Deer and Fawn

Valèrie Alaise “Doe” Leblanc was born in 1979 to to a Catholic Indigenous Father and Baptist French mother in Canada. she had two little brothers John and Austin, a normal upbringing, well as normal as a Catholic upbringing with religious trauma, divorced parents and being a closeted lesbian can get (she don’t know that yet tho).

She was the perfect daughter at face value, dancer, smart, responsible, careful, took care of her brothers, cooked , cleaned, did chores, everyone who knew her when she was little would say she’d be a perfect wife and mother one day, that she would get everything she wanted.

And she was that way, up until Middle School.
With the divorce her father moved them to Wiskayok New Jersey, in a country she hadn’t been to, people she’d never met, and nothing familiar the structure of perfection fell apart.
She was still so smart and so kind, but not as simple as her mother and others would have wanted, she knew early on she wanted to help people, to fight for their rights cause they needed someone to take care of them, her father being the girl dad he was, completely indulged and believed in his little girl.

She saw her mother less and less after moving and deciding what she wanted to do with her life, her mother had realized she wasn’t the daughter she wanted so she stopped trying to make her be.
Now her father wasn’t rich by any means so they had moved to a small rental house oddly right in a trailer, she became best friends with two girls she was neighbours with, Vanessa Palmer and Natalie Scatorccio.
They bonded over music, movies, family stuff (mommy issues let’s be honest) and their lives. They gave her the nickname ‘Doe’. She became more herself with them, was it good or bad? Eh, depends who you ask, she wasn’t one to start a physical altercation but she had a stare that made you regret all your life choices. She’d watch tons of vintage movies with Van, being nerdy, and talk to her about what was happening with her and Taissa, a girl Van liked and she quickly became friends with, both very ambitious and quick witted.
She’d listen to music, watch horror movies and smoke with Nat, Van was her best friend but Natalie was one of the only people she wasn’t afraid to screw up in front of, Nat made her feel safe, seen, understood in a way, she was just.. effortlessly her. Doe couldn’t describe what she felt about the blonde girl other than mesmerized.

Van and Natalie didn’t have siblings though, so Valèrie was very hesitant to tell them about her brothers who she had basically raised on her own with her parents so busy. It tired her so much though, she felt guilty for feeling upset that she had to parent them, she didn’t know anything else though, family helps each other, and she was raised in a way that family was only blood.

She tried to hide it from them but they found out, they never told her about it but would always find a way to get her to come hangout with them as often as they could, that’s partly why the got her to join the soccer team, it might’ve been their worst or best idea though, she was so competitive and stubborn, if she wasn’t good at something she’d practice over and over till she wasn’t perfect, and perfect still wasn’t enough, she toned it down but she pushed it all onto herself, it’s what made them win so often with her strategy and weird intuition. In high school she joined Varsity with the other girls, everything was great actually, it was calming down, her senior year, she’d gotten accepted into Cambridge for Law, now she had a soccer game for States but if they won this they’d go to Nationals! She was so excited, that would be the best trip ever, she couldn’t wait.

“Allie!” Jackie yelled, running down left, “Allie, Allie!” Flagging down the younger girl about the ball. “Come on! Nice.”

Taissa was running down the field, she had the ball, Shauna called out to her. “Tai! Tai inside!” Taissa passed the ball to Shauna who passed it to Doe by kicking it backwards to throw the other team off, Doe got it and ran, kicking it so it hit Jackie’s head, Jackie bounced it off into the net and SCORE!! They won- they were going to fucking NATIONALS.
All of the girls huddled together and hugged.
“buzz buzz buzz!!” They cheered and screamed, they were going to Nationals. They were undefeated and they were going to win, Doe looked so happy, this would be the best trip of her life no doubt in her mind.

The next day she was walking out to Nat’s beat up old car.
“Well if it isn’t my favourite rockstar.” Doe said, smiling and getting into the passengers seat of the car.

“Why hello there my darling little Catholic girl, shouldn’t you be studying the scripture or something? It’s awfully dangerous to be around me.” Natalie teased back, messing Doe’s hair up.

“Ugh, fuck you Nat that took an hour to do.” She whined, patting her hair, having gotten it to look hot. “And you know damn well I ain’t Catholic, you’ve heard whats come out of my mouth it ain’t holy. If you want though you can paint me again.” She quips.

“No I’m good, you stick to drawing naked ladies.” Natalie says, passing Doe a blunt who gladly took it and let Nat light it for her.

“Aw c’mon,” Valèrie said inbetween drags, her eyes hooded a bit, that hazy smile on her face. “Paint me like one of your French girls.” She jokes, they’d taken a paint class together once after doe had begged Nat for weeks to.

