Is It Done, Really?
It had been about three months since Lexa and Clarke decided to try being friends, and things had been actually going really well for both of them. Clarke was hanging out with her old/new family more and more, spending time with all of them alone and together. Lexa was able to spend time with Clarke in a safe setting, finally getting opportunities to slowly start paying back the never-ending debt that she owed Clarke.
Their lives had all changed over the past few months, and no one could be happier with the way things were going. Raven’s internship with Tesla had turned into an actual apprenticeship-style job under one of the mechanical engineers, Lincoln had recently passed the detective exam and would be transferring to the Missing Persons unit in 2 weeks, and it was Octavia’s last year of Under Grad.
Of course, the most monumental things to happen in the last three months were what they were going out to celebrate that night. Lexa had officially finished the interning requirements for law school and was being promoted within the firm. She would be going from just an intern to working as Gustus’s assistant. He had been so incredibly impressed by the work she had done over the years and her incredible perseverance, he wanted to take her under his wing directly, forming her into one of the best lawyers in the area.
Clarke, on the other hand, was graduating medical school. She had finished her clinical rotations the previous week and had already sent in her application for residency at USC. Everyone seemed certain that she was going to get it, but she knew that there were so many other possible candidates who had as much of a chance as she did, if not better. Her last two rotations had been really tough, considering everything else she was juggling. There were times when the medical student – nay, doctor – was surprised that the people at the hospital hadn’t figured out how much other shit she had going on.
This particular Saturday night, everyone was free and decided to get together. There were more than enough things in their lives to celebrate, and none of them were going to pass up an opportunity to spend time together.
Clarke had been steadily growing more comfortable with everyone around, though none of them had actually managed to make their way past her walls. In all honesty, she had been feeling herself be spread thinner and thinner as the days passed and she was beginning to think she wouldn’t be able to handle it any longer. Whatever persona she was putting on for the people around her was working just fine for the moment, but she had somehow lost sight of who she used to be.
Then again, she hadn’t known who she was for five years.
She had had about a week where she was not working in the hospital and she realized that she hadn’t planned for what she was supposed to do between rotations and residency. For the last year-and-a-half, Clarke had been able to spend at least a few days at a time at the hospital, filling up whatever free time she had managed to get away from Jaha’s people. With at least a month of time available now, the medical student no longer knew what to do.
She spent a lot of time driving around now, forever grateful that the price of gas had gone down so much. It was tough for her to spend so much time alone. If there was one thing she hated more than being around other people, it was being around herself. Clarke was so more than just disappointed with where she had ended up and what she had become, and she ended up spending most of her free time badgering herself and trying to figure out a way to get out of it.
There were many times over the last few months that she had come close to to going her last resort. On the particularly hard days, the poor blonde would get it in her head that she would never be able to break free from where she was, that she would be stuck in this hell for the rest of her days. Those were the days that Clarke went back to the diner Lexa had taken her to. She had found a sanctuary in the booth in the back; a place where she had been reminded that not everyone was evil, that there were people she didn’t have to be afraid of. She was able to remember her own reconciliation with Lexa and she was able to listen to the servers who worked there, being reminded that there were in fact normal people still out there.
Walking into the restaurant that evening, it was odd for Clarke to think that she had friends again. Everyone that was there that night was there to celebrate their own achievements – obviously well deserved – but they were going to be there to celebrate Clarke as well. And for the first time in years, she wasn’t worried that those celebrations would end with Clarke being used up and thrown out.
Walking up to the table, Clarke saw that everyone but Indra and Lincoln were already there. Raven and Octavia were already sitting on the booth side, leaving the corner seat open, and Lexa and Anya were sitting in two of the chairs on the other side. Clarke tensed slightly as she got closer, feeling her expression get harder than it had been as soon as her eyes met reserved, grey eyes across the restaurant.
It had been about six months since Clarke had seen or truly spoken to Anya, and that was not necessary for lack of the soldier’s trying. This was the first time Anya was able to get off base so Clarke should have known that she would be there that night, but she hadn’t really thought about it when making plans with Raven and Octavia. Clarke, of course, had not explicitly said a thing to anyone about her issues with Anya over the last few months, but she no longer had any guarantee that Anya hadn’t told anyone what was going on.
Raven and Octavia both jumped out of the booth as Clarke got closer and gave her big hugs. The blonde had gotten used to the displays of affection from the boisterous brunettes through the time they spent together, but she never completely managed to keep the panic from running rampant in her veins before the comfort flooded through.
As everyone was standing up, Clarke finally managed to get a good look at what everyone was wearing. Not surprisingly, they all looked amazing. Octavia was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans with black boots that went to her calf, a black top closing off her outfit with a single gold chain around her neck. Raven was wearing her signature black jeans with black hi-top converse and a plain red tank top. Anya was wearing black jeans and combat boots, a simple, grey shirt on top and her hair loose around her face.
