Human
Lexa woke up the next morning groggy and exhausted. She felt hollow, like she finally released every last anxiety, fear, and resentment she’s held in for the past decade. The brunette still felt like utter and complete shit but she knew she would have to power through it since she had a shift at the fire station in two hours.
Lexa grew up with the dream of being a cop. She wanted to protect her fellow civilians and had a strong moral code. Sometimes the image of an older Lexa in uniform was the only thing that got the small foster girl through the day. When she got a bit older though, she lost her way partying, drinking, sleeping with random girls. She got the reputation of a player. She was just a kid herself, trying to act like an adult. Trying to act like she was grown. Trying to act like she wasn't broken. Then in walked Clarke Griffin and that’s when it all started to turn around for her.
///
10 years ago
“Come on Raven! O! We are going to be late for freshman orientation because your lazy asses decided to turn my alarm off.”
Clarke never really cared about her grades in middle school. High school is a whole new ball game for her though. If Clarke keeps her grades up, she might have a chance at Ark U’s premed summer intensive during her senior year. The blonde knows that she’s planning far ahead, but this program only invites 25 kids from the country to attend. Her mother is an alumni of the premed program, while her father attended the equally challenging engineering program. It’s actually where her parents met. Regardless, Clarke knew that if she were to ever have a chance, she needed to take her studies seriously.
Clarke was always the popular girl in middle school that had all the boys falling over her (a concept that followed her in high school as well). She had a wide smile and enchanting charm that entranced everyone around her. Clarke was the type of person who made everyone around her feel three times better just from being in her presence. In the least self absorbed way possible, Clarke was used to everyone being fascinated by her. But what she wasn’t used to was being fascinated by someone else. She never really felt that spark. That instant connection with a person. That’s where Lexa Woods came in and shook up her whole world.
Bellamy was suppose to be their tour guide but since the girls were late coming back from their sleepover at Clarke’s, they were assigned to a different sophomore. A sophomore named Lexa. Lexa’s reputation in high school preceded itself. Drop dead gorgeous of course (anyone with eyes could see that). Intelligent (managing a 3.9 GPA). Athletic (youngest co-captain of the soccer team ever at Polis High). But that’s not what people talked about when they said her name. No, Lexa Woods was a party girl but still an aloof enigma that nobody seemed to know personally. Her legend was passed through hushed whispers in the girls bathroom and crumbled notes in history class.
Did you hear Lexa Woods brought three girls home with her the other night? Did you hear Lexa Woods broke all the windows in Murphy’s apartment after he pinched her ass at last week’s party? Lexa Woods this. Lexa Woods that. Sure, some of the rumors were true. But for the most part rumors were exactly that - rumors. This reputation made everyone intimidated of her though, just the way she liked it. If nobody came close to her, she had no chance of getting hurt. And for a year it worked. Nobody bothered her unless she approached them first (and usually it was only for a spare cigarette or a quick screw). That is until she met a doe eyed beautiful freshman with golden curls and piercing blue eyes that rivaled the azure blue skies after a sun shower.
“I’m Lexa Woods and I’ll be your tour guide for the day. If you have any questions, ask them now or you’ll be the fumbling freshman who doesn’t know the cafeteria from their ass.”
Lexa didn't mind coming off as a bitch. It was part of her plan to avoid true human companionship. Every freshman ducked their head awkwardly at the words (shockingly even Raven and Octavia), except that gorgeous blonde who just lightly cackled and bit her lip.
“You over there.”
Lexa pointed to the blonde in the middle of the crowd.
“Me?”
“Yes you. I am pointing at you, aren’t I?”
“I suppose you are Lexa Woods.”
Lexa shivered at the husky vocal chords of the blonde harmonizing together as the younger girl said her name. This girl’s voice was doing things to her that she would prefer not happen while standing in a dirty oh so public crowded hallway filled to the brim with confused eager freshman.
“What’s your name?”
There was a bit of awe laced in Lexa’s question. Who is this girl that manage to embed herself so deep in the brunette’s skin so fast? Lexa was positive her defenses were impenetrable, now she’s not so sure.
“Clarke. Clarke Griffin.”
Clarke confidently held out her hand to the brunette who just as confidently (almost smugly even) interlocked there hands. Instantly, a flame was lit in both girls. A flame that was nurtured into a fire. And even after this long winter, it still flickers.
///
Clarke became almost like a beacon of hope for Lexa. The girls grew close in a very short amount of time and slowly Lexa’s drinking and incessant partying stopped. A year later after a heated game of truth or dare, Lexa and Clarke kissed for the first time and the rest is history.
So Lexa was back on track. She was accepted into the Polis Police Academy. Finally, her life was looking up. Then in walks the Mount Weathers and everything is ruined in the amount of time it took to swing a tire iron. Once Lexa and Anya settled down in the New Orleans, the younger Woods didn’t believe she deserved to wear the uniform. She was guilt ridden for the blood on her hands and no matter how many times Anya told her it was just self defense, she couldn’t shake the nightmares. From time to time, she still gets them to this day. Lexa didn’t want to have to lie everyday while she wore the uniform. She couldn’t tell a soul about Anya’s and hers murky past. Lexa felt like she would be disrespecting the uniform if she became a cop after everything that went down. It might have been an irrational, but for Lexa her morals were everything and now she believed them to be compromised.
