Always Love
Lexa wakes up the next morning with a heavy heart. She couldn’t fall asleep the night before, tossing and turning. She is still so mad at Bellamy. The firefighter launches herself out of bed and goes for a jog. The crisp air hits her skin like knives as she pushes herself to her physical limit. Her lungs are aching by the end of her hours long run but at least her mind is distracted for the moment. At least she’s no longer fixated on her ex best friend and ex.
Lexa chugs a water bottle and takes a long shower. She gets dressed and drives to the station for her three day shift, her overnight bag in tow. Lexa hopes Luna isn’t working today because she just doesn’t have it in her today to deal with the girl. Luckily, Luna seems to have just gotten off a shift and is leaving. Lexa shamelessly hides behind one of the trucks as the curly haired sweaty girl. The younger Woods knows she has to tell it to Lexa straight one of these days. She’s not interested. But every time Lexa tries, Luna ignores her and changes the subject.
“Yo Woods! What are ya doing crouching behind Truck 19? Come on, Nyko is making some pasta upstairs.” Quint calls out.
Lexa’s cheeks redden for being caught hiding from one of her coworkers. She just can’t catch a break can she? Lexa walks upstairs and throws her bag on one of the beds. Nyko, Quint, Jackson, Gina, and presumably a new transfer are on shift today it seems. Lexa walks into the kitchen and a chorus of hellos are thrown her way.
“Hey guys. What are we talking about?”
“We’re just showing the newbie here the ropes.” Jackson says.
Lexa turns her attention to the girl and smiles. The girl is undoubtedly very pretty.
“Hey I’m Lexa.” Lexa holds out her hand. The girl shyly takes it and smiles.
“Hi I’m Becca.” The dark haired girl smiles back before quickly averting her eyes from Lexa’s.
“So Lexa, we were just telling Becca the rundown of everyone here.”
Lexa grabs an apple from the bowl on the table and sits down next to Jackson. This is what Lexa needs. She needs to be around people who don’t know about her past. People who just want to joke around and have some fun in between fighting fires. These people are a much welcomed distraction.
“Ooo okay I’m listening. Who have you gotten through so far?” Lexa smiles and bites into her apple.
“Well Nyko here is like the protective papa bear of the group. Quint is like the horny highschool boy who always catcalled you in the halls... an asshole but his bark is worse than his bite.”
“Hey! I’m right here man.” Quint mocks offense.
“You know it’s true Quint.” Nyko turns from his pasta sauce to throw in his two cents.
Quint nods at Jackson to continue.
“And Gina’s like the girl next door..super sweet and kind.” Gina blushes at the comment and Lexa smirks. Jackson and Gina really think that they’re relationship is a secret. Pfft please. Lexa remembers the last time they all went drinking when Gina and Jackson both went into the bathroom and left the bathroom at the same time, in various disheveled states.
“And Lexa...well she’s the commander of the group. She’s the one you want in charge. A natural born leader.”
“Aw why Mr. Jackson sir you’re making me blush.” Lexa speaks in a southern drawl.
Jackson laughs and continues his praise of the group for a bit before Nyko finishes the pasta and serves the squad lunch. An hour later, a the bells go off in the station and everyone scurries off to get dressed quickly and efficiently.
The fire turns out to be in a two story home. Nyko, Quint, and Lexa go in and rescue a 80 year old grandma and her two young grandkids, the only people who were in the house at the time of the fire. One of the grandkids thought that it was a good idea to make s'mores while their grandma was taking a nap. When one of the smores went on fire, they got nervous and threw it in the trash.
Lexa carries out the 4 year old little girl year while Quint helps the grandma and Nyko carries out the 7 year old little boy. The girl is crying into Lexa’s shoulder. God this little girl reminds her so much of Alex. She has green eyes and brown hair. She wonders what Alex was like as a toddler.
“I wan my nana!” The little girl cries.
“It’s okay sweetie. You’re okay.” Lexa takes off her mask once they’re outside.
She brings the little girl to the ambulance so she can be checked out. Her ankle looks like it might be sprained and she has a nasty cut on her arm. Lexa gently places her on the gurney and tries to put some space between them but the girl wraps her chubby little arms around Lexa’s neck, refusing to let go.
