Daddy's Eyes
6 Years Ago
Ton DC College has been everything Lincoln could hope for. He can feel himself changing right before his very eyes. Lincoln has always had a kind soul and soft heart. He’s always been curious about the mind so philosophy is a perfect fit for him. Octavia calls him her “great thinker.”
Speaking of Octavia, their relationship is still going strong much to his relief. He knows in his bones that Octavia is the love of his life. In a few years once they both graduate college, he even plans on proposing. He was suppose to pick out the ring with Lexa and Anya. His sisters. And now they’re gone. Not only did they take a part of his and Clarke’s hearts with them but they left behind so much as well. They left behind a struggling Clarke and a baby Alexandria. Clarke is just getting on her feet again after her teen pregnancy, her father’s sudden death, and her suffers with postpartum depression. Her head is finally above water. Lincoln would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed that Lexa and Anya just left without an explanation. They left and everyone else had to deal with the consequences...especially Clarke.
It’s January so Lincoln is on winter break for a few more weeks. He spends his days with the love of his love, in bed most of the time if he’s being honest. He’s missed Octavia’s tender touch so much. There’s only so much phone sex a guy can take without being able to be with the real thing. Octavia Blake has bewitched him.
“Babe what are you so deep in thought about?”
Octavia walks in eating an apple in deliciously tight workout shorts and one of his Ton DC College t shirts much too oversized for her petite frame.
“Just how much I love you.”
“Oh god you’re so cheesy.”
“And I was thinking about all the phone sex we have.”
Octavia laughed out loud and plopped on the couch next to him. She is so in love with her boyfriend. She’s just glad they’ve stayed together after the shit show that was senior year and now with her deciding to go to Polis U. Polis U fits Octavia much better than Ton DC College would have. It’s only been a few semesters but Octavia is really developing into her own person. Her whole life she lived under her brother’s shadow. Whatever Bellamy thought, that’s what she thought too. But now she actually feels like a person with her own mind. It’s a nice feeling. A part of her feels bad that her best friend doesn’t have the chance to soul search and explore her own passions. Clarke has had such a shitty two years. Octavia’s amazed that the girl was able to pick herself up and keep going after everything that’s happened to her.
“We do have a lot of that don’t we?”
“Yes. I prefer the real thing much more though.”
Lincoln tilts Octavia’s head back and tenderly kisses her jawline and neck. Lincoln has always been a careful gentle lover. Octavia was always the more dominant rough one. They were each other’s first and hopefully their lasts. Neither of them can get enough.
Octavia takes control and heatedly kisses Lincoln on the lips with everything she has. In one swift motion, the petite girl straddles her lover and begins to grind against him. Before things can get too heated, Lincoln’s strong arms grab Octavia’s thighs ready to carry her to her bedroom. Just as he’s about to lift them off the couch, there’s a loud knock on the door. The couple huffs before detaching from each other’s lips. With shaky legs, Octavia goes and opens the door to see a frazzled Clarke with a overjoyed Alex in her arms. Octavia mentally scolds herself for forgetting that they invited Clarke over for lunch.
“Hey guys. Am I interrupting something?”
Clarke knowingly smirks at her two flustered friends. Lincoln uncomfortably shifts on the couch while Octavia just chuckles. Octavia has always been shameless about sex. She doesn’t believe there should be a stigma behind it.
“We just got a little carried away Griff. No worries. Come on in!”
“I can leave if you guys want to -”
“No! I miss my little Alexbug.”
Octavia takes a energetic Alex from Clarke’s tired arms. The little girl happily squeals and Octavia blows raspberries into the girl’s tummy over her pastel yellow shirt.
“You saw her yesterday O.”
“Exactly. I’m having withdrawals.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Yeah ridiculously cute. Must be where Alex gets her good looks from.”