Clarke tried not to look at Lexa too much, knowing instinctively that the older girl still had undesired effects on her. Knowing that they were trying to be friends, however, the medical student forced herself to look at her ex-girlfriend and felt her heart skip a beat. Lexa was wearing black jeans, black ankle boots, and a plain white shirt. The shirt was sheer and Lexa was wearing very little underneath it, and Clarke pointedly looked directly at the law intern’s – nay, lawyer’s – face so as not to seem disrespectful.
Clarke quickly greeted Lexa and Anya before scooting all the way into the booth. She knew easily that Octavia and Raven had both saved that spot for her, and she did feel a pang of guilt for a moment. She knew at that point, however, that none of the other girls were particularly sensitive to wear they sat in public, so long as Raven got space to stretch her leg out.
The tension between Anya and Clarke was tangible to all three other girls at the table as well. Anya had spoken to everyone beforehand, however, to make sure no one would make a big deal about it and make Clarke uncomfortable. Whether or not the young blonde was talking to her at the moment, Anya still knew her like a little sister and she knew that the last thing Clarke needed to extra attention to her feelings.
They sat for some time, just talking about the little things that had been going on in their lives. Raven was beyond excited about her job with Tesla, eager as ever to start working on the cars of the future. Octavia was just ready to finally be done with Under Grad. She was going to continue working with the psychologist she had shadowed over summer through the semester, and she was hoping that she would get a good letter of recommendation from her.
Everyone turned their attention to Lexa for a minute, not even bothering to tone down their excitement for her. It wasn’t every day that someone moved one step further within law school and she only had one more process to go through before she graduated. Getting the job at the same firm she had interned at, however, was no small feat, and they all decided to do an early toast to the lawyer-in-training.
“Ok but are we seriously going to skirt over the most important thing tonight?” Everyone eyed Octavia, curious to see where she would go with this. “We have an official doctor in our midst!”
Clarke blushed deeply as the attention was turned on her, knowing that everyone around them would be able to hear the cheering coming from the table. It was funny seeing the other girls act like this, considering not a single one of them had drunk a single thing with alcohol. The more Clarke spent time with them the last few months, the more she realized they had almost completely cut out alcohol while she was around.
Everyone raised their cups of Sprite (or, in Raven’s case, Dr. Pepper) and toasted to Clarke.
Octavia gave Clarke a simple pat on the back of her hand, ever-aware of the blonde’s sensitivity to touch. When blue eyes looked up to meet her own and she got a smile in return, the younger brunette wrapped her hand around Clarke’s and gave it a squeeze. Clarke’s smile widened and her blush deepened.
As they went back to talking about small nothings, Clarke saw Indra and Lincoln walk in through the door. It was obvious from the tired looks on their faces and their rumpled clothes that they were both coming directly from work.
Everyone got up once more to greet the two newcomers to their dinner party, and they all settled down once Lincoln and Indra took their seats. Indra sat down next to Anya and whispered something into her ear, causing the Army captain to inhale deeply before straightening her posture. Clarke eyed the interaction from her peripherals, not wanting to make it that obvious that she had been watching the two.
They all ordered their food and settled in to wait for it to arrive. Clarke talked to everyone throughout the meal, finding herself enjoying their company more and more each time she went out with them. There was a nagging voice in the back of her head to not let them get too attached to her when she knew that she wouldn’t be staying with them for any long amount of time, but she opted to ignore it and just enjoy herself.
Eventually, they had eaten their desserts and were letting the food settle before they were on their ways home. They made their way to their cars outside, Lexa walking in the front with Raven, Octavia, and Clarke, joking about how the two girls would be getting done with their graduate degrees at the same time. Anya, Indra, and Lincoln stayed in the back, talking about whatever it was they were talking about.
As they reached their own cars, they all stopped and laughed at the fact that they had parked right near each other.
Clarke started packing her stuff in her car, getting ready to make her way out and find a place to settle down for the night. Maybe she would find a 24-hour gym to pass the night and day in.
Anya walked up to Clarke, seeing her make her way away from the rest of the crew. “You’ve buffed her up a bit.”
Clarke eyed the girl next to her, trying to decide whether or not there was another message she was trying to get across.
“I have to be able to keep up appearances for clients.”
Anya understood the meaning behind the words immediately and she sighed.
Clarke watched as the dirty blonde seemed to fight herself for something to say.
Before either of them could get anything out, Octavia came bounding over to them. “Clarkey! We’re going back to our place. Do you wanna come chill with us for a bit?”
