You and Me Against the World
An hour later Clarke walks to the lobby dressed in the casual clothes she came to work in. A simple pair of jeans and a black t shirt, but god does she wear them well. She looks as beautiful as the last day Lexa saw her.
///
7 years ago
“Clarke baby I have to go.”
“No stay in bed all day.”
Clarke pulls her half naked girlfriend back onto the plush mattress and quickly straddles her in one swoop.
“You play dirty Griffin.”
The blonde leaned in close and nibbled on the older girl’s ear before huskily whispering to Lexa.
“Last I recalled you like it dirty Woods.”
Lexa shudders at the faint contact and provocative words before grabbing Clarke by the hips and swiftly changing positions so that she’s on top.
“Klark, Abby will be home soon.”
“Live a little Woods.”
And so Lexa lived a little. Three times.
///
“Lex.”
“Hmm”
Lexa’s naked body lays half on Clarke half on the mattress as the older girl softly strokes Clarke’s sweaty blonde hair out of her face. If she could stay like this, lazily kissing and laying around in bed with Clarke for the rest of her life she would. Clarke is her world. The reason she got her shit together. The love of her life. Nothing and no one will ever compare to Clarke Griffin, not for her.
“I love you you know.”
“I love you too babe.”
“It’s going to be such a weird feeling not seeing you in the halls everyday. I’m going to miss you.”
Lexa positions herself so she can stare into those gorgeous blue eyes she loves so much as she tenderly cups Clarke’s face.
“I’m not going anywhere baby. Polis Police Academy is only 15 minutes from your school. You’ll see my everyday when I pick you up from school. If anything you’ll get sick of me with how much time I plan on spending with you.”
“Yeah you’re right. You’re super clingy woman I need my space.”
Clarke giggles and playfully pushes Lexa’s shoulder. The brunette mocks offense before grabbing her girlfriend’s wrists and pinning them over her head, peppering hard kisses all over the blonde’s face.
“Take it back before I kiss you to death.”
“God you’re such a dork Lex.”
Lexa stops her ‘attack’ and looks down at the flushed laughing beautiful girl beneath her. Her eyes are engulfed in love and adoration and Lexa instantly feels warm just by staring into them. She feels at home. Because that’s what Clarke is. Her home.
“I really do love you Clarke.”
“I love you too Lex. Now kiss me some more before my mom gets home.”
Abby came home 15 minutes later and Clarke and Lexa got dressed in record time. Abby stayed downstairs for another 10 minutes, obviously trying to give the girls some privacy to change. Clarke’s mother wasn’t an idiot. The amount of times Clarke and Lexa came downstairs with flushed faces and bed hair was too many to count.
Lexa stayed over for dinner and then Clarke and her watched Pulp Fiction, Lexa’s favorite, before the brunette headed home. Lexa heatedly kissed her girlfriend on the porch until Abby loudly and intentionally started coughing, causing Lexa’s face to grow red with embarrassment as Clarke heartily laughed. They said their goodbyes and parted ways. Neither girls realize that their brief ‘I love you’s’ would be the last thing they would say to each other for years.
///
“Clarke.”
“Lexa.”
For a moment, the two girls just stood there drinking in each other’s presence. Lexa’s eyes were still bright, but they were tinged with sadness. The girl had bags under her eyes like she didn’t sleep at all last night (which she didn’t thanks to her thoughts about a certain blonde).
“Do you want to maybe go somewhere where we can talk?”
“Yeah we shouldn’t talk here. Octavia owns a cafe around the block. We can go there.”
“Okay. Lead the way”
The walk was quiet but the silence said enough to fill pages and pages. Lexa still couldn’t believe that Clarke was right next to her. Clarke Griffin. She looks the same but the innocence and peace of mind the girl usually carried with her was no longer present. Clarke was grown. It was amazing to see the blonde as a fully grown mature adult. Lexa imagined Clarke over the years, but to see the 24 year old version of her love in person was almost too much. It made her sad as much as it did proud because she missed out on all the moments that brought Clarke here. Lexa only hoped she wouldn’t miss anymore.