“Pwease noooooo no no.” The girl sniffles a bit before she continues. “Don’t leave me miss.” The little girl’s bottom lip trembles and more tears threaten to spill from the girl’s eyes. Alex held back her tears just like that at the amusement park. Lexa nods and smiles. She isn’t going to leave this crying girl. Besides, the other firefighters has gotten the fire under control as it’s almost completely out.
“I won’t leave you. I promise. What’s your name sweetie?”
“Martha.” The girl say low, now hiccuping from the excessive crying.
“Okay Martha. I’m Lexa. This nice lady is just going to check you out okay?”
The girl’s eyes grow wide and she holds onto Lexa tighter.
“You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay.” Lexa hugs her a kisses her forehead as the paramedic checks her her ankle and arm and gives the girl an oxygen mask.
The fire is out soon enough and her coworkers are packing up and ready to leave. Nyko calls out to her.
“Lexa let’s go.”
Martha has just fallen asleep in her arms so Lexa passes her onto the paramedic and tells her to take good of the girl. Lexa kisses her forehead and gives her over to the other woman. She gets in the truck and the firefighters go back to the station to await the next crisis.
///
Later in the night, after three more intense fires, Lexa lays on the couch in the fire station’s lounge room. She's achey and sore from the sheer physical intensity of today. That little girl, Martha, reminded her so much of her own little girl. It's crazy how much she misses Alex. It's only been a few days without her and she feels so lost without her. She doesn't know how she survived before she met her little girl.
Lexa glances at her watch. It's only 9pm. It's not too late to call Clarke. Lexa takes out her phone and hovers over the call button. She hasn't talked to the blonde since yesterday after the whole weekend fiasco. Swallowing her worry, Lexa dials for Clarke and nervously waits to hear the ever so sexy raspy voice of her ex on the other side of the line. After three rings, Clarke picks up.
“Hey Lexa. Is everything okay?”
Clarke sounds like a mix between hesitant and worried. The blonde isn't sure what the status of their relationship is. Everything is so tricky now. Who are they to each other?
“Hi Clarke. Everything is fine. It was just one of those days at work.”
“Oh Lex I'm sorry. Did you lose someone?”
“No no nothing like that. I actually saved this little girl. She reminded me so much of Alex. And I really miss her Clarke. I know I saw her a few days ago but I constantly miss her. I'm constantly worrying and wondering what she's doing.” Lexa breathlessly responds.
“Welcome to being a mom. Those feelings are never going to go away.” Clarke chuckles because she knows exactly how she feels. Clarke empathizes with Lexa because she knows the firefighter is new to all this. Clarke stills remembers when she was a new mom. Honestly, she feels like she still is new to this game called parenting sometimes. “Do you want to see her tomorrow? I don't have work. We can go to the zoo or something if you wanted to.” Clarke’s voice sounds hesitant. She's not sure where she stands with Lexa. she doesn't want to push the girl but she figures inviting her out with their daughter is platonic enough.
“I can't. I really wish I could you have no idea but I have work.”
“Oh okay no problem. Another time then.”
“Well actually um maybe you and Alex could come stop by the station?” Lexa suggests. She would love for Alex to see her life and see where she works. “Alex can go on the trucks, maybe even slide down the pole. It could be fun. No pressure though if you don't want to come.”
“Of course I want to see where you work Lex. Here let me put Alex on the phone and you can ask her yourself. She misses you too.”
Lexa’s heart flutters rapidly. Her daughter actually misses her. The firefighter feels like she’s no longer an outsider looking in on her ‘should be’ family. Maybe she’s finally becoming a part of the family. Lexa can hear Clarke call out for Alex to come get the phone and then some shuffling on the other end of the line.
“Hi Mommy!” Alex squeals, causing Lexa’s smile to multiply tenfold.
“Hey there peanut. I miss you a lot.”
“I misses you too. When am I gonna see you again?”
“Well that’s actually what I want to talk to you about. How would you like to come visit me at the fire station with your mama tomorrow?”
“Really?! Can I go on a real truck too?!!” Alex jumps up and down, showing off her bright smile.
“You sure can sweetie.”