Clarke couldn’t stop the smile that crossed her face at the younger girl’s energy. Seeing Raven and Lexa eyeing her eagerly from over Octavia’s shoulder, the medical student knew she couldn’t refuse. Sighing despite the smile that had made its way across her face, Clarke looked at Octavia and nodded. The psychology student jumped up and down excitedly before going back to her flatmates.
Shaking her head and chuckling under her breath, Clarke turned back to her car and finished putting her stuff away. Anya was still standing there with a small smile on her face.
Blue eyes hardened slightly as they met grey, and Clarke straightened up. Anya sighed, “You know, the only thing I ever wanted was for you to have a family again. I just wanted you to know that there are more people out there that love you. I’m just sorry that I had to break your trust to do it.”
Anya studied Clarke’s face as she spoke, seeing that the younger blonde was not going to betray a single emotion. The captain had never wanted to lose the younger girl. That was her baby sister, and she deserved absolutely everything good that life had to offer. Anya hated more than anything that she herself had been one cause of the younger girl’s pain.
“I really am sorry, and I would love to be able to win your trust back, but I understand that that might not be possible at this point. I do want you to know, though, that if you ever need anything, I will be here for you no matter how big or small you consider the issue to be.”
Clarke screwed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath. Talking with Anya once again reminded her about why she had been having so much trouble sleeping. She knew without a doubt that she was going to leave these girls soon – she didn’t have much motivation to spend any more time in the hell that was her life – and she had resolved to herself that she would disappear from their lives before they became too attached. After the first few months of getting to know the girls, Clarke knew that she couldn’t let them get any closer to her if she wanted to spare them the pain she took with her everywhere.
Anya had taken that from her, though. She had told Lexa and her friends everything she had been through and there was no way they would let her out of their lives just like that. Clarke had never wanted anything more than to leave Lexa’s life untouched, unblemished by what she had become. Even after she had run into her ex-girlfriend and her new friends, Clarke had made sure that Anya promised not to tell Lexa anything about her situation. The tortured blonde had planned on leaving and not making anyone bother themselves with having to worry about them; leaving everyone to live their lives in peace and happiness as they deserved. She had trusted that Anya would respect her request and found herself once again reminded of the fact that she had no one truly in her corner.
Anya’s breath caught in her throat as Clarke looked back up at her, pain swirling deep within blue eyes, swirling and storming as though it was going to drown the owner.
“It took me a damn long time to trust you when I first met you, Anya. And it took me almost as long to trust you the second time around. I never wanted to have to ask you – or anyone, for that matter – for anything because I never wanted to feel like I owed anyone yet another piece of myself. I spent years rying to convince myself that there was nothing to be afraid of; that you would be on my side and I didn’t have to hate myself even more for asking you to keep a secret from your sister. I had finally formed some sort of delusion that maybe – just maybe – I wouldn’t be burned for trusting someone. I guess we’re just supposed to be dealt shit again and again until we learn our lessons; and don’t worry, I’ve learnt my lesson.”
Anya felt like she had been punched in the gut. Clarke turned back to her car, locking it up and walked over to the three brunettes watching them. Neither one of them was going to acknowledge the quizzical looks on their faces.
The captain jumped as a hand fell on her shoulder. Turning to see two pairs of brown eyes looking at her with nothing but understanding in their expressions, Anya felt herself deflate. She had spent a lot of time talking with Lincoln and Indra ever since Clarke came back into their lives, and she knew that things were going to come up soon that would only serve to make the new doctor’s life even harder. Anya felt like she was stuck in the ocean, drifting far away from those that she knew and loved, not knowing how to help them and not knowing what the fuck she could do to bring herself back to them.
Clarke walked back to the three flatmates, trying to swallow past the guilt and pain that came up from her outburst at Anya. The soldier had done nothing but take care of her the entire time, and Clarke turned around and did this to her. She didn’t want to bring any unnecessary attention to herself or Anya, knowing that the dirty blonde would talk to her friends/family if she needed to.
The medical student ignored the looks on the three flatmates’ faces, trying to go for a comfortable smile that was probably a lot smaller than she intended. They seemed to take the hint and didn’t push her to say anything.
Everyone eventually split up, deciding that it would be better to take their own cars separately. Anya, Indra, and Lincoln all claimed to have to prepare for work the next day, so Clarke would be going to the apartment by herself.
Not too long after, Clarke, Raven, Octavia, and Lexa were sitting on the sofa in their living room talking about their preferred workouts at the gym.
Raven’s idea was fairly simple: “I mean, I can’t exactly freak out and have a leg day, you know? Abs, though? Sign me the fuck up!”
