The Love
It was a Thursday morning – Bridget hadn’t slept well the night before and she was now standing under the shower head, water streaming on her face in an effort to wake herself up. Franky had already showered and dressed and was down in the kitchen making coffee (or at least that is what it had smelled like before Bridget had stepped into the shower)
“Gidget”.. she thought she heard and she stopped to pause, but then didn’t make anything else out so she carried on with her quest to wake herself up. Franky then appeared in the doorway of the bathroom and stood near the open plan shower, just far enough back to ensure that she didn’t get splashed. “Gidget”, Franky said again. “Your phone is going nuts”.
“Who is it?” Bridget responded through the fall of water. “Ummm, it’s a private number… but they’ve rung like three times”. Bridget could see from the phone that Franky held in her hand that it was her work phone. Before Bridget could ask Franky responded “and they haven’t left any message – its not saying you have a voicemail”.
That’s stange, Bridget thought. Wentworth was a private number, maybe it was someone there. But who would be calling her now. She stepped out of the shower and started to towel dry her lithe body. As she dried her hands, she picked up her watch from the bathroom vanity, and as the clipped it on her wrist, checked the time – ten minutes past seven. Franky handed her the phone, which she put next to her make up box on the vanity bench in case it rang again.
Was it Vera?? Bridget thought. She knew she had been putting in crazy hours lately and was having a crisis of confidence as Ferguson continued to place pressure on her and make her second guess everything. Will Jackson, her deputy was not exactly helping the Ferguson situation, leaving himself wide open for an allegation that he had orchestrated or in fact inflicted a ganging on Ferguson – but she was still denying that the rape had happened so things were safe for now.
Franky, make up already done, started to do her hair as Bridget came back into the bathroom, dressed, ready to do her makeup. Franky loved to watch, in the mirror, the look of concentration on Bridget’s face when she did so. Both women heard Bridget's personal mobile ringing from the bedroom, Franky looked at Bridget in the mirror “Jesus you’re popular this morning”.
Bridget headed towards the bedroom and as she grabbed it, saw Vera’s name on the screen.
Bridget answered the phone and put it on speaker. As she did, she looked at Franky in the mirror reflection and put her finger to her lips – and she mouthed “shh”. Bridget was certain that Vera knew she continued a relationship with Franky, but did not want to place her in anymore of a difficult position than she was. Franky nodded in understanding.
“Vera” Bridget said brightly, as she placed the phone on the bathroom vanity and applied primer to her face.
“Bridget”, Vera sounded somewhat flustered. “Sorry for um calling you so early…. I don’t like to call you on your personal phone for work business.. oh that is why I’m calling .. but I couldn’t get through.. on the umm.. work phone ”.
“That’s fine Vera”, Bridge said as she waited for the primer to set “ – but why are you in so early, you need to be careful that you don’t burn yourself out, its…”
Vera cut Bridget off as she interjected quite curtly “I’m in early as there was an attempted suicide overnight. I’ve been here since 4 am”. Silence.
“Oh God Vera, it it someone I’m treating?”, Bridget felt a wave of dread come over her as she placed the lid back on the bottle of foundation she had just applied to her face.
“ahhh yes” Vera responded sounding somewhat hesitant.
“Fuck” thought Bridget, just what she didn’t need at the moment.
“…and that’s why I’m ringing” Vera added, just as Bridget turned the water faucet on, making an audible noise.
“Am I .. ahhh… on speaker phone?” Vera asked, her voice higher pitched than normal.
“oh yeah, sorry Vera, I’m just in the middle of getting ready”, Bridget added, as Franky made a face at Bridget.
“So, which prisoner was it?” Bridget asked, continuing to apply her makeup so she didn’t fall behind her morning schedule.
“ahh, Bridget.. are you ummm. Is…. Ahhh..Look is there anyone else there?” Vera questioned. Bridget knew full well she was referring to Franky. Franky made another face, impersonating Vera with her indecisiveness and the way she was stumbling over her words.
Bridget let out a breath. She didn’t want to lie. “Yes” Bridget said simply, knowing full well that Vera would know it was Franky.
“Pick up the phone please”, Vera said quite abruptly.
“I’m sorry.” Bridget responded, taken aback and not quite expecting either the words or the tone that came from Vera’s mouth.