They entered the cafe and Clarke told her to grab a table as she went to go greet Octavia. From the corner of her eye, Lexa saw Octavia’s shocked expression turn to a full blown scowl. Octavia looked ready to attack but thankfully Clarke held her back.
“Lexa?!”
Lexa turned to see the big brute of a man that is Lincoln Forest. She wanted to reach out to her old best friend as soon as she came back to town, but she knew reaching out to him would mean reaching out to Clarke. She heard awhile back that him and Octavia were engaged. So if she contacted Lincoln, news of her being back in town would eventually get back to Clarke. And she couldn’t have that. No. She needed to be the one to tell Clarke. Now she can only kick herself in the ass for waiting so long.
“Hey Lincoln.”
Lincoln ran over to her and enveloped her in a warm hug. At least one person didn’t seem to hate her.
“I can’t believe you’re here. I was starting to think you were dead Woods! How are you?”
“I’m fine Linc. It’s good to see you. You look so grown up.”
“Yeah you too Woods. You look great. You’re here with Clarke?! Is Alex here too?
“Alex? Who’s Alex?”
“Oh uh shit no one. My bad. I’m sorry.”
Lincoln was acting really strange. Who’s Alex? Maybe a boyfriend of Clarke’s? At that thought Lexa’s heart sunk. Of course Clarke had moved on. It would only make sense. She didn’t want Lincoln to feel bad for slipping up and mentioning this ‘Alex’ character though. She was the one who should be doing all the apologizing after all.
“I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I left without saying goodbye.”
Octavia and Clarke are now behind her listening to the last part of Lincoln and Lexa’s reunion.
“Seems like you’re sorry for a lot of things.”
“Octavia stop.” Lincoln gently scolds his fiancee pleading with her not to explode on the obviously distraught brunette in front of them. Lincoln was afraid that if they pushed too hard, Lexa would disappear again. And more than anything, he just wanted his best friend back.
Lincoln was in and out of the system his whole life. His mother Indra struggled with alcoholism in his early years before getting sober when he was 11. Indra worked her ass off to get back custody and now works as a social worker. Lincoln was one of the good stories to come out of the foster care system. The system is also where he met Lexa. Lincoln was a scared six year old in his first foster home when Anya fought off one of the older kids who was bullying him. Ever since then, Lincoln and Anya and Lexa were close. Even when he got out of the system the three of them were inseperable. So yeah it hurt like a bitch when they left him without a word. But Lincoln rolls with the punches and knew they would come back. He knew they must of had their reasons and boy did they.
“Okay let’s just give Lexa and Clarke some time to talk. If you want to go upstairs you can. Hardly anyone ever goes up there until the dinner rush.”
“Thanks Linc. I’ll talk to you later?”
“Of course Lexa. I want to know what you’ve been up to the last 7 years.”
“Don’t we all.” Clarke mutters under her breath. Lincoln and Octavia don’t hear it, but Lexa does. Lexa always hears Clarke.
///
Clarke and Lexa grab two coffees and make their way up stairs to the deserted section of the cafe. Thankfully, no one is up there so they can talk in private. Lexa doesn’t know where to begin. Clarke seems to have read her mind though.
“You can start by explaining why you left.”
“Okay. You know how Anya used to sell for Cage and the rest of the Mount Weather gang?”
Clarke quirked her eyebrow but nonetheless nodded, waiting for Lexa to continue to see where she was going with this.
“Well apparently she started up again. She wanted to make some extra cash to help out with the academy, but then something went wrong. And everything went to hell.”
///
7 years ago
Lexa had just left Clarke’s house after yet another Quentin Tarantino movie night. She was about to pull out of Clarke’s driveway when she got an incoming call from Anya.
