. Am I imagining it? Can she feel it too? I break our silence.
"Clarke, can I ask you something?"
She nods. "Of course, anything."
She smiles at me. God I love her smile. "Why are you so nice to me?" She looks at me with a completely confused expression. I try and clarify. "I'm kind of a nobody. Hell, I try my hardest to be a nobody. I put liquor in my locker and backpack. I'm ho-" I freeze. I almost told her. Shit, that was close. I fix my mistake. "I'm honestly kind of a weirdo, the school loner." I finish my piece and wait for her reaction
She smiles a sad smile. "Lexa, you think you're a nobody? The school freak or something? You think nobody has noticed you?" I shrug and mumble something incoherent, and look down at my hands. "I noticed you the second you moved here, in the 7th grade. I just never spoke to you. At first you just seemed kind of standoffish. You seemed like you wanted to be alone. So I just left you be. Then, as time went on I thought maybe you were sad, not standoffish. Then, later on, I realized that dumb, younger, 7th grade me thought you wanted to be alone, but nobody wants to be alone. Not even you. But I kept on not talking to you, for some reason. I don't know why. But anyway, I'm nice to you, because you deserve kindness. And just because you're kind of a loner, doesn't mean we can't be friends." Damn. that's not what I was expecting. Honestly, I don't even know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't that.
As she said those words, I could feel my tiny innocent crush, grow much larger. This is not good. I look up at her and see her giving me a warm smile, with nothing but kindness in her eyes. It gives me a warm feeling.
I start talking softly. "I am a very nervous person. I keep quiet and observe. I guess I kind of was standoffish when I first came here. I was trying to figure out how to survive. Now I know how, and I don't have to be completely alone anymore." She grins. I smile back.
When the movie ends I decide to leave, even though I sorta don't want to. She walks me to the door. We're both laughing at something dumb. Her hand is on my arm. Her hand lights my skin on fire where it touches. We stop in front of the door. Her hands are closer to my wrists, but not quite there yet. She's standing so close to me, but I want her closer. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Her hands slide down so that they are on mine. She starts playing with my hands.
"Your hands are cold." She says.
"Yours are warm." I reply. "I always have cold hands."
She smiles shyly. When did we stop laughing? When did the air start to feel so tense? When did she get this close to me? Up until a few minutes ago I was fairly certain that it was all in my head. That she didn't actually like me. Was I wrong? I must have been. I swallow hard. Who makes the first move? I haven't done this in a really long time. Clarke gets even closer to me. "Are you nervous?" She asks.
"Yeah, usually am." Might as well be honest. I reach out, and gently play with some of the blonde hair resting on her shoulder. She smiles slightly. She leans her head in towards mine slowly, like she's making sure this is what I want. It's sweet. I start leaning in too. I look from her eyes to her lips. Before I know it both our eyes are closed. Our lips meet. It's slow and it feels right. It feels like we were meant to do this. Her lips are soft. I move my hands so one hand is on her hip, and the other is still in her hair. She puts both her hands on my waist. I turn my head, brushing my nose against hers. I kiss her a little harder, but not much. We're both holding back, not wanting to make the other uncomfortable. We both pull away. We're both smiling.
Clarke is still standing very, very close to me. Her hands still on my waist. "That is definitely not what I thought was gonna happen today, when I woke up this morning." I say, breaking our silence.
Clarke gives a light laugh. "Me neither. But I thought today was gonna be boring. Turns out, it was quite the opposite."
I laugh as well. "I guess I should go. It's getting dark." Clarke nods. She kisses me on the cheek, and opens the door. I smile and start walking towards the park.
A little less than an hour later, I arrive at the park I slept at last night. I look at my watch: 8:57. I dig through my backpack and put on my hoodie, coat, beanie, and gloves. I climb into the little plastic tube thing, and put my backpack down to where my head's gonna go. I lay down. I'm absolutely exhausted. I close my eyes. Instead of counting, I think of Clarke. I smile to myself and fall asleep.