“Look, I’m sorry Bridget, it’s been a difficult morning. I’ve been on and off the phone with the emergency department and intensive care unit at The Royal Melbourne hospital all morning, but can you take me off speaker please”. Vera sounded worn, but Bridget sensed there was justification in her request.
Franky looked at Bridget, as she mouthed “What the Fuck” and screwed up her face in typical Franky fashion.
Bridget did so. “OK” she said “your off speaker”.
“Its Chang… Kim Chang” Vera said cooly without any further comment.
“Oh Fuck” Bridget responded, trying not to give anything away in her expression as Franky looked at her expectantly.
“Yes, that’s why I wanted you off speaker phone” Vera responded.
“So how serious is it, what did she use?”.
“I don’t know for certain at this stage, but its some blade of sorts. Whether someone planted it in her cell or whether she took it from someone, we don’t know”.
“But who in H2 would do that to her?”, Bridget responded.
Franky spun around suddenly, eyes as wide as saucers. Immediately Bridget regretted mentioning the cell block.
“What…” Franky mouthed at her. Bridget put her hand up.
“Was it drugs again?" Bridget queried. Again, regretting her choice of words given Franky’s involvement in the traffic of drugs into the prison. Bridget has also told her nothing of Chang’s demise and her now drug addiction.
“Look I don’t know at this stage, but likely. I mean you’ve seen what she has been like. More and more have been getting in, I don’t know what has happened to Bea Smith but she seems to have dropped the ball.” Vera responded. Bridget agreed but was reluctant to say anything further given that Franky was hanging on her every word in an attempt to deduce what had happened.
Vera continued to talk “Look Bridget, I know that you are not exactly Chang’s favourite person… for ahhhmm.. obvious reasons” Vera said as she cleared her throat.
Bridget thought back to the time when Chang had abused her in front of Vera and the word rang in her ears as she then proceeded to try to out her to Vera, who was supervising in the exercise yard.
“….But the hospital have requested someone internal go to the hospital to meet with their internal psych department. That’s why I was ringing,,, to see if you can go straight there this morning” Vera asked.
“I should be able to… what hospital is she at again?” Bridget asked. Franky’s eyes again shot Bridget a look. She knew that if the hospital was involved that it must be serious as otherwise, the internal medical facility at Wentworth handled it.
Bridget tried to ignore Franky’s piercing gaze.
Vera responded and started rattling off the details of where Kim Chang was, along with one of the guards. “Even though she is incapacitated we aren’t taking any chances…. I don’t think the board will ever recover from Bea Smith’s escape from hospital”.
‘No no, understandable” Bridget responded. “I should be able to get there – but it’s across the other side of town, it will take me a while in the morning traffic.”.
“I’ll let them know you will be coming” Vera responded.
“And, umm.. you will obviously keep this confidential…” Vera said, but they both knew Vera was referring to Bridget not telling Franky.
“Yes, of course” Bridget responded, not knowing how she was going to get away with not telling Franky, whose eyes had continued to widen by the second and who was continuing to make gestures and mouth things at Bridget despite her best attempts to ignore them.
“Come and see me when you are in” Vera said, again somewhat abruptly. “I mean..” Vera said, her voice, going down an octave “Will you please let me know when you get it in and come by my office”.
“Sure” Bridget responded, she could sense the tension in Vera’s voice.
Bridget almost did not want to finish the conversation with Vera as she knew she would be met by a more difficult one with Franky.
“So…” Franky looked at her expectantly. “Who was it?”.
“Franky, you know the deal, I can’t talk to you about other inmates”. Bridget responded. “Its confidential”.
“Gidge, that’s bullshit and you know it. You tell me lots of stuff that you aren’t meant to tell me” Franky added, Bridget sensing her irritation.
Bridget knew she was right. She couldn’t help but tell Franky things that ordinarily would be mundane and mean nothing to a partner, but Franky knew the context, knew the prisoners about which she was talking so it was difficult to only give nondescript explanations as to her day. Plus she trusted Franky implicitly. But Chang ... she wasn't sure how Franky would react.
Franky shot Bridget another look and added “Well are you going to tell me or not?”
Bridge breathed out as she spun around to face Franky.
“Franky… I can’t”, and before the words had even left her mouth, she could see Franky’s frustration.
