What Comes Next?
“It’s a shame that we all have to meet under such circumstances,” the man said. “I’m Dr. Anton Deidre, and I’ve been working closely with Clarke for many years.”
Lexa immediately sat up at attention.
“I’m not looking over her primary care, but I have been monitoring the doctors who are on her case very closely. Clarke did not sustain any injuries last night, which was almost a blessing from God. I had her taken in for an emergency MRI and CT scan as soon as she was brought here since she had already been sedated in the ambulance on the way over. One thing I’ve learned about Dr. Griffin while working with her is that she does not like having anyone else even ask questions about her, much less about her health status.” Hearing scoffs from almost everyone in the room, the tired man gave a wistful smile before continuing. “We did see a grueling amount of poorly healed bones and I discovered that there seemed to be something going on in the section of her brain that has been afflicted with the cerebral ischemia. Unfortunately, before we were able to try to wake her up, there were some complications and we had to take Dr. Griffin in for some emergency surgery.
“One of her ribs seemed to have been cracked and not yet healed. So during the night while she was being brought here, something caused the rib to dislodge once again and had punctured a part of her spleen. She had been bleeding gradually until she got hypovolemic. We took her in for surgery and had one of our neurosurgeons there to monitor her brain function while under physical stress, but she never did wake up afterwards. She’d only just been brought back to her room when Captain Woods made her way back here and demanded we allow you all to come visit.”
Everyone turned to look at Anya at that point, who was focused intently on the blonde laying silently on the bed. They could see the pain in her eyes, as well as the fact that she was almost completely out of touch with what was going on around her. She had received all of this information beforehand so she could afford to check out, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually take her attention away from her baby sister, lying broken and silent in the bed.
Dr. Deidre coughed lightly, pulling their attention back to him. “I have to be going now to prep for another procedure, but I will have the neurosurgeon on Clarke’s case come in and talk with you all.” He turned around to step out the door before turning back slightly, “I would like to say, though, that Dr. Shaw is…special. Her manner of interaction might be a bit unexpected, but please excuse her. She is one of the best neurosurgeons we have on staff and we wouldn’t have anything less for Clarke.”
With that, he walked out of the room, leaving everyone inside to ponder what he meant about this Dr. Shaw.
It wasn’t until about an hour later when they got to meet her. A woman walked into the room, raven-haired and brown-eyed, chewing on a granola bar. She was a petite thing, but she had a strong air about her. They wouldn't have been surprised if she was able to take Lincoln on and come out barely scathes. She had a hard set to her eyes, however, and no one wanted to think about what it would be like to get on her bad side. She opened the door and looked at everyone, nodded in recognition, and then walked directly to Clarke’s bed to look at things.
The crew exchanged glances. Lexa, Indra, and Anya were getting angry at the doctor’s lack of tact. Never before had they seen a medical professional completely ignore the family members. Granted, they couldn’t complain that she seemed to be completely focused on Clarke, but that didn’t stop them from wanting information.
Octavia, Raven, and Lincoln were just confused. The little brunette had acknowledged all of them so it wasn’t like she was oblivious to them being in the room. There was just something about her that was off.
They all stood around in awkward silence as Dr. Shaw went about her business. Eventually, she patted Clarke on the shoulder before walking to the door.
Anya whipped around as the doctor got her hand on the door handle. “Wait a minute! Where are you going?”
Dr. Shaw turned around slowly, taking stock of everyone looking at her. She sighed and mumbled, “Sorry.” Standing up straight, she met Lexa’s eyes and started speaking almost as if she was reading a script. “My name is Sameen Shaw and I’m a neurosurgeon. Dr. Deidre placed me on Dr. Griffin’s case when we first found out about her cerebral ischemia before she started officially working here. I’ve worked with her closely over the last two years and we’ve become…sort of…friends…? Anyways, because I’m so familiar with both Clarke and her condition, I will be taking charge of her care while she’s here right now.”
No one quite knew how to respond to the woman. She spoke almost as if she was talking about some trivial encounter in a cafeteria, not the life of her coworker and their family member. They could all see that she was dedicated to this case, though, and didn't want to come across as disrespectful so they stayed quiet.
Octavia was the first to speak: “Wait. If you guys are friends, then how can you be working her case? Isn’t that, like, a conflict of interest?”