Octavia loved the control of it. She loved being able to work out every part of her body in a single day and feeling the gentle pull in each of her muscles as they stretched and tore and began to repair themselves. The controlled exchange of inhale and exhale as she contracted and released her muscles.
Lexa loved the time to clear her mind and not focus on anything but the physicality of exercise. She got to turn her brain off and just listen to her music, going about her business with everyone around her doing the same things but never interfering to overlapping.
Working out was Clarke’s biggest lifeline. It was the time where she got to focus on nothing but herself and what she needed. It was a clear-cut method to improve everything she felt needed improving in her physical appearance. In her day-to-day life, Clarke had little to no control over what happened to her, but in the gym she got to make every decision. She got to feel the power in her veins as she increased the weights on each of her machines – the tangible evidence of her success. She could feel her body shift to accommodate the improvements that she was making and the power of it sustained her through anything else she had to deal with before she could go back.
The shrill ringing of Lexa’s phone interrupted their conversation, and she picked it up with a comfortable smile on her face.
“You’ve reached Lexa Woods.”
A confused look crossed her face and she excused herself from the living room, making her way back into her room. The three girls left behind shrugged, figuring it had something to do with work.
They sat quietly for a bit, just chilling together.
Octavia was the first one to speak up again, “You know, today is one year to the day that we met.”
Both of the older girls looked over at her as she kept her eyes trained on the blonde’s face. Octavia studied her newest friend, trying to see what kind of thought might be going through her head. What she saw, however, made her feel slightly guilty about bringing it up.
There was a storm in blue eyes, tension written across the doctor’s face. The psychology student could see that she had struck a nerve with her statement and she really wanted to know what Clarke’s sensitivity was concerning their relationship. The blue-eyed brunette knew that Clarke cared about them and that they cared about Clarke back, and she just wanted the older girl to be comfortable with them.
Raven had a different take on it, however. She knew that Clarke was uncomfortable with the topic and she could guess where it came from. Not wanting to push the girl too far too fast, she tried to break through the tension slightly, “Don’t worry, Clarkey, Octopus has a thing about dates. I think it’s the psycho-analyizer in her.”
“I won’t apologize for how I think!”
A tiny bit of stress released from Clarke’s shoulders as Octavia made a dramatic gesture. The two brunettes really were incredible at bringing the heavy stuff and immediately breaking the tension.
She couldn’t completely let go of it, though. Octavia was right, and it hurt Clarke. Her initial idea had been that she would leave their lives before any of them got attached, but she had broken her silent promise to them and now she was still there a year later. She wouldn’t bring anything but misery to their lives, but she couldn’t bring herself to just go. Somewhere along the line, Clarke herself had become attached to the girls and she didn’t know if she could handle not having them in her life. And that thought itself caused a lot of the self-hatred she felt nowadays.
Lexa walked into the room before anyone could say anything else. There was even more tension on her face than there had been on Clarke’s, and they could all tell that whatever call she just got hadn’t gone well.
Before anyone could ask about it, however, the lawyer spoke up, “It’s getting pretty late. Clarke, you should just crash here for the night.”
It was the first time any of them had so blatantly brought up Clarke’s lack of actual accommodation. Raven and Octavia shared a look, both silently wondering if it was time to push forward or to keep moving at Clarke’s pace.
Clarke just looked at Lexa, trying to figure out the look in her eyes. It was obvious that there was something on her mind and, even after all these years, Clarke knew her well enough to know that it was really weighing on her. No one else would have been able to see it, but these were the people that knew Lexa best and she just couldn’t hide from them.
As much as they tried, however, they couldn’t quite figure out what brought about this change in the older brunette. Up until that point, she had been adamant that she wouldn’t push her ex-girlfriend, that she would give the girl her space and not interfere in how she was living. Something happened between the time she got the phone call and the time she came back out to them that changed her outlook.
Lexa tried her best to keep the fear off her face, and she seemed to have succeeded to a point because no one was asking her any questions, but they were looking at her like she more unstable than they had ever seen her. Octavia and Raven, she knew, wouldn’t try to force any answers out of her or try too hard to analyze what she was hiding. Clarke, on the other hand, always had a knack for being able to see past her mask and make her face what she was trying to hide. The lawyer needed Clarke to stay oblivious, though, and she wanted someone to move the conversation forward.
Octavia could see the frantic look appearing in Lexa’s eyes and spoke, “Oh man you’re right. Dude it’s too late to be driving around now.”
Clarke snuck a glance at the clock by the TV seeing that it was only 11:30 and she turned back to the other girls, eyebrows knit together and scrutiny in her eyes. She wondered if she should point out that she had been working at a hospital for the last 13 months and had, therefore, been up and around at all hours of the day. Seeing the way Lexa was trying to hide her desperation behind a look of nonchalance, however, she decided that she would save her ex-girlfriend the aneurysm she was about to have.
