Made to Last
The ice cream shop wasn’t that far of a walk but Alex managed to talk a million miles a minute, so a lot of information was being relayed to Lexa. Lexa learned that Alex’s favorite color is purple. The 6 year old loves sugar, a trait Clarke blames wholeheartedly on Lexa. Alex is very observant like Lexa. She picks up on the emotions of others around her very easily. She’s a natural leader just like Clarke and Lexa. Alex’s best friend is named Jasper and he’s the one who initially made her curious about her other mommy. Alex loves soccer and also does karate… just like Lexa.
From what Lexa can gather, this girl is so much like her it’s scary. I mean is a love for soccer and pistachio ice cream genetic? Surely not, but Alex still inherited it from the older brunette. She even got Lexa’s cute little pouty face when she’s sad and her signature jaw clench when she’s annoyed. So many of Alex’s mannerisms resemble her own, Lexa can’t help but think about how hard this all must have been for Clarke. Lexa left and even if she had a damn good reason, Clarke didn’t know that reason for 7 years. She raised their daughter for 6 years alone. Their daughter was so much Lexa too. It was like someone cloned Lexa in kid form. Clarke had to live everyday looking into the beautiful green eyes of her daughter surely must have also seen the ghost of the woman who abandoned her. The thought sent shivers up Lexa’s spine.
“So mama said I couldn’t get a puppy. What do you think mommy?”
Lexa looked down at Alex who was wearing now wearing a mischievous grin she knew too well. The older brunette chuckled shaking her head and looking quite amused at Clarke. Clarke just huffed a bit and laughed at how quick Alex was to use this other mommy thing to her advantage. Alex was a little sweetie but she definitely had Lexa’s boldness and rebel streak in her.
“Well I think whatever your mama says is always right.”
Alex huffed a little before Clarke mumbled an ‘I told you so’ and the 6 year old playfully stuck her tongue out at her blonde mother.
“Look mommies, we’re here!”
“I see that bug. Let’s go in.”
The three of them go into the cute old fashioned ice cream shop and Alex runs up to the glass display of ice creams and gets on her tippy toes to look at all the flavors even though she already knows what she wants.
“Alex baby don’t press your face on the glass. There are germs.”
Clarke takes out a wet cloth and wipes Alex’s face which is now scrunched up as she giggles at how silly her mom is being. Lexa just smirks. She can see the nurse in Clarke coming out. Lexa has seen many versions of Clarke. Kind Clarke. Horny Clarke (a lot of that one). Grumpy Clarke. You name it. But she’s never seen mama bear Clarke until now and it’s so damn cute. She didn’t think she could fall any harder for the blonde but fate has proved her wrong yet again. Seeing Clarke in action as a cute little overprotective mother of their child has to be one of her favorite versions of her ex. Well I mean horny Clarke is another one of her favorite too because c’mon who are we kidding? Clarke’s curves have only gotten better with age. Ok mind out of the gutter Lexa. Focus. Focus.
“Lexa?”
Clarke looks over at Lexa trying so hard to look annoyed but instead settles on snapping her fingers and smirking. Shit. How long was I staring at Clarke’s curves? She definitely noticed.
“Sorry what did you say? I spaced out for a minute.”
“Yeah I could tell. I asked if you wanted pistachio?”
“Oh um yeah pistachio with -”
“Extra rainbow sprinkles. How could I forget your ice cream order Woods? Besides Alex gets the same thing. Right sweetie?”
“Yeah!”
Clarke goes up to get the ice cream and insists on paying. Lexa knows how stubborn Clarke is so she doesn’t fight her on it but she makes a mental note to slip a $20 in the younger girl’s purse later. Alex runs up to Lexa and hugs her leg before her and Lexa go to save a table.
"Mommy! I think we are lots alike."