Dr. Shaw sighed, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before she looked up and saw everyone’s eyes watching her intently. She met Octavia’s blue eyes and answered, “I don’t have conflicts of interest. I have an Axis II Personality Disorder and I don’t really do the whole 'emotions' thing. Dr. Deidre was okay with me working on Clarke because he knew that I would be able to keep a level head no matter what happens. It’s also why I’m kind of shit at bedside manners, as Clarke likes to tell me every time we work together.”
It seemed like that was the doctor’s way of apologizing for her demeanor. Everyone was a bit preoccupied with the overwhelming amount of shit that had happened over the last few hours to really pay close attention to details like that, though, so no one responded.
As the doctor walked out of the room, everyone deflated slightly, no longer knowing what to focus on.
Lexa eventually moved back to the seat next to Clarke’s bed, settling in and focusing on the steady rise and fall of her chest.
Raven and Anya got back on their seat while Indra quietly pulled Octavia out into the hallway.
They walked to a quiet portion of the hospital. It was far too cold to go outside at 6:00 in the morning, but Indra needed isolation to talk to Octavia.
The two women found some chairs in a corner where no one seemed to see them. Octavia waited anxiously, trying to figure out what the hell Indra could possible have to tell her. It had to be something related to what happened with Clarke – there was nothing else important enough to take her attention in this moment.
Indra cleared her throat, taking a second to try and figure out how she was going to say what she had to say. She had always been the kind of person who would just say what needed to be said without sugarcoating anything and she wished that would work in that moment. This information had to be dealt with delicately, however, and the sergeant needed it taken care of as soon as possible.
“We got a lot of really bad people today. I can’t tell you any details just yet, but a lot of people have been caught with connections to Jaha, Cane, Nia, and the rest of their operations.” Brown eyes turned to see the brunette looking at her intently. She took a deep breath before continuing, “Some of the names that were found were extremely unexpected.”
Indra trailed off at that and Octavia felt a chill enter her heart. There was only one reason Indra would ever ben telling her information like this: if she had a connection to somebody they caught. She only had two people in her life that weren’t already in Clarke’s room, though, and she had an idea where this was going to go.
Tears filled blue eyes as Indra finally got up the courage to tell the younger girl who she was about to lose. “Detective Bellamy Blake’s name was one of the first names that came up as having been a regular of Thelonius Jaha’s establishment.”
Octavia felt all the breath leave her body in a single sob as she felt her world shatter. Immediately, though, she pulled herself together and sat up straight. She had known that something was up with her brother for months at that point, but she never would have imagined it would be something that fucked up.
Memories went flooding through her head as Indra’s words echoed around in her mind. She thought back to when they were just kids, playing in the backyard and laughing with each other, happier than they had ever been. She remembered the time she fell at her first soccer game, but scored a goal right after and Bellamy lifted her up on his shoulders and paraded her around like she was a hero. He was her hero, in that moment, and she never would have imagined that a hero could fall so fatally.
Indra watched as Octavia’s eyes glazed over, tears streaming down her face silently. She didn’t answer as the darker woman called to her softly and the sergeant sighed, knowing this wasn’t going to be something the younger girl just bounced back from. Bellamy was the only connection to family she had left and that was about to be ripped from her.
Not wanting to leave her minion by herself, Indra pulled out her phone and texted Anya to send Raven.
“Octavia needs Raven.”
“What happened?” She received a response almost immediately.
“I told her. I had to.”
“Fucking hell, Indra.” And not long after that, “She’s on her way.”
Octavia was still sitting frozen as Raven came rushing down the hall. She had no idea what was happening other than Anya told her that Octavia needed her.
Unable to kneel on the ground with her brace on, Raven sat down on the chair Indra had vacated. Brown eyes immediately took note of the tears snaking their way down the younger brunette’s face.
Lifting her right hand, Raven ran her fingers through Octavia’s hair, pushing it back out of her face and reaching down to cup her jaw, using her thumb to brush away some of the tears. Octavia raised her own arms and grabbed onto the mechanic’s, clutching it desperately and burying her face in the older girl’s elbow.
Raven’s face shot up to look at Indra and noticed the turmoil there too. All she could do was ask, “What happened?”
Octavia released a single sob as she clutched Raven’s arm tighter. She couldn’t pull herself out of her hunched position, so Raven turned back to Indra for an answer.
“Detective Blake has been arrested for association and business with Thelonius Jaha and Cage Wallace.”