It was not necessarily that Vera had asked her not to tell Franky – as she had no doubt told Franky many things she shouldn’t have. If it was any other prisoner, she would have. But Kim Chang. Bridget couldn’t help but remember the day she was doing Chang’s admission (or readmission as she found out it later was), and the way Chang had jumped off the bench, out of the door and into Franky’s arms the minute that she had seen Franky.
Bridget couldn’t shake the pang of jealousy she still felt – remembering only too well, the same feeling when she saw Chang fly into Franky’s arms. She was certain her face had given her away that day. Bridget, who was usually a master at concealing her emotions and reactions had been caught off guard. She had wanted to get Chang away, far away from Franky Doyle, the inmate who, at the time was flirting with her profusely, which she had realized she did not want to stop.
Bridget had not wanted to look, but could not look away. She had not wanted to see the way that Kim looked at Franky and she was scared to see the way that Franky looked back Kim. She remembered, looking down was the only way she could steal her eyes away from the scene that was unfolding. Granted, Franky hardly welcomed her with open arms, but she could tell there was a history there – about which Franky had been open and honest with Bridget since her release.
“Fucking hell Gidget” Franky spat, as she walked out of the bathroom and headed back towards the kitchen, snapping Bridget back to the moment and she then followed Franky towards the kitchen to collect her coffee. If she was going to make it to the hospital on time, she would only have time for a coffee.
She toyed with the idea of telling Franky. But didn’t want to. Didn’t want to talk about Kim Chang with her. She was having a hard enough time managing Chang at work and was getting nowhere with her therapy sessions with her – which Chang insisted on maintaining, and always steering back to allegations of her relationship with Franky and losing Franky to Bridget.
Bridget met Franky in the kitchen. “Look I’m sorry Gidge, I guess I’m just worried about the girls”… “H2 was my old cell block… and you now how it is inside… you end up like family”. Franky’s eyes pleaded with Bridget’s
Bridget immediately felt for Franky as she remembered one of the many conversations they had about her surviving on the inside when Franky had told her that until Bridget had come along the girls had been all she had – Liz, Doreen, Boomer and later Bea had become her family.
“Look, darling, It’s not one of your girls”.
“Oh, so it’s a new person then?” Franky asked.
Bridget didn’t want to lie “Look, Franky, I can’t tell you, I’m sorry.”
She could tell Franky was irritated but she dropped it – which, Bridget thought, meant one of two things – either she was over it or she was going to deal with it her way – which Bridget had learnt she couldn’t control and just had to let Franky Doyle do what Franky Doyle was going to do.
************************************************************
As Bridget arrived home she saw Franky’s legs hanging over the side of the couch.
“So”, Franky called from the couch, before she had even made eye contact with Bridget. “Why didn’t you tell me it was Kim Chang?”, as Bridget shut the door behind her.
“Umm, sorry”, Bridget responded, it was either a lucky guess or she knew something. But Bridget wasn’t about to fall into a trap if it was the former.
“Gidge, don’t bullshit with me. I know it was Chang”. Franky responded.
“And how do you know that?”, Bridget said, irritation evident in her voice as she put her things down on the kitchen bench and undid her hair.
“I spoke to Dor today”, Franky responded as she got up off the couch.
“So you….” Bridget started, kicking her heels off and putting them to one side;
“went behind my back”, opening the fridge door on a hunt for a bottle of wine;
“and got hold of one of the women in Wentworth …because you just had to know”, Bridget responded, her voice growing louder and more accusatory with each word.
“For fucks sake Franky”, Bridget said as she slammed the fridge door shut, empty handed.
“No, don’t you for fucks sake me” Franky responded.
“For one, Dor tried to call me last week to sort out some shit with Nash. I tried to get a hold of her but couldn’t and she called me back again this arvo and told me that Kim tried to top herself.. she said it was pretty bad..”
Franky trailed off, waiting for confirmation in Bridget’s answer as she got up off the couch.
“Franky, I told you, I am not going to talk to you about it”.
“Why not… if it was anyone else you would” Franky responded.
Franky was becoming angry, Bridget could tell by the way she was holding her hands in front of her, almost making a fist with her left hand as she spoke.
“I’ve told you… its confidential” Bridget said matter of factly, as calmly as she could, trying to shut down the conversation.
“Don’t try that shit on me Gidget, we both know that you didn’t want to tell me because of my involvement with her”, Franky challenged.