Hearing Alex say mommy will still take some getting used to. That girl was playing with her heartstrings, creating the most beautiful of harmonies. Lexa wanted to cry. This was all she ever wanted. A family with Clarke and now she has just that. It took much too long to get here and there were way too many bumps but she’s here. And her daughter is so sweet and innocent and too forgiving. Lexa knows she shouldn’t be accepted this easily. She knows she should have to work for it more. But her daughter is so loving. It reminds her of Clarke. Clarke always wore her heart on her sleeve. She had the biggest most compassionate heart. She still does. Lexa is grateful that Alex didn’t take just after her. Alex has Clarke’s innate goodness and she couldn’t be more thankful of that.
“Seems like we are. I think you’re a lot like your mama too.”
“You think?!”
“I do.”
“Mama is really smart like Auntie Raven. Do you think I’m smart too? Mama is teaching me to reads but I don’t know how yet.”
“You’re very smart Alex I can tell. I can help you read too if you want.”
“Really?!”
“Of course. As long as it's okay with your mama.”
“Can you come to read bedtime stories with mama tonight?”
“Oh uh I’m not sure if -”
“Two pistachios and one yummy frozen yogurt coming up!”
Clarke cuts in with three sweet treats at just the right time. Lexa would love to come read to her daughter but she doesn’t know if Clarke will want that. Lexa doesn’t want to overstep when she’s already so lucky for the time she’s been given with Alex.
“Thanks mama!”
“Thank you Clarke.”
“You’re both very welcome. What did I miss?”
“I asked mommy to come read bedtime stories with you tonight. Can she? Pretty please mama.”
Lexa feels awkward right now. She doesn’t want to overstep boundaries and push at Clarke’s comfort zone. She also has no idea what to say because she doesn’t want to disappoint Alex. The girl is just so precious and hopeful.
Clarke looks hesitant. Probably because she is. She knows how much this means to Lexa. She knows how much this means to Alex. Surely she can suffer through reading bedtimes with her ex. Right? She doesn’t want Lexa to think she’s getting off the hook so easily but she can see how much Alex has grown attached to her over the last few hours. In all honesty, Clarke is surprised how quick Alex took to Lexa.
Alex is outgoing just like Clarke but she’s very selective with who she truly opens to, just like Lexa. So the fact that Alex is already calling Lexa her mommy is endearing but also worries Clarke a bit. How can she be so sure Lexa won’t leave again? The fact is that she doesn’t know for sure. She believes Lexa won’t leave again but a part of her is still burned badly by her ex. She doesn’t want Alex to be in the crossfires. She wants Alex to have two happy mothers so that means letting Lexa in her life. The blonde is scared though that letting Lexa in her life will also inevitably mean letting her back in her heart. And she can’t do that. No. Last time she did that, it broke her. It took her too long to get where she is now. No matter how much her heart screams out for Lexa and her body yearns for her touch, her head will always win. Head over heart. That’s how it has to be.
“Sure baby. She can come if she wants.”
Clarke offers Lexa a soft smile and reassuring nod and Lexa radiantly smiles back. She has to promise herself not to get too excited. Clarke is just doing this for Alex. This has nothing to do with their relationship or lack thereof. Being this close to Clarke has been amazing though. Even if it’s just the occasional playful banter or reassuring touch, it’s so much more than Lexa thinks she deserves and so much more than she thought she would ever receive from the blonde again.
After watching Alex messily eat her ice cream and scream “bwain fweeze” really loud twice, the three of them were ready to go. Alex talked the most out of the group. She was so happy to have another mommy that Clarke had to tell her on many occasions to breathe and relax before she got too excited again. Lexa was always more of a listener anyways so it worked out well. Alex would talk faster than any 6 year old should be able to and with her slight lisp, it made some of her stories a little difficult to understand especially for someone not used to being around kids. Lexa took it in strides though. She made Alex giggle like the adorable little schoolgirl she is. By the end of the night, Alex was beaming up at her mother with a similar adoration she only shows to her close family. Is it too soon to say Lexa has become an important part of her life? Alex certainly doesn’t think so.