Raven felt everything freeze around her. She knew that everything was about to change even more, especially for her best friend. The mechanic felt her heart break as she looked back at the girl now crying with abandon. Her best friend was about to lose her brother to the realization that he was a monster. Maybe he hadn’t always been one, but he was no longer the same Bellamy he once was apparently.
Underneath the pain for Octavia, Raven could feel a piece of herself fall away as well. Bellamy had been like a brother to her at one point as well, allowing her to live with them when she had no one else. She couldn’t help the nagging voice in the back of her head telling her that she was destined to lose everyone that cared about her.
Pushing the voice away, Raven moved up to pull Octavia into her lap. The younger brunette curled up on their shared chair, tucking her head into Raven’s neck and crying even harder. The sobs stopped eventually and Raven could feel Octavia releasing hot breaths on her skin. The clamminess of it brought Raven out of her head space and she turned her attention fully to the younger girl.
Calloused fingers made their way through long strands of hair as Raven whispered soft words in an attempt to comfort her best friend. Indra had walked away already so Raven was able to focus on Octavia alone, but she couldn’t help but wish someone was there to help her. Octavia deserved so much more.
Her attention was snatched when she felt Octavia’s body sag even further before she spoke, “Why, Raven? Just…why would he do this?”
Raven sighed, pressing her lips to the girl’s head. “I don’t know, babe. I’m so sorry, but I don’t know what happened…”
The tears started for both of them once again, though much softer this time. Now they were just overwhelmed by everything that had happened that night.
Octavia eventually cried herself to sleep in Raven’s lap and the mechanic knew that she would’ve lost feeling in her leg if she didn’t already have no feeling there. She stayed in that position, though, holding the girl close, knowing how much the contact would comfort her in the moment. Every few minutes, the psychology student would squirm and whimper and Raven would press soft kisses into whatever skin she could reach, running her hand up and down her side in as comforting a manner as she could.
After about an hour of that, Raven turned her head to the sound of footsteps coming their way.
Lincoln was walking towards them, looking more exhausted than he had every looked before. He had taken his uniform top off so he was just wearing a black t-shirt and his uniform pants. His feet were barely making it off the floor and his shoulders were hunched forward in a way that made him look as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Considering his family was being thrown around by a hurricane, that probably wasn’t too far off.
Raven watched as he came and knelt right next to them, lifting a hand to stroke through Octavia’s hair. He caressed her face with such a soft touch that Raven felt Octavia get lighter in her lap.
The sleeping girl slowly started moving again, pulling herself up out of her curled up position and looked up to see her two favourite people looking down at her. A smile started crossing her face and she leaned forward to give Lincoln a kiss when the events of a few hours before crossed her mind once again.
A look of fear crossed her face once again and she turned her head to look at Raven. Seeing an undeniable confirmation in the mechanic’s face, blue eyes once again filled with tears and Octavia flung herself at Lincoln, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder.
Raven and Lincoln both felt tears fill their eyes at the way Octavia broke once more. Lincoln wrapped his big arms around her shaking form while Raven was left to comfort herself. It was times like these she felt loneliest.
Octavia pulled back much quicker this time, sitting on the ground with her back against the chairs. Lincoln fell back on his bum as Raven pulled herself down to sit with them. Her leg stuck out of their little triangle and she massaged at the top of the brace, grateful to finally be able to stretch it out.
A hand snaked its way into the older brunette’s, and Raven turned to see Octavia looking at her apologetically. Giving a soft smile, Raven lifted their entwined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Octavia’s, running her thumb over her knuckles.
“How are you doing, love?”
Octavia sighed, leaning her head on Raven’s shoulder as she contemplated the older girl’s question.
“I don’t know. I just –“ Lincoln placed a hand on her thigh, anchoring her to the two people in her life that could keep her strong. “What the hell happened?”
“I’m so sorry, my love. We don’t know what happened yet, but we plan on asking him. You can ask him, too, if you want to see him some-“
“No!” Octavia was suddenly completely tense and looked ready to fight. “I never want to see him again.”
Lincoln deflated slightly. That hadn’t been his intention. “I know it’s tough, O, but – “
“No, Linc, you don’t understand. He’s changed so much over the years. I barely even recognized him recently, but I never thought he could actually go this low. He’s a monster and this is fucking disgusting and nothing he says can ever excuse it. I want to believe that he’s still my brother, but something happened and he’s changed.” With that, the fiery brunette jumped up from the ground and started pacing, wringing her hands through her hair and pulling. “God, I can’t even imagine what all he must’ve done with Jaha to be found so fast. Who was he with? How far did he fall when he was a customer?” The word was spit out with such disdain, Raven was surprised Bellamy didn’t burst into flames wherever he was sitting.
