The Sergeant and the Doctor
Indra walked into her apartment and dropped her bag by the door. She grabbed a bottle of water from her fridge and walked directly to her sofa. Planting her feet on the floor, she leaned back so her head was resting against the back of the sofa. It would have been perfect if she could shut her mind up.
Her brother was out on a date with his girlfriend that night, so she knew that she wouldn’t have to worry about anyone coming into her home unannounced. It was the perfect situation, considering her plans for the evening.
Clarke would be coming over in a bit.
When Anya stopped by her apartment unannounced at the beginning of April, she could never have imagined what the Army Captain was going to tell her. Being the two oldest members of their pseudo family, Anya and Indra always had a special bond. It was virtually imperceptible to the Sergeant that Anya would have kept something like this from her.
However, when she opened her door that night, she was met with a very guarded Anya, looking straight at her as if she was talking to her soldiers. Indra knew immediately that the other woman had already prepared herself for some sort of confrontation.
Anya had been right to guard herself. She had been right to assume that Indra would be furious – a furious Indra was something none of them ever wanted to see, and none of them had before that night. Anya had been the first one in their entire group to ever have Indra be truly angry at them, and she never wanted to see anything like it again.
The Sergeant sighed, remembering that particular conversation. She had always had a special bond with Clarke, and they had grown close in a way that the young blonde hadn’t connected to anyone else. A certain memory slammed into her mind before she was able to stop it and she felt her breath catch.
Indra was sitting in her room, preparing for work the next day, when a knock came at her front door. She knew that Lincoln was at his dorm that night and he wouldn’t knock to come in anyways. She got up and walked to the door, looking out of the peephole and immediately rushing to open the door.
Clarke was standing in front of the door, back facing the house and shivering beyond control. She must not have noticed Indra opening the door because when the older woman placed a hand on her shoulder, gently calling her name, the young blonde jumped and spun around, stumbling backwards. She would have fallen to the ground had Indra not grabbed her arm.
The whimper that left the girl’s mouth at the contact was enough to alert the officer that something was going on. She quickly ushered the quiet girl into her house and closed the door behind them.
Clarke stood in the middle of the living room, looking around like a lost puppy, and Indra felt her heart clench. She could tell something had happened, and she was terrified to hear what it was.
Indra gently led the quiet girl to a seat, pulling her down slowly so that she was seated next to her. Clarke had told Lexa and Anya about her home life barely a month previous, and this was the first time Indra was experiencing anything herself. Clarke hadn’t really spent much one-on-one time with her yet and she didn’t know exactly what to do yet. Hoping to not seem too crowding, she kept a slight distance from the younger girl, but not so far that Clarke felt like she was alone. Indra could feel the tremors running through Clarke’s body and she couldn’t keep quiet anymore.
“What’s going on, kiddo? What happened?”
The younger girl flinched at the voice, and her eyes screwed shut. Indra had made sure to whisper as soft as she could, but it seemed that Clarke was stuck somewhere deep in terror.
The darker woman gently raised a hand to cup the girl’s face. She rested her left hand on Clarke’s right cheek, gently turning her head so that their eyes could meet. Stroking her thumb over her cheekbone, Indra could feel the tear tracks that hadn’t yet dried and she felt another throb in her chest. She could see bruising already forming in different places on the girl’s face, blood caked across different cuts as well. Her lip was split and there was a gash on her forehead. Clarke definitely looked like she had been through the wringer that night.
Indra looked deep into blue eyes, seeing nothing but turmoil in their depths. As soon as they made eye contact, Clarke’s bottom lip starting trembling even harder and her eyes filled with a new layer of tears.
Indra could see the struggle in those blue eyes to keep her tears from falling any more, and she tried to offer up the most reassuring smile that she could. The officer knew that she had a reputation for being scary and intimidating at best, and she was usually proud of that legacy. At this moment, though, she wanted nothing more than to seem as open and welcoming as possible. Clarke came to her house for a reason, she chose to seek out Indra for a reason, and the dark woman wanted to make sure that the terrified girl didn’t regret that decision.