Alex holds both of their hands as they walk to their cars still in the soccer field’s parking lot. It’s nighttime by now and the excitement of the day is clearly wearing Alex down as the girl lets out the absolute cutest of yawns. Her eyes are a little droopy as she lazily smiles up at her mommies. Lexa volunteers to buckle Alex in and quickly becomes overwhelmed with all the buckles and locks. Alex laughs in her face and Lexa awkwardly bends into the car to get a closer look at the car seat. It takes her a few minutes of freaking out and mumbling to herself to figure it out and once she does she’s so nervous she did it wrong that she makes Clarke double check her work. How could Clarke not find that to be the cutest thing ever? Lexa seems proud of her accomplishment and skips to her car like an idiot after getting directions to Clarke’s apartment.
Lexa parks in front of the apartment building and walks up to apartment 21. She knocks on the door hoping she didn’t get here before Clarke and Lexa. It seems she did when Raven opens the door in an old Polis U hoodie with a confused look on her face.
“What are you doing here Woods? If you’re looking for Clarke, she isn’t here.”
“No I know. I was just with them. I spent the day bonding with Alex and she wanted me to come read her a bedtime story with Clarke so here I am.”
Lexa awkwardly stands in the doorway, nervously smiling as she tucks her hair behind her ear. Reyes narrows her eyes, looking Lexa up and down as if to find a reason not to let her in before finally relenting and moving out of the way for the green eyed girl to enter.
Lexa timidly looks around the tidy cozy apartment that just screams Clarke and Raven. She can tell Clarke decorated because if it were up to Raven, all the mechanic would need is a fridge full of food and a very sturdy bed. There’s a pink soccer ball in the corner of the room and a few stray toys strewn throughout the living room. Raven goes to get another beer and offers Lexa one, which she politely refuses.
The green eyed girl looks at the pictures on the wall. One is presumably from Raven’s college graduation. Clarke is carrying a toddler Alex who has a pacifier in her mouth and Octavia is sticking her middle finger up in typical Blake fashion. Another one is of their high school graduation. Younger versions Clarke, Octavia, and Raven are smiling at the camera but Clarke’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Something isn’t right with the girl in the picture but she can’t put her finger on what. There’s a lot of pictures of a baby Alex and Clarke. One at Disney World. Alex has minnie mouse ears on with her face painted and Clarke is wearing a princess tiara. Another one is a newborn Alex and a awe stricken Clarke staring down at small bundle in her arms. The emotions are hitting Lexa at full force. It’s too much for her. She can feel the tears pushing their way to the surface. Fuck.
“Are you okay Woods?”
“Oh uh ye - yeah.. I’m okay.”
“No you’re not.”
“What? No I’m really okay Raven.”
“I call bullshit Woods. You’re looking at all these photos of Clarke and your daughter and you’re not in any of them. You weren’t there.”
“Don’t you think I know that Raven? I fucked up..” Lexa weakly mumbles as she desperately wipes the tears from her face, trying so hard to will herself to stop crying. With her jaw clenching, Lexa looks up at the ceiling to try and ground herself… It doesn’t work.
“No Lexa, you’re misunderstanding me. I’m not trying to call you out. I know this must be really hard for you. You forget that I knew you once too. I know how important your family is to you. Look what I’m trying to say is that you may have missed out on a lot but you’re here now. Thats gotta count for something right?”
Lexa quietly nods, now staring at Raven who isn’t looking at her with disappointment anymore but instead with soft eyes filled to the brim with understanding. Raven grabs a napkin and wordlessly gives it to Lexa so she can fix her makeup before Clarke and Alex get home.
“Thank you Raven. I am really trying to make things right.”
“I know you are and that’s why I’m not giving you shit. I don’t know why you left but I know Clarke wouldn’t have let you back in her and Alex’s life unless you had a hell of a reason. So as far as I’m concerned, I support you getting to know your daughter. It’ll be good for the kid. She’s been asking a lot of questions lately.”
“I know. She’s perfect. I hope I’m not too late..”
“You’re not Lexa. Alex is a forgiving soul. Clarke is too. And that’s what truly worries me. I think it’s great you’re stepping up as Alexandria’s mother but I hope you’re careful.”
“Careful? I’m not sure I understand.”