Everyone watched as the Lexa seemed to release the tension that had built up in her shoulders when Clarke nodded. Her face melted into a content smile before turning to get a cup of water from the kitchen.
Octavia jumped up from the sofa to follow after her and Raven turned her body to face Clarke. It was obvious that whatever was going on with Lexa had changed everyone’s mood, but Raven wasn’t about to let it stay uncomfortable.
“You know, the Disney princess gets, like, super excitable, but she’s not wrong. It’s been a pretty fan-fucking-tastic year.”
Clarke just looked at the mechanic, trying to figure out what, exactly, she could say in response. She was saved, however, when their two friends came back from the kitchen with cups of water for each of them.
They all drank their water and let the conversation go back wherever the hell it was going. Raven was the first one to get up from the sofa, stating that she needed to go and do her exercises before getting ready to sleep. Lexa offered to go in and help her with them while Octavia and Clarke went downstairs to get some clothes for the blonde to sleep in.
The two girls made their way to the car in comfortable silence. Octavia stood by quietly as the doctor pulled her duffel bag out of the trunk. It was a very spacious trunk and there were compartments separating all of the different areas within, allowing Clarke to keep everything in their designated areas.
What really tripped the younger girl up, however, was the extra space that Clarke had created. She just picked up the base of the trunk and there was a whole other level to it, that one also organized to the max.
As the doctor got what all she needed from the back of her car, Octavia leaned up against the side, watching silently. After a moment, however, she spoke up, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I wasn’t lying, you know?” Blue yes shot over to meet her own, and Octavia could see the exact moment her confusion turned to understanding. “I know things were rocky in the beginning since we were all trying to hide it from Lexa and stuff, and my brother was a real dick, but I’m glad that we’re not there anymore. I mean, it’s fun just getting to hang out. Like normal.”
Clarke could see what Octavia was saying, and she could also see that the younger girl was struggling with getting her thoughts across, so she offered her as big of a smile as she could get.
Octavia looked back at Clarke when she felt a hand land on her forearm. It was the first time the blonde had initiated contact with any one of them, and the smile that was gracing her features added to the beauty of the moment. She blinked away her emotions, clearing her throat before returning Clarke’s smile and leading them back upstairs. Her offer to carry Clarke’s bag up for her was turned down, as expected.
Once everyone was changed and ready for bed, Clarke leaned back on the sofa, trying her best to silence her racing thoughts. Octavia, Raven, and Lexa knew at that point that Clarke’s main condition about staying in their apartment was that she would sleep on the sofa so as to not make anyone uncomfortable by taking their bed. They had argued with her the first time, but learned easily that she was not to be swayed.
As she was trying to settle down for the night, her attention was caught by a slight scuffle next to her. Opening her eyes, she turned her head to see Raven standing next to her.
“I just came to grab a drink before I crash.”
Clarke just nodded, seeing that there was obviously something more on the brunette’s mind.
“And I, uh, I wanted to say – about what Octavia was saying earlier. She’s not the only one that appreciates you being here, you know?” Her right hand came up and scratched at her temple, brown eyes skittering around a bit before settling on the blonde’s face once more. “You’re pretty kickass, Griff, and I’m glad you’re sticking around.”
The fact that Raven wasn’t using any nicknames showed Clarke just how serious the mechanic was in that moment. That added realization that they were expecting her to be around and develop a relationship even more just added to Clarke’s already flourishing headache, but she pushed that aside to offer the unexpectedly fidgety brunette a smile as genuine as the one she gave Octavia earlier.
Raven’s smile broke out into a huge grin, far more characteristic of her usually fiery personality, and she leaned down to give Clarke a friendly punch on the shoulder before telling her to get some sleep.
As Raven was walking back to her room, Lexa walked past her into the living room. Clarke smiled at her as well, laughing lightly at the way all three girls seemed to be checking in on her.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
It was silent for a moment after that before both girls chuckled at the same time.
Lexa spoke first, “I just wanted to make sure you were good for the night, but it seems like you already had a visitor to check in on you.”
Clarke smiled at her, “Yea, I’m good. I promise.”
Lexa took a step closer, stopping just before she reached the sofa. “I just – I’m really proud of you, Clarke.” A soft smile crossed her face at the look of confusion on the blonde’s face. “You’re finally a doctor, Clarke. It’s all you’ve ever dreamed of being able to do and you’re here. You made it and you won.”
She choked off at the end, feeling emotions welling in the back of her throat. They had both made it to their dreams, they had gotten where they always wanted to be, but they lost each other in the process and that made it a bittersweet victory. Lexa was a part of Clarke’s dream and Clarke was a part of Lexa’s and neither of them could ignore that fact.
