"Let me be that I am and seek not to alter to me"
Cleanup took just a little bit longer than anticipated and it was full dark by the time I dragged the last sniveling member of this cell-who’s-name-I-still-didn’t-know back to the ruins of their base and tied them up as a present for whoever came to collect them. I couldn’t tell if it was going to be S.H.I.E.L.D. or Interpol. I should have asked which side of the transfer they escaped on.
What I should be doing was heading for the Tower to check on Luna and her Soulmates . . . but that mean that I’d have to have that awkward conversation(s) with my Soulmates. I was not prepared for this! So I was stalling. (Fuck my life, this day just keeps getting better and better!)
Well, I thought, grimacing down at myself as I levitated further out into the desert to avoid being seen, I think I’d at least like to be clean for this conversation. I’m going to need all extra motivation I can get.
Heimdallr! Any chance I could ask for a ride home and have you not burn the Bifrost’s mark into the sand for all of S.H.I.E.L.D. to see? I know you can do it—otherwise we’d have been charged a lot more for damages to that hotel balcony when you dropped us that Asgardian mead. Any chance I could one day just learn to teleport and just make this easy on myself?
Curse that man for having such a pretty voice. Even that wordless amused chuckle was oddly sexy. (I didn’t ask to be that cliché of the student with a thing for their mentor, but that damned voice!) Then with a (small) flash of light, the cold, heavy feeling of being pulled through a vacuum of space, and then I was dropped, politely, inside my penthouse. (Because no, a flash coming from the roof of a skyscraper in New York City? Yeah, bad idea.) Before I broke the connection, Heimdallr’s voice murmured an ambiguous reply to my last question. Perhaps.
You’re no help! I shot back (I cut the bastard’s laughter off short) before going to shower.
***
About an hour later, I rolled up to the Tower in my sleek Aston Martin, was waved through to the garage (I shot Jarvis a message so they knew to expect me), and headed back up the elevator for the Avengers’ floors for the second time in less than a week. “Jarvis, where’s Luna? And company?” I asked him after we exchanged pleasantries.
“The professor, Sir, Masters Thor and Loki, and the Captain, are all in the penthouse. Shall I take you there?”
“Please.”
Jarvis got me to the top floors in good time; I thanked him, stepped out of the elevator, and then dead stopped. I took a deep breath, and then two. I will say I tried (albeit not very hard) to remain calm, but then I said ‘screw it!’ and proceeded to laugh until my ribs hurt. I did, however, muffle the sound slightly with my hand over my mouth so as not to disturb my P.L.P. (platonic life partner), who was violently cuddling (yes, I do mean violently) the ever-living-fuck out of Stark in the middle of the room, in a blanket and pillow nest, with the rest of her Soulmates. All of whom, it should be noted, had been zapped into pajamas and fuzzy socks, but had notobviously been allowed to shower. So, dirty, and sweaty, but still awkwardly cuddling their grumpy Soulmate.
Four sets of eyes turned towards me and every single one shot me a look that practically screamed “Help!” When I finally got my breath back, I strolled over to the edge of the nest and peered down at them. Oh if Jarvis didn’t let me have the footage of this, I’d just die. Luna heard me approach and cracked open an eyelid to stare at me before going back to snuggling Stark (with vengeance!), murmuring nonsensically as she did.
“Might we request your assistance?” Thor inquired quietly, “The Lady Luna has been . . . most insistent of our participation in this . . . ritual of group affection and consumption of Midgardian tea.”
“It’s called cuddling, Highness, I’m pretty sure you’re familiar with the act.”
“Look, Suero, get her off me! I gotta piss!” Stark, silly, silly Stark, haven’t you figured out by now that I prefer to be asked?
“I don’t know what you lot are complaining about. She’s actually talking to you now—okay, maybe in baby-voice but still. And you’re collectively being cuddled—she’s only cuddly if she likes you. Though how she got to that conclusion, I have no idea.”
Cap tried to move Luna and vacate the nest; Luna’s head popped up and she hissed at him. Cap wisely backed down. “Some assistance would really be nice right about now.”