Natalie laughed. “No, they were awful paintings, plus I couldn’t even sell them one day, you’re gonna be a brilliant lawyer who’ll make sure I don’t go to jail and I’ll be… away from here, but we’ll be together yeah? That’s what counts.” Nat squeezed her friend’s hand, parking the car as they pulled into the school parking lot. “Now get your hot ass out of my car Doe.”

Val laughed and got out, putting out the blunt, knowing she’d just share one with Nat later, they walked to the back of the school where they saw Richie and Kevyn, now those two boys were good for alchohol but Richie was stupid and annoying and she really didn’t like Kevyn, she didn’t know why.

“Ugh, that’s fucking disgusting.” Valèrie grimaced, trying the drink in the bag, passing it to Nat who hated it and looked just as disgusted.

“What is that?” Nat asked, passing the bag to Kevyn next.

“And I thought jocks were supposed to be able to party.” Kevyn said before drinking the gross mystery drink, choking on it and looked like he was going to throw up, that made Doe’s day a bit better. (she hated Kevyn but no clue why, he just wasn’t good enough for her best friend)

Nat coughed and retorted, “Eat me.” Doe flipped Kevyn off and rolled her eyes.

“Oh, Jesus.” Kevyn said, disgusted by the drink too. “Dude this is terrible.” He said to Richie.

“Y’know what, all three of you can go suck a dick.” Richie replied, clearly annoyed by the responses.

“Just maybe we will.” Kevyn said, Val grimaced and replied “Nah, don’t think you could even convince someone to let you suck them off Kevyn-” she was interrupted by Richie’s pager going off.

“Holy shit it’s my cousin.” Richie said, as a car approached.

“Did he get us the stuff?” Nat asked, her arm wrapped around Doe’s shoulder who looked bored but perked up curiously at the possibility.

“Yeah, tonight.” Richie said, they heard a car with annoying music pull up.

“Hey Burnout, Cheerleader! Show us your tits.” They jeered at Nat and Doe, both girls looked annoyed and if looks could kill they would’ve been six feet under either the look Doe gave them. “Oh c’mon don’t be shy you two, rumour has it a lot more happens in that girls shower then just washing.” The jocks taunt.

“I mean, shit, if you really want to see them.” Richie pulled up his shirt, taunting the guys, Valèrie was surprisingly close to saying something, an arm wrapped around her waist though, it was Milo, her boyfriend, oh she forgot about him- “Hey guys, I mean if you wanna find a cheerleader I’ll find you one but this one’s mine.” Milo said to the guys, gesturing to the fact he was dating me, he was quarterback on the football team, very popular guy, so they looked uncomfortable and backed off with him there and everything, they drove off but Natalie grabbed the bottle and threw it at the guys car.

“Fuck yeah- marry me.” Val said, in awe and pretending to be in love. (she is but she’s got an awful case of comp het dw shhh) “I aspire for that level of insanity.”

“What the fuck Natalie?” “He’s gonna kick our asses not you girls-” Richie and Kevyn said annoyed.

“Only if they catch us, come on!” Natalie said, they ran, Milo following behind after, very confused he supported Valèrie of course but why was she following Nat? Eh he stopped asking, they got away as the bell rung, Nat and Val ended up losing the boys even and were laughing and heaving, trying to breath, sitting under the willow tree they always sat at.

“Jesus Christ-” Natalie laughed and sighed as Doe layed her head on Nat’s lap. “What if we just stay here? We don’t have to go to the stupid fucking pep rally, we could skip today and just..”

Val looked amused and hummed. “C’mon, we said we’d go, we need to before Nationals. After we win we can skip any day you want ok? I’m just… I don’t know excited I guess, plus we get to see Van and Tai act awkward around each other again like we don’t all know they’re hooking up.” Doe teased a bit.

“Ugh…fine.” Natalie reluctantly agreed, hiding her smile, Doe smiled wide and hugged her and kissed her on the cheek as thanks.

They were all getting ready for the pep rally later, listening to music while Valèrie was styling Allie’s hair as Jackie did her face paint.

“Allie, you alright?” Jackie asked the freshman softly. “It’s just a pep rally.” She reassured the girl.

“It’s honestly just to give the freshman something to jerk off to.” Valèrie adds, trying to help lighten the mood. “Plus, you’re gonna look way better than me considering I’m not even half ready yet.”

“Jackie, Coach wants to see you in his office.” Lottie tells Jackie who leaves to see Coach Martinez, Van steps in to finish the paint.