All of a sudden, Octavia froze, a look of abject fear on her face. She turned to Lincoln and Raven, wide eyes unfocused and glazed over. “Do you…Do you think he ever did anything to Clarke?”
The brunette’s voice got gradually quieter until it broke off at the end. Blue eyes held such turmoil within them that neither Lincoln nor Raven knew what to say.
“Son of a bitch,” she said. It was barely a whisper, but it was enough to bring attention back to Octavia. “That fucking son of a bitch. Maybe that’s why he’s hated having Clarke around so much. Maybe that’s why he has so much dirt on her and he didn’t want me talking to her even a little! That fucking asshole.” Octavia resumed her pacing and ranting. “I told him months ago that if he did anything to hurt somebody I care about I’d be done with him. I swear to fuck if he’s done anything to Clarke I will personally make sure his life becomes a living hell.”
Lincoln decided that was where he had to stop her. No matter what Bellamy did, he was still the only family Octavia had left from her childhood and he knew this was hurting her underneath all of the anger.
Grabbing his girlfriend from her upper arms and stopping her to look him in the eyes, Lincoln said, “It’s okay to be angry, Octavia. It’s okay to be furious. But it’s also okay to be sad and hurt. Bellamy’s done a terrible thing, something he’ll never be able to come back from. And it’s okay to be sad.”
Octavia could feel herself start to break once more while looking into soft, brown eyes. She shook her head, falling forward and leaning her forehead against her boyfriend’s chest, hearing his heartbeat and feeling the steady rise-and-fall of his sternum, allowing it to calm her down. She clenched her eyes shut, willing the emotions back and the tears to stay at bay. The brunette tried saying something, but she couldn’t get the words out and so just stayed wrapped in her boyfriend’s arms.
Raven watched the two hold each other, offering comfort while taking some at the same time. She decided to give them their space and got up to make her way back down the hall. Moving after being in the same position for so long was a little uncomfortable, so she decided to keep walking around to give herself time to stretch.
Making her way down the hallways, Raven watched as more people started walking in and out, meeting people and seeing those who were patients. Raven couldn’t help but be slightly jealous of the ones that were actually able to talk to their loved ones. At that point, Clarke was still asleep or unconscious or in a coma or what-the-fuck-ever, and her doctor was a person that felt no emotions. Raven had no way of knowing that she would even be able to talk to Clarke again.
The areo-mechanical engineer was so used to losing the people she cared about. She didn’t even know who her father was; she lost her mom when she was barely a teenager – I mean, in all honesty, she had lost her mom years before that, but that was the day she left and never looked back. Her relationship with Octavia was almost the longest relationship she’d ever had. Bellamy had taken her into his home with Octavia when she needed someone most, and Octavia had never left her side.
She’d lost Bellamy too, after what happened with Echo. Octavia might not have been able to pinpoint what happened to Bellamy, but she had figured it out. Raven spent so long analyzing every aspect of her life, every little change that was made that had the possibility of even slightly changing anything. The day Bellamy found out that Echo cheated on him, he completely checked out. His demeanor changed and he got even more over protective/controlling than he had been before. Now it was just official that Raven had lost him too.
It was only a matter of time before she lost Octavia.
The braced brunette was so deeply absorbed in her own internal musings that she wasn’t completely paying attention to where she was going. She bumped into someone and was pulled back to the realm of reality, only to find herself looking deep into dark brown eyes.
“Dr. Shaw.”
“Mhmm. The brace means you must be Raven.”
The younger brunette was taken aback at that. She wasn’t expecting the stoic doctor to actually know who any of them were. When Dr. Shaw had said that she and Clarke were friends, Raven thought that it was just a way of faking some connection with Clarke to get them to warm up to her. It brought up the question, though, of what all Clarke had said about them.
“Clarke was talks about how impressed she os with the improvements you made to the brace. Don’t worry, she doesn’t talk smack on you guys.”
Raven was slightly weirded out that this lady could read her so well, but she didn’t particularly know how to respond. They stood in silence for a few moments, Raven getting increasingly more uncomfortable at the unwavering expression on the doctor’s face.