“Mama can we?” Alex whispers into the phone, obviously talking to Clarke. When Alex presumably gets the ok, she screams out in joy and talks back into the phone. “Mama said we can!! I haves to go pick out my outfit. I’ll see you tomorrow Mommy. I wove [love] you!”
Lexa gasps out and covers her mouth. Her eyes are teary.
“I love you too Alex. So much.”
Alex gives the phone back to Clarke and skips out, not realizing the effect those last three words had on Lexa.
“Hey Lex… so does tomorrow around noon work for you?”
“Y-yeah that’s fine.” Lexa is sniffling into the phone.
“Are you okay?”
“She said ‘I love you’ to me Clarke. She loves me. Our daughter loves me.” Lexa says in awe. A seemingly insignificant moment, Lexa is sitting on a raggedy old couch in the middle of her fire station’s rec room. There should be nothing memorable about right now and yet this is one of the best moments in all of her life. To hear those words from her daughter’s mouth melts her heart. Besides Clarke, her daughter is the best thing to ever happen in her life. She can’t believe she’s so lucky.
“Oh Lexa.” Clarke says smiling. She knows how important this is to Lexa and to Alex. She realizes how hard she has been on Lexa. All Lexa has been doing is trying to protect her and protect their baby girl. Lexa deserves their daughter’s love and adoration as well as so much more. Clarke decides she’s making it her mission to show Lexa just that.
“I’m sorry I just..she said ‘I love you.’ I’m sure she didn’t even realize she said it either. But she’s accepting me as her mom. It’s just so surreal. A few months ago I was alone. I only had Anya. And now I have a beautiful daughter and I have...uh..” Lexa stops herself of saying ‘And I have you Clarke.’ She’s not sure where her and the blonde stand. “I’m just so happy to be back.”
“I’m happy you’re back to Lexa. You’ll always have us. I hope you know that.”
“Thanks Clarke I do.” The silence between them is heavy and laced with intense undertones.
“Listen I have to get Alex ready for bed. I’ll see you tomorrow Lex. Goodnight.”
“Reshop Clarke.”
Both girls hang up the phone with their hearts beating fast and their palms sweaty. God they’re so in love it hurts.
///
Lexa is pacing around the station, making sure everyone is on their best behavior. This is very important to Lexa because this is the first taste that Clarke and Alex will get of her life outside of them. Lexa is finally showing Clarke and Alex a very important part of her life. It’s the first step in the right direction.
“Listen up. As you all know, my daughter is coming to visit the station today. So if you guys could avoid talking about your latest lays and anything else inappropriate for a 6 year old’s years, I would greatly appreciate it.”
“You got it Commander” The squad echos out. Quint is in the corner grumbling about how everything he says is explicit so he might as well just keep his mouth shut for the entire duration Alex is here.
Lexa gets a text from Clarke saying they are outside. Lexa straightens her outfit out.
“Is there anything in my teeth?”
“Yes.” Quint lies. Lexa runs to the mirror frantically to check. There’s nothing there though. Quint is laughing off his ass and Lexa flips him the bird before running downstairs.
“Clarke hi.”
“Hey Le-”
“Mommy!” Clarke is cut off by their excited daughter who runs up and hugs Lexa’s leg.
“Hey sweetie. Are you excited?”
Alex furiously nods her head and grabs a hold of Lexa’s hand, tugging the firefighter deeper in the station. Alex is a natural born leader just like her parents. She has no idea where she’s going right now but she’s still leading the three of them. Clarke and Lexa laugh as Alex’s eyes widen. Three pristine rather large fire trucks are right in front of her.
“Woooooooow.” Alex mumbles out in awe.
“You want to go on one?”
“Yes!! Mama can you come too?” Alex smiles at Clarke and holds her other hand out for her. Alex has her own little plans to get her mommy and mama together like Jasper’s daddies.
“Of course baby.”
Lexa grabs one of the child sized plastic firefighter hats that the squad keeps for when they visit schools and gives it to Alex to keep. Alex jumps up and down and puts it on as they board the truck. Lexa gets in first and Clarke hands off their little girl to her. After a good 20 minutes on the truck playing firefighter and asking Lexa a million questions, Alex wants to explore the station more.
