The Understanding - Part 1
The panic button… “again…” Bridget thought. She didn’t know what the women were playing at and wondered if it was again, Doreen trying to make a stand, prove a point or God knows Bridget thought, slightly irritated. Bridget didn’t have access to any CCTV from her screen, nor was there a guard in earshot to hear their radio.
She needed to head up to Vera’s office to deliver her assessment of Tasha. Reaching into her bottom draw to pull out her keys, she then wondered if she should in fact be on the move when the panic button was still sounding. This was only the second time she had heard it since staring at Wentworth and she could not remember whether there was in fact any procedure to follow. Probably not, she thought, as the women were never allowed to press it…so it had never happened.
There was no message over the PA as to a lockdown, but Bridget felt a sense of uneasiness, so she decided to stay in her office. Gut feelings were important in a volatile place such as Wentworth and Bridget trusted her gut as much as she trusted anything. Just as she sat down and leaned back, she heard the lockdown siren and announcement. Fuck, she thought, breathing out a long sigh. Some days this place was unrelenting.
She and Franky had planned to spend a quiet, relaxing night together. Between the extra hours that Franky had been putting at legal relief, Bridget’s private practice commitments and Bridget’s submission she was making to the department of corrections on their recidivists programme, they had not spent a lot of time together this week. Bridget has so much to tell Franky - Maxine's cancer diagnosis, Boomer, Doreen changing crews, Kaz trying to outplay Bea...
She thought of how she loved to just lie with Franky, watching her sleep, watching the way her face sometimes crinkled up, or she frowned, or sometimes even smiled. She was still a very light sleeper, with vivid dreams – something Bridget thought she may have moved away from by now, after having been out of Wentworth for a few months. But for Franky, thought Bridget, it was most likely a product of her childhood, her adolescence and the lack of attachment bonds she felt through her life and always needing to feel on guard. Franky often joked with Bridget that she slept with one eye open, and Bridget didn’t doubt it.
Lost in her thoughts of Franky, she jumped when she was interrupted by a face in the door.
“Aaaa..Are you Mrs Westfall?”, the baby faced guard stammered.
“Yes, I am and is Ms… but you can call….”, Bridget started to say but was interrupted.
“Ummm, you have to come with me… um the Governor…. Its like serious”.
“Ok” Bridget said as she nodded, raising her eyebrows. She didn’t recognize the guard. She did remember that a few new guards had started and Vera was trying to use some of the less experienced guards as a means of attempting to reduce the staffing overhead costs given all the overtime that she had recently chewed into.
Bridget stepped outside her door and went to lock it, noticing a sense on uneasiness hanging in the air. She always found it difficult to describe to people who didn’t work in the prison system – but there was both a “calm before the storm” feeling and "aftermath" feeling. She now felt the latter as she walked through the corridors with the guard.
“So what’s happened??”, Bridget asked.
“Umm, look, but there are a heap of women who are hysterical, I think one is sedated – that’s who you have to go and talk to, all those women” The guard responded, clearly nervous and maybe even on his first day Bridget mused.
“OK” Bridget said. Some parts of the prison they walked through were eerily quiet – there was a lockdown, Bridget reminded herself, but there was a different feeling.
As the guard, slightly ahead of her, went to turn left, Bridget stopped “oh, its this way to medical”, she said trying to sound helpful.
“Oh, the women are around in admissions” he replied, nervously.
“Really??, are you sure” Bridget questioned.
“Yeah I know, I saw them. The Governor directed they be put there away from what was happening in medical” the guard responded, sounding slightly annoyed with Bridget.
“OK. So what is happening in medical” Bridget asked, as their pace quickened again, now it was Bridget’s turn to feel slightly annoyed, nothing the guard said seemed to make sense.
“Someone in there got burnt” the guard replied
“Steam press again?” Bridget asked
“Nahh, it’s something in the kitchen I think”.
“Okaaay” Bridget answered slowly, not sure whether this guard really knew what he was talking about
“Who?” Bridget questioned, her pace quickened to walk alongside the guard rather than behind him.
“Look I don’t know” the guard responded blankly
“Well did you see them?” Bridget asked, trying to suppress her frustration at the young guard who was clearly inexperienced and nervous.
“Well I did, but they are all in the same clothes, it was mayem, the women were just hysterical …someone was saying something about a Top Dog” he said, sounding confused.
“Bea Smith”, Bridget said with alarm.