“Hey Anya. I know I’m late. I’m sorry I was at Clarke’s and -”
“This isn’t your sister kid.
“Wait who is this?! Why do you have my sister’s phone?”
“Doesn’t matter who I am. What matters is that your sister owes us ten grand. Now you’re gonna bring down the cash tonight or else your sister’s dead and her debts will be transferred over to you anyways. No cops Lexa.”
The phone went dead.
///
“Oh my god. What did you do Lexa? You obviously didn’t have that kind of money.”
“I did what I had to Clarke.”
“Which was?”
“I kept my sister safe like she always kept me safe.”
///
7 years ago
Lexa was pacing her apartment unsure of what to do. She already went to the bank and took out the five grand she had saved up from working as a waitress at Grounders. She took the $500 emergency cash fund that Anya hid in her sock drawer, but she was still $4,500 short. She was fucked. She couldn’t let her sister die. She knew if she just had more time she could find a way to get her hands on the cash. But she had no time.
Maybe if she could just talk to them? No. There’s no talking to criminals but she had to try. For her sister, she had to try.
Lexa entered the seemingly abandoned warehouse a quarter past 1 a.m. Her body went cold, the blood in her veins frozen when she saw Anya. She was beaten and battered. Much worse than anything Lexa ever witnessed while they were in the system.
Anya had burns covering her shoulders and deep lacerations scattered across her arms with blood staining her tan skin. Her face was covered in sweat as her jaw clenched to avoid from screaming as one of the savage gangsters branded her again on the shoulder. They were torturing her.
“GET THE FUCK OFF OF HER!”
Lexa tried to make her presence tough, but all she really did was piss of the brute.
“Cage the bitch’s sister finally arrived.”
“Alright Emerson that’s enough with the burns.”
Cage Wallace strutted out of the shadows like the snake he is. His smirk instantly made Lexa feel disgusted. Like she need a shower. She felt violated as he gave her the glance over, liking what he saw.
“Lexa Woods. Do you have what I asked?”
“I have a little over five grand. If you give me a few days I can get the rest I promise.”
“No.”
“Please. You only gave me two hours to come up with the money.”
“Anya has been a problem for quite some time. At first, she was using the product on herself. Not making enough profit. But what can you expect from a no good junkie right? It just comes with the business. But then. Then she messed up the pickup of my new shipment. I mean what idiot lets the cops intercept one of our biggest deliveries to date huh?”
Cage punches Anya in the face. The ring on his finger causes a deep new cut to form on the girl’s face. It takes everything in Lexa not to lunge at him.
“So really Ms. Woods, I just wanted you to repay your sister’s debt before I killed you both. Quite frankly, the Woods have been a pain in my ass for far too long.”
Lexa’s family always ran deep with the Mount Weathers. Lexa’s father was one of their top dealers before he got caught selling and was sent to jail. Lexa’s father died a week later in lockup. They said it was a fight with an inmate, but what Lexa and Anya didn’t know was that it was the Mount Weathers. They didn’t want Lexa’s dad talking to the cops. So they got rid of him before he could. Lexa was only four.
Then there was Gustus Woods. Gustus was 19 when he died. He didn’t sell for the Mount Weathers, but he certainly bought from them every chance he got. Gustus died at one of the Mount Weathers parties so they dumped him on the opposite side of town to throw off suspicion from them.
Now there was Anya. A dealer and a user of the Mount Weathers product. And Lexa. An innocent thrown into the game just because of her last name.
Cage pulled out a gun ready to shoot Anya when Lexa grabbed one of the torture tools Emerson was using and hit Cage straight in the temple. He hit the ground and the room went silent. Lexa’s eyes grew wide and terror took over her whole body. Her whole world slowed down as she saw the crimson red liquid pour from the gangster’s fresh head wound. She hit him so hard and in such a sensitive location. There was no way he would survive such a blow. All she wanted was to stop him from killing his sister. She didn’t mean to - she didn’t want to.