Lexa leads them upstairs to the little lounge where her coworkers are. A chorus of hellos and introductions are thrown at Clarke and little Alex. Alex, being uncharacteristically shy, hides behind her mama’s legs. These firefighters are large and very intimidating to a 6 year old.
“Mommy?” Alex whispers while tugging on her mommy’s shirt.
Lexa looks over to Clarke and smiles before she bends down to talk to their little girl who’s currently hiding behind the blonde. Lexa remembers Clarke told her once that Alex gets nervous sometimes when meeting big groups at once.
“Can I have some juice?” Alex mumbles nervously.
Lexa lightly laughs. “Of course you can. Come with me?” Lexa puts her hand out and waits for Alex to hesitantly grab it. Lexa weaves them in between all the firefighters who are crowding Clarke asking a thousand questions about what Lexa was like as a teenager.
Once they’re in the kitchen and away from the crowds, Lexa picks up their daughter and places her on the counter.
“Now don’t fall off the counter. Your Mama would kill me.” Lexa jokes as she opens the fridge. Alex giggles. Her mommy is so funny. Her mama would never kill her. Her mama smiles so much around her mommy. Operation get her mommies together a go.
“Mama wouldn’t kills you. She woves you.” Alex nonchalantly says as Lexa rummages through the fridge for some juice. Lexa freezes at Alex’s words. Did Alex just say that Clarke loves her? No way. I mean Clarke confessed her feelings for her the other day but Lexa is positive she would not have told Alex of that development.
“Why do you say that princess?” Lexa softly asks her as she pours some apple juice in a plastic cup.
“I had to pee after bedtime and I heard mama talking to Auntie Waven [Raven] last nights. She said she woves you. Does that mean you wove my mama too?” Alex curiously asks before she sips her apple juice.
Lexa looks like a bug with how wide her eyes are widening right now. She’s frozen. What the fuck does she say? She refuses to put Alex’s hopes up. Lexa closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath before talking.
“I do love your Mama. And she loves me too. But there are different kinds of love. And just because we love each other doesn’t mean we are going to be like Jasper’s daddies. All that matters, my little princess, is that together we made you. And I love you more than anything in this world. Okay?” Lexa asks unsurely. She’s not sure if Clarke is gonna be pissed with her explanation but she was put on the spot. Hopefully, Alex understands.
Alex frowns for a bit before she smiles wide. “I gets it. I wove you too mommy.” Alex puts her now empty cup down and tightly hugs her mommy. She kisses Lexa on the cheek before the mother and daughter make their way to Clarke and the other firefighters again.
Lexa sees Alex tense up once she sees Nyko. Nyko looks tough. He has a long beard and several tattoos, some even on the face. To outsiders, Nyko must look intimidating. Really though, Nyko is a big ole’ teddy bear. Lexa bends down and whispers something reassuring in Alex’s ear. Alex giggles and instantly warms up to the firefighters.
Clarke smiles at her daughter and the love of her life giggling together. How could she have been so blind? Hopefully, her and Lexa can build up to the same level of trust and love they once shared. It might take time. But Clarke is willing to wait forever just as Lexa once said to her.
“So Clarke was telling us about how crazy you were as a teenager.” Quint calls out.
Lexa looks over to Clarke who puts her hands up in mock surrender. “He’s lying. I swear I didn’t say a thing. Your secrets are safe with me Commander.” Clarke laughs and Lexa swears it’s her favorite sound beside their baby girl’s adorable little giggles.
“I believe you. Besides if anyone was crazy it was you Clarke.” Lexa teases. Clarke was pretty calm until you got tequila in her system. Lexa still has some very very fond memories of tequila Clarke.
“I wasn’t that bad Lex.” Clarke smirks, playfully challenging Lexa to say more.
“Oh yeah? Let me pop open a bottle of tequila right now and let’s see what happens.”
Clarke knows exactly what Lexa is referring to and her face grows flush. Even one sip of tequila and Clarke would become so fucking sexually frustrated. She was always pulling Lexa into bathrooms and empty bedrooms (only ones with locks though..especially after one awkward incident where Reyes walked in on Clarke riding Lexa’s face).
“Maybe another night when our 6 year old isn’t around.” Clarke flirts and it’s Lexa’s turn for her cheeks to grow red from the insinuation.