“Yeah something like that.” Clarke sadly mumbles under her breath. At this point Alex’s features are becoming more prominent. After all, the baby girl is 10 months old already. She know longer looks like an indistinguishable newborn. No. Alex looks 100 percent like Lexa. Nobody mentions this very fact, but it’s obvious. Alex’s eyes shine emerald green and her hair is painted dark brown just like her mother’s. At first it was too much for Clarke to bear. Every time she looked at her daughter she would see not only her unconditional love for the baby girl but also a perfect picture of the woman who abandoned her. The woman who left her right before shit really hit the fan.
Octavia knowingly looks at Clarke and gives her a kiss on the cheek before handing off a naive Alex to Lincoln. Octavia and teary eyed Clarke go off in the kitchen under the guise of grabbing some iced tea but really they will be talking about Lexa. Lincoln stares into his old best friend’s daughter’s adorable green eyes seemingly searching for the answers.
“You know your mama misses your mommy so much yeah? I miss her too.”
Lincoln looks a little sullen as he bounces Alex on his knee. His little niece only gurgles in return and babbles back to him like she knows what she’s saying. The burly man just smiles back and places the girl on the floor to play with some of the toys Clarke left behind in her baby bag. Lexa isn’t here but Lincoln knows she’ll be back. Clarke and the rest of the gang might have lost hope in her, but Lincoln hasn’t. Lincoln will have hope for the rest of them too until his best friend returns.
///
“Lex!”
Lincoln stands up from his chair and hugs his best friend. Lexa warmly smiles at him as they sit down at their old table at Grounders. Since Lexa used to waitress here, the whole gang would come by and playfully mess around with her when she was on shifts. Grounders was home to many memories for the high school friends and for Clarke and Lexa alone as well.
“Hey Linc. How’s everything? I’m glad we’re finally sitting down and catching up just the two of us.”
“Me too. I’ve missed you Lex.”
The waiter stops by and they order. It’s a well known fact that Lexa always ordered the cheeseburger from Grounders. It was her weakness. Feeling nostalgic, Lincoln follows suit and orders the same.
“So Lex. How are you? How’s Anya?”
“Anya is...okay. She’s good I guess. We aren’t exactly on talking terms.”
Lincoln frowns for a moment. Lexa and Anya were always inseparable. They never fought. What could have happened to cause such a rift between the sisters? Lexa looks uncomfortable though. Lincoln was one of the very selected few people who could read Lexa like an open book. He could tell that Anya was not a topic Lexa wished to discuss. Lincoln wasn’t going to push her.
“Oh okay. Well we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“Thanks Linc. Maybe later but right now I want to focus on the positives.”
“No no I get it Lex. So how was meeting Alex? She’s a great kid you know.
Lexa’s green eyes beamed and her mouth formed into a great big radiant smile. Just thinking about her beautiful daughter made her feel at home.
“Yeah she is. I know I only just met her but Lincoln that girl is my heart. Her and Clarke. There’s a lot I have to make up to them. I love them both so much Linc.”
Lincoln nodded understandingly. He knows his best friend never fell out of love with Clarke and he knows Clarke never fell out of love with Lexa (even if she doesn’t know it herself) but that doesn’t mean Clarke will ever allow herself to embrace that love. Clarke was a kid when she got pregnant with Alex. She was a kid who one moment was head over heels in love and prepping for her senior year in high school and the next alone and pregnant at 17. Clarke just had finished picking up the pieces of her life when tragedy struck a few months before Alex’s birth when Jake died. Clarke was so close to her father and when he died it broke her yet again. Alex’s birth at the middle to end of her senior year was rough. Alex was beautiful and Clarke loved her with every fiber of her mind and soul but something was off. Something wasn’t right with their blonde friend and when Abby diagnosed it as postpartum depression, it all made sense.
So yeah Clarke’s been through hell since Lexa left. And now Lexa’s back and Lincoln couldn’t be happier. He knew this day would come, but he hopes Lexa doesn’t have high hopes of Clarke returning her affections. Clarke might love Lexa but sometimes in life that’s not enough. Lincoln doesn’t want to see either of his sisters hurt.