I waited, but the ‘please’ wasn’t coming—Thor asked, and then Stark canceled it out by being demanding, and Cap merely stated a fact, he didn’t issue a request. And I’m not actually sure why the Silver Tongue didn’t ask me—you’d think he of all people would have a basic understanding of the precision of language and the ways it can be bent. Of course, the poor attention-starved thing was more focused on the fact that while Luna was mostly cuddling Stark, because he had the nerve to get himself injured, she had one leg tangled with Loki’s—and I’m still unsure of how that position could be comfortable.
But I’m not a sadist for nothing. So I shook my head. “Maybe I’ll be back later to see if she’ll relinquish you lot. Until then, enjoy the cuddles, boys!” I turned on my heel and walked back onto the elevator, the doors closing on their shocked faces.
***
“Jarvis would you please be a dear and locate the other five members of the Avengers, please? Then could you take me to an empty living room type space where they could meet me? I kinda need to talk to them.”
“Agents Barton and Romanoff, Sergeant Barnes, Airman Wilson, and Doctor Banner are all within the Tower. The main common room might suit your needs admirably. Shall I ask them to meet you there?”
“Please do, and thank you, Jarvis.”
Jarvis dropped me at the right floor and then all I had to do was wait for the Soulmates to show up. No, I wasn’t nervous. This wasn’t going to be an awkward conversation. At all.
Maybe Jarvis asked them extra nicely or expressed some sort of urgency in his request on my behalf because all five of them showed up at relatively the same time, even the Widow, who I was pretty certain was still pretty freaked out by the whole ‘Soulmate!’ thing, even if she’d likely never admit it.
She and Barnes had neutral expressions walking in and even after they found places to arrange themselves. I got big smiles from Clint and Wilson (I was pretty sure I could call him Sam, but I hadn’t asked yet), and even a small one from Bruce. They found more comfortable places to actually sit (which was good because we might be here for a bit). I savored those expressions for a long moment, after this, who knew when I’d see them again?
But, right, show time. Big opener? “Hi.” By Ra’s left ear! I’m so awkward! “Thank you all for coming to have this little chat with me. I know this is weird, but bear with me, there are things I need to discuss with you all. There’s really no polite way to get into this, so the reason you’re all here: I’ve got five sets of Words on my body, and there’s five of you. So yeah, Soulmates meet Soulmates.”
Cue the odd looks shot across the room and the raised eyebrows at each other and at me. “Yes, all five of you. Yes, I’m sure. No, I’m not stripping off so all of you can see your Words right now; I have other things that need to be said.”
“Hey, while I’m sure we appreciate the heads up about the whole other Soulmates and ‘the who’ questions, but, you don’t need to make this a production. There’s no need to be formal about this.” Clint said, still smiling, “So we’ve got to share; I’m pretty sure we’ll do a better job than those idiots upstairs.”
“That may be so, but actually this whole thing needs to be done. I have things I need to say and I felt it was better to wait until I knew who all of you were so I only had to have this conversation once. I recognize that Fate made a decision when they handed the Words out, but Words are no guarantee of happiness or even compatibility. And because I believe in fully informed consent,” that got me a nod and an encouraging smile from Wilson (bless that man), “there are things you need to know, about me, before we go diving head first into the whole ‘we’re Soulmates’ thing. So please, just let me get through them?”
More odd looks and nods, even a very tiny one from Barnes, but I could hear them; they all thought I was being, well, ridiculous, though most of them were using more polite language. (Except Romanoff, she was totally on board using the term ‘ridiculous’ for my behavior.)
“I’ll start with the easy one first: per the whole ‘S.H.I.E.L.D. is Hydra’ thing and the info dump on the internet, I, being a hacker, hacked into S.H.I.E.L.D. and read all your files. Also in the effort of full disclosure, I am one of six individuals or organizations who managed to download a full copy, or a significant chuck, of all S.H.I.E.L.D.’s dirty laundry. Stark’s got one of the other full copies; the C.I.A. got about fifty percent and Homeland got about thirty; the F.B.I. has about forty percent; MI-6 got something like thirty percent as well. The Chinese and the Russians have perhaps twenty-two percent a piece and the internet itself has so far managed to pick apart and trend eight percent.