“Does she have any other friends?”
Dr. Shaw watched her face for a moment, not responding and seemingly not acknowledging the fact that she had even said anything. Raven was starting to get irritated and was just preparing to walk away before she finally heard the doctor start talking.
“Everyone here cares about her. Dr. Griffin has been one of the most motivational students we’ve had come through this hospital in a long time, and she’s managed to help every one of us in one way or another. She doesn’t let people get close to her, though. There isn’t a single person here that would turn away the opportunity to help her, but there also isn’t another person in this hospital that Clarke would talk to for help. The only reason she talks to me about anything is that she knows I don’t do emotions well and she won’t have to worry about me reacting to them like other people. She goes and visits the server girl from that diner, but they never do anything to be considered friends.” A shrill, beeping sound interrupted them, pulling Dr. Shaw’s attention from Raven. Looking down at her phone, the taller brunette pulled herself straighter and started walking forward, indicating for Raven to follow behind her.
Raven had no idea where she was being led, and she really didn’t know how to get back to Clarke’s room from where she was.
“Dr. Shaw - ”
“Please. ‘Dr. Shaw’ is just what I have to introduce myself as when being professional. Just call me Shaw.”
Raven nodded slowly, taking that in while keeping strides with the taller woman.
Shaw started talking again before Raven could even figure out what she wanted to ask.
“Clarke doesn’t talk to anyone else here. She doesn’t have anyone else that she tells about her day or discusses anything with. But she talks about you guys whenever she can. You’re all she has in her life right now and you’re the only reason she’s survived. Maybe she’ll be able to grow up now.”
Brown eyes studied the stoic woman’s unchanging face. She watched as Shaw led them to Clarke’s door. Raven probably should’ve realized that that’s where they were headed, but she was slightly preoccupied with everything the doctor was saying.
Raven walked into the room to see Lexa still sitting by Clarke’s bed, looking as though her entire world had frozen her in one spot.
In all honesty, it probably had.
Anya and Indra were on the opposite of the room, whispering over a table and looking through different papers. They both stopped what they were doing as Raven and Shaw walked into the room, standing up straight and looking intently at the doctor.
Lincoln and Octavia had been sitting in one of the chairs, tears dried on the girl’s cheeks and Raven wished she could do something to magically take all of her pain away.
Everyone’s attention was on the doctor as the two of them walked in. Raven went directly to Octavia’s side.
They watched and observed as the odd brunette checked Clarke over once again, reading through her chart and making some notes. She explained to everyone in the room that nothing had changed significantly and that she would be back with the results from all the tests they had run on the quiet blonde. Not receiving any questions, Shaw walked out of the room.
A few hours after Shaw had visited the room last, Harper walked in with another woman. Anya and Indra had gone to the police station to get some work done and Lincoln had taken Octavia home to get some rest.
Raven was sitting at the table on the side doing some work while Lexa still hadn’t moved from her position at Clarke’s side. Both girls looked up as Harper walked in and a look of recognition flashed across Lexa’s face.
“You’re the girl from…”
“You’re the not-girlfriend.”
Raven and Harper exchanged a look at the understanding that the other two in the room somehow knew each other.
Harper made her way further into the room with the dirty blonde. Before she could say anything, though, the stranger-girl spoke.
“Harper told me what happened with Clarke and I wanted to come check in on her…or something…”
Lexa couldn’t help but eye the girl curiously. She had no idea why the server from the diner would come to check on Clarke. It hit her once again in that instant, though, that she really had no idea what went on in Clarke’s life. Maybe Clarke did have some sort of a relationship with the server and Lexa just didn’t know about it.
Having the blonde back in her life but not knowing anything about her was something she would just have to learn to understand.
Niylah could see that everyone was on edge and she couldn’t really blame them. She was technically a stranger and, considering what little she knew about Clarke, they probably didn’t know much about her. After all, Clarke didn’t seem like the kind of girl that actually went around talking to people about her days. Unless she was just silent and stoic with her… Then this would be even weirder than it already was.
Thinking through all of this, hazel eyes fell on the unmoving figure on the bed and tears immediately welled up. Niylah had never seen Clarke as anything but strong, but in that moment she just looked so small. She was laid in the middle of the bed with a large space around her, massive monitors surrounding her and making her seem smaller by the second.