The only other people in the room were Emerson and Anya thankfully. Emerson was frozen in shock for a moment. They didn’t bring more back up tonight because they thought this would be a simple job. Cage never thought he would be taken down by some high school kid. In fact, he was so confident that he committed the cardinal sin and turned his back on his enemy giving Lexa the perfect opportunity to strike.
Emerson lunged forward and punched Lexa square in the jaw. The brunette fell to ground in pain as he squeezed her neck, extracting almost all of the air out of the girl’s windpipe. Lexa was starting to see black dots form. She passed out a few seconds later.
///
“Lexa I had no idea. What happened after you passed out?”
Before she could stop herself, Clarke reached out for Lexa’s hand to calm the distraught girl in front of her. Clarke had no idea what the older girl had been through. The blonde feels sick to her stomach from this information. After all this time of being angry at Lexa. Blaming her and trying so hard (but failing miserably) to hate her. Now she just feels selfish for only thinking of her feelings. For thinking that Lexa would leave her for no good reason.
“When I woke up, Anya was cleaning the warehouse of our prints. She got free of her restraints and shot Emerson before he could kill me. She said that Cage was dead when she checked his pulse. I - I killed him Clarke. I swear I didn’t mean to but he had a gun pointed at my sister. I acted out of instinct. I needed to save her. I did what I had to. I -”
Lexa stopped mid sentence as she cursed herself for crying. She promised herself she wouldn’t cry when she was explaining the story. Truthfully, the image of her blood stained hands still haunts her dreams from time to time.
Clarke knelt next to her chair and embraced the older woman in a warm desperate hug. This wasn’t a lustful or romantic touch. No. This was about comfort. This was about wordlessly telling Lexa that she was brave and strong and that no matter what she’s still here for her.
“Look at me Lexa. You’re not some cold blooded killer. You’re right. You did what you had to. You didn’t enjoy it. You didn’t want to. But shit happens. Ok? You’re ok. Shh don’t cry.”
Clarke was still pissed. Royally pissed. There were still so SO many unanswered questions. For starters, why did she wait so long to contact her? But there were still more pressing questions at hand.
Once Lexa stopped crying and cleaned herself up a bit. They began again.
“So what happened after that?”
“Anya said that they would send people for us. She said that Cage was high up in ranking. Mount Weathers was lead by Cage’s father Dante Wallace. So killing his son and his favorite lackey definitely would put us on his list. She said there was no way of knowing if anyone else knew about their meet up with Anya and me so the best option was to run. If we stayed and they figured out it was us, they wouldn’t just kill us Clarke. They would kill anyone we were close to. So that would include you. That’s when I knew I needed to leave. It’s one thing if my life was in danger, but the second Anya said you’re life might be on the line if we stayed, I knew I had to leave. I never thought we were going to be able to come back. Anya said we couldn’t contact a soul, but when she was packing the car, I called you. It was late so I got your voicemail. And I knew that was going to be the last thing you heard me say. I cried the whole drive to Louisiana. I cried for days and weeks later until I had no more tears left. Until I was literally dehydrated.”
Clarke was speechless. If she was standing, her knees surely would have given out. Out of all the reasons she thought up of why Lexa left, she never thought it would be this dark. This twisted.
“So how are you back now? I’m assuming it’s safe now.”
Clarke wasn’t going to risk her daughter’s safety under any circumstances. If Lexa was still on some gang’s hit list, she would never let her see their daughter. Not in a million years.
“Dane Wallace died two years ago. He was an old man so it wasn’t much of a surprise. But since his heir was dead, there was a lot of fighting within the organization about who would take over the reins. The Mount Weathers weren’t as strong and as ruthless as they once were. Some even said Dante grew soft in his old age. So when there was a civil war brewing within, a rival gang the Skaikru took them out. It was a massacre. The whole gang was taken out. I’m sure you heard about it on the news.”
