You've Got the Love
Lexa approached Clarke and Raven's house teeming with excitement. She was still nervous about disappointing Alex but the first time they met went so well she's not as anxious. Lexa can hear Clarke yelling from another room that Raven absolutely cannot bring boxed wine to a children's amusement park. The brunette chuckles at Raven's typical antics before knocking on the apartment door.
Clarke opens the door with a bright smile on her face. Lexa feels at ease as soon as she looks into those big blue eyes. Lexa feels a sudden rush of guilt that she wasn't there for Clarke in her times of need. She wasn't there to hold Clarke when she got the news of her father's passing. She wasn't by her side at the funeral. Lexa wasn't there. Clarke notices the slight frown on her ex's face and questions her.
"Hey Lex. Are you alright?"
"Oh yeah sorry I was just thinking."
"Thinking too much has always been your problem. Today is gonna be fun. Alex is really excited."
Clarke opens the door wider and moves to the side, letting Lexa walk into the living room. Lexa is holding a shiny brand new soccer ball with a red bow on it in her arms. Clarke melts at the sight of her ex nervously shifting on her feet with a gift for their daughter in her hands.
"Is that for Alex?"
"Oh uh yeah I figured she would like it."
"She'll love it. I just have to go help Alex finishing getting dressed. I'll be right back."
Clarke scurries off into their daughter's room to help Alex braid her hair and tie her sneakers. Lexa awkwardly sits on a kitchen stool as Reyes saunters out of her bedroom in a muscle tee crop top, high waited shorts, and a NASA baseball cap.
"Hey Woods. Ready for a day of children with sticky fingers screaming in your ears?"
Lexa laughed lightly and shook her head.
"Amusement parks aren't that bad. They're fun!"
"Oh yeah I forgot you were an adrenaline junkie. Alex is like that too. The kid tries to go on her tippy toes to meet the height requirements of all the 'big kid' rides."
Lexa smiles at her daughter's stark similarities to herself. She used to have to drag Clarke on all the bigger roller coasters. Clarke always said she preferred the spinning teacups to the upside down rides Lexa lived and breathed for.
"MAMA! MOMMY IS HERE!"
Alex excitedly jumps up and down tugging on the bottom of Clarke's shirt before running up and hugging Lexa's leg. Lexa is taken aback by how adorable and loving her daughter is being toward her. Alex starts impatiently jumping and Lexa scoops her up in her arms and gives her a tight hug. Green meets green.
"Are you exited for the wides [rides]?"
"I am. I love the big roller coasters. Wanna go on some with me?"
Alex looks over her shoulder at Clarke, silently asking permission. Clarke smiles and nods.
"Yes!!"
"You know Alex I got you a present."
Alex's eyes grow wide as she searches the room for her gift from her new mommy. Her big green eyes land on a new soccer ball on the couch. Alex squeals and throws her arms around her mommy's neck.
"You got me a new soccer ball! You're the bestest!!"
"I'm glad you like it."
Raven is carefully watching Clarke's loving expression directed at Lexa throughout this whole exchange. She knows her best friend is already in deep. Lexa Woods has consumed her heart.
The group decides to take Clarke's car to the park since Alex's car seat is already situated in there. Alex asks Lexa to sit in the back with her and Lexa buckles the girl into her car seat with much more confidence this time. The half hour car ride there is filled with Lexa and Alex talking about soccer. It's just so damn cute, it's almost too much for Clarke to take.
Once they get into the amusement park, Alex is already bouncing off the walls. The little girl is pointing in every direction at different rides and arcades she wants to go to. Lexa loves Alex's energy as it rivals her own.
"Mama, Mommy, Auntie Raven!! Hurry up pwease! I don't wanna wait on long lines."
Alex skipped along a few feet ahead of them as the three adults giggled at the pushy nature of the six year old in front of them.
"She is her mother's daughter after all. You never liked lines either Lex."
"I still don't. They're a waste of time."
"Aw poor baby already whining.
Lexa faked pouted and Clarke playfully bumped into her.