“Was it Bea smith that got burnt?”, Bridget started to panic, as she flicked her access pass nervously under her fingers and they continued to walk at a fast pace.
“Look I don’t know… there is someone in the slot, some of the women in admissions, someone in medical and I know another lady got taken away by ambulance”
“Ambulance”, Bridget said, panicked…. “Who ??” she pressed.
“I don’t know.. I said” the guard responded. “Look sorry, the governor just asked me to get you”.
Just at that moment the guards radio blared “Barnes”, screamed a voice that Bridget recognized as Vera’s “Where is Ms Westfall?”
“we are 30 seconds away” responded the guard.
“OK, I will met you in the admissions area” Vera said. Bridget could tell, even through the transmission static that Vera was stressed, beyond belief.
Bridget and the guard picked up their pace. As they rounded the corner, Bridget was met by Vera, who stopped abruptly and who radio in hand, was talking with Mr Jackson. Knuckles white from the tight grip on the radio, she looked at Bridget and held up a finger at her, asking her to wait.
Bridget could hear what sounded like crying coming from one of the admissions rooms. She peered past Vera into the one closest to them, the door was partially open. White tennis shoes of one of the women lying on the padded bench was all that was visible, but Bridget couldn’t make out who it was. It seemed darker than normal, but maybe that was just Bridget’s eyes playing tricks on her. But there was an oppressive feeling of heaviness, of uneasiness and Bridget didn’t like it.
As two external paramedics walked past them, carrying their bright red resus-kits, Vera barked at them “Keep us updated please”.
Bridget then noticed she could hear screaming, most likely coming from the medical room down the corridor. She hoped to god it wasn’t Bea that had been burnt.
Bridget’s eyes met Vera's and she mouthed “What’s happened?” as she looked expectantly at Vera.
Vera pursed her lips as she breathed in through her nose, looking down. Was Vera about to cry??, wondered Bridget. What the fuck had happened.
“Come over here”, Vera said as she looked around, pulling her back towards a corridor. As her hand grabbed Bridget’s arm, Bridget felt Vera shaking. “Vera”, Bridget’s eyes met Vera’s “Just what is going on… are you OK?”.
“I don’t have time not to be OK” Vera responded sharply head shaking and eyes wide, Bridget slightly taken aback by her tone.
“We think that Ferguson tried to kill one of the women”, Vera continued in a low voice.
“Who?” Bridget said, frowning in disbelief and again screams coming from the medical room shot through Bridget.
“That’s her now …. Ferguson. Significant burns” Vera said tilting her head in the direction of the noise. Bridget didn’t know whether she was deliberately evading her question.
“Well, who? Which woman, is she OK?”.
“I don’t know”, Vera responded.
“You don’t know who or who don’t know if she is alright?” Bridget questioned, a pit starting to develop in her stomach.
“We don’t know if she is alright. She wasn’t breathing and I don’t know if she had a pulse when she was found. Will administered CPR until the paramedics arrived – well at least the first lot and she was rushed to hospital. We don’t know how long she was out for and if in fact if she is going to make it.” Vera said, her voice cracking towards the end.
“Smith better not fucking die” Vera added as she bit her lip.
“Bea Smith????” Bridget said with a voice that didn’t sound like her own as she felt like her breath had been taken away.
“You said Bea Smith”, Bridget said again, feeling more frantic, as she again put her hand on Vera’s arm.
Vera nodded as Bridget felt a wave of panic come over her face. Bridget had, just hours earlier, been sitting opposite Bea, who had shared with Bridget her most intimate thoughts.
Vera recounted what little they knew of the attack to Bridget and whilst she was listening, Bridget’s mind kept drifting back to Bea’s face as she has sat opposite her. Bridget had tried to steer Bea away from labels, away from stereotypes and away from her focus on what “should” be and instead to trust her instinct, to live in the moment and to trust what she was feeling. She ached inside as she remembered the little smile that came across Bea’s face after she had processed Bridget’s words, which Bridget had hoped had brought some resolve to Bea.
“What I need you to do is to speak to the women” Vera said, Bridget returning to reality.
“I am still trying to work out what women were affected, who saw what and who of course, who was involved” Vera said.
“First, I need you to asses Novak – as I understand matters”, Vera paused to clear her throat,
“…she was the one who found Smith and started CPR on her. She is, understandably, shaken. But I need you to make a determination as to whether she is a risk to herself or whether she will be OK in the general population”. Vera had now gone into work mode.