“Now, post dump, I’ve hacked into the new S.H.I.E.L.D. several times and seen the updated files. So that’s thing. If you need me to apologize for that invasion of privacy I will.
“Now then, the next two things; I’ve technically admitted to both already, at different times, but they probably need to be said out loud. I am asexual, a person not desiring sexual relations with any person based on gender or genitals. So somewhere down the line I’m probably going to ask if we’re gonna be kissing, well, romantic, or platonic Soulmates—I’d be cool with either, I just have to know.
“Going from that, something you might technically know because Stark knew and he can’t keep his mouth shut, but, I’m kinky. I bit Luna in public just to piss Stark off so, if that doesn’t tell you much about my preferences, then we might have to have a conversation about that later. Also! Because this needs to be said, just because I am, does not automatically mean that I will approach a relationship with any of you with that expectation. That would require further conversations.
“Next.” Holy crap, I was getting wide-eyed stares. This was a lot of information dump and I wasn’t even done yet. I should really be breaking off and letting them process this all before I dropped the next bombshell on them, but no, I was on a roll and I was not, repeat not having this conversation again.
“Right, well, ummm, also in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to tell you that I am in what I can only deem as a peculiar set of ‘intimate’ relationships—please note the word choice, these are not sexual or particularly romantic relationships—but I am in them, and I’m not quite prepared to give them up because I certainly wasn’t expecting to meet any of you anytime soon, and so that isn’t exactly fair to them. But you are my Soulmates and therefor also have a right to know about them, because otherwise that wouldn’t be fair to you. So polyamory or maybe multiamory, depending on if you object to the mixing of the root languages, having many loves or relationships. This also probably requires conversations, especially if any of you are involved or wish to be involved with another person. Oh, we’re gonna have to do so much talking.
“But lastly, I think, the part that’s going to be the most difficult to swallow. Alright, I can say it, I can tell you. You kinda have to know. I’m a mutant. I’m a telekinetic, which is why shit moves on its own around me, it’s also how I ‘fly’, well, levitate—yes there’s a difference. Oh, and I’m a telepath.”
“You’re a what?!” There it was; I just knew that of all the things I had to say that this would be the kicker. Considering who my Soulmates were? Yeah, I knew going in that this was not going to go well, but they deserved to know going in, that was pretty much the point of consent culture.
“I said I was a mutant whose abilities included telekinesis and telepathy.”
“You can muck with people’s heads?! Mess them up?! Are you doing it right now?!” Yep, as predicted, all of them were now looking at me like that, half horror and revulsion and a whole bunch of other things all mixed in. And Clint, for reasons being obvious was being (currently) the most vocal about it.
“I’m not messing with anyone’s head—“
“But you could! Are you listening?! Eavesdropping inside people’s brains!? What are you?”
“I am what I ended up being. I certainly didn’t ask to be this way. The capability of doing something doesn’t mean that a person will do it.” I was trying to be neutral about this, I really was, because getting defensive and turning this into a screaming match did none of us any good.
“Tch.” That derisive tongue click came from Romanoff. She was also obviously not okay with this revelation, after all, if the Black Widow program wasn’t about brainwashing and conditioning, I don’t know what was.
Barnes was sitting there, suddenly tense but his face was blank as stone, which could be more attributed to his not being fully recovered from his seventy-something years of brainwashing—if anyone in the Universe was listening, I’ve got to ask: who’s brilliant idea was it to give such damaged souls a telepath for a Soulmate? Specifically these people who would not be okay with anyone going anywhere near their heads?
Even Bruce and Wilson were frowning and looking all together displeased. Remember oh so many hours ago I said that this was a bad day? Yeah, this whole debacle just confirmed it.
I stood up . . . and they all recoiled, even Natasha Romanoff. I normally would have taken it in stride, my ‘not possessing a heart or feelings’ thing that I’ve had so many years to get used to it after all, but this? Even I had to admit that that . . . was unpleasant. I took a slow, deep breath and exhaled. “You can believe what you like. This was a lot of information to process at once. I apologize for dumping it all on you at once, that wasn’t . . . fair of me. But since you don’t appear to be listening to me, or even willing to listen, I think we’re done here. I am going upstairs to see Luna and her Soulmates, then I am returning to the elevator, to the garage, into my car, and gone. I am informing you thusly so you can avoid me, if you wish.”
