Contact and Consent
Lexa was shaken roughly from her slumber by a piercing scream. She sat up and look around, becoming more concerned when she found it coming from Clarke.
“Clarke…” Lexa began, shaking the still sleeping blonde’s shoulders. The scream had died down to a weak whimpering sound as Lexa tried to rouse Clarke from her nightmare. Aden came bursting through the door to the room in his pajamas with a knife at his belt.
“H-Heda.” He panted, stiffening to a bow.
“I’m sorry to have woken you this early.” Lexa sighed, running a hand through her hair as she watched Clarke squirm under the furs.
“When my nightmares were bad enough to make me call out… Kiva would come and curl up with me before Titus could hear. The contact was something I didn’t know I needed. Maybe that’s what will soothe Wanheda. Even if she still does wake up with tears.” Aden suggested, his voice going soft.
“Thank you Aden… You can return to the others… I’ll call for you in the morning…” Lexa told him gently. She understood the risk he’d felt he’d taken by exposing something so vulnerable. Aden nodded and retreated from the room. She looked at Clarke and sighed again before doing as he’d suggested and pulling the sleeping girl close. Clarke instantly tucked herself into Lexa’s chest, her head resting in the crook of the commander’s neck. Her hands clung gently to the front of Lexa’s top.
“I’m right here Clarke…” Lexa mumbled as Clarke began to calm and still.
The Commander was woken up again, by the sound of her bedroom doors slamming against the walls as they were shoved wide open by a very angry someone. Abby Griffin stormed into the Commanders bedchambers in a rage, which only intensified when she saw Clarke tangled up under the furs against Lexa, still sound asleep.
“How dare you invade my bedroom like this, I am the Commander!” Lexa growled, rising from the bed and tucking the furs around Clarke.
“How dare I? How dare you! You knew what condition she was in and took advantage of her anyway! HOW DARE YOU, COMMANDER!” Abby screeched. Aden burst into the room again followed seconds later by Octavia. He planted himself between Abby and Lexa while Octavia looked between the two women confused.
“Take advantage of…? I WOULD NEVER! I am Heda, your very tone with me can be considered treason! I could have your tongue cut from your mouth!” Lexa stormed back angrily, advancing on her.
“Okay, alright, I think there’s been a misunderstanding here.” Octavia began, getting between the two. She did a better job at keeping them apart than Aden did, due to her larger stature and he thanked her softly.
“What’s going on here?” Octavia asked turning to look at Lexa first.
“Abby kom skaikru has the audacity to make a wildly false accusation that I had taken advantage of Clarke in her weakened state. I did no such thing!” Lexa snarled angrily. Aden wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms as she tried to stalk forward again.
“Heda please…” He begged softly.
“Abby?” Octavia looked at the older Griffin.
“They were tangled up in the bed together!” Abby protested. Octavia sighed and looked back at Lexa.
“Heda wouldn’t. Wanheda was having such a fierce nightmare that she screamed and woke the entire tower… She wouldn’t quiet or be still… I told Heda that human contact might soothe her nightmare. It’s my fault…” Aden began, looking down at his feet as he stepped away from Lexa.
“A nightmare?” Octavia asked. The boy nodded.
“Clarke suffers. Nia’s physical torture may have been bad but she loved mental games more. Clarke has what you might call PTSD. Aden’s gone through something tragically similar to what Nia did to Clarke. He’s been helping me try to help her.” Lexa explained, still irritated. She stiffened protectively when Octavia went over to Aden.
“It’s ok. Thank you for helping Clarke, little buddy.” Octavia told him patting him gently on the head. Aden nodded and watched Abby. The older Griffin woman was silent.
“If you could please leave so I can get changed, Abby, you and I have a lot to discuss. Octavia, I’m appointing you as one of Clarke’s guards, we will speak more in later, Aden if you could wait with them outside for a few minutes please.” Lexa ordered. Aden and Octavia nodded and Abby simply huffed and led them from the room. Clarke began whimper softly and squirm uncomfortably under the furs, breaking the silence that had formed. Lexa quickly sat down on the bed and rubbed Clarke’s back through the furs.
“You’re safe…” She soothed.