“OK, sure” Bridget responded. “Ill start with Novak and then you let me know who you want me to see next and in what order”.
“Ferguson should be seen too, but quite Frankly, my priorities are with the other women at the moment”. Vera added.
“That is a sensible call Vera” Bridget said trying to sounds as supportive as she could while she was trying to suppress her own panic and the stone that was developing at the back of her throat.
“I don’t know how “with it” Novak is… but she was only given a light oral sedative” Vera said, motioning to the room behind her, where Bridget had before seen the tennis shoes, which she now knew were Allie’s. Vera was then interrupted by the nurse from medical – whom Bridget didn’t know but she had taken in instant dislike to. Bridget nodded at Vera as Vera walked off with the nurse.
Bridget paused as she approached the door, taking a sharp breath in through her nose, rearranging her jacket to center herself. She hadn’t really had much to do with Allie Novak but knew she was a member of the infamous Red Right Hand. She had seemed nice enough when Bridget had passed her in the corridors – but Bridget knew that first impressions could be deceiving; she had worked in corrections long enough.
As she opened the door, she saw Allie, siting on the bench, legs crossed under hers and head in her hands as her elbows rested on her lap. Her hair - some was plastered over her face in a mixture of salty tears, and what wasn’t, remained in a loose hair tie.
“Allie”, Bridget gently said. Allie looked up and met Bridget’s eye, not speaking.
She was immediately hit by Allie’s grief stricken face. Eyes that were just pools of sorrow, disbelief, desperation, and of just complete and utter devastation.
And immediately Bridget knew. She knew the look in Allie’s eyes, the way she held her face. She knew what that look meant. She knew what it felt to look like that. Like your world was ending, being overtaken by grief, the way it overcame you, invaded every part of you. Bridget didn’t have to wonder any further about who Bea was talking to her about.
She knew. She was now sitting in front of Bridget.
“You’ve experienced a lot today. It will take your body and mind a lot to process. What you are feeling now, will be the start of many emotions. Just allow yourself to feel those” Bridget said, softly.
The look in Allie’s eyes made Bridget’s heart ache.
“Is she OK?”, Allie stammered in an almost whisper
“Look, I don’t know – Vera has just asked me to come and sit with you. But I promise you, I will try and find out and make sure that you stay informed”.
Bridget sat opposite her. Silent tears made their way down Allie’s face.
Allie suddenly lurched forward. At first Bridget thought she was going for the door, but she then realized it was towards the bin. Allie slumped over in the corner as she emptied the contents of her stomach.
There was a rule of no physical contact between staff and the women at Wentworth, except when guards were restraining prisoners. Bridget had obviously broken that with Franky, but as a rule, strove to maintain that with the other women. But right now, it didn’t matter to her as she stood behind Allie and held her hair out of her face as she continued retching until there was only bile in her stomach.
Allie then let her legs collapse slowly beneath her as she slumped on the cold concrete floor and sobbed.
Allie was in love with Bea, in love with the top dog, a dangerous position to be in now at the prison Bridget thought. Kneeling down beside her, Bridget put her hand on Allie’s shoulder.
“We don’t need to talk. I can just sit with you for as long as you need to. I can imagine how it must have felt for you to find Bea” Bridget said gently looking to Allie’s face, whose eyes were cast down. “Can I get you some water”?. Allie nodded, still trying to catch her breath and being caught by the little intakes of air.
Bridget, still kneeling, leaned forward to open the door and asked the guard for some water. She returned to Allie, whose eyes met hers as her hands, shaking, took the paper cup from Bridget’s steady hand.
“She wasn’t breathing” Allie said in a whisper as she started to shiver.
Allie’s eyes looked into Bridget’s. Bridget nodded silently, letting the silence hang, Allie’s legs were shaking. She looked expectantly at Bridget and exhaled shakily. Silence.
“What you are going through is your body’s physical reaction to trauma”, Bridget said.
Tears again threatened to engulf Allie as her top lip quivered.
“And its normal to feel the way you are, especially when something happens to someone that we care about”, Bridget said, hoping to convey to Allie her understanding of their relationship. Allie looked at Bridget, slightly perplexed through her tears – as Bridget tilted her head in response and put her hand over Allies. “It’s OK”. Bridget said in a soft, low voice. There were so many other things Bridget wanted to add, but couldn’t . Allie’s face relaxed, “Thankyou” she whispered.