Raven just watched the two girls shamelessly flirting. Raven would crack a joke about it but she realizes that Clarke probably doesn't even know what she's doing. Sometimes Clarke can just be a flirt without picking up on it. Last thing Raven wants to do is make the former couple uncomfortable. They will figure it out on their own...hopefully.
The group makes their way to a medium sized kiddie roller coaster. For a six year old though, this ride is huge. Alex is excited but also a little scared.
"Mommy."
Alex pokes at Lexa's stomach which is eye level to the little girl. Lexa looks down with an amused smile.
"Yes?"
"Can I wide [ride] with you?"
Lexa is so happy that the girl wants to go on the ride with her but she has to make sure that Clarke is okay with it. Lexa knowingly looks at Clarke and the blonde warmly smiles and nods.
"Of course you can. I'd love to ride with you. Will you hold my hand if I get scared?"
Lexa obviously won't get scared going on a kiddie ride but she can tell her daughter is a little nervous. If Alex is anything like Lexa she will be too proud to tell anyone that's she scared. So Lexa did it for her. It was a total mom move. Not everyone knew of Lexa Wood's gentle compassionate side, but Clarke did. And because of that, the blonde always knew Lexa would be a natural at parenting.
“You get scared?”
Alex whispers to her mom. Her new mommy is so cool and smart. She wants to be just like her.
“Oh yeah all the time. It’s ok to feel scared. The trick is to embrace it.”
“I like that.” Clarke whispered in Lexa’s ear. Lexa shudders at the blonde’s faint breath on her neck. The brunette closes her eyes briefly before turning around and smirking at Clarke. The two start talking in hushed voices, laughing with their eyes and their mouths. It looks as if no time has passed between the two. But looks aren’t everything.
Alex smiled at her mommies talking quietly with eachother. She wondered when her mommies would kiss on the cheek like Jasper’s daddies. When was her mommy going to move in with them? Both of Jasper’s daddies lived with him. She wanted both of her mommies too.
“Mommies I have a questions.”
Clarke looked down at her daughter with only love in her eyes. Alex always had questions. She is a very curious child.
“Yes baby?”
“When is my new mommy going to move in with us?”
Clarke and Lexa freeze in their spots and grow a few shade paler. Raven’s eyes bulge out of her head. Alex carefully watches her mommies and auntie. Why were they acting so weird?
“Oh sweetie..”
Clarke spared a short glance over to Lexa before bending down to be eye level with their daughter. Clarke cupped Alex’s cheeks and spoke softly.
“Your other mommy isn’t going to move in with us. She’s going to stay at her house and we are going to stay at our house.”
Alex’s face scrunched up trying to process the information. Clarke didn’t understand where her daughter got the idea that Lexa would be moving in with them. It didn’t make sense, but then again Clarke wasn’t a six year old. She didn’t always know what was going on in her little girl’s head.
“But Jasper’s daddies both live with him and - and they kiss on the cheek and they both tuck him in. Why can’t mommy move in with us?? Jasper says his daddies love eachother. Do you not love my other mommy?”
Alex is starting to tear up and it’s breaking the three adult’s hearts. This all must be so confusing for the six year old. Lexa takes a chance and bends down next to Clarke and Alex. Clarke looks flustered and shocked and maybe even a little uncomfortable. Lexa just wants to comfort both her girls. Truthfully, her daughter’s words were tearing her insides apart. She wants everything Alex said. God she wants it so bad. Lexa couldn’t imagine a better life than waking up with Clarke in her arms every morning and tucking in their baby girl every night. But that’s not going to happen. Her and Anya’s stupid decisions made sure of that.
Clarke was frozen in place at her daughter’s words. Alex was visibly upset and confused. Clarke didn’t even know the answer to Alex’s last question and even if she did she wouldn’t know how to answer her daughter, especially with Lexa right by her side. Lexa put her hand on the blonde’s shoulder and looked at her sadly but knowingly. Clarke doesn’t know how to phrase this so Lexa decides to try for the both of them.
“Alex getting to know you has been amazing. I’m still your mommy if I don’t live with you and your mama. Some parents live together and some don’t. It’s okay. You’ll still see me all the time.”