“I’m not nervous.” Allie reiterated before admitting. “I’m the only freshman who got asked you know. It’s so unfair. My dress was gonna be beautiful.” She says pouting.

“I know, well hey you can always wear it next year.” Van says trying to comfort the girl.

“You don’t get it Van, cause no one asked you.” Allie adds, Doe looks at her with a clear look that says “bitch I know you did not just say that.” Van is caught off guard and says in the nicest but very annoyed way she can, “ok you’re done.” Allie smiled and walked off, Lottie and Van both laughed.

“Jesus Christ, someone wanna tell Kelly Kapowski to maybe worry less about prom and more about not fucking up Nationals?” Lottie said, as her , Van, Doe and Taissa who just walked in stared at the mirror, getting ready.

“Oh come on.” Van says, messing around with her hair.

“If she plays like she did at states..” Lottie adds.

“Yeah, don’t worry. That’s not gonna happen” Taissa said, crossing her arms.

Doe whistles. “Go Tai, don’t hurt her and be nice… but snap some sense into that girl.”

The pep rally went fine, it was fun and the music was good, despite being not liking attention Doe loved to be praised, it wasn’t something she was used to from her parents or herself, perfection was expected not rewarded.
At lunch Val had managed to escape Milo and found Taissa, Natalie, Shauna and Lottie talking, she walked over to them.

“It seems like you don’t even care.” Taissa says to Nat who looks insulted by the insinuation.

“Are you kidding me?” Nat says annoyed.

“This is what we’ve worked for all season.” Taissa replies, “You really want to take that chance?”

“Yeah cause I’m not a fucking asshole.” Natalie retorts.

“Whats going on?” Doe asks, not even noticing Natalie pull her into her side. All the girls sigh and respond “Allie.” Doe’s smile drops and sighs.

“What about her?” Val asks, holding her nose and closing her eyes.

“Sorry did you forget about states? She totally choked.” Taissa answers bluntly.

“She’s a freshman Tai.” Natalie replies, Doe backs her up.

“She’s a liability.” Taissa retorts.

“So what are you gonna do scare her or something?” Doe asks annoyed and exasperated, sometimes taking care of her friends when they were acting crazy was like parenting.

“No, she can’t screw up if she doesn’t get the ball.” Taissa says conspiratorially.

“You want to freeze her out?” Shauna responds, not impressed.

“Atleast we’d know what we’re working with.” Tai responds, Doe looks in disbelief at her friend.

“Jesus Tai-” Doe says, leaning against the table and turning around to breath.

“She kind of sucks but.. I don’t know.” Lottie protests with a sigh.

“Because it’s fucking bullshit.” Natalie retorts.

“What do you suggest then?” Taissa asks the blonde girl.

“I don’t know, play like a fucking team and win.” Natalie retorts. “It’s worked so far.”

“Everything works until it doesn’t.” Tai responds. “And for the record, you smell like a wino, get your shit together.” She says to Nat.

Natalie laughs. “Y’know what? Fuck this.” She says before walking off.

“Wow ok.” Taissa says, then looking to Doe who doesn’t look happy with her. “What? Going to follow her?”

“Yeah, cause I’m not fucking insane, I’m not risking our chances or hell- this could hurt someone! Did you think of that Tai? We’re doing so well just talk to her! Jesus Christ-” Doe responds bluntly and walks off, it was odd, she wasn’t easy to anger but she was blunt about her feelings when someone insulted her friends. “And fucking Apologize to Nat later, that was uncalled for and rude, she didn’t deserve that.”

Valèrie walks off, running after Natalie who she caught up with and hugged, it’s funny she wasn’t crazy affectionate with others, she’d hug them but be stingy about it worrying they’d be annoyed or didn’t want it, but whenever she was with Natalie she somehow always clung to her, holding hands, cuddling, hugging, she’d have her face on Nat’s shoulder, Nat would have an arm around her shoulders, would walk up behind her and grab her waist or hips and hug her, putting her head ontop of hers, wasn’t even Val doing it at first, Natalie did it for months before she stopped asking first and just knew what to do. Neither of them were crazy about public affection but they were close as can be.

In English Doe was sitting next to Van, pretending to be interested in whatever boring thing their teacher was saying. “So are you going to the party tonight?” She asked the red haired girl.

“Yeah, did you get the tapes for our sleepover?” Van asked, they had planned to sleep at Doe’s house after the party and watch a ton of movies on Doe’s old tv.