“L-Lexa..?” Clarke ask groggily as she opened her eyes.
“Sha. I’m here.” Lexa smiled, watching her. Clarke nodded and looked up at her sleepily.
“Clarke, your mother is outside the door with Octavia and Aden. Would you like to get changed so you can see them? Lexa asked softly. Clarke nodded again and stretched before sitting up. Lexa led her to the massive closet and told her to pick anything she wanted to wear. Clarke picked a dark top and some comfortable looking pants. Lexa nodded her approval before picking her own. She turned her back to allow Clarke some privacy to change while she did the same.
“Are you ready?” Lexa asked, bringing them back to the bed. Clarke sat down on the edge and bit her lip.
“C-Can they come in one by one..? Aden then Octavia… Then…” Clarke asked timidly, grabbing at the furs on either side of where she sat for comfort.
“If you don’t think you are ready, you don’t have to force yourself to see them Clarke. You need to heal.” Lexa told her gently, crouching to look her in the eye. She could see the traces of panic in blue eyes.
“Clarke, you’re safe. I’m here. I’m right here. I will be right beside you I promise, ok?” Lexa soothed, prying Clarke’s hands from the furs and holding them, moving one onto her chest over her heartbeat.
“I-I can’t… I can’t face her…” Clarke whimpered, breaking down.
“Can’t face who? You don’t need to face anyone until you feel ready.” Lexa asked, running her thumbs against the backs of Clarke’s knuckles.
“My mom… I can’t…” Clarke sobbed softly.
“Then you don’t need to. She’ll understand. It’ll only be Octavia and Aden then, ok? One at a time.” Lexa promised. Clarke nodded and pulled her hands from Lexa’s to wipe her tears away. Lexa moved to the bathroom and returned with a damp but warm rag and offered it to Clarke who took it gratefully.
“Ok.” Clarke nodded, finally collecting herself again.
“Ok.” Lexa echoed and moved across the room, slipping out the door.
“We’re going to go back in, one by one. Aden, you first, come back to the door when she’s ready for Octavia ok?” Lexa told them. Aden nodded and slipped into the room.
“Morning Wanheda.” He greeted happily.
“It’s just Clarke Aden. Please.” She corrected gently.
“I’m sorry. Good morning Clarke.” He tried again, moving closer to her.
“Morning. Thank you for last night…” She greeted in return. He simply nodded.
“Are you ready for Octavia?” He asked. Clarke nodded. Aden returned to the door and stuck his head out.
“Okay Octavia, count to five once I close the door and then come in slowly.” He instructed, waiting for the young warrior to nod before closing the door and moving back to Clarke’s side. By the time he got there, the door opened and Octavia entered the room.
“Hey Clarke.” Octavia greeted in a soft voice.
“Hey O…” Clarke smiled.
‘She smiled. Smiling Clarke is a good sign.’ Octavia nodded mentally. She slowly moved closer, allowing Clarke to make the first move. Clarke pulled her close for a hug.
“I’m glad you’re ok.” Octavia sighed happily before pulling away.
“I’m glad you are too.” Clarke nodded, still smiling slightly.
“Clarke, I’m going to go get Lexa now, okay?” Aden asked.
“Ok.” Clarke agreed, thankful for the warning. She chatted with Octavia as Aden slipped back out the door.
“Your turn L-Heda.” Aden told her. Lexa nodded and he slipped back inside.
“Abby, my guards will escort you to the meeting room and I will join you shortly, as I said we have things to discuss.” Lexa told the older Griffin, nodding to the guards who moved before Abby could even protest. When they were gone, Lexa entered her bedroom and saw Clarke talking happily with Octavia and Aden sitting nearby with the book.
“Are you hungry Clarke?” Lexa asked, moving across the room.
“A bit.” Clarke admitted, staring down at her lap.
“Well I am.” Octavia answered. Lexa fought back an eye roll and a smirk at the remark.
“I’ll have breakfast sent up, I have a meeting I need to attend.” Lexa nodded. Clarke looked up at her silently.
“I won’t be gone too long, you’ll be safe.” Lexa promised, trying to ease the discomfort in Clarke’s gaze.
“O-Okay…” Clarke nodded, her voice soft and timid.