Lexa was filled with sadness but outwardly gave of a soft smile to her daughter. Alex seemed a little deflated after that answer but nonetheless nodded. She wrapped her small tiny arms around Lexa and kissed her on the cheek and then did the same to Clarke.
“Does that mean you don’t love each other?”
Alex’s lip was trembling just as Lexa’s did when she was upset. Neither parents wanted to have this conversation on the line for a ride in a children’s amusement park but that’s life - always unexpected and always messy. Lexa loved Clarke with everything she is, was, and will be. But she doesn’t want to make the blonde uncomfortable or angry for professing her undying love to their daughter. Plus she doesn’t want to give Alex false hope. As much as she one day hopes for a second chance with Clarke, after everything she has learned as of late, Lexa realizes her chances are slim. Luckily, Lexa doesn’t have to answer the question as her blonde beautiful ex answers for the both of them.
“Alex both of us love you so so much. You’re our daughter sweetie. Of course we care about each other honey but that doesn’t mean we are going to kiss on the cheek like Jasper’s daddies okay? Just know that we both love you and that’s all that matters.”
Clarke scooped up Alex in her arms and pressed a kiss to the girl’s forehead. Alex hugged her Mama’s neck. Alex was sad her mommies wouldn’t live together but she’s okay because both her mommies love her. Alex loves spending time with her mommies.
“Okay Mama.”
The rest of the day went well. Alex and Lexa went on all the big rides (well all the big rides that Alex was tall enough to squeeze her way on) and Clarke and Raven stuck to the smaller rides. It didn't help that Raven was a tad hungover. Alex clutched onto Clarke and Lexa's hands for dear life. She really loved spending time with both her mommies. She knows that they are no together like Jaspers daddies but she hopes on day soon they will be.
"Mommy can we go on that one?"
Alex points to the biggest ride in the park. It's the fastest and tallest roller coaster in the country. There's no way Alex is going to be tall enough or weigh enough for that ride. The line is probably two hours anyways.
"I think you have to be a little bigger for that one princess."
Clarke smiles at Lexa's little nickname for Alex. Lexa used to call Clarke her 'princess.' It's cute that the older brunette has passed down the nickname to their daughter.
Alex pouts for a second before running off to her Auntie Raven, asking the hungover girl to help her with a stuffed toy raccoon from a crane game in an arcade nearby. Lexa and Clarke laugh at Raven's sensitivity to sound as Alex excitedly squeals in her ear about all the rides her new mommy has brought her on today. Clarke and Lexa are left alone smiling like idiots at one another.
"You're really good with her."
"She's amazing. Very energetic too."
"Oh trust me I know. She will probably knock out tonight from all the excitement of the day."
There's a lull in conversation but it's more reflective than awkward. Lexa smirks a little and hesitatingly grabs Clarke's hand and starts walking her towards a line for some ride. Clarke doesn't reject the touch but her facial expressions scream shock and slight curiosity.
"You did promise me one ride Griffin. I plan on cashing that in now."
Lexa smirks mischievously and continues leading them in the direction of that very big roller coaster that Alex was pointing at all of five minutes ago. Clarke bits her lip to hid her smile. She doesn't want Lexa to know what that smirk does to her.
"And of course you pick the biggest ride in the park."
"Go big or go home."
"I'd rather go home."
Lexa shakes her head and smiles. Clarke can be so stubborn in the best possible ways sometimes. The blonde girl drove her up a wall but she loved it.
"Were you always this difficult?"
Clarke laughs and thoughtfully nods at Lexa's joking inquiry.
"Of course Lex. C'mon don't tell me you forgot my hard headed ways."
Lexa sadly smiles and locks eyes with Clarke. The playful air between them suddenly shifts to something heavier.
"I'll never forget a single thing about you Clarke. Every smile. Every word of your perfect mouth. Every sleepy mumbled 'goodnight.' Every touch and every sensation. I remember it all...I always will."
Clarke's eyes widen a bit as she gently removes her hand from Lexa's and clears her throat. Her heart is beating furiously in her ribcage.
Lexa immediately misses the blonde's touch and whines at the loss. Clarke looks like she's thinking something over really hard in that beautiful brain of hers. Clarke and Lexa are at a standstill. The ball is in Clarke's court here. Lexa won't push Clarke. She'll understand if Clarke rejects her affection again.