Clarke cleared her throat, gathering herself and pushing her thoughts away yet again. “I’m not the only one who made it big today, Lexa. You’re finally a lawyer. I couldn’t be happier for you if I tried.”
The smile that Clarke offered Lexa with that statement was shrouded in pain. It was hard for both of them to so blatantly ignore this thing that they knew the other knew, but it would have been even harder for them to talk about it in that moment. They opted for the easy way out, instead.
“Rest well, Councilor.”
“Good night, Doctor.”
Lexa woke up abruptly to the shrill ringing of her phone. It had been almost a month since they celebrated everyone making it one step further in life, and life had not been kind to her in the meantime. Her workload had nearly doubled and she was desperate to take advantage of any moment of sleep she could get. She debated ignoring the phone, silently cursing the caller and praying to be able to fall back asleep. As the phone went silent, the tired brunette let out a sigh and settled back into her pillow.
Before she could even get comfortable once again, the phone started ringing a second time. Groaning, the lawyer-in-training rolled over and grabbed it, swiping her finger across the screen to accept the call.
“This is Lexa Woods.”
“Lexa, it’s done. They’re gone and she’s free. You need to come to her hospital.”
It took her a second to wake up enough to really get what her sister was saying. As soon as the words made it through the sleepy haze of her mind, Lexa shot up, sitting straight up in her bed, the blanket pooling around her waist.
“It’s over?”
She didn’t even need the confirmation from Anya before green eyes filled with tears. Hearing her sister tell her once more that she needed to get to the hospital, Lexa threw herself out of her bed, running around her room and frantically getting herself at least somewhat presentable.
Not caring about what was happening around her, mind preoccupied by what she knew was done but didn’t know would happen, the tall brunette crashed into her cabinet, slamming her foot in the corner and knocking the books had had been resting peacefully to the floor. Grumbling and cursing everything distracting her from getting dressed, she ignored it and kept going.
The door crashing open, two shadowy figures silhouetted in her doorway by the light from the hallway, caused Lexa to jump up, blood pumping and heart pounding.
Raven and Octavia stood in her doorway, wearing their night clothes and barely awake. Raven had a crutch in one hand and Octavia had a softball bat in her own. They looked as though they were ready to go to war and Lexa looked at them as though they were crazy.
“Dude what the fuck are you doing?”
Lexa just looked between the two of them, trying to figure out how to answer Raven’s question.
Before she could say anything, though, the weight of what was happening hit her. She could feel the tears build in the back of her eyes but tried her best to choke them down. She was done letting her emotions take over. The realization of what was really happening hit her like a freight train, however, and she stumbled back, knees giving out under her.
The two younger ladies rushed into the room at seeing Lexa slowly crumble to the ground. Raven had her sit on the bed while Octavia rushed to grab a t-shirt, quickly pulling it over the lawyer’s head.
“What’s goin’ on, babe? What happened?”
Lexa took a couple of deep breaths, gathering her thoughts before presenting what little she knew.
“Anya called me saying that I need to get to the hospital. I think…I think Cage and Jaha are done…”
Both girls gasped, tears filling their eyes. They had been trying so hard to come up with some way to get Clarke away from them, and then possibly getting them taken down altogether. Neither of them were particularly involved in law enforcement, however, and there wasn’t much they knew about doing in this case. They would never have even dreamed that it would have been done all at once on its own. No one would have to worry about those shitwads again.
Raven jumped up after a moment. “Well, what the hell are we doing here?! Let’s go get our girl!”
That broke through the tension in the room and everyone laughed at the mechanic’s enthusiasm.
Within 5 minutes, all three girls were seated in Lexa’s Audi, on their way to the USC Trauma Center. The jet-black look of the sky and the significant lack of traffic so characteristic to Los Angeles made them all really realize the fact that it was only just past 2:00 in the morning and they had no idea what would be waiting for them at the hospital.
All of them were preoccupied with the thoughts running through their heads and no one noticed what was happening around them until Lexa parked in the Emergency parking lot at the hospital.
They ran through the doors, going directly to the nurse’s station.
“Can you tell me where Cl – “
“Ma’am, I’m really sorry but visiting hours won’t start again until 6:00. You’ll have to come back then, I can’t allow anyone back.”
They barely even bothered to notice the exhausted look on the nurse’s face before Lexa was going off again.
“No you don’t understand I have to get back there. I need to find my – “
“I understand the issue, ma’am, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to wait. If they’ve only just been brought in then it’s very possible doctors are still working to help your loved one.”