“I promise.” Lexa told her firmly. Clarke nodded again.
“Octavia, you’re one of Clarke’s guards for now. If anyone come through that door that isn’t me or someone I’ve authorized, you are to defend Clarke. If Aden tells you to do something, please listen to him.” Lexa ordered.
“Sha Heda.” Octavia nodded looking determined. Lexa nodded to Aden and left the room, ordering for breakfast to be brought up by one of the other nightbloods.
“How are you feeling Clarke?” Octavia asked her gently.
“Tired… Hungry… Sore… Just another day on the ground…” Clarke replied with a small smile. Octavia nodded understanding. There was a gentle knock at the door and Aden answered it cautiously before opening it wide and allowing a girl with beautiful dark chocolate colored skin and a mass of dark curly hair to carry in a load of plate. She had them very carefully balanced on her arms. Aden helped her set them down on the table before taking her hand and leading her over to Clarke and Octavia.
“Clarke, Octavia kom skaikru, this is Kiva. She’s a nightblood like me. Clarke, she was the one who helped me get through what you’re suffering.” Aden introduced proudly. Kiva was as tall as Aden and just as lanky.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Octavia bowed her head respectfully. She knew how important the nightbloods were. Clarke bowed her head too, remaining silent.
“I’m going to be as strong as you soon, and when I am, I would like to challenge you to spar.” Kiva told Octavia, looking her dead in the eye.
“I’d be honored to kick your butt.” Octavia grinned, winning smiles from both the nightbloods.
“Clarke needs to eat something.” Aden said softly leading them all to the table. The four ate before Kiva took the dishes away and disappeared back out the door.
“You like her Aden.” Octavia tease. The boy blushed hard and denied her playful accusation vehemently. He returned to his book as Clarke returned to sitting on the bed. With her stomach sated, she felt exhausted again.
“You can rest Clarke… Aden and I will keep you safe.” Octavia promised, watching her. Clarke nodded and tucked herself back under the furs. She was asleep in minutes.
“What is so important that I couldn’t see my daughter first, Commander?” Abby sneered, pausing in her pacing as Lexa finally entered the throne room. Lexa was silent until she sat down upon her wooden throne.
“Clarke said she couldn’t face you. She needs to heal, I am asking you to respect that.” Lexa began.
“Couldn’t face me…? Why? I’m her mother!” Abby demanded.
“I don’t have the answer to that. She will speak to you when she is ready. Clarke’s wounds run deeper than you or I can see. She needs to heal.” Lexa continued. Abby sighed but said nothing else.
“Would you like breakfast Abby?” Lexa asked gently.
“Food would be pretty great right now.” Abby replied. Lexa nodded and called to the guards in trig. Moments later a small table and a chair were brought in and set down in front of Lexa’s throne. Abby sat and after another few minutes, Kiva brought more plates in and set them down, bowing respectfully to Lexa before turning to leave.
“Kiva, how are they?” Lexa asked softly, halting the girl.
“Wanheda ate her breakfast at Aden’s insistence. Aden is well. I challenged Octavia kom skaikru to a sparring match when I am strong enough to beat her.” Kiva reported, standing proudly as she said the last part. Lexa couldn’t help the small smile that fell across her face.
“Octavia kom Trikru, Kiva.” Lexa corrected. The girls eyes widened and she nodded.
“Thank you, you may return to the other nightbloods.” Lexa nodded. Kiva bowed again and ran off. After breakfast, Abby left the tower to go help Nyko and Lexa returned to her room after calling for the staff to clean up the table and dishes. She found Octavia sharpening her blade near the table and Aden seated next to the bed, immersed in the book from the day before. He was halfway through it now. Clarke was asleep, tucked under the furs again.
“Octavia, do you enjoy reading?” Lexa asked, watching Clarke.
“Sha, Heda?” Octavia replied confused.
“Aden, would you show Octavia the library?” Lexa asked. Aden perked up excitedly and nodded rushing over to the warrior.
“Woah wait, like an actual library?” Octavia asked getting excited too. Lexa nodded.
“Can I bring Raven? Please? She’d be so interested in checking it out!” Octavia begged.