Bridget sat silently with Allie as Allie composed herself. Allie sniffed.
“You don’t have to stay here with me.. some of the others might need to talk to you. Mel… she was the one that pushed the panic button. And Kaz, I hope she is OK.. I can’t even remembered what happened but she pulled Ferguson from Bea… maybe you should go and check on Kaz”, speaking faster than normal, her thoughts careering out of her mouth.
“OK” Bridget responded. Whilst the details Vera gave her were very sketchy, she thought she remembered Vera mentioning that she thought Kaz and her crew were involved in the attempt on Bea’s life.
“Now… the prison is still in lockdown, so you will need to stay here for a bit longer. If you want to be alone, I can recommend that you go into the psych ward – for observation only – but otherwise you will be released into general once the lock down is finished” Bridget said lifting her chin slightly towards Allie.
“I think I want to go into general…. I want to be with the girls.. with Kaz,”.
She has no idea… thought Bridget. If what Vera had suspected was right, she predicted a storm within the group of the Red Right Hand.
“How will I know about Bea?” Allie said suddenly sounding desperate as she went to grab for Bridget’s arm.
“I will make sure I let you know. It may be a while though, as she has been taken to Royal Melbourne, but I will see what I can do.”
Bridget smiled as she looked back at Allie. “How about we get you off the floor” Bridget suggested as she herself got up.
“Thankyou” said Allie as Bridget helped her up.
”and Ms…. Bridget…. I mean, Thankyou.” she said, as her sincere eyes met Bridget’s. An Understanding.
As Bridget shut the door, Vera walked swiftly in her direction. “How is Novak?”
“Fine, given the circumstances” Bridget responded.
“Well yes, she was the one to find Smith and to pull her from the sink”. Bridget felt sick to her stomach and she wondered what sick and twisted act Ferguson had tortured Bea with.
“Yes… that is likely to be traumatic for her” Bridget said, guarding Bea and Allie’s secret.
“She is going to stay here for the moment. I don’t think that she needs to go into psych but I will have another talk to her before she is released and make my final assessment then’. Bridget paused.
“…Where is Kaz Proctor?”
“She was slotted” Vera responded. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, I think I will need to talk with her, but what you were saying about the Red Right Hand Girls being behind the attack… – I don’t think Allie had any idea”.
“Interesting..” Vera responded “But we might never get to the bottom of who was involved,, you know what this place is like.”
“I just mention it Vera” Bridget said, pausing rubbing her left index finger against her thumb, “…if there is a divide between that crew, it could make for a potentially volatile situation”.
“Got you.. “ Vera said, distracted as her radio blared again.
As Bridget waited for Vera to finish she shifted on her feet, and put her hands on her hips, arching slightly to relive the pressure in her lower back, looking at the clock “How much longer before lock down is lifted?” Bridget asked
“Probably another hour or so” Vera responded.
“OK, I will finish talking to the girls that were in the kitchen, then I think once lockdown is over, I will get the group together in H2 and talk to them… its important to speak with them sooner rather than later, they are like Bea’s family in here”.
“Well, let me know… as I will need to get Jenkins out of the sot”
“What” Bridget looked confused and slightly exasperated.
“Why on earth did you slot her?? Vera.. she was devastated about Maxine” Bridget said, challenging Vera.
“Look”. Vera said, growing agitated. “Today has not been my best day ok,” as she shot a look of self doubt Bridget’s way.
“Once lock down is finished, she will be returned to H block” she added.
No wonder Bea was vulnerable to attack Bridget thought…. Boomer was in the slot, Maxine was having a life saving, yet soul devastating operation, Doreen was now on Kaz’s crew… it left Bea wide open for attack - against a backdrop of having Kaz having taken advantage of her weakness over the preceding weeks.
Bridget started to think back.. should she have been more insistent that Vera intervene in the shift of power play, should she have initiated contact with Smith about working with Kaz… her mind drifted.
“Are you right to stay back Bridget… I would really appreciate it?” Vera asked
“Of course” Bridget responded, as visions of her night at home with Franky flashed in her mind. “I just need to make a phone call” Bridget responded, aware that Vera would know full well whom she needed to call.
“Absolutely…” Vera responded. Vera leaned towards the last vacant room and with her swipe card, opened the door.
“Thank you” mouthed Bridget. Bridget was not expecting Vera to also step into the room with her as she shuffled closer to the table to give Vera room. Vera reached inside her jacket pocket and pulled her mobile out.