Lexa’s coworkers are smirking at Clarke and Lexa knowingly. These two girls are clearly in love and the sexual tension is off the charts (even after last weekend...but Clarke and Lexa always have been insatiable when it came to wanting each other).
“Mommy what’s tequiwa?” Alex asks and all the adults laugh.
“It’s an adult drink baby.” Clarke says as she sends a playful glare to Lexa.
“But I wanna try it!” Alex whines.
“Well you’re just going to have to wait 15 years.” Lexa says as she picks up their pouting daughter and blows a raspberry on the little girl’s cheek.
“Mommy! Stoppit! You’re slobbering on me mommy!” Alex giggles and squirms in her mommy’s arms as Lexa tickles her and kisses her face.
Clarke never thought she could fall harder for the brown hair green eyed firefighter but everyday Lexa is proving her wrong.
Nyko finishes baking some chicken parmesan and invites Clarke and Lexa to eat lunch with them. The pair sits down. Clarke cuts Alex’s chicken into small bites. The little girl still manages to get sauce all over her face though. Lexa softly laughs as she wipes the sauce off of her face.
After lunch, Alex is wiped out and in need of a nap. She usually isn’t one for naps but the excitement of the day sure has worn her out. The dark haired little girl is fast asleep in her mama’s arms as Lexa walks her two favorite girls in the world out.
“Thanks for inviting us Lex. It was a lot of fun.” Clarke smiles as she looks into Lexa’s green enchanting eyes. Alex is mumbling sleepily in her ear as she drools on Clarke’s shirt.
“Yeah it was! I’m really glad you two could come.”
“Me too. You know I’m not going to lie I was a little jealous today.”
Lexa looks at Clarke with confusion evident in her features. Luna wasn’t here so Clarke couldn’t have been jealous of her. And Becca is engaged and sporting a huge diamond rock on her hand. Clarke can see her confusion and gently laughs as she sways with their asleep daughter in her arms.
“Not in the way you’re thinking. I see you talking and laughing with your friends. You just seem so happy and at ease. I can’t help but think that I’ve been too hard on you. I just - I miss seeing you happy. Selfishly so, I hope I’ll be able to see more of your smile. You always manage to light up a room when you smile.”
Lexa softly smiles as her heart beats rapidly at an unsteady rhythm.
“I’m always happy when I’m around you and Alex.” Lexa confidently says as she pushes Alex’s hair from her face and places a quick kiss to her check.
“I’ll see you guys soon?” Lexa asks and Clarke’s eyes light up whenever she remembers something.
“Oh yeah! I almost forgot. I wanted to ask you if you could watch her this Saturday. I don’t usually have weekend shifts at the hospital but I’m covering for another nurse.”
Lexa’s brows furrow in confusion before she schools her features. She’s Alex mom of course she can watch her. She’s ecstatic that Clarke is starting to trust her more. This is the second step in the right direction.
“Yes! I mean yeah I can totally watch her. I’ll take her too the zoo or something.” Lexa excitedly says as she starts planning the day in her head.
“She would love that. She loves the zoo, especially the pony rides. So I’ll drop her off at your house around 8 am and pick her up around 8:30 pm. If that’s too long though, Raven can pick her up earlier.”
“No no if anything that’s not long enough. I love spending with my little princess.” Lexa steps closer to Clarke and Alex and gently caresses her daughter’s cheek.
Lexa didn’t mean to invade Clarke’s personal space but she just wanted to touch her little girl one more time before she goes. Lexa stares into Clarke’s eyes, willing herself not to look down at her lips. She knows this can’t happen. They need to take it slow. Clarke is building up her trust in Lexa again and Lexa needs to move past her anger about Bellamy. It’s not the right time but neither girls have ever been able to say no to the other. Luckily though, the fire sirens ring before the two girls can make another mistake.
“Oh shit..I gotta go. I’ll see you two soon!” Lexa is jolted out of her Clarke haze and starts to jog back in the station.
“Okay. Be careful Lex!” Clarke screams out, effectively waking their daughter up who grumbles a bit before falling back asleep in her mama’s arms.
For the rest of the day, Clarke can’t seem to shake the color green and Lexa can’t stop seeing blue.