“Involvement … is that what you are calling it now???”, Bridget spat back, eyebrows raised and regretting the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. I sound like a jealous fucking 19 year old, she thought to herself as she tried to get a hold of her emotions.
“Really???” Franky said, as she shook her head, looking disappointed as she let out a big sigh.
“Look, I didn’t want to worry you” Bridget responded, grasping at straws.
“I call bullshit” Franky said, spinning around to look Bridget in the eye.
Bridget stood there, not responding. Fuck Franky knew her so well, she thought.
“For fucks sake Bridget, I don’t know why you just didn’t bloody tell me”, Franky said, challenging Bridget.
Bridget knew why and she was pretty sure Franky knew why. But she couldn’t bring herself to say it out aloud.
“Franky”, Bridget responded cooly, trying to distance herself and calling upon her skills as a therapist to remain neutral and to withdraw her emotion.
“No… don’t you do that” Franky responded, sounding hurt. “Don’t you start talking like THAT”. Bridget could sense the upset in Franky’s voice. Franky was right, she thought.
“Fuck Gidget, I’m a big girl, yes I have a history, but I did what I needed to do to stay inside, you know all of that. I’ve told you before, I never had any feelings for Chang, yes it was fun, yes we fucked, she was a distraction, a release in prison..”.
Franky looked expectantly at Bridget who stood there, appearing indifferent, not responding but unbeknownst to Franky, was fighting to retain her composure as she rubbed her forehead. “Fuck” Bridget thought “How did I manage to royally fuck this up”.
“For fucks sake Bridget, what do I have to do.. what do I have to say…” Franky demanded as she met Bridget’s eyes.
Bridget knew what she was feeling was ridiculous. But she was so scared of losing Franky. Even though their relationship was strong, at times, she was plagued by a niggling doubt in her mind, which overtook her. It said more about her and her insecurities than it did about Franky and anything that she had ever done.
She was never good at jealousy, it was the one thing she didn’t do well and struggled to hide.
She stood there looking at Franky, who was growing wilder by the minute as she appeared to grow more irate at Bridget’s lack of response. Bridget was floundering, floundering with her own emotions and how to respond.
Franky’s arms were flying wildly around before she slammed her right hand on the kitchen counter, Bridget jumping
“I don’t give a fucking shit about Kim Chang…..... I am in love with you” Franky yelled across the kitchen, her voice starting to break.
The words, reaching Bridget’s ears almost in slow motion as she stood there unable to move. She looked at Franky, who also appeared unable to move, her hand still planted in the place on the bench she had slammed it against moments earlier.
The air was still, neither Bridget nor Franky moved. It was as if time had stopped, or slowed. The physical distance across the kitchen between them seemed much greater than it actually was. Bridget felt her ears almost burning, her stomach churning, her heart bursting as she processed the words she, deep down had longed to hear come from Franky’s mouth.
Franky and Bridget stood, looking at each other, still neither moving.
Franky swallowed and more calmly added “I said”, pausing to sniff “ …. I’m in love with you Gidget”. She walked over to Bridget and pulled her roughly towards her and kissed her with a sense of urgency, which then became more gentle, a kiss of longing, of release, of tenderness, of love.
“And I am in love with you”, Bridget responded, voice breathy and labored as she kissed Franky back.
How long they kissed for, neither new. Time was irrelevant. As Franky gently broke their kiss, they stood. Lips millimeters from each others’ face and Franky started to smile “Well I’m glad we’ve got that sorted out” she said, Bridget let out a smile and a gentle laugh.
“I’m so sorry Franky” she said, looking Franky squarely in the eye. “its just…” but before she could finish, Franky had placed a finger gently on Bridget’s lips.
‘I know… I know… its ok” Franky said, silencing Bridget.
Franky leaned back and opened the freezer door with one hand, and produced a bottle of white wine “Were you looking for this by chance?”, flashing her trademark Franky grin.
Bridge smiled, slightly embarrassed by her behavior of a few moments earlier.
“Well, there wasn’t any cold in the fridge so I thought I’d cool this one down for you… I had an inkling you would be on the lookout for a vino when you got home”, Franky smiled.
“Uhh, you’ve got no idea..” Bridget said, smiling back at Franky as she cracked the seal on the bottle of wine.