Thinking for the first time in 7 years with her heart and not her head, Clarke interlaces her and her ex's fingers all the while avoiding the older brunette's awe struck gaze.
Lexa is in a state of shock. She never understood those people who would say they were frozen in fear until now. Only it wasn't fear that had her paralyzed.. It's excitement and shock. Clarke rejoined their hands. I mean it could mean absolutely nothing. It could just be a platonic hand holding but Lexa wishes and hopes with everything that she has that it's not platonic, that Clarke still loves her.
"You've always been a sap."
"So I've been told."
Lexa nervously laughs under Clarke's intense stare. Something in those blue eyes she loves so much softens though and all that is left is guarded adoration and maybe a little of something else. Clarke breaks the loving gaze as soon as she realizes she's leaning in slightly.
C'mon Woods let's go on this dumb ride."
Lexa could swear she saw Clarke's body slightly leaning towards her, but she realizes it's probably just desperate wishful thinking on her part. Lexa would do anything to feel Clarke's lips molded against her own yet again. But Lincoln's words echo in her mind.
"Your love once was so pure. Maybe one day you can get back to that. But it’s a slim chance Lex. I just need you to know that."
The two girls hold hands throughout the whole line and when the ride finally shoots off, Clarke's grip on Lexa's hand only grows tighter. Once they get off the ride, Raven is waiting at the exit with a very tired sleeping Alex in her arms. Clarke and Lexa all but melt at the adorable sight.
"Thanks for carrying her Rae. Here give her to me."
Raven gently trades off Alex to Clarke. The group walks to Clarke's car in comfortable silence, careful not to wake Alex up from her deep slumber. Clarke places their baby girl in the car seat and buckles her up. Alex begins to stir awake so the blonde places a tender kiss on the girl's forehead and softly caresses her cheek while humming a quiet lullaby. Alex falls back asleep in 3o seconds flat.
The drive home is filled with quiet whispers between Clarke and Lexa as Raven and Alex sleep in the back of the car, exhausted from today's packed schedule. Lexa finally feels at peace but she can't help but feel like she has been very selfish. She's gotten everything she's wanted and much more than she expected she would ever receive. She's getting her family back. But what about Clarke? How does Clarke feel about all of this? Lexa knows she needs to have a conversation about her father and everything else with her ex soon but not now. Not with their daughter and Raven in the back seat and Clarke's driving. No. This conversation needs to happen when they both have each other's undivided attention.
Clarke parks the car and goes to unbuckle Alex but is stopped by Lexa sporting an unsure smile. Lexa motions to Alex, silently asking if she could unbuckle the girl and carry her upstairs. Clarke warmly smiles and moved aside for the mother of her child.
Lexa gingerly cradles Alex in her arms. The 6 year old nuzzles her face into her mommy's neck and incoherently mumbles in her sleep. Clarke itches to draw the picture perfect precious moment in front of her.
Clarke unlocks the front door of their cozy apartment as Lexa carries the sleeping child into Alex's room. The older brunette softly places Alex underneath the covers of her soccer themed blankets. Alex snuggles up against her pillow and comfortably sighs. Lexa can't take it. Her daughter is so innocent and sweet and perfect. Lexa can feel her eyes water but no tears fall. She's so happy and at ease. Her daughter brings serenity and meaning to her life that she never knew she was missing. Lexa internally swears she will never let anyone or anything touch a hair on her little princess' head. Lexa kisses the girl's cheek and gently whispers out an 'I love you Alex' before returning back to the living room where Clarke was waiting for her.
Clarke is making tea in the kitchen and has already changed into tight sleeping shorts and a revealing tank top. Lexa can tell Clarke isn't wearing a bra. Her hair is in a messy bun and her face is bare from any makeup. Lexa beams at the natural beauty in front of her with a mixture of lust and love. The older brunette's cock twitches and throbs for the blonde. Lexa clears her throat after uncomfortably shifting on her feet and subtly adjusting herself.