“Yeah I remember that happening. My mom was at the hospital for two days trying to save them but she lost everyone. She was really hard on herself.”
“After that, we knew it was safe to come back or at least contact people.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I was scared. I know that’s not a good excuse but I was scared to see you again after all these years. I didn’t want to cause you anymore unnecessary pain.”
“Don’t you see Lexa? You not coming back as soon as you could caused me unnecessary pain.”
“I’m so sorry Clarke.”
“This is a lot of information to process. I need some time.”
“Of course. I’ll wait for you Clarke. For however long it takes.”
“Lexa I’ll always be your friend. But I don’t want you waiting for me. I can’t be with you like that again. I’m sorry. I know you did what you had to and I don’t blame you. But so much has happened since I was 17. So much you know nothing about.”
It would be a lie to say that Clarke’s words didn’t hurt Lexa. I mean all things considering, Clarke was taking this very well. Lexa was shocked that she didn’t have scalding coffee thrown in her face yet. That’s when she remembered what Lincoln said downstairs. Clarke is with someone named Alex. She needed to know more details, but she didn’t want to push the younger girl. The thought of Clarke with someone new made her sad, but she understood. It had been 7 years. She couldn't expect to waltz back into the blonde's open arms.
“I understand your hesitation Clarke. I just want to be in your life in whatever way you’ll allow me. I want to get to know you again.”
“I’m still so mad Lexa. Maybe a little irrationally mad I’ll admit. But shit Lexa! This was so much easier when I thought this was all your fault. Now it’s not as simple and I have process the fact that I was wrongly blaming you for 7 years for abandoning me, for leaving me alone to rai-”
Clarke furiously shook her head, cutting off the rest of her sentence. Hopefully Lexa didn’t pick up on the last sentence, but of course she did.
“For leaving you alone to do what Clarke?”
Clarke looked up into Lexa’s big curious eyes and it instantly reminded her of her daughter’s eyes whenever she just asked her mom a question, which was often. Her daughter was a very attentive and curious girl.
“Lexa. A lot has changed since you left.”
“I know that’s why I want to -”
“No. I let you tell your story now you have to let me. No interruptions.”
“Okay.”
“When you left I was heartbroken.”
Clarke started off with a shaky voice as if she had to forcibly pull each word from mouth. Her hands were slightly shaking and she refused to make eye contact with Lexa. Lexa knew whatever she was about to say must have been big.
“I didn’t know why you left all I know was that you were gone and you said you were never coming back. I shut down for a couple weeks. Refused to leave my room. I felt like shit, emotionally and physically. I thought it was because you left, but then when the sickness wouldn’t go away I realized it was something else.”
Clarke finally glanced up at Lexa who was curious and concerned, encouraging her to continue. She obviously didn’t understand where this was going. The blonde deeply exhaled and pinched her nose before she continued.
“I - I was. I realized that I was - I was -”
Lexa could tell Clarke was struggling to tell her something. She reached out for Clarke’s hand but the blonde instantly flinched from the touch. The rejection hit Lexa right in the heart.
“Clarke it’s okay. You can tell me anything.”
Clarke was silent for a minute, trying to figure out how to phrase this. She decided to just come out with it, to rip the band aid off.
“I was pregnant Lexa.”
Lexa’s whole world fell. Her mind was in a haze and her body felt very heavy. The blood in her veins pumped furiously, her heart beat was erratic and wild. Her heart was shattering right in her chest, she could feel it. Clearly, she wasn’t expecting to hear that.
“Did you keep - I mean what did you do?”
“If you’re asking me if I carried the baby to term, I did.”
“A baby. We - we made a baby?”
Lexa’s eyes were filled with tears again. She had a child out there somewhere. Did Clarke keep the baby? She had so many questions. Lexa didn’t know what she was feeling. Her and Clarke made a little person. This tiny human was a part of them. She felt awe and fear and anger for not being there and sadness and even a little excitement. Lexa couldn’t control the few tears that rolled down her cheek as she tried to process the new information.