“Lex I’m so happy you’re back. You’re like a sister to me and I love you. Alex needed her other mom and now you’re here and that’s amazing. Truly it was a beautiful thing to witness. But I’ve also witnessed a lot in Clarke’s life change since you were gone. You see Clarke now and she has her life together, but it took a long time to get here. A series of really bad things happened in her life right after you left and it continually broke her over and over again. I honestly don’t know how she’s bounced back from it all. She’s made a great life for her and Alex. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up about anything romantic happening with her. She’s not the same love struck teen you once knew. She’s had to harden herself to survive.”
Lexa slowly processed all the information Lincoln was giving her. She knew Clarke might have moved on from her but she swore she thought she still felt that connection. No matter what Lincoln says though, it doesn’t change the fact that Clarke Griffin will always be the only one for Lexa. Even if they’re never romantically involved again, nobody will ever be better than Clarke. No one can compare to the blonde blue eyed beauty that stormed into her life and warmed her icy heart. Nobody will be able to make her laugh until she cries. Clarke is Lexa’s soulmate, she knows it with everything in her. However, Lexa understands that the love of her life’s world has drastically changed since they were two teenagers in love. Something about what Lincoln says disturbs Lexa though. What bad things happened to Clarke? Why hasn’t anyone told her about this until now? Lexa knows that Clarke’s affairs are no longer any of her business but she is desperate for information.
“I will always love Clarke. She’s the only girl I will ever feel this way for but I know it might not be the same for her anymore and that’s okay. I left and it took much too long for me to come back. I want to be with Clarke in any way she deems fit. So if that just means co parenting than so be it. I won’t force her to love me back. I won’t pressure her into anything. But if I do find out she loves me back I’ll fight for her. I left once but I’m never leaving again.”
“I hope you two can work it out. Really I do. Your love was once so pure. Maybe one day you can get back to that. But it’s a slim chance Lex. I just need you to know that. I know it broke you’re heart leaving the first time. I don’t want you to break again.”
“I’ll be okay. Thanks for always looking out for me. You’re an amazing friend and supportive brother.”
Lincoln reached over and grabbed Lexa’s hand giving her a reassuring squeeze. The two moved on from heavy conversation topics and discussed the past 7 years a bit. Lincoln talked about how his philosophy degree wasn’t the easiest degree to make a career out of and how he’s currently enrolled in some grad school classes so that hopefully one day he can be a professor. He talked about how him and O got engaged after his last year of college and how he moved back right after. Lincoln tells her about how they ended up buying the cafe from an old pal of his from college and how successful it has become after a few recent renovations. Lexa was so proud of him for going out in the world and doing everything he’s ever wanted and more. After they finished up dinner and paid the check, they casually sat finishing up their coffees. Lexa saw the lull in conversation as the perfect time to bring up a question she’s had since the start of their lunch.
Hey Linc, can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“When you said a series of ‘bad’ things happened to Clarke, what did you mean?”
Lincoln looks down at the table and scratches his head searching for an appropriate answer. He’s not sure how much Clarke has told Lexa about the past and he’s not sure how much she wants his best friend to know. Over the years, Lincoln has come to look at Clarke like his sister as well. He’s seen the strife she’s been through firsthand and he doesn’t want to overstep and say something he shouldn’t.
“Well uh you know she was pregnant obviously.”
Lincoln nervously giggled and Lexa smirked.
“Yeah I gathered that much.”
“Right yeah yeah of course. Well that was pretty rough on her. At the time, we didn’t know why you guys left. For a long time it really fucked with Clarke’s head. Then she found out she was pregnant and that threw her for a loop. She hadn’t even started her senior year of high school yet and she was going to have a baby. Luckily, her parents were really supportive of her. Jake was already buying him and Abby cheesy grandparents t shirts.”
Lincoln sadly smiled at the memory before continuing.
“But then there was a car accident..”
Lexa’s eyes widen as a mask of worry and fear plagued her face. She felt like she was suffocating. All this time she’s been talking to Clarke again, she never once asked about how her parents have been. Lexa realizes how selfish she has been. The brunette doesn’t dare to try and speak because if she does she might cry. She already knows what Lincoln is about to say she can feel it. Something bad happened. Something very very bad.