Clarke’s throat bobbed up and down and Indra could see a single tear make a track down the blonde’s face, hanging on the edge of her jaw before falling onto her lap. The rest of the tears were blinked away, not allowed to make her seem any more vulnerable than she already did. Indra could feel the jaw under her hand clench and saw the younger girl sit up a little straighter.
The transformation was incredible. Had she not seen it herself, Indra would never have been able to believe that the girl sitting in front of her at that moment was the same quiet, terrified, haunted girl that showed up on her doorstep. All of a sudden, Clarke looked as she normally did. Her eyes were closed off, back straight, neck up, shoulders back – she looked regal and completely in control.
Indra pulled back slightly, recognizing the signs that Clarke was trying to give herself some control back. The officer matched her posture, giving the girl some feeling of solidarity.
They sat like that in silence for some time. Clarke wasn’t open to talking yet, and Indra was going to respect that. There was no way in hell that Indra was going to try and push her and make her feel even more uncomfortable than she already did.
Eventually, Clarke moved a little bit, and Indra noticed her wincing. Remembering the way the girl had reacted to her initial contact, the older woman remembered that there must have been something causing her pain, at least on her arms.
In as soft of a voice as she could muster, Indra asked, “Clarke, can I see your arms?”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the girl next to her, and that was about all the reaction she got. She decided to try testing the waters a little bit, not wanting to let a closed-off Clarke dictate the whole interaction, and reached out one hand to rest it gently on a covered forearm. A slight twitch was all the reaction she got, but it was also all the confirmation Indra needed. She had been around enough victims around the precinct to be able to tell the signs.
“I’m going to lift your sleeve now.”
Indra tried to school her features before she could show a reaction, and it was a hell of a feat to do so. There were angry, red and purple marks around the girl’s forearm in the shape of handprints. The skin around her wrist had been chaffed to the point of bleeding and raw, and that was only on one arm. She could only assume that it was just as bad on the other arm as well.
“Clarke, whatever happened – you can tell me about it. You don’t have to be afraid here. No one that walks through that door would ever even think about judging you.”
Clarke just looked at her. No words came out of the girl’s mouth, and nothing in her expression changed. Blue eyes were focused straight ahead, completely disregarding everything around them.
Indra sighed. “Will you at least let me take care of your wounds?”
Receiving no response, the officer assumed that, since she didn’t get a rejection, Clarke couldn’t object to her going to get their first-aid kit.
Walking back with the supplies, Indra sat on a still in front of the still silent girl and gently pulled her left arm forward. Rolling Clarke’s sleeve back, the darker woman started on cleaning the skin with an antiseptic. Finishing the first arm, she reached for the second and repeated the process.
When both arms were cleaned and bandaged, Indra looked back up at the blonde’s face. She had hoped that the time in silence would have given Clarke some time to gather herself and get a little more comfortable. It seemed as though she was right when she was met with blue eyes watching her intently, indiscernible emotions playing across her features, but emotions there nonetheless.
Looking up towards Clarke now, Indra got a new view of the younger girl’s head. From this perspective, the officer saw the scariest of the marks on her friend’s body. There were bruises around her neck, slowly getting more violent and more harsh. A dark hand reached out gently and trailed soft fingers across the bruises. The whole bruised and battered body clenched, becoming taut as a bowstring, looking as though the slightest pressure would cause her whole being to snap. If Clarke had thought that she had her own voice, Indra had no doubt that she would’ve been punched in the face at the very least. Knowing victim mentalities, however, she knew that the girl would not stand up for herself.
Indra pulled her hand away from Clarke’s neck quickly. She had hoped that the touch would be comforting, but if it didn’t work immediately, she didn’t want to push anything. She immediately moved on to cleaning the open cuts on the medical student’s face.
“I’m sorry.”
