Teenage Talk
Clarke drove home from Lexa’s in complete silence. Alex was in the back singing along to the tunes on the radio. Alex was happy she spent the days with her mommies and was already thinking of different ways to get them together. Little did she know, Clarke and Lexa didn’t need all that much of a push in that direction. Clarke was mortified by her actions. How could she have kissed Lexa? Damnit. Whenever she is around the older brunette all logic is thrown out the window. Being so close to Lexa again turned her brain to mush. Clarke loved kissing Lexa again...more than she thought she would and that scared her. Sure, she knew Lexa was a great kisser but the emotional undertone that consumed her very being still has her whole body tingling. Clarke didn’t know what hit her. She’s proud of herself for stopping the kiss before it escalated. Lexa’s lips on hers were like a drug and Clarke was addicted. This was her first fix in over 7 years and it wasn’t good. In simple terms, Clarke Griffin was fucked.
When Clarke and Alex got home, Raven and Octavia and Lincoln were cooking (mainly Lincoln) in the kitchen. Sangria being drank (mostly by Raven) and music flowing. It was exactly the kind of relaxing atmosphere Clarke needed after the emotionally draining events that just took place. Alex ran up and hugged her two aunties and uncle before running into her room to get ready for lunch and then her soccer practice.
“Hey Clarkey! How was the park?”
Raven was awfully chipper for a Sunday afternoon but that was probably the sangria talking. Octavia poured Clarke a glass and Clarke politely shook her head. Although she could certainly use a drink right about now, she tried to make it a rule not to drink much in front of Alex.
“It was good.”
Clarke was being tightlipped. Something was off, Octavia could tell. Raven, who was slightly tipsy, also sensed that there was something Clarke wasn’t saying. Their blonde best friend was too quiet, almost withdrawn. Only speaking when questions were directly asked to her. Octavia and Raven shared a knowing glance. Lexa. They know that Clarke invited Lexa to the park. This morning Raven saw Clarke bouncing around as usual, happy. But now. Now something was definitely wrong.
The lunch consisted of Alex (and coincidentally Lexa’s) favorite, fish tacos. Alex was happily going on and on about her day at the park with her mommies. Octavia was closely watching Clarke’s facial expressions as if they held the meaning of life. In the middle of lunch, Lincoln got a phone call during the lunch but he silenced it and went back to mindlessly eating. He would call Lexa back later when he left Clarke’s. He noticed that the blonde was acting funny and now that Lexa called him instead of texting (which she never does) his suspicions were confirmed. Something must have happened between the pair.
After lunch, Clarke helped Alex put on her shin guards, soccer socks, and cleats. Alex kissed her mommy goodbye and went off to practice excitedly with her Uncle and coach, Lincoln, as she always did. In the six year old’s mind, everything in her life was perfect right now and that was enough for Clarke to keep it all together..at least until Alex left for practice.
As soon as Lincoln and Alex were out the door, Octavia wordlessly handed Clarke a big glass of sangria. The blonde downed the drink in a minute’s time and went for seconds.
“Whoa Clarke. I haven’t seen you chug liquor like that since before Alex was born. What’s wrong? And don’t you even try to lie to me.”
“We kissed.”
Octavia’s mouth was on the floor in an instant. Raven wanted to hysterically laugh at her best friend’s reaction. Truthfully, Raven was just as surprised as Octavia at how fast things were progression between Clarke and Lexa but she didn’t let it show in her face..until like some other people currently sitting at the kitchen counter.
“You and Lexa?”
“No me and Lincoln... Yes me and Lexa.”
“Okay okay I’m sorry I’m just a little shocked.”
“No I’m sorry I’m being a bitch.”
“It’s okay Clarkey. You’re allowed to be angry.”
“I’m not angry. I’m - I don’t know - confused? I’m confused.”
“You’re allowed to be confused.”
Clarke just shook her head and drank some more sangria. Octavia and Raven shared a look and this time is was Raven’s turn to talk to the blonde. Raven was always much more calm in these type of situations. Whereas, Octavia was controlled by her emotions.
“You don’t have to tell us what happened today if you don’t want to. We won’t push you, but just know we are here for you.”
Clarke opened her eyes and nodded before loudly exhaling.