“Jake and Abby were driving home from a dinner date one night in the winter, about two months before Clarke was due. There was black ice on the road. The tires spun out and they hit a truck. Abby was on the passenger side so she was okay except for a few scrapes and a sprained wrist. But Jake… he.. he didn’t make it.”
Lexa furiously shook her head as the tears harshly cascaded down her cheeks. Jake was a good man with a pure heart. Clarke took after him in that respect. He and Clarke always shared a deep bond. This wasn’t fair. She could only imagine the complete devastation that Clarke must have experienced from losing her father. Lexa was quietly crying and sniffing with her head burrowed in her hands. Lincoln came over and rubbed her back.
“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you Lex. Clarke was really destroyed after that. We were even worried she might lose the baby because she was so distraught and stressed. She was put on bed rest a few weeks after that.”
Lexa wiped away her tears for Jake and her tears for Clarke. She nodded at Lincoln who took it as a sign to sit back in his own seat and patiently wait for her to speak. Lexa stared off into space for a few minutes reliving the most embarrassing memory she has with Clarke and Jake.
///
9 Years Ago
Clarke and Lexa were sitting in the blonde’s living room watching old reruns of the I Love Lucy, one of Lexa’s favorites. Lexa always had a fascination with the vintage and old. Clarke says it’s because she has an old soul.
Clarke’s head was resting on Lexa’s shoulder with her one of her arms lazily encircling Lexa’s slim waist. Lexa had one hand in Clarke’s hair gently massaging her scalp while her other hand was interlocked with the blonde’s. This position wasn’t out of the ordinary for them. This was how they always watched TV together, but this time the energy in the room was charged much differently.
Two days ago when they were at a party Clarke and Lexa were dared by none other than Raven Reyes to kiss..with tongue...for at least one minute. The kiss got heated rather quickly, both girls pouring all their feelings for the other into their lips. Later in the night when they were sitting off alone in Murphy’s backyard, they drunkenly admitted that they had feelings for each other and chastely kissed one last time before Clarke threw up all over Lexa’s feet.
The next morning was awkward for both girls, more so Clarke. And for Lexa, she was the girl who always spoke her mind. She never was afraid especially when it came to girls. Lexa always took what she wanted, who she wanted. But with Clarke it was different. With Clarke it wasn’t just want, it was need. Lexa loves Clarke. Lexa is in love with Clarke. She doesn’t want to mess this up so she decided she’d wait to see what Clarke wanted to do about that night. Only problem with that was Clarke was so embarrassed from throwing up on Lexa that she avoided the girl all day. Both girls were plagued with fear so they were waiting for the other to say something, anything. Two days of silence on the topic was driving Lexa mad though. She wasn’t even paying attention to the I Love Lucy episode and this one was her favorite with Lucy smashing grapes to make wine in Italy.
“Clarke.”
“Hmm?”
“Can we talk?”
“Sure”
Lexa nervously grabbed the remote and turned off the TV, moving her body so that she could fully face Clarke head on. She needed to look into those blue eyes she adored so much when she said this again.
“Clarke.. I think we should talk about what happened at Murphy’s party.”
Clarke slowly nodded looking anywhere but at Lexa. Truth be told, the blonde has been in love with Lexa for quite some time. She knew she never stood a chance with the great Lexa Woods though. Lexa could have anyone. Why would she want her? To say it in the simplest of terms, Clarke thought she was firmly placed in the friendzone. What she didn’t realize was that Lexa has had the same feelings all this time for her as well. At least she thinks she does. At the party the madeout and confessed their feelings but they were also very very drunk. Maybe Lexa was just drunk and she didn’t mean it. Clarke really hoped that wasn’t the case because that would break her heart.
“Okay. You’re right. I uh um… if you were just drunk and you didn’t mean it I totally understand.”
“I was drunk.”
