Dream Walk
When night began to fall, Lexa woke Clarke to eat dinner with Octavia and Aden, again sending for Kiva to bring them food and join them in their meal. Aden and Kiva cleared the dishes and disappeared for the night and Lexa dismissed Octavia to the room she’d assigned her down the hall. Clarke was quiet while Lexa persuaded her to change into pajamas, keeping her grounded by constantly giving her attention in light touches. A soft hand on her forearm to guide her to the closet, gentle brushes as Lexa moved around the space to give Clarke options in pajamas. Clarke mumbled a thanks as she changed and waited for Lexa to do the same. She let Lexa lead her to bed and smiled when Lexa asked permission to hold her. To everyone’s relief, Clarke only woke up once in the night, only to be hushed back to sleep by Lexa humming a soft lullaby Anya had taught her in her early days as Commander.
Clarke woke before Lexa the next morning and gently untangled herself from the sleeping commander. She padded across the room to the balcony and stood quietly, watching as Polis began to wake up. The sun was almost finished rising as she watched the city. People looked like ants as they moved through the streets below her and sometimes she caught snippets of tridgedasleng as people called out greetings to one another.
“Are you enjoying the view?” Lexa asked softly coming to stand beside her, her voice still husky from sleep. Clarke was caught off guard by what that husk did to her. She fought back a groan as she felt pleasure shoot down her spine causing a twitch from the traitorous appendage between her legs.
“It’s beautiful.” Clarke agreed, forcing her voice to remain steady and internally cursing herself.
“Indeed. You’re up much earlier than the last two days… Is everything ok Clarke?” Lexa asked, concern slipping into her voice. Clarke could feel green eyes watching her closely.
“I’m ok… I just couldn’t go back to sleep… I wish I’d had my sketch book… The sunrise was breath taking.” Clarke sighed. She missed drawing.
“You draw?” Lexa asked surprised. Clarke nodded, smiling softly.
“And paint sometimes too but I’m better at drawing. I did it a lot back on the Ark… It kept me sane while I was in lock up.” Clarke admitted.
“You were imprisoned?” Lexa repeated confused.
“Octavia was too. And Finn and Monty, Jasper, Harper, Monroe, Miller, Murphy. Everyone on the drop ship was. It’s why we were sent down to earth.” Clarke nodded, her face darkening into a frown.
“You don’t need to talk about it until you are ready.” Lexa told her softly. Clarke nodded, becoming quiet again as Lexa made a mental note to ask Octavia more about what Clarke had said.
“Are you hungry Clarke? I can have Aden bring breakfast up with him.” Lexa suggested, leading Clarke back inside. Clarke only nodded again and moved away from Lexa to settle down on the bed with a yawn.
“You can rest more Clarke, it is still early.” Lexa smiled at the sight.
“Just… A short nap…” Clarke mumbled, balling herself up in the furs. Lexa sat beside her and rubbed her back gently, waiting until she knew Clarke was slumbering again. Once she was sure, she moved towards the door, sending for Raven, Octavia, and Aden. The three appeared within minutes, waiting quietly for Lexa to speak.
“Aden, please stay with Clarke and send for breakfast when she wakes. Hopefully I’ll have returned by then.” Lexa began, looking at Aden. The boy nodded and pulled his chair up next to the bed and grabbing a new book from Lexa’s shelf after having finished the last one.
“Octavia, Raven. Please come with me to my throne room. There are things I would like to know.” Lexa continued, her gaze moving onto the young warrior and the mechanic who both nodded as well. They followed Lexa quietly as she navigated the tower, letting the two enter before her so she could seal the door behind her. She moved to sit on her throne before speaking.
“There is something Clarke mentioned earlier that does not sit well with me.” Lexa began, watching Octavia. Both of the girls before her looked curious, though slightly afraid.
“You were imprisoned on the Ark?” Lexa asked Octavia.
“Sha Heda.” Octavia replied bowing her head.
“Why?” Lexa continued.
“Things were bad up there. Families were allowed one child. I was imprisoned for being born. I grew up under the floor boards of our room. Bellamy always tried to protect me but he couldn’t. I would’ve been floated when I turned 18.” Octavia explained with a growl at the end.
“Floated?” Lexa asked confused.
“Executed Heda. Blasted out into space.” Octavia translated into something she knew Lexa could understand. Neither girl missed how wide Lexa’s eyes got as she understood.
“And Clarke? She was imprisoned as well sha?” Lexa cocked her head to the side curiously.
“Sha. But she was kept in solitary. In a cell all alone. She was to be floated too.” Octavia nodded.
“Why?” Lexa demanded.