“At the amusement park I felt like we were a family. She held my hand for a second to show me something and I didn’t want to let go. It felt right. So I held onto her hand a little longer. Then when we went home and Rae went into her room, there was a moment between us. She put Alex to bed and it just all felt so real. I - I felt like this was what our life could have been like if she never left. I wanted to kiss her so bad… well actually if I’m being honest I wanted to do a lot more than kiss her.”
Raven giggled and Octavia elbowed her and wordlessly encouraged Clarke to continue. God Raven had such a one track mind...well a two track mind if you include booze...and food. Okay so a three track mind. Clarke pretended to be annoyed at the childish laughter but nevertheless continued.
“I tried to convince myself that it’s been awhile. That it had nothing to do with her. But it did. The next morning I missed her. I dreamt about her that night. I dreamt about how we used to cuddle up on the hammock in my old backyard and fall asleep looking at the stars. I dreamt about our first drunken kiss and how I threw up all over her shoes shortly after. I realized I’ve missed her for 7 years guys and it’s just too much to see her but not be able to touch her. So when we were at the park I tried to tell her that I know she fucked up but maybe we can explore what we mean to each other again - slowly. I tried to tell her that and then this sweaty gorgeous bitch with fucking abs came running up to her flirting and touching her. She even kissed her on the cheek. And it made my blood boil. I have no right to be mad but I was. And I couldn’t take it. I felt all my insecurities that I have tried so hard to push down come to the surface so I ran. Or at least I tried to run but she wouldn’t let me. I stumbled into her and she fell on her ass into the concrete.”
“I would have paid to see Woods fall on her ass.” Octavia mumbled. Clarke glared at her and Octavia put her hands up in mock surrender.
“Anyways, the back of her legs got all fucked up and bloody so I took her back to her place and cleaned her up like she used to do for me whenever my clumsy ass would fall. I started cry. I felt like like an idiot and then she started crying. We were both blubbering like babies and then we kissed and everything stopped for a moment..I think even my heart. I wanted more. I needed more. I could feel myself slipping and that was scary because last time I fell for Lexa Woods I was left heartbroken and alone. So I pushed her away. Then in typical Lexa fashion, she proclaimed her love for me in the most fucking endearing way. Her words made my heart skip two beats and my stomach flutter. She loves me guys and I can’t let myself love her back because she left me. Now I’m stuck here confused because I know she is the one for me but is that enough? I don’t think it is. I don’t know. And I just complicated everything and god Alex can’t have her hopes up and -”
“Clarke! Sweetie you’re ranting now.”
“Yeah you’re right I’m sorry I just wish I didn’t kiss her. I wish I was over her. Everything would be so much easier.”
“But you’re not?”
“Not what?”
“Over her?”
Clarke finished off her sangria and sighed loudly before massaging her temples. She felt a massive headache coming on and it wasn’t from the alcohol now coursing through her veins.
“I convinced myself I was over her for a long time because I needed to. She was gone and I never thought she was coming back. Now that she’s back though...ugh god I don’t know.”
“It’s okay you don’t have to know sweetie.”
“It's not fair to Lexa to give her hope when there might not be any though.”
“Clarke. Lexa is a big girl and you told her you're confused. You told her the truth. Now just worry about yourself.”
“I don't even know where to start.”
“Well you can start by drinking some more sangria with us and telling us all the dirty deets about that kiss. Was their tongue?!”
“Raven!” Both Octavia and Clarke playfully yelled at their overly sexual best friend in unison.
///
Lincoln and Bellamy, the assistant coach, started the kids off easy with some shooting practice. Lincoln had two missed calls from Lexa, which worried him a tad. Lincoln asked Bell to take over the practice for a few minutes and Lincoln hopped in his car for some privacy to talk to his best friend about whatever has Clarke upset.
“Hey Lexa. Everything good?”
“Hey Linc. Everything's great actually.”
“Yeah? Cause Clarke seemed a little off when she came home.”
“She did? What did she say?”
Lexa was a little nervous. She knows this is all a lot to take in and so fast too. She's not stupid she knows she has a long way to go with Clarke. But she's happy that there's at least a small chance Clarke might want to pursue something with her again someday.
“Nothing. I just got a vibe. Did something happen with you guys today?”