Clarke turns around and her innocent smile slowly transforms into a deep red blush when she notices Lexa's eyes darting all over her body and her oh so plump lips parting in awe. Clarke can pick up on the obvious signs of arousal between the two of them.
"I'm making some tea. Would you like some?"
"Uhm uh mhm yeah sure. Tea.. uh that sounds good."
Clarke honestly didn't mean to tease the brunette. She was just so tired and wanted to change into something more comfortable. Clarke didn't even realize the affect her change of clothes would have on Lexa..although truthfully she doesn't mind all that much.
Clarke finished pouring the hot tea and placed a cup of the sweet drink on the table for her ex lover. Lexa graciously accepted the cup and quietly moaned as the warm liquid soaked her throat. It tasted like honey and leafy sweetness.
"Mm Clarke you always made the best tea."
"It was always my specialty, wasn't it."
Lexa nodded with her eyes closed as she drank the rest of her drink. Clarke sat on the counter and sipped her beverage, her eyes never leaving Lexa's. Clarke was unbelievably wet just from meeting Lexa's hungry eyes. And if Clarke was being really honest right now, if Lexa were to grab her waist and kiss her senselessly until her knees buckled, she would completely give in to her locked away desires. Which is exactly why Clarke is trying to keep her distance from the brunette in this moment. She could feel her resistance slipping and one more intake of Lexa's sweet yet earthy perfume would bring her walls crumbling down.
The duo finished their drinks in record time. Their tongues are slightly numb from chugging the hot liquid. Lexa could feel a very specific part of herself getting much too excited. She needs to leave. She could feel all the blood rushing to the growing length in between her thighs. Speaking of thighs, Clarke's look so soft and inviting. Lexa can still remember sucking and placing wet kisses on her ex's soft soft creamy skin just below the blonde's sex. Ok Lexa needs to stop. She needs to stop thinking these thoughts about Clarke. It isn't right. She abandoned Clarke. She doesn't deserve to have her..even if it is just in her imagination. Lexa shakes herself from her filthy thoughts and abruptly rises from the barstool she was sitting on. Lexa would love more than anything to stay longer, to spend more time with Clarke, but she doesn't want to overstay her welcome. Clarke probably just offered her tea to be polite.
Once Lexa gets up, Clarke let's out a breathe she doesn't realize she was holding. The blonde was getting herself so worked up thinking about the things Lexa used to do to her. Thinking about all the places they made love. Thinking about how she would let Lexa take her on this very counter if she asked. Clarke needed to stop. She's suppose to be mad at Lexa, not imagining get thoroughly fucked by her on the counter where she cooks breakfast. Clarke convinces herself that she's just feeling these things because it's been awhile since she's had sex. It has nothing to do with Lexa. Yep. Absolutely nothing.
"I should get going. I'm sure you want to sleep. Today was amazing. Thank you for inviting me. It means a lot to me."
"Of course. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad you came. We will plan something soon. Alex keeps bragging to all her friends about how cool her 'new mommy' is."
"Do you think I'm cool too?"
Lexa smiles mischievously and Clarke pretends to be annoyed and rolls her eyes.
"You have your moments Woods."
Lexa laughs dryly as both of them walk toward the front door. To prove to herself that Lexa's presence doesn't affect her, Clarke tightly hugs Lexa. Lexa smells delicious and the heat coming off her body is so hot. Clarke wasn't fooling anybody but herself about the undeniable attraction between the pair.
It's taking all of Lexa's self control not to place an open mouthed kiss on Clarke's neck. She can feel Clarke's hard nipples poking through the scratching thin fabric of the blonde's tank top. Lexa has to repress a whimper from escaping her lips at the sensation. The older brunette can feel herself growing harder so she reluctantly leaves the warm embrace of her love. She doesn't want to make Clarke feel uncomfortable because she can't control herself.
"Goodnight Lex."
Clarke presses a light kiss to her ex lover's cheek and Lexa swear the blonde's lips linger for a split second before she steps away.
"Y-yeah I'll see you soon. Reshop Clarke."
Lexa touched her left cheek for the rest of the night trying to figure out if she just imagined the kiss or if there's still some hope left for her second chance.