“Her name is Alexandria.”
“You - you named her after.. me?”
Lexa looked up at Clarke with wide eyes. They have a girl. A girl named Alexandria. They made an actual child together.
“Yes.”
“Did you keep her?”
“Yes. She’s six years old. She looks exactly like you Lex.”
“Can I - do you think it would be okay if I maybe met her?”
“I wouldn’t have told her about her if I wasn’t going to let you see her. But I need you to promise me you’re not leaving again Lexa. This isn’t about us. That ship sailed a long time ago. But Alex. I refuse to let you hurt her. I know you leaving was out of your control but you still waited a year to make contact again. And that was only after I ran into Anya. I don’t trust you like I used to. I need some time. We can set up a meet up, but I need some time first to tell Alex. It’ll be her decision.”
It hurt Lexa that Clarke didn’t trust her, but what hurt her more is that she has a child she never met. She missed out on six years of her little girl’s life. When she was a kid, Lexa felt so alone. Both of her parents were dead. She never knew what it was like to have two happy parents. Her mother died in childbirth and her father died when she was 4. Lexa promised herself that if she ever had kids, she would be there for them. She would be there for their first steps, their first words, their first day of school. She would be there for every second of every day. And now she’s missed so much. Lexa wants to cry. Her heart is breaking more so than it ever has before.
“Of course Clarke. I understand, but can I see a picture of her?”
Clarke pulled out her phone to show Lexa a video of a girl with familiar emerald green eyes and chestnut brown hair. She’s beautiful. The girl was wearing a purple sundress and white sandals with her cute little toes peeking out. Alexandria, that’s her name, was laughing as Clarke tickled her and wiped off some ice cream from her face. She looked so happy. So at peace. She was perfect. There were no words to explain this indescribable feeling Lexa was experiencing.
Lexa was watching a video of the love of her life and a daughter she never knew she had. She was an outsider looking in at a family that was so familiar but also so foreign. This was suppose to be her family. She should be in that video too. But instead, she’s a third person party. Her daughter doesn’t know her. Her daughter. Anger starts to bubble up in her chest. She missed out on her daughter’s whole life. Her daughter who is so beautiful and graceful. She is entranced and she’s only seen a one minute video of her. Lexa doesn’t even realize she’s full out crying until she feels Clarke’s embrace again.
“I know this is a lot to take in. It’s a little past 5 so I need to go home and cook Alex dinner. But take my number. You can text me and we will meet up again to discuss this further. You’re her mother too Lex. I have no intention of keeping her from you, but I need some time. I need to talk to Alex and I need to talk some more with you. I need to figure out what’s best for our daughter. She will always come first Lexa.”
“I understand. I’m so fucking sorry Clarke. I - I didn’t know. I would have never left. I would have found a way to stay. I - I. Fuck! I left you alone to raise our daughter. We have a daughter Clarke. And she’s so beautiful and she has my eyes and your laugh and my hair and your smile. She’s ours, but I wasn’t here. I wasn’t here and now she doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know where her eyes come from. She doesn’t know me and I don’t know her.”
Clarke might be pissed off but it still hurts her heart to see Lexa like this. Clarke has always had compassion and empathy. And she knows how much family means to Lexa. This must be breaking the poor girl’s heart apart even more so than it already was. So just for this one moment, she’s going to push aside her own feelings. She hugs Lexa until her tears stop. Clarke cups Lexa’s cheeks and looks into her deep green eyes.
“You will know her Lexa and she will know you. I promise.”
Lexa sniffles and meets Clarke’s gaze.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
Clarke places a soft kiss on the brunette’s forehead and grabs her purse and gets ready to leave when Lexa grabs her wrist.
“I really am sorry Clarke.”
“I know. I am too. Goodbye Lex.”
“Goodbye Clarke.”