“Her father knew the Ark was running out of air and was going to tell everyone. Clarke watched as they floated him and then they locked her away because she knew the truth too. Abby turned Jake in and was on the council that put her away. She was going to let them float Clarke. Every crime was a capital offense. Adults got floated, kids got locked away and usually floated when they hit 18 depending on their crime. My mom got floated for having me and hiding me…” Octavia explained with a sigh. Lexa’s eyes were wide as she took in this new information.
“Why were you all sent down in the drop ship then?” Lexa wondered softly.
“Because they were deemed expendable. I’d bet that the council didn’t think they’d survive honestly. They sent them down here to die. Abby sedated Clarke to put her on the ship. I was there at the launch…” Raven explained. Lexa couldn’t hold back the growl that escaped her throat.
“H-Heda..?” Octavia asked cautiously.
“Children are sacred! They are our future and they sent all of you down to die! They’d have killed you to further their own means! Despicable!” Lexa roared angrily. Raven and Octavia watched in shock, unsure of what to say. Lexa seemed to calm after a few minutes and apologized for her outburst, leading them first to the kitchens to retrieve somethings for breakfast before leading them back to her chambers. Raven and Octavia gave the Heda space while they returned to her chambers. Even Aden was able to pick up that she was positively seething about something. He remained quiet, sending inquisitive glances towards Octavia and Raven, not wanting to incur Lexa’s wrath by asking her.
Clarke woke and sat up groggily to find Lexa pacing angrily and Octavia, Raven, and Aden sitting silently at the table behind her.
“L-Lexa..?” Clarke asked timidly, shrinking back with a small whimper of fear when Lexa’s glare was turned on her at the call of the commander’s name.
“I-I’m sorry!” Clarke squeaked in terror, hiding herself under the furs, trying to be as small as possible.
“Lexa! You’re terrorizing Clarke! I don’t know what angered you so but you need to calm or you’ll harm her.” Aden loudly but firmly, pulling Lexa out of her emotions enough to see that he was right. Her posture and gaze instantly softened and she moved slowly towards the trembling mass on the bed.
“Klark… Forgive me. My anger was not at you.” Lexa began, sitting on the bed. Her heart ached at the soft sound of sobbing she heard in reply.
“Clarke… I’m sorry… You’re safe… I’m sorry…” Lexa apologized, slowly easing Clarke out of her cocoon of furs. She pulled the distressed blonde against her chest, keeping Clarke’s head tucked easily under her chin as she showered her with apologies and promises of safety until the crying stopped and Clarke seemed to come back to herself.
“I’m sorry Clarke…” Lexa mumbled again.
“It’s ok… I just… I fuck everything up so I just… It was easy to assume I upset you… I thought you’d leave too… Which is ok… Everyone leaves anyway so…” Clarke murmured in reply. Lexa held her tighter.
“I’ll never leave you Clarke… No matter what… Nowe… Never again.” Lexa soothed, kissing the top of her head. Clarke nodded and sat quietly in Lexa’s lap, still feeling out of it. Lexa watched curiously as Raven and Aden came to sit at the foot of the bed, Raven whispering something to Aden who nodded before Raven scooted up closer to Clarke.
“Clarke… Clarke... Princess… Look at me.” Raven purred softly, gently pulling Clarke’s hands into her own and holding them. Raven waited for blue eyes to meet hers as she rubbed gentle circles into the backs of Clarke’s hands with her thumbs. The gaze that met hers was misted and lost, but still present enough to understand her. Raven and Aden had guessed as much.
“Clarke… Tell us what’s going on. Tell me what’s going on up there.” Raven continued, letting go of one of Clarke’s hands to gently tap the blonde’s temple before taking her hand again.
“I-I can’t…” Clarke whimpered softly. Raven nodded, she was nothing if not patient.
“Ok. That’s ok Clarke. What do you see? Where are you Princess? Where are we?” Raven asked, lightly squeezing Clarke’s hands. Lexa watched, pressing a kiss to the top of Clarke’s head.
“Mount weather…” Clarke whispered.
“Good. Ok. We’re at the mountain, you’re right. What’s going on here? Who else is with us Clarke?” Raven guided, adjusting instantly.
“L-Lexa… The Commander… Octavia… Indra… You and Wick… You’re going to blow the dam soon… Lincoln.. Sargent Miller…” Clarke told her softly.
“That’s right, Wick and I are going for the dam to get the door open right? What about everyone else Clarke?” Raven wondered, waving Octavia over to them.
“Indra and Octavia are going for the tunnels… Octavia’s mad at me… I’m trying… I’m really trying to keep everything together… I just want everyone back…” Clarke whimpered, tearing up.