Not one to be kept from a family member in trouble, Octavia stepped forward, finger raised accusatorily and glare burning on her face, “No you need to understand that – “
“O, don’t,” Lexa spoke up over Octavia. The last thing they needed to be doing was yelling at the poor nurse who was only doing her job. Lexa sighed, the pain of separation settling into her bones, “Can you at least tell us what room she’s staying in?”
The nurse sighed, glancing at the doors separating them from the forbidden hallway. Looking back at the lawyer, she could see the pain in green eyes. It wasn’t often a patient’s family member came in and managed to keep their cool after being refused access. She was more than used to being yelled at and threatened. The fact that this woman had kept herself calm and also managed to calm down her friend made Monroe’s guilt at her refusal run even deeper.
“I really am truly sorry, Miss, but unless you’re family, I can’t release that information.”
Before any of them could say anything else, another voice came up from next to them.
“It’s alright, Roe. I’ll take them back.”
Lexa’s eyes widened, immediately recognizing the nurse that had been flirting with her the day she came to pick Clarke up and they went to the diner. “You’re the nurse…”
A soft smile spread across Harper’s face, “And you’re the friend. The one she won’t tell us anything about.” Turning to the nurse behind the counter she said, “It’s all good, Monroe. They’re here for Clarke.” She had to stop and swallow, voice breaking on the doctor’s name.
They could hear the other nurse – Monroe – inhale sharply at the mention of the doctor and realized that they were also hurting the blonde doctor.
Harper turned back to Lexa and her friend. “Captain Woods and Sergeant Green told us that you would probably coming by. I’ll take you back to her now.”
Throwing a thankful statement at Monroe, Lexa practically ran to the doors that would take her to Clarke. Raven and Octavia were hot on her heels and Harper couldn’t help but feel hopeful that the blonde would allow them past the defenses that she had built so strong.
Harper stopped them all in front of a closed door, wanting to prepare them for what they were going to see, “They brought her in with some other girls who were also with…those guys.”
The hatred and rage underlying those last two words reminded everyone once more of what had happened that night and they could all feel their blood boiling. “She didn’t have any very new injuries, but there was a lot of poorly-healed bones that needed to be reset, so she will be having a couple of surgeries over the next few days to deal with that situation. Right now, though, the hospital just makes people look really pale and sickly, but know that she is safe and she is relatively healthy.”
All three brunettes exchanged a glance before nodding and moving forward to go into the room, seeing Indra standing immediately within the door. The sergeant looked at Octavia first, knowing that the girl was going to be affected harshly by what was happening. She had talked to Indra a lot about her feelings regarding the blonde currently lying in the hospital bed behind her, and Indra had a feeling things were going to get worse.
Resolving to help her minion later, the dark woman turned to the lawyer looking intently at her face. Indra could see the fear swirling in green eyes; unrest and distress rustling through the forests within. Despite everything, Indra couldn’t deny that this woman deserved information on the blue-eyed girl.
Lexa kept her eyes trained on Indra’s face. She was terrified to see what state Clarke was in, but she trusted Indra to tell her what the fuck was going on.
A hand on her arm pulled Lexa out of her fear and she noticed that she hadn’t seen so much emotion on Indra’s face since Clarke’s birthday 6 years ago.
“She’s being kept in a deep sleep by doctors so that they can monitor her brain function,” the words were whispered, but they echoed in the silence of the hospital room. “It’s not exactly a coma, but she won’t wake up until they actively try to get her up. So far, there haven’t been any major complications, but with her history, anything can happen.”
“Ok but how did this happen in the first place? What the hell is going on?”
Raven always had been direct in what she wanted and it was usually a well-appreciated attribute; it was one of the ways Anya had formed such close bond with her so soon after their meeting. Today, however, Indra needed a way to sate the mechanic’s curiosity with as little information as possible.
“We took down a ring of sex traffickers with an affiliation to a fight club. Clarke volunteered to be a contact for us on the inside so we could get more information and – “
“Wait you kept her in there to do your job for you?”
All three women bristled at Octavia’s sharp question. Lexa could see the pain in Indra’s eyes, though, and she knew that there was no way this was an ideal situation for her either.
“O, just let her explain. There much have been a reason and we all know how stubborn Clarke gets at the opportunity to help people.”
Indra waited a moment to gather her thoughts, still not knowing what to say or how she felt about any of it. She decided to go with the safest information. “They found a lot of poorly healed bones in her body and are concerned that they can cause nerve damage if they go untreated. The doctor also said he had no idea how she was able to go day-to-day without being constantly in pain. They're trying to schedule her for a surgery soon to take care of them, but they need to make sure her brain can handle it. I guess her condition has gotten a bit worse over the last month or so and they're concerned about any permanent damage…”
Raven, Octavia, and Lexa felt a physical pain in their chests at that. Clarke had been in so much pain and they hadn’t even been able to ask her how she was doing.