“Yeah, got my dad’s collection, Nat might come too so be warned we might have to watch some horror movies with very bad visual effects.” Doe replied, braiding her hair for practice after school, they had one more practice before flying out tomorrow, it’ll be fine, if they can just talk it out we should be good Val thought.
Ten minutes later the bell rung and they went out for practice.

It was a very intense session, everyone was excited and working hard, we were going to do a tiny scrimmage and coach Scott had rounded us up as coach Martinez was dealing with a family issue.
“All right, bring it in, take a knee ladies.” Coach Scott said as he blew the whistle. All of the girls huddled together. “Whats up state champs?” He said with a smile, they cheered. “Ok so JV is gonna help us with a little scrimmage today. Coach Martinez how to take care of a family thing. so JV you’re gonna grab a pinny from Misty and let’s get started.” He clapped.

“Uh excuse me Coach Scott, shouldn’t we say a prayer first?” Laura Lee asked, the young devout blonde girl, it made Doe’s heart ache, she wished she could be as faithful, devout, unmarked of sin, so believing in god and his goodness, she just felt wrong, she pushed those thoughts away, no matter the praying it didn’t change how she felt, but she’d do it anyway, hoping she’d be cleansed of the ache in her.

“Uh it’s just a scrimmage but sure knock yourself out.” Coach said, clearing his throat and letting Laura Lee begin the prayer.

“Ok.” Laura Lee smiled and bowed her head. “Heavenly Father, let out efforts remain fruitful, so that we may preform in ways glorious to you and your image which is divine by far, Amen.”

“Amen.” The rest echoed, Doe just sat, stuck and frozen in thought. She was in a trance like state even on the field, doing great but her face showed she was acting on rehearsed action. She snapped out of it when she heard a scream, shit Allie. She ran to younger girl and held her, she saw her bone sticking out and the blood and die was going to throw up but she held it together to comfort Allie.
“Shh shh it’s ok sweetheart, Allie baby can you hear me? Ok focus on me, focus on my voice ok? Talk to me, whats your plan for spring break?” Doe asked the girl, calming her like a mother would their child. Allie looked her with tears but had calmed down a bit.

“Um, I’m going to Palm springs with my parents and cousins.” The younger girl sniffed, clinging into Doe’s shirt, stretching the fabric.

“Thats lovely darling, what are you most excited about?” Valèrie asked softly, cradling the girl in her arms, waiting for the ambulance, blood getting on her clothes but she didn’t care.

“Umm, the hotel, the beach.” Allie said, she talked a lot, Doe just listened and comforted her till the ambulance took her away, she got up, Van and Nat helped her walk back to the change rooms, Doe looked pale as a ghost and sick but she’d helped Allie. She got changed into her normal clothes and drank a ton of water and took some anti nausea meds.

All the girls sat in silence till Jackie spoke up. “ I know we’re all really worried about Allie, but it might not be as bad as it looks.” She tried to reassure the team.

“You could see her fucking bones Jackie. I’m pretty sure it’s as bad as it looks.” Natalie retorts, Doe flinches and replies “Yeah I’m covered in her blood. She’ll be ok but in how long? They’ll have to snap it back in place and she’ll need a cast and physical therapy.”

“Oh god I’m gonna throw up.” Van says, Doe passed the girl her anti-nausea meds.

Jackie sighed. “Ok but, we’re still a team alright? And we still have each other.”

“And the lord works in mysterious ways.” Laura Lee adds, Valèrie scoffs and Natalie slams the locker shut, grabbing Doe’s hand and her bag. “Nice job Taissa.” Nat says as they left, Nat drove Doe home in silence and they got ready in Doe’s room.
Val changed into a Jean skirt of her’s and a white loose flowy cropped tank blouse, her doc martens on too and she fluffed up her hair then did her makeup.
“Hmmm.” Doe said, looking at her reflection. “It’s missing something, Nat can I use your leather jacket?” She asked the blonde girl who rolled her eyes and sighs.

“You really need it Doe? Can’t you just wear something else?” Nat says, not going to admit she took pleasure in the idea of Val wearing her jacket.

Val pouts. “Yes, I need it. Pleaseee.” She begs jokingly, Natalie relents and gives it to her, wearing her other Leather jacket. “Thank you!” She kisses the blonde on the cheek before putting the jacket on, it completed the look and gave Stevie nicks vibes a bit.

“Give it back later Nerd.” Natalie said, smiling.

The Party that night was good at first, Nat drove them, Valèrie was talking with Jackie, Jeff and Shauna, she’d found Milo so he was hugging her and talking to them too. She’d much rather be getting High with Nat to be honest.. she liked Milo! Of course she did! He’s perfect! She’s perfect, they’re meant for each other…it’s supposed to be like this right? Of course it is.