“As long as she doesn’t, ‘make it go boom.’” Lexa agreed. Octavia grinned and Aden led them away. Lexa shook her head and moved to sit at the table, warily pulling out a stack of reports she’d received on her way up to her room. She set about reading through them and replying to keep herself occupied while Clarke slept. She was finishing her second to last response when she heard a soft whine from the bed. It got louder fast and Lexa hurried to the bed side.
There was no escape, they were everywhere. The faces from the mountain, melted and burnt. All crying out in pain, asking why, why she let them burn. Then there were the bodies. Dante Wallace and Cage. Mya and Finn. All staring at her with blank eyes.
“Clarke.”
Then it was her dad. She was watching him die all over again, and Wells. Sweet Wells, her best friend who had let her hate him to save her relationship with her mom. Charlotte and Atom of the original hundred, crying at her for their deaths.
“Clarke.”
Anya fell dead in front of her, the fearless ground warrior was dead because of her too. They all screamed, calling her an angle of death. She heard Nia’s cruel laugh and felt the whip crack against her back like white hot metal and cried out.
“Clarke!”
Clarke snapped awake in a panic, her breathing hitching and her throat tightening as hot tears poured down her cheeks.
“Clarke, breathe, you’re ok, you’re safe.” Green eyes filled with worry and a gentle voice was all she registered as she clung to the warm body in front of her. Strong but slender arms wrapped around her, holding her close as soft comforts and assurances of her safety were murmured against her hair.
“L-L-Lexa…” She sobbed.
“I’m here Clarke.” Lexa promised, still holding her.
“The b-bodies… I saw all of th-them… I k-k-killed all of them… And N-Nia… I was in the dungeons again…” Clarke gasped, sobbing, her breathing getting more and more erratic.
“No no no. Clarke, you’re here with me. We’re in Polis. In my chambers. You’re safe. Nia won’t hurt you again. You’re safe.” Lexa soothed.
“Beja, Clarke, I need you to breathe with me. No words, just breathe. I am here. You are ok. Just breathe for me Clarke, beja.” Lexa begged softly. She could feel Clarke nodding at her words as the poor girl fought herself to right her breathing again. It took almost ten minutes before Clarke had calmed enough to pull away from Lexa.
“Thank you…” She whispered, unable to look the commander in the eye. Lexa nodded and sat with her quietly. Clarke laid down again and looked up at Lexa.
“Please lay with me… Please…” Clarke begged weakly.
“If that is what you need.” Lexa nodded and laid on her back beside Clarke.
“May I touch you Clarke?” Lexa asked gently, watching the blond. Clarke nodded and moved closer. Lexa rolled onto her side and gently pulled Clarke into her arms. She felt Clarke tense at first before melting into the embrace and closing her eyes, her head resting in the crook of Lexa’s neck.
“Thank you…” Clarke whispered again. Lexa hummed in response and let Clarke sleep. Clarke slept peacefully and Lexa managed to reach and grab a book, reading it behind Clarke’s back, over the sleeping girl’s shoulder. They stayed that way for hours until Aden returned. He was smart enough to knock softly and wait for a response before sticking his head in the door to see. Lexa motioned for him to be quiet and he relayed the command to Octavia behind him. The two entered the room, Octavia had a book tucked under her arm. She grinned at the sight on the bed before joining Aden and Lexa in reading. The four sat in silence other than the turning of pages every so often.
Kiva brought them dinner and ate with them when Clarke awoke again. After dinner was finished, Kiva and Aden took care of the dishes, returning to the other nightbloods to sleep after they were done.
“Good night Clarke, Raven really wants to see you…” Octavia told her softly.
“I-I’ll try…” Clarke nodded.
“Good night Commander.” Octavia bowed her head respectfully. Lexa nodded and the young warrior left the room. Lexa led Clarke to the baths and this time was careful of the water. When they were clean, Lexa checked Clarke’s wounds and re-dressed them before they changed into sleep wear and crawled back into bed.
“Can I touch you Clarke?” Lexa asked again softly. Clarke looked relieved before nodding and letting Lexa pull her close again. The commander’s arms felt like the safest place in the world as she closed her eyes, letting Lexa’s strong heart beat lull her back to sleep.