“Uh yeah that's why I called you actually. We kissed.”
Lucky for Lincoln, he wasn't with Lexa so she couldn't see his face, which had complete shock written on it. He thought that maybe someday the two girls would work it out but he thought that was a long time away…if ever. He saw Clarke struggle with Lexa’s absence for years. This seemed so impulsive, so unlike Clarke. But then again if anyone was going to throw Clarke Griffin off her axis, it would be Lexa Woods.
“Linc? You still there?”
“Oh yeah sorry just processing what you said.”
Lexa nervously laughed.
“It took me by surprise too. I planned on giving her all the space she needed but then we were so close and it was too much.”
“Did she kiss you or did you kiss her?”
“I don't even know. We were both leaning in and it just happened. We kissed for a few minutes until she pulled away. She said she wasn't ready.”
“I'm sorry Lex.”
“No it's okay. I understand. I'm going to give her all the time in the world to figure out what she wants and I'll respect whatever her decision is.”
“Yeah give Clarke time and she'll figure it out. I'm really happy for you though. Even if it doesn't work out, I'm proud you put it all on the line.”
“Yeah me too.”
“Sooooo… How was the kiss?”
Lexa laughed at Lincoln as he pressed for details like a high school girl talking to her friends about her first kiss. That's why Lexa loves Lincoln. He was such an adorable teddy bear.
“It was..god it was electric. It was raw and desperate but sweet and cautious at the same time. It made me feel truly alive for the first time in a long time. God Lincoln I can't even put it into words. If that was the last time my lips were to ever touch Clarke’s, then at least it was perfect. It was everything to me.”
“Wow well Griffin must be a good kisser. Maybe I should give her a go.”
“Em pleni you dumbass.”
Lexa laughed. Lincoln was clearly trying to ease the intensity of the conversation. He is a good friend. He keeps Lexa grounded.
“You love me.”
“Yeah yeah.”
“Oh by the way did Clarke invite you to Bell’s birthday party?”
“She did actually. You sure it’s okay if I come?”
“Yes of course. Octavia sent out the invitations months ago. It’s going to be a pretty big get together but only about 15 of us are staying all weekend.”
“And you guys wanted me to be one of those 15 to stay all weekend?”
“Of course Lexa. You’ll always be part of the family. Time and distance couldn’t change that very fact.”
Lexa felt her eyes get watery. All she wanted as a kid was to have a family. She didn't realize it when she was 18 years old, but Clarke and the rest of them were her family. She knew Clarke was her family, but she didn't know that the the high school click she grew up with would still hold such an important place in her heart. Lexa is starting to finally feel accepted again, a feeling that was very foreign to her. Truthfully, Lexa was a lonely child. She had Anya and Lincoln, but until Clarke, Lexa felt hollow and empty. And then Clarke Griffin came along and warmed her heart. The blonde allowed her to open her eyes and her heart and let people love her. When she left, she closed off again. She thought her heart had shriveled up and died. Now that she's back though, she realizes her heart was always in Polis with the family she left in her wake.
“Thank you Linc. You don’t know how much that means to me.”
“Don’t mention it. You’re my sister and the mother of my favorite little niece. I love you. I gotta go back to coaching Alex’s soccer practice. I’ll see you Saturday.”
“Love you too. See you soon.”
///
“Whoa Clarkey is really downing that sangria like nobody’s business.”
Raven and Octavia giggle at Clarke’s drunken antics. The blonde hasn’t been this loose in years. Octavia, Raven, and Clarke haven’t really all gotten drunk and stupid together since high school - well except for that night Clarke met Niylah. They already know they all are going to have killer hangovers tomorrow.
“Shh leave me alooooone. I am emotionally dis-distraut.”
Clarke burps midsentence and almost falls off her chair in surprise. Her two best friends laugh like hyenas.
“I feel you on that one girl. I’ve been sleeping with that redhead for two months and now she wants to take me as her plus one to her sister’s wedding! That screams commitment and we are just having some fun. I made that very clear.”
“Raven you should go! Ophelia is a really nice girl. You don’t know, a year from now you could be going to my wedding with Ophelia at your side if you play your cards right.”