Clarke solemnly nodded and was about to get up to excuse herself to the bathroom where she could silently cry away from Lexa’s beautiful green eyes, but then her best friend cupped her cheeks forcing her to stare in those emerald pools that captivated her so.
“But I meant every word.”
“You.. you did?” Clarke spoke barely above a whisper as if she was shocked beyond words at her best friend’s revelation.
“Yes. I’m in love with you Clarke Griffin. You’ve taught me how to love and be loved.”
“I love you too Lexa. God I love you so much.”
Lexa smiled and you could tell that her whole body was tingling with excitement and happiness. The brunette’s eyes kept darting down to Clarke’s perfect lips. All she wanted was to kiss her senselessly in that moment.
“Can I kiss you?”
“You don’t need to ask but yes.”
Lexa briefly wet her lips with her tongue before gently moving her mouth against Clarke’s. Clarke wrapped her arms tightly around Lexa’s neck and pulled her on top of her, laying back on the couch. The kisses were wet and sensual. They weren’t reeking of desperation and sexual desire like their first makeout two days ago. No this time it was tinged with sweetness and love. Everything was slower and tender.
Lexa swiped her tongue against Clarke’s bottom lip hoping to gain further access to her love’s mouth to which the blonde readily welcomed. One of Lexa’s hand remained resting on Clarke’s cheek as the other made it’s way to Clarke’s clothed breast. Lexa gently massaged her lover’s generous swells as Clarke let out the softest of whimpers, sending shockwaves down Lexa’s spine to her lower core.
Clarke wrapped one of her legs around Lexa’s waist, eager for some sort of contact. Clarke has never felt so sexual in her whole life. The blonde had very limited experience in this area. She’s never touched herself or been touched by another.. until know. The farthest she’s gone was a few kisses with this girl Mel her freshman year behind the bleachers of her high school and a one time quick sloppy makeout session with a junior on the hockey team named Finn Collins at a party a few months ago. Clarke is feeling things she’s never felt before. Her lower body feels like it’s on fire. Her head feels lightheaded and dizzy in the best way possible. Her legs are shaking in anticipation.
Lexa carefully places her leg in between Clarke’s and starts at a slow pace. Clarke gasps into their kiss and slightly tilts her head back in ecstasy as her eyes roll to the back of her head. Clarke bravely moves her hands under Lexa’s shirt and softly scratches the older girl’s back, enjoying the rocking movements of Lexa’s leg against her. Clarke feels warm and on the edge of somewhere she’s never been before. She can feel Lexa’s bulge pressing up against her thigh and it’s causing the most pleasant of shivers to jolt her body alive.
Lexa closes her eyes for a moment in an effort to control herself and presses kisses from Clarke’s jaw to her neck. Once Lexa reaches the blonde’s collarbone, she reluctantly forces herself to still her body and whisper into Clarke’s pale supple skin.
“We can stop whenever you want Klark.”
Clarke huskily breathes out a “What if I don’t want to stop?” all the while looking into Lexa’s blown pupils. The two girls are so enwrapped in each other they don’t even hear the echoing footsteps coming down the hall.
“Oh no my eyes!”
Jake quickly shuts his eyes and rapidly backs into the wall behind him, causing three photos hanging on the wall to fall to the floor and shatter. Clarke and Lexa whip their heads so fast into the direction of all the ruckus and immediately jump off of each other, completely flustered and thoroughly embarrassed.
“Shit Dad! Uhh we were just watching TV and then uh we got um tired and uh -”
Clarke frantically looked over at Lexa for help formulating a lie, begging for the older girl to come up with a better answer than “we were totally just dry humping on your couch.”
“um we decided to take a nap?”
Clarke seemed satisfied with Lexa’s unsure response. By this point, Jake was staring at both of the girls like they were idiots. Jake knew exactly what they were doing and it was far from napping. Was he happy that Clarke was doing things on his couch? No of course not. He watches his football on that couch. In a perfect world, Clarke would never have sex but c’mon he’s not naive and this is far from a perfect world. Besides, he’s always had a soft spot for Lexa. He can tell Lexa really loves his daughter just by the look in her eyes when she thinks nobody is watching her stare at Clarke as if she’s the most radiant piece of art ever to be discovered. Jake Griffin is a half glass full kind of guy and more importantly, a total clown. He can tell Clarke and Lexa are wildly uncomfortable so he figures he might as well use some poorly placed humor, his speciality, to lighten the mood.