Her hand flew up to her mouth as she took a couple of steps closer to the bed. The brunette standing at Clarke’s side didn’t waiver, allowing Niylah to approach but still making it clear that that was her territory. The one at the table was still just eyeing her curiously.
The server reached one hand out and placed it on the railing of the bed. Standing so close to Clarke and seeing just how much of a toll her life had taken on her, Niylah wasn’t able to hold back her tears. They started silently streaming down her face, jumbling her thoughts and making everyone else in the room start to get emotional once more.
Raven eyed the bag the new girl had brought with her. It was a small plastic bag, sitting just inside the door where Harper was still watching the scene before her. Harper looked over and followed Raven’s gaze to the bag by her feet. Looking back up and meeting brown eyes, the nurse shrugged before grabbing the bag and stepping forward.
Niylah turned and finally pulled her eyes away from the silent girl on the bed. Wiping her tears from her cheeks, the server eyed her friend behind her before remembering the bag she had brought with her. Chuckling brokenly, she reached forward and looked at the bag reverently.
Everyone’s eyes were on her as Niylah slowly pulled a long, tubular thing out of her bag. Hazel eyes looked up and locked with green over the still figure between them and Lexa immediately recognized the look there. Whatever friendly relationship Clarke had with her, Niylah was interested in something more. Lexa knew that heartbreak that took over everything else when someone you were falling for goes through hell better than anyone, but she had no idea how to help the girl across from her then. She didn’t even know if she wanted to.
Niylah walked over to the table opposite Clarke bed and placed the candle there, turning around to see three pairs of eyes watching her studiously and feeling her heart throb when she didn’t see the one pair that she wanted to.
“Clarke said that she loved the smell of the diner. She liked to laugh about the name of my candles sometimes, but this one was always her favourite. I don’t know… I just thought it might make her laugh a little when she woke up.” The server trailed off, looking at the candle once more.
“What’s the – uh, what’s the scent?”
No one was more surprised than Lexa when she heard her own voice speaking up. The lawyer had wanted nothing more than to ignore the other girl and pretend that she meant nothing to Clarke, but apparently she couldn’t bring herself to really forget her. If she was someone that brought Clarke any sort of comfort, Lexa really couldn’t rightly justify hating her.
Niylah laughed softly, “It’s called ‘Crisp Autumn Night’. She always jokes about how specific the name is.”
Lexa didn’t hear the second comment. Her mind had already taken her back to their second year of undergrad. A memory slammed into her so hard she could feel the breath leave her body.
Lying on their backs on the blanket in the grass, looking up at the stars littering the expanse of the sky, hands intertwined, Clarke and Lexa had never felt so together. It was a relatively cool night, but not so unbearable that they were cuddled up under the blanket. Clarke had her arm under her head, watching as the entirety of the sky stayed exactly the same, not changing a thing. Lexa flicked her eyes back and forth, eyeing the sprinkling of stars but spending more time absorbing the look of complete and utter calm on her girlfriend’s face.
September was a tough time for both of them. Clarke would get stuck in memories of everything that had gone on in her life before meeting Lexa, remembering a hell that she didn’t always believe she had made it out of. Lexa was always thrown into imagining what all her love had gone through and not being able to help her through it in the way she deserved.
That night, however, neither of them were in that loop. They made it out of their usual setting, coming to a place that they knew both of them would be comfortable and safe, together without anyone else to remind them of their trials and tribulations.
Clarke eventually turned on her side, keeping her hand tucked under head and resting it on the bend of her elbow. Blue eyes traced the strong profile in front of them, the look of absolute peace on the face of the one person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The blonde couldn’t stop the smile that graced her face, splitting it so brightly that Lexa could feel it on her skin.
As the brunette’s head turned and green eyes met blue, sparks flew between the two of them. They would never tire of the connection they felt every time they were alone.
An inquisitive smile broke across Lexa’s face and she quirked an eyebrow, confused by the look her girlfriend was giving her.
Clarke just reached a hand forward and traced her thumb along Lexa’s jaw, softly caressing the skin she felt there and leaning forward to place the softest whisper of a kiss against her lips. Lexa instinctively followed after Clarke’s lips as the pre-medical student pulled away from her, but their foreheads rested together and that proximity was almost enough to sate Lexa’s desire. Almost.
“What was that for, love?”
Clarke’s smile grew tenfold at the pet name. She would never admit it out loud, but those little names made her heart race in a way she could never explain. They were sometimes the only things that kept her alive.