Octavia excitedly talks and claps her hands like a seal. Ever since she’s gotten engaged, she’s been trying to set up Raven with ‘respectable’ boys and girls who she could see her best friend settling down with. Raven snorts and looks over to Clarke for advice. The blonde’ eyes are glazed over and she’s smiling at the wall with a shit eating grin on her face. It looks like Raven isn’t going to get any good advice tonight.
After some more drinking and laughing, the girls start talking about Bell’s party. Octavia starts ranting about how she has to pick up the catering from Grounders and her dress from the dry cleaners and the liquor and the party decorations. Clarke feels bad Octavia has so many errands to run this week, so in her drunken stupor the blonde offers to go with Octavia to pick up the catering and party decorations. Raven then offers to pick up the alcohol and warns her friends to be prepared to get “shit faced.”
“So Clarkey, did you invite Leksa to Bell’s party?”
“Yuuup! You know..Lexa has such pretty eyes. I always get so lost in them.”
“God Clarke when did you become such a lightweight? We should really cut you off right about now.”
“Yeah maybe but you won’t.”
“Very true. It’s rare that drunk Clarke comes out to play.”
Clarke’s smile quickly morphs into a frown.
“That’s what Luna said to Lexa.” Clarke mumbles.
“What?”
“Luna said to Lexa ‘You’re always the life of the party when you come out and play.’ Stupid bitch.”
Clarke mimics Luna’s prissy voice too. Clarke doesn’t like the vibes she got from Luna. Lexa’s coworker seemed very...territorial of Lexa. Almost like she was staking her claim. Lexa may have said there’s nothing going on between her and Luna but that doesn’t mean that Luna sees it that way. Yeah drunk irrational Clarke has decided she doesn’t like Luna one bit.
“Is Luna the one who was hitting on Lexa right in front of you earlier?”
“That’s the one.”
“Man she sounds very forward. Do you think her and Woods have boned?”
“Raven!”
Octavia scolds Raven. When the girl got drunk, she was more blunt than usual. Unfortunately when her filter was completely off, she had the very bad habit of upsetting people.
“What? I’m sorry but it totally sounds like -”
Raven follows Octavia’s gaze to Clarke, who looks awfully shook up and pissed off, and realizes she’s fucked up.
“Oh shit I’m sorry Clarke. I’m sure they haven’t. Lexa loves you. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now. I’ve had too much sangria and I -”
Clarke waves her hand in the air, signaling Raven to stop with her thoughtful rambling apology.
“It’s fine really. Lexa said her and Luna are just friends. Luna just got on my nerves. I don't know why.”
“Because you were jealous honey.”
“But I had no right to be jealous that’s the thing. It’s been years. I don’t like to think about it but I’m sure she’s been with loads of people since me. I’ve been with a few people as well so I have no right.”
“You are allowed to be jealous of some woman hitting on the ex you may or may not be still hung up on right in front of you. Lexa would be jealous if the roles were reverse.”
“I guess. I just - fuck - I don’t even know if I can ever be with her again so she shouldn’t shut down other people’s advances while I figure it out.”
“Clarke...c'mon. Think logically. You’re telling me you’d be okay with Lexa sleeping with this Luna person or some other girl while you figure out your feelings?”
Clarke’s blood boils at the thought of Lexa sleeping with someone else. She doesn’t want to imagine that. It very well might be the alcohol, but Clarke suddenly feels sick to her stomach.
“No I wouldn’t be okay with it.”
“Finally you’re being a little honest with yourself… baby steps.”
“This situation is just fucked, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. But hey at least we have each other and unlimited sangria right?”
“Sounds like heaven to me.”
The three girls continuing drinking and shoving their faces with carbs a little longer. When Alex and Lincoln get home later, the best friend trio are knocked out on the couch watching an episode of Shameless. Lincoln laughs at the girls in front of him and carries them one by one onto Clarke’s bed. Lincoln and Alex spend the rest of the day cooking and singing and dancing. Alex giggles with her Uncle Lincoln as they draw silly stuff on Auntie Raven, the self proclaimed queen prankster. Lincoln decides not to wake up his fiancee and two close friends. He knows they had a much needed girls day and were tired out. Clarke is always taking care of Alex, and rarely herself. She needs some rest and so does Raven and Octavia. They can be responsible tomorrow.