“Here.. its my personal one” Vera said as she punched in her code on the lock screen. Bridget was confused and pulled a face at Vera.
“I know”, Vera said, “I know we aren’t meant to carry our phones with us, but in the panic I just did – it was concealed”.
“No Vera,, you don’t need to justify yourself to me” Bridget responded. She was the last person who would judge Vera on adhering to protocol.
“All outgoing calls are recorded remember???” Vera said gesturing to the phone sitting on the table.
Bridget nodded in understanding, grateful that in the panic, Vera had been cognizant enough to remember.
“I’ll be around outside when you are finished” Vera said.
“And thankyou Bridget” Vera added, flashing a smile which was weak but genuine.
Bridget looked at the clock. It was already 5.00pm, where had all the time gone.
Bridget tapped Franky’s number into Vera’s phone, willing it to answer, she wasn’t sure if Franky would answer a number she didn’t know.
“Hello”, she heard in the receiver, relief flooded her as Franky answered.
“Hi darling” Bridget said.
“ Hi spunky, what are you doing ringing me … bit of a treat getting a call from you at work” Franky’s playful voice sounded down the phone.
“Franky…I can’t talk for long” Bridget responded, conscious of how drained her voice sounded, but trying not to alarm Franky.
“Gidge whats wrong?? …what is it ??.. are you OK” she could hear the panic overtaking Franky’s voice.
“Look … I’m ok. But this place has gone into lock down. It's pandemonium and I’ve never seen anything like it ” Bridget said in a low voice, not knowing whether her voice would carry outside.
“The girls… are the girls ok?” Franky said her voice raising an octave.
“Look Franky… it’s serious. We think Ferguson tried to kill Bea”.
“What” Franky said incredulously… “But Red s'OK isn’t she?” Franky said
Bridget was silent. She didn’t know what to say.
“look Franky… she was without oxygen for some time” Bridget said gently but matter of factly.
“What the fuck?” Franky said “What do you mean without oxygen…..Gidget….” Franky’s voice was becoming louder
“Franky, breathe… I don’t know the full details” Bridget responded.
“Well how…what do you mean without oxygen, what did she do?” Franky questioned,
“We think she tried to drown her” Bridget said in a flat whisper
“What?” Franky said in disbelief, Bridget heard her swallow.
“Look I can’t talk much longer. But it was in the kitchen. She is at the Royal Melbourne, but from what I understand it pretty serious"
“What the fuck is happening in there?”. Franky asked sounding angry, but Bridget knew it was just Franky’s form of defence.
“I told you and Vera at that dinner that time that Red needed to watch out”. Bridget remembered – Franky was exactly right, why had they not paid more attention to Bea Smith and the power shift that had happened.
“Where was Boom Booms?” Franky questioned
“in the slot” Bridget, still whispering. She heard what sounded like a scuffle outside, but wasn’t sure. She had to get off the phone.
“What… Booms got slotted?... What for?... Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Look, I’ll tell you when I get home” Bridget said.
“What about Maxine?. Wasn’t she there to step up?” Franky demanded
“She is in hospital.. look Franky...”, Bridget trailed off “… I will tell you when I get home.” Bridget was almost regretting giving Franky any details and knew that by now Vera would be waiting outside, most likely impatiently by this point.
“In hospital.. what the fuck for??” Franky continued firing questions at Bridget.
“and what about Dor?” Franky asked, not giving Bridget time to respond to the question about Maxine.
“She has switched crews” Bridget responded flatly thinking that she would never be able to get off the phone.
“What the actual fuck” Franky blared down the phone. “…Gidget, what the fuck is going on there?”.
“I know darling… Look I need to go. But I won’t be home in time for dinner”
“Well I gathered that” Franky said.
“Look, just get home when you can and pleaaaase be careful” Franky said.
“I will” Bridget responded, distracted by a knock at the door
“I love ya” Franky said
“Love you too darling”, Bridget whispered into the phone just as Vera opened the door.
“Ummm Bridget, Vera shifted nervously and by Vera’s appearance she could tell that she had heard the end of the conversation, but Bridget didn’t care.
“Umm Ferguson is demanding to see you” Vera said tentatively, eyebrows raised.
Ferguson was the last person Bridget wanted to see, “Right” Bridget said, responded rolling her eyes. “Tell her I will be 15 minutes… I just need to see the one of the other girls first”.
"and I'm not seeing her alone" Bridget added.