I took several careful steps backwards and exited the room via a wide arc around the still staring, if not outright glaring, Soulmates. But not even leaving the room could stop the flood of thoughts that bombarded me for all my attempts to shut them out. Had I been a weaker woman or a less experienced telepath, I think I should have broken down and wept. Pity I am what I am though, a good cry might have been the type of emotional catharsis that would have helped.
As it was, my steps were unsteady in a way I was going to blame on my shoes, and my eyes, from what I could see reflected in the walls of the elevator, were cold and dry, even more so than usual. Fuck. This was turning into a ‘Danger Night’ and it was barely even afternoon in NYC.
The doors of the elevator opened and I stepped back into the penthouse and across the floor to stand over Luna and company’s nest. Her four Soulmates looked up at me, their expressions still stuck between “Halp!” and “What’s going on here?” and “Soulmate!” but their expressions quickly changed into apprehensive or even outright concerned, which told me that whatever my face was doing, was obviously worrisome.
“You’ve got eleven minutes,” I told them, which puzzled them even more until I turned my attention to the still aggressively cuddling Luna in the center.
“Luna,” I said, purposely dropping my voice into something sad and plaintive. (By Amaterasu’s reflection, I should have been an actress!) The woman in question cracked an eye open and peered up at me, “I told them the truth and they were so angry. They don’t like me anymore, Luna!”
Already prone to softness by her possessiveness and protectiveness of the ‘the precious Tin Man’ and other Soulmates, Luna heard me being ‘sad’ (as obviously an act as it was) and acted predictably. She released her hold on Stark and leaped from her nest to wrap herself bodily around me more like an octopus than a dragon. Years of practice meant I was also used to this reaction and didn’t even stagger under her weight.
I glared at her confused Soulmates over Luna’s shoulder. “Ten minutes and counting before I get tired of this.” I said, my voice in normal range once more. “If you hurry, you should be able to get a shower in as well as trip to the lav. After that, when I put her down, she’s going to come looking for you all and she’s not going to be particular about where she zaps you away from to return to the nest.”
I stepped past their gobsmacked faces and into the next itself where I sat down in the center, Luna still attached to me like a limpet. I patted her lightly on the back and she released a stream of nonsensical mutterings that basically translated into “There, there.”
“And what, pray tell, did you tell our comrades that would cause them anger and you such grief?” Thor asked me, even as all four of them got to their feet and made their way towards the elevator, more slowly than I appreciated given the trouble I was going to on their behalf. Of course, they were also eying Luna to ensure that she would in fact let them go.
I clicked my tongue behind my teeth and made a face. “I told them all the things about me they needed to know before we attempted to do the traditional Soulmate stuff. And it was all going fine until I told them I was a mutant, with abilities that included telekinesis and telepathy.”
“What?!” What is it with these boys and their penchant for that word? But it was Loki who had my attention; he’d returned to the nest and was leaning over to stare at me. “You’re what?” he asked, his eyes intent on mine.
Needless to say I was less that impressed and I let it show. “I am one who speaks mind to mind.”
“A Mind Speaker,” he said, his thoughts turning over upon themselves in his excitement, his eyes and his expression conveying his (poorly concealed, to me at least) awe. Well, I suppose I was glad to have one fan among the Avengers—even if things could be patched up between me and mine, Luna might share the Soulmates if I asked nicely. We’re used to sharing, though I suppose putting the two of us with psychopathic tendencies together was probably one of those ‘not a good’ ideas (not that I really cared).
But now wasn’t the time or the place for those thoughts. “Ten minutes, boys.” I reminded them and was pleased when they responded with alacrity this time, even if Thor had to come over and drag his (adopted) brother away, both sporting mutual expressions of wonder. (So maybe two fans?) I continued to stroke Luna’s back as she ‘consoled’ me, and plotted about what I’d do to make my no good, horrible, very bad day better.
Blood would do it.
Yes.
Blood will do nicely.