Her thumb gently stroked the skin underneath it once more and Clarke looked deep into green eyes, trying to convey all of her emotions through that single bout of eye contact.
It worked, of course, and Lexa could feel the emotions swirling in the space between them. She could feel everything Clarke was feeling but couldn’t say, and she felt her heart grow exponentially to fit all of the love in her. Neither of them could have ever imagined a moment so perfect, and they would give anything to be able to stay like that forever.
A few weeks after that night, Clarke and Lexa were once more cuddled together, though this time in their own bed in their apartment.
Lexa was sitting up against the headboard on their bed, absentmindedly stroking the head of blonde hair that was resting on her stomache. Clarke had climbed into bed with her after getting home from her last class of the day and immediately collapsed in her lap. The pre-law student hadn’t expected anything less, knowing what the day meant to the girl.
It was the anniversary of the day Clarke and Lexa had met. It was the anniversary of the day Clarke first felt hope that things would eventually be good for her again. The day Clarke finally found the first piece of her family.
Clarke’s entire body was coiled tight, on edge and tensed to the point that Lexa feared she could burst with the slightest bit of pressure. That tension also made her fragile, though, and Lexa knew that she could break just as easily.
She was surprised, of course, when Clarke spoke in a very collected voice. There was a strain behind it, of course, but it was far calmer than Lexa would have anticipated.
“Do you remember that night? The night we went to the park for the stars?”
Lexa hummed her acknowledgment, scratching lightly at Clarke’s scalp and smiling softly when some of the tension left the blonde’s body. She sat silently and let Clarke just say everything she needed to. The brunette felt herself calm down slightly when Clarke’s hand moved to rest on her thigh, lightly stroking the skin there as if to ground herself.
“I think that was my favourite night. I always go back to that night when I need to. Everything about it was just perfect. The way the grass felt, the blanket, your lame sandwiches,” they both chuckled at that. “My favourite part, though, was the smell, I think. It smelled like the cold autumn air and it was just so calm. Every time I smell it now, I think of that night and I think of you and I know that, no matter what else happens, we’ll always be okay.”
Lexa was pulled out of her memories by the sound of someone calling her name. Looking around, she saw that everyone was watching her and she quickly tried to asses what she had missed.
Raven was looking at her with such a look of sympathy and she just wanted to figure out what happened. It didn’t take her long to realize that they were eyeing the tears making their way down her cheeks.
Quickly wiping them away, Lexa apologized to everyone and turned away to gather herself.
Both Niylah and Harper realized that they had probably overstayed their welcome and they made to get out of the room. Before leaving, though, Niylah made her way back to Clarke’s bedside and looked down gloomily at the still figure laying there. She reached her hand out and gently placed it on top of Clarke’s, wishing beyond all else that the doctor would just grasp it back, but knowing that she wouldn’t.
Looking up to see green eyes watching her attentively, Niylah smiled apologetically before bidding them all goodbye and making her way out of the room.
Lexa watched the door close behind the two girls silently before she turned back to look at the girl lying in the bed. She was at a loss as to what to do then, not knowing how she was supposed to react to any of it. Tears built up in the back of her eyes once more, coming easily as she thought of all of the pain she couldn’t save the younger girl from. They filled her eyes so that green irises were swimming in the salty liquid before jumping over the precipice of her eyelids and landed on the stark white bed-sheet, bringing the brunette down with them.
The lawyer fell to her knees by Clarke’s head, unable to handle everything that was happening. Her life was moving so fast and it was nothing like she had expected it would be, and the only person who could understand that was currently in a coma and no one seemed to know if she would ever wake up.
Lexa jerked her head up from its spot on the bed when she felt a hand land on her shoulder. Looking up, green eyes met brown and she could feel the sympathy and pain rolling off Raven in waves. Raven coaxed her gently into a standing position, pulling her back to sit in the chair behind her. Not wanting to be pulled too far away from Clarke, her hand stayed grasping the white bedding desperately.
She fell asleep like that, curled up and ragged, tear stains marking her cheeks in a way that would make anyone who witnessed the scene feel a stab of sympathy. Her hand stayed clutched within the sheets on Clarke’s bed and when the smell of the autumn air finally made its way through the room and into Lexa’s nose, bringing back memories of the good days when their life was everything they could’ve wanted, the lawyer finally relaxed a little bit, allowing herself to finally be lulled into a deeper sleep, letting go of the nightmare that had become her life.