“It’s ok, she’s just worried for Bell, even if she’s being an ass, she’s your friend right? She one of us right? One of our hundred.” Raven asked, squeezing Clarke’s hands again. Clarke nodded against Lexa’s chest.
“O’s one of ours…” Clarke agreed softly.
“That’s right. Wick and I blew the dam Clarke, what’s happening now?” Raven urged, bringing them back into focus.
“The mountain men… They’re on the ridge… Lexa and some of the warriors went to fight them… We’re too far from the door Rae… They’re jamming us… Sargent Miller’s going to get closer… We did it Rae! We blew the door! Wait... Wait…” Clarke paused her brows furrowing in confusion at something Raven couldn’t see.
“What is it Clarke? What’s wrong?” Raven asked softly.
“People are coming out… Grounders… Lexa..? What’s going on…? What did you do?!” Clarke demands angrily. Raven looked up at Lexa, eyes pleading for her to continue the scene.
“I’m sorry Clarke… I made this decision with my head, not my heart.” Lexa rumbled, hating each word as it come off her tongue a second time.
“We said we’d do this together…” Clarke whimpered, squirming in Lexa’s embrace.
“Clarke what’s going on now?” Raven redirected.
“She betrayed us. She sold us out.” Clarke whispered. Clarke froze, her eyes rapidly flicking around the room, still just as lost as when they’d begun.
“No…” Clarke gasped, distressed.
“What’s going on now?” Raven repeated firmly.
“I-I shot Dante Wallace… Cage… He won’t stop… Raven... He… No… My mom… Cage you can still stop this!” Clarke begged.
“He drilling into you and then Abby for marrow… Clarke, Bell, and Monty were watching from the control room…” Octavia explained in a whisper.
“Clarke, what’s up now?” Octavia asked, taking the lead.
“We need to irradiate level five…” Clarke whimpered.
“He’s hurting our people Clarke…” Octavia reminded.
“Do it Monty…. Oh god… W-we did it… They’re burning… Everyone… The people who helped us… The kids… They’re all burning…” Clarke gasped, squirming again.
“It was us or them.” Octavia soothed. Clarke’s eyes closed and she shook with sobs.
“Em pleni.” Lexa said firmly, pulling Clarke closer against her and out of Raven’s grasp.
“L-Lexa…” Clarke sobbed, scrambling until her hands found purchase on Lexa’s clothes, hand’s balling into fists holding the front of her shirt.
“I’m here ai niron.” Lexa promised.
“Lexa… I killed them all… They helped us and I killed them… I burnt them alive… The children Lexa… There were children…” Clarke choked out.
“I know Clarke… I’m so sorry… I never should’ve left you like that… We said together…” Lexa murmured sadly.
“I don’t hate you… I understand why you did it… I would’ve too. We’re leaders Lexa…” Clarke mumbled.
“Come back Clarke… The dead are gone, the living are hungry.” Lexa pleaded gently. Clarke looked up at her teary eyed and somewhat dazed as the light began to return to her eyes.
“Lexa…” She whispered softly.
“Hey…” Lexa smiled.
“What happened…?” Clarke wondered, looking at Raven, Octavia, and Aden.
“We talked you through a terror. Raven suggested it.” Aden explained.
“It always seemed to help Jasper when he had episodes similar to yours. I thought it could maybe help you too.” Raven shrugged as Clarke’s eyes fell on her.
“Thanks Rae… Everyone... I’m sorry…” Clarke murmured. Octavia shook her head.
“I’m not mad. No one is. I understand it now. I’m no leader, Clarke. I’m a warrior. I trust you. I’m one of your warriors Clarke.” Octavia promised. Clarke nodded.
“Aden, Kiva asked me if you could join her and the others for morning meal and I promised her I would allow it. It is also library day and I know you’ve been reading more, go join the others for the day. You’ve helped us so much. Return to me tomorrow.” Lexa began, addressing the young nightblood first.
“Sha Heda. Thank you.” He nodded smiling. Aden zipped out the door happily.
“Octavia, can you please escort Raven back to her shop. According to my sources, both Bellamy and Lincoln are in Polis today. I thought you might enjoy time to see them.” Lexa continued, her focus moving to Raven and Octavia. Both girls nodded and left as well.
“Lex..?” Clarke rasped confused.
“Yes?” Lexa asked in return.
“You sent them away…” Clarke mumbled.
“I did. That was intense. We need to rest. You need to rest... I thought you’d be more comfortable if less people were around... I apologize if I was mistaken…” Lexa began, getting nervous.
“It’s ok… Please don’t you leave too… Not you too…” Clarke begged in a whimper.
“Nowe.” Lexa promised, kissing the top of Clarke’s head.