For a while, Lexa was lost. She almost reverted back to her party girl self, but she knew Clarke wouldn’t approve. The mere memory of the blonde was the only thing that kept her going. A couple months later, Lexa was working as a waitress at a diner. A pretty bad grease fire consumed the kitchen and soon enough the whole diner was blistering hot and burning down from the fire's deep intensity. Lexa helped out seven patrons before the firefighters were on scene. Finally, Lexa felt something after months of being numb. She wasn’t sure if it was the adrenaline or satiating her need to help others. Either way, Lexa found her new calling and ever since that’s what she’s been doing.
Lexa reluctantly got up from her bed and got dressed for the day. She drove to the station and greeted the rest of the squad. Roan was the captain of the team, but she known as the unofficial second in command. She may have been the newest addition to the team, having just transferred to the Polis station 6 months ago, but she was nonetheless highly well respected and admired.
Nyko, Luna, Gina, Quint, and Jackson were also on shift today. Luna and Lexa were pretty close. Luna showed Lexa the ropes when she transferred here and told her who was the station’s designated asshole (cough cough Quint). Other than the occasional spat with Quint, Lexa gets along well with all her coworkers. Sometimes they even go out to the pub around the block after work. Fraternizing with coworkers wasn’t a concept Lexa was all too familiar with. In fact, making friends at all has always been a struggle for the younger Woods, but after years of only having Anya to talk to, the girl was lonely. She missed her friends, but was too scared to reach out. Sometimes she doesn’t know why she was so scared because now it all seems so stupid. Maybe Clarke would have trusted her if she came back sooner. She can’t think like that now though. She refuses to let herself think about Clarke today. If she’s distracted with her emotions while battling a fire, it might get her killed. So she needs to stop with the self pity and despair - at least for a couple hours. God is this going to be a long day.
///
To Clarke [3:56 P.M.] - Hi Clarke. It’s Lexa. I know it’s only been a day but I was wondering when we could meet up and discuss things further. No pressure but I would really like to meet our daughter. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much already.
From Clarke [4:02 P.M.] - We can meet up for dinner sometime this week to discuss Alex. I plan on talking to her soon. Don’t make me regret this Lexa.
To Clarke [4:03 P.M.] - Thank you so much. And I promise you won’t.
From Clarke [4:10 P.M.] - Attachment 1 Image
From Clarke [4:10 P.M.] - I know I showed you a video of her yesterday, but just in case you wanted a picture. I meant what I said Lexa. You will get to see her, but I’ll be there. Maybe in some time we can talk about unsupervised visits but we are nowhere near that right now.
Lexa’s heart swelled when she saw the picture. She couldn’t stop the few stray tears that fell. This is the second time she’s seen what her daughter looks like and her breath was taken away just as quickly as the first time. Alex is sleepily smiling in the photo. The girl was clad in cute green footie pajamas with her wild soft brown curls pushed over one shoulder. Judging by the video and this picture, Lexa assumes the girl is a bit of a messy eater because in this picture she has some syrup on her face (and in the video yesterday she had ice cream on her cute little cheeks). The pancakes Alex were eating were in the shape of the girl’s name and Lexa wonders if Clarke cooked them (because when Lexa knew her, it was considered a success if Clarke could make some toast without burning it). Lexa sadly smiles at the memory before replying to her ex.
To Clarke [4:12 P.M.] - There are no words. She is perfect Clarke. I can’t thank you enough for being so understanding.
From Clarke [4:15 P.M.] - I’m not doing this for you Lexa. I’m doing this for our daughter.
The words still stung Lexa in the heart. She understood why Clarke was guarding her heart, but it didn’t ease the pain any less.
From Clarke [4:15 P.M.] - Oh and no Anya. I don’t want her around Alex. Not until I know she’s clean and even then I’m not sure.
To Clarke [4:17 P.M.] - I understand completely.
Truth be told, Lexa didn’t want her sister around her daughter either. Lexa loves her sister and she doesn’t regret saving her life for a second but because of Anya’s mistakes, she missed out on so much. She missed out on things that she will never be able to get back. Sure, she can watch a video of Alex’s first steps. Clarke can send her pictures of their daughter until she’s blue in the face, but it’s not the same as being there. Hopefully her and Alex can form a relationship, but even if she does, it won’t stop the resentment she has for her sister. It’ll take some time to heal from these unintentional wounds her sister caused her. Logically, she knows her sister was always just looking out for her. Lexa feels more responsible and guilt than she should. After all, Anya only got into the drug business in the first place to save up to make sure Lexa had a good life. Lexa feels partly responsible for Anya’s actions, even though they were by no means her fault. Maybe someday all the misplaced guilt and very well placed anger can subside and the sisters can be okay again, but that’s a long time away if ever. Lexa is just so mad. Mad at herself. Mad at her sister. Just mad at the world really.