“I think I’ve been napping wrong all my life then.”
“Dad!”
Jake started hysterically laughing at Clarke who just started huffing and buried her face into Lexa’s shoulder.
“Oh relax sweetie. You’re lucky I was the one who walked on your little ‘naptime’ and not your mother.”
Up until this point Lexa just sort of sat there. First she was scared shitless that Jake was going to beat her for touching his precious virgin daughter. Then she was confused at Jake’s joking attitude. And now. Well now Lexa just finds the whole situation fucking hilarious albeit slightly embarrassing.
“Lexa stop laughing!”
Lexa and Jake break out into a laughing fit. Clarke gives off her best warning glare but after a minute or two she too sees the hilarity in the situation and playfully throws a pillow at her father and gently shoves Lexa’s shoulder.
“You guys are so immature!”
Clarke storms out of the room to fix herself because she surely looked like a flustered mess. Lexa went up to follow her and check to see if she was okay but halted her steps when Jake put his hand on her shoulder.
“Lexa you’re one of the good ones. I know I’m always joking around but I’m telling you the truth when I say that I’m glad you two have found your way to each other. I have a pretty good feeling you’re gonna be around for quite awhile so take care of her for me will ya?”
Lexa was shocked and touched by Jake’s words. She was expecting a warning about hurting his daughter but instead this man was unequivocally kind. Lexa, overcome by emotions, could only nod in response.
“That’s my girl. Oh and next time you guys decide to ‘nap,’ avoid doing so on my couch. I’d like to eat my nachos and watch the Jets on Sundays in peace without thinking about what I’m sitting on.”
Lexa’s eyes widened as Jake walked away chuckling to himself. Jake Griffin was certainly something else.
///
“Jake was a good man.”
Lexa poured all her emotions into those five words. Because that’s exactly what Jake was and he deserved better. Clarke deserved better. Abby too. It wasn’t his time. Fuck.
“He was on of the best men I had the pleasure of knowing. I’m sorry to throw all this on you but Clarke never really recovered from all the loss in such a short period of time. There’s more to the story but I think Clarke should be the one to tell the rest.”
The older brunette nodded. All of a sudden the weight on her shoulders suddenly felt much more grim and heavy.
“I understand. Thank you for telling me Lincoln.”
“You can always talk to me Lex. I hope you know that. I’m here for you. If you ever want to bitch and scream about how shitty the world is, I’m here. If you ever want to cry and shove your face with ice cream, I’ll bring the carton of pistachio. If you ever need someone to lean on, please know that you can come to me just like I always came to you. I know a lot has changed in the past 7 years, but just know that my feelings toward you haven’t. No matter the distance and time between us, you’ll always be my sister.”
Lexa got up and hugged Lincoln before pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed this. I’ve never felt so confused and excited and alone and worried in my life.”
“Welcome to being a mother.”
Lexa dryly laughed and the mood lightened a little. The pair got up and walked in silence to their cars, saying their goodbyes and ‘see you soons.’
“Take care Linc.”
“You too Lex. Lunch same time next week?”
“Sure I’d like that.”
Lexa got into her car and watched as Lincoln drove away. Everyday is another day of unpredictable emotions. She now knows she’s only gotten a glimpse of the tragedy and struggle her ex has had to deal with since she left. Lexa missed out on Alex’s whole life but she also missed out on the hardest years of Clarke’s life. She wasn’t there for the love of her life when she needed her most. Lexa curses herself. She needs to try and make this up to Clarke, the beautiful much too pure of heart Clarke. Clarke Griffin has been to hell and back since Lexa left. It’s time Woods shares some of her love’s burden on her shoulders as well.