A thought crossed Raven’s head and she looked up quickly, “Wait a second. How is she going to be able to have all these surgeries? She starts her residency soon and she doesn’t really have the money to be able to pay for all of this. What’s going to happen to her?”
“Nothing. She won’t have to worry about any of it.” A new voice coming from behind them caused the three flatmates to turn quickly. Anya was standing there looking more exhausted than any of them had ever seen her. “The operation was a joint operation between the local PD and the FBI and, with me involved, it involved the military as well. As a civilian working with the federal government, both the military and the FBI will be paying for any and all expenses that will come to her from this.”
“Yea well it’s the fucking least you guys can do for her.”
Anya sighed and her shoulders sagged even further at Octavia’s words. Anyone who knew her would know the captain wasn’t one to make any sort of decision lightly, especially one with this much pressure behind it. Clarke was as much Anya’s little sister as Lexa was and the green-eyed brunette knew that what happened had to be weighing heavily on the older woman’s conscience.
“Dr. Deidre said that the hospital is willing to hold her position in the program until she is able to come back. She’s really made her mark on everyone here…”
She trailed off with a wistful smile on her face, thinking about how far her baby sister had managed to come. The path to heaven really does run through miles of clouded hell, and no one deserved to get there more than Clarke.
At that, everyone turned to look at the girl lying unconscious in the bed, completely unaware of the storm brewing in everyone else’s minds at that moment. None of them would have thought it possible, but their respect for this girl and her drive to help everyone else just multiplied exponentially.
Lexa was the first one to take a step forward, closer to her bed. Before she knew it, she was standing right next to Clarke’s head, looking down at the silent girl. She had never seen Clarke look this pale or empty. She was laying in that bed, completely vulnerable and almost broken. There were tubes coming out of her everywhere and Lexa could feel tears prick the back of her eyes. Once again, she refused to let them fall, knowing that no one but Clarke deserved any tears.
She raised a single hand and ran it over blonde locks, pushing them back and leaning down to place a light kiss on her forehead. Brown hair fell forward onto the younger girl’s face and Lexa took extreme comfort in seeing some of it flutter with the breaths Clarke was releasing.
Standing up once more, the lawyer turned to see that everyone else had moved forward to come stand at the foot of her bed. Lexa offered them all a smile and Octavia and Raven made their way forward as well.
Once everyone had given their unreciprocated greetings to the doctor-turned-patient, they fell back into a silence. Before too long, though, Harper and Monroe made their way back into the room with a couple of orderlies pushing in some seats.
“Technically you guys can’t all be here overnight, but we don’t want to leave Dr. Griffin completely unsupervised.”
It was a bullshit excuse and everyone knew it, but no one would complain. Octavia helped Indra and Anya set up the seats so that they would be able to at least sit down comfortably.
Once the hospital staff left, Raven went and sat down on one of the chairs, pulling Anya to come sit with her. She could tell that the captain was exhausted and she had no doubt that the dirty blonde probably hadn’t slept in an ungodly amount of time. Twisting awkwardly to situate themselves in an uncomfortable position, Raven rested her head on the older woman’s chest so that she could feel that she was helping at lease someone out. If Raven was feeling so helpless at the moment, there was no doubt Indra and Anya had to be feeling even more shitty.
Octavia was taking care of Indra at the other chair. She had taken the dark woman out of the room to get her something to do. As much as Anya wanted to feel like she was actually helping someone, Raven needed the older woman to hold her anyways, so their arrangement worked. Both Octavia and Indra needed some sort of physical activity that kept them moving so that they were sitting static and ruminating. They went on a search for some sort of food or coffee or something.
Lexa was still at the side of Clarke’s bed, but now she had a seat and was just studying the girl’s face. She could see every mark, every contour, every perfect blemish on the lax skin. This was possibly the most serene she had seen Clarke in such a long time, and it was heartbreaking that it was only possible through the medications.
Sitting there that morning, aware of nothing but the pain that Clarke had been in for so long and the fact that she had been the biggest driving force behind that misery, Lexa swore to herself and her ex-girlfriend that she would do everything in her power to make sure Clarke was able to come back from this. No matter what happened, she would try to be the friend that Clarke deserved at this time of her life and get her where she deserved to be.
Two hours later, when the doctor walked into the room looking as exhausted as everyone already in the room, Lexa hadn’t slept a wink. She had been going through all the different ways she could try and help the girl currently lying in front of her. As the elder man in a white coat stepped further in the room, all the occupants (except one) sat up where they were and waited intently for him to start talking.