“Hey Angel are you ok? I heard about what happened with Allie, that sucks but you did so good, I’m proud of you, I couldn’t have done that.” Milo asked her, brushing her hair away from her face.

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s good I’m just thinking y’know? We’re going to Nationals tomorrow, my dad’s girlfriend and her kids are moving in so it’s a lot.” Val squeezed his hand. “Let’s just have a good night yeah?” She kissed him, it was…nice she guessed, that’s what it was meant to be like right? Whatever, Jackie pulled her to dance with her and Shauna, she did and managed to walk off to Natalie who was taking some type of drugs, she walked over and sighed.

“Y’know, Milo’s a conventionally attractive guy but he doesn’t have much going on.” Doe admits to Nat, having gotten a bit high from the blunts she’d nervously smoked around Milo, being bored and wishing to be anywhere but there, having a terrible feeling in her stomach, it’d started since they won states but she brushed it off as anxiety and stomach pains which she often got from her endometriosis.

“He’s ugly darling. Don’t know why you’re with him when all you do is complain about him.” Natalie says, quickly getting very high, very fast, Doe frowns.

“True, but he’s good, he- ugh.” Doe huffs. “It’d be easier to just be with you-” she said, they heard Shauna and Taissa arguing so they walked over to the girls.

“Listen you guys, we don’t need to worry about the Allie problem anymore because Taissa took care of it for us.” Shauna said wasted.

“What is she talking about?” Laura Lee asked Natalie and do who held her nose and sighed as Natalie answered Laura Lee’s question. “She’s talking about Taissa’s little plan.” Natalie said.

“Oh please , since when do you two give a shit anyways? Don’t you have a bong to hit or a dick to suck Nat? And don’t you have to go back to pining after Nat like a fucking puppy Doe?” Taissa retorts. Nat and Doe looked insulted.

“Hey don’t fucking talk about them that way!” Shauna snapped at Taissa.

“Oh fuck off Shauna we don’t need you to defend us.” Natalie replied.

“Yeah last we checked you were fine with the whole freeze her out strategy.” Doe quipped.

“Ok seriously what are you guys talking about?-” Laura Lee asked.

“Shut the fuck up laura Lee!” All of the girls said at the same time before delving back into chaos. Shauna and Taissa’s began to fight , Van trying to stop them and then Jackie walked over.

“Thats it! ENOUGH!” Jackie yelled at them, silencing the girls. “Yellowjackets, with me. Now.” The girls reluctantly followed her.

Jackie made them all line up to say one nice thing about each other, Laura Lee went first.

“Taissa, you are beautiful in the eyes of our lord.” Laura Lee said before moving to Van. “Van, you are beautiful in the-”

“Oh my god!” Lottie sighed, Natalie laughed with Doe as they both turned away to not choke on their laughter or be rude.

“Ok Laura Lee, I’ll just go first.” Jackie says with a sigh, she complimented every girl then got to the end and said to Doe.
“Doe, Valèrie Leblanc, you are the most real and ambitious person, you try and give it your all, you have so much love for everyone and everything it inspires me.” She said to Doe who smiled back and thanked her, she made everyone partner up with someone and since there wasn’t the right number there Doe waited and then found Taissa.

“Hey Tai…I know you didn’t mean to hurt her, I’m sorry. I’m happy Van has you. I’m glad we’re friends.” Doe says to Taissa who half smiles and says “Doe, I’m sorry about what I said too, I know you’re your own person, you’re so ambitious, yourself, you don’t just follow other people you make your own opinion and love everything, you inspire me aswell, you’re a great friend- and wait what about me and Van?” Tai says confused about how Doe knows.

“Don’t worry about it, Van’s my best friend just… take care of her.” Doe says with a smile and adds jokingly. “But if there was a zombie apocalypse we sacrifice the straights first though right?” She jokes. Tai laughs and agrees, Doe leaves that night feeling a lot better, going home with Van and Nat to watch stupid movies, they left early that morning to get their bags for the plane, she got her suitcase and her dad was gonna drive her to the airport, Doe woke up her father.

“Dad- You gotta get me to the airport remember?” She got him up , as they drove she had an unsettling feeling in her stomach, just nerves. She take her bag out and hugged her father.
“Bye Daddy, see you next week.” She has this weird feeling and felt like she already missed him, he hugged her back snd she got onto the plane and sat next to Natalie.

“Wow, this looks expensive as fuck.” Doe laughed. “Seattle here we come.” She put on her headphones and fell asleep leaning against Natalie, prepared for Soccer. Not for what would happen next.