“I mean.. just don’t break my best friend’s heart again. Clarke might be fighting it now but she will eventually forgive you. I can see this all playing out. And if things don’t work out between you two… well that will break her. You didn’t see her last time she lost you Lexa. It was devastating to watch, I can’t even begin to imagine how it felt to actually experience it.”
“I have no intention of breaking her heart again Raven. I’ll do anything in my power to prove that to you and to prove that to her. If I ever had a second chance, there wouldn’t be one minute where she wouldn’t feel loved and wanted. I would shower her with affection and support. I may have left Polis but my heart never left her. You have to believe that.”
“I do. That’s why I’m not telling you to stay away from her, I‘m just telling you to be careful with her heart.”
At that moment, Clarke came in carrying a sleeping Alex. It looks like the day surely did take its toll on the girl. Lexa loved seeing this peaceful quiet little side of her daughter who was bursting at the seams with energy all day. Clarke smiled brightly at Lexa before pointing with her head at Alex’s bedroom, signaling for Lexa to follow her into the room. The room was neat, presumably thanks to Clarke’s habit of cleaning when stressed or nervous. Lexa undid the covers and Clarke gently laid Alex into the bed. To a stranger's eye, it would have looked as if the duo had been putting Alex to bed together for years.
Alex’s face briefly scrunched up and her hands mindlessly went searching for her plush raccoon stuffed animal which she then clutched onto with her tiny fingers creating a deathlock grip on the toy. Lexa stared in awe at their daughter for a few minutes alongside Clarke. And for a minute there was a look shared between her and the blonde. An indescribable look. Lexa wasn’t sure what the intense gaze meant but she could have sworn Clarke had briefly glanced at her lips. A few seconds later, once the two women realized just how close they were Clarke cleared her throat and created some space. The blonde led Lexa out into the living room where Raven had already cleared out of, opting to give the exes some space to talk.
“Sorry you came all this way. It’s so hard to get her to bed though so when she fell asleep in the car I didn’t have it in me to wake her up.”
“It’s really okay Clarke. Today was amazing. I can’t thank you enough for letting me see her and for raising our little girl to be such an independent extraordinary person.”
“Yeah she is pretty great huh? She’s a lot like you Lex in so many ways.”
“I know, but I saw a lot of you in her too.”
“You think?”
“I know. She has a kind old soul like you. And she speaks her mind and she doesn’t apologize for who she is. She’s just so you Clarke.”
“You got all that from a few hours?”
“Yes. I fell in love with her before I even met her.”
“You’re going to be a great mother to her Lex. I can tell. You were so good with her today. She doesn’t usually open up to people so quickly.”
“Really?”
“Yeah you’re special.”
Lexa smiles and shakes her head at the idea.
“No I’m really not.”
“Oh shutup up with your modesty. You’ve always been one of those people who just shine a little brighter than the rest of the crowd. Maybe I’m partial because I’m Alex’s mother, but I like to think she’s like that too.”
“She is.”
Lexa and Clarke lock eyes again. The two girls are standing in the middle of the blonde’s living room, both internally wondering what the other will do next. Finally after the gaze became too much for the blonde, Clarke spoke up.
“Alex will probably bug me until we plan another meetup. There’s this new amusement park that Alex has been wanting to try out. Me and Raven are taking her there this weekend. You’re welcome to come if you don’t already have plans.”
“Yes! I would love that. You know how much I love roller coasters.”
Ironically enough, both girls feel as if the have been on a never ending roller coaster of emotions lately.
“Alex as well. Although she’s only six years old, so no upside down ones for her yet.”
Lexa playfully pouts and jokingly whines at Clarke.
“But those are my favorites.”
“Oh shush you big baby, I’ll go on one with you if you promise not to whine about the long lines like you used to.”
“You drive a tough bargain Griffin. Deal.”
“Okay great I’ll text you the details.”
After a few more minutes of planning out the weekend and some more playful (dare Lexa say flirty?) banter, the older brunette decides not to impose on Clarke any further and leaves after a quick warm goodbye hug from her ex. God today was just filled with so many emotions. Her daughter is perfect. Clarke is perfect. Today was a good day for the Woods-Griffin family.