///
“Hey Lexa! A bunch of us are going to try out that new bar Polaris on Main Street after work. Are you in?”
“I’m not sure if I’m in the party mood today Luna. I think I’ll pass.”
“C’mon Lexa it’ll be fun. If you want to leave after a beer or two I’ll pay for the cab myself. Even Roan is coming out! When does Roan ever come out?”
Lexa subtly gritted her teeth. Lexa liked Luna platonically. She could tell the other girl was sporting a bit of a crush on her but it was completely one sided. And after everything that happened with Clarke, she knows she needs to work 210 percent harder to win the girl back. The brunette still loved the blonde - the mother of her child. Wow that still sounds so foreign on her tongue. When she texted Clarke she wasn’t expecting for the blonde to be so open to meeting so quickly. She knows Clarke is only agreeing to see her for the sake of their daughter, but Lexa will never give up on Clarke. She will wait for her even if it means waiting forever.
“Sorry Luna I have to pass. Next time though. Nyko still owes me a beer after he lost that bet last week.”
“Aw well you’ll be missed. Especially by me.”
Luna threw her a wink and went upstairs to go change and shower before heading out. God that girl can't take a hint. Lexa has let her down easy many times. Lexa doesn't mix business with pleasure especially now that Clarke's back in her life (well sorta kinda back in her life). Lexa was never the relationship type except for Clarke. She has had one night stands here and there since Clarke but they never went beyond that. Lexa refused to even entertain the idea of being emotionally intimate with someone else because she knew Clarke was it for her.
///
From Unknown Number [7:50 P.M.] - Hey Lexi it’s Lincoln! I hope you don’t mind I got your number from Clarke. I really want to catch up. A lot of the old high school gang gets together once a month for drinks and dinner at the cafe after hours. We are meeting up this Saturday at 8 if you want to come.
Lexa smiled at the text. To this day, Lexa still considered Lincoln was one of her closest friends. She would love to catch up with him and the rest of the group but the high school gang included Clarke. Lexa's sure Clarke wouldn't want to be anyone near her unless absolutely necessary and exclusively for the sake of Alex. Right?
From Linc [7:51 P.M.] - P.S. I already checked with Clarke and she said it’s okay if that’s what you’re worried about.
Lexa couldn’t lie and say she didn’t miss the group. Hell she even missed Murphy. She always wondered if that kid ended up in jail or the CEO of some mega corporation. Honestly with Murphy it could have gone either way.
Lexa tried not to get to excited about Clarke saying it’s okay for her to come. Was she just saying that to be polite? Maybe Clarke missed her too? No. That’s a dangerous thought. Right now Lexa needed to focus on getting to know her daughter. In the back of her mind though, she hopes Clarke would come around. She still loves Clarke. She’ll never stop and one day she would readily pursue relationship with the blonde again if Clarke was ever willing. Their second chance. The thing is Clarke isn’t ready - at least not now. I mean she told Lexa outright many many times. Lexa is stubborn though. She always has been and always will be. She will give Clarke the space she needs but she won’t leave again. Leaving was the worst mistake of her life and she won’t do it twice.
To Linc [7:53 P.M.] - Hey Linc. Count me in! Should I bring anything?
From Linc [7:54 P.M.] - Nope just your lovely self! I’m so excited to see you again. The rest of the gang is too :)
To Linc [7:57 P.M.] - Even O?
Octavia was always more Clarke’s friend than Lexa’s. Octavia and Lexa got along well until Lexa left. Octavia and Raven were the ones to pick up their friend metaphorically and literally off the floor many many times after the brunette fled with little to no word why. They saw firsthand how much Clarke struggled with Lexa leaving, then the pregnancy, her father’s death, her depression, and the stresses of raising a child while juggling schoolwork. Clarke took it in strides though. The girl was always able to get back up again and fight even though the world kept trying to knock her down. Octavia never thought Lexa would hurt her best friend - her sister - but she couldn't have been more wrong.
Clarke explained as best as she could why Lexa left (without giving away any details about the killing and drugs and gangs of course). Apparently Lexa had a good reason, but she still left and took her sweet ass time coming back when she finally could. Octavia wanted to rip the girl a new one but for the sake of her little niece, and Clarke, and her fiancee, she agreed to behave - for now at least.
From Linc [8:00 P.M.] - You know O, she’s just very protective of Clarke and Alex. Regardless of this whole shit show, everyone misses you (even Clarke although she won’t admit it). I'll see you Saturday. Love you Lex.
The brunette couldn’t help but smile. Lexa cursed herself for tearing up a bit. Lexa was never this emotional. What was wrong with her? These last few days have turned her world upside down. Everything she knew was no longer true. Lexa can’t help imagining her could be family and it creates a rift in her heart. No matter how long it takes, she will do right by her family. Clarke and Alex. She will never leave them again.