Indra wouldn’t have believed that she actually heard the words if her hands weren’t literally on Clarke’s face. She paused her actions for a moment, studying the blonde’s face.
“Clarke, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for.”
“I didn’t mean to just show up here. I’m sure you have important things to take care of.”
Brown eyes locked with blue before making the next statement, wanting to make sure that Clarke would hear every word that was said. “Nothing could ever be more important to me than my family.”
Clarke’s breath caught in her throat. She never thought of herself as a part of this little family she found herself around. Sure, the Woods said that they wanted to keep her, but that kind of stuff never stuck. There was little to no certainty that she would actually stay with them. Indra’s words almost made it all that much more painful. She wasn’t actually a part of their family, and she very likely never would be. Clarke didn’t even know if she would ever live through a night – she rarely knew if she ever even wanted to – why would this last?
“Kiddo, why are you sorry? I hope you know that I absolutely do not mind you coming to me if you need me.”
Clarke looked back into brown eyes, bringing herself out of the dark place she often found herself in. Not knowing how much she could say, how much she could handle talking about, the medical student sat silently for a moment while Indra went back to taking care of her wounds.
“I ran out again.”
It was so quiet, and so simple, but so important. It was more than Clarke had told any of them since she showed up at the Woods house a month ago. She never brought it up again after that and no one else knew how to say anything either.
“What happened?”
“I’ve been bounced around for ten years. Between Wallace and Jaha for eight. I haven’t even tried leaving for years; people don’t usually survive that.”
The foster child was staring straight ahead, not looking at anything really. Her eyes were unfocused and Indra could see nothing but storms swirling in their depths, waves crashing and thunder rolling, memories washing and roaring through her mind, tearing everything apart.
“They punished me. For leaving last month, for talking to people, for making frie -“
Indra felt another particular stab in her heart. Clarke was still too unsure to actually call them her friends. After everything, Clarke wasn’t able to actually believe that they were friends.
“We are friends, Clarke. All of us. We will always be here to help you no matter what.”
Blue eyes focused on brown once again. She looked deep into Indra’s eyes, studying what she saw. After so many years, the blonde had become particularly acute at being able to see who was lying and when. Whatever she saw in Indra’s face was too much for her to handle, she turned away and looked back ahead.
“They like being as degrading as possible. All of the guys that they bring around the house. They get off on making the girls feel as much like shit as they can. They’re favourite thing is when we fight back. They like tying us up and still pretending that we’re fighting back.”
The words were said so blasé and straightforward, sharp enough to stab through any defense Indra had tried to set up. She understood exactly what Clarke was talking about, it didn’t need to be spelled out for her. The officer knew all about Thelonious Jaha and Cage Wallace, and she knew that there was fuck-all they could do about it. There was a long standing project between many different precincts trying to take them down, but the Commissioner was in Jaha’s pocket and there was little to nothing anyone could do around him without pulling in Federal support. None of that meant that she was okay with hearing that this shit was happening to the newest member of her family, though.
There were a few moments of silence, nothing but the small sounds of labored breathing breaking the air in the room. Indra chided herself for not knowing what to say, but could you really blame her? What was anyone even supposed to say to something like that? A member of Indra’s family came to her house, someone she hadn’t even realized had become a part of her family, seeking her out for something neither of them could quite understand, and gave her such a devastating story as if she was talking about the rain.
One thing in particular was still plaguing the dark woman’s mind. She knew she had to approach the subject delicately, though; Clarke’s mind was as fragile as a cup of water on a table with a cat next to it: the wrong move would tip it over the edge.
“I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to come to me with this.”
Clarke turned to look back at the woman in front of her. Brown eyes were focused on the wounds around Clarke’s wrists once again. Blue eyes studied her face for a moment, watching the micro-expressions flit across a dark face. Brown eyes eventually made their way back up and met blue. Clarke looked at her for a moment, silently, judging what she saw. Any judgment or displeasure on the older woman’s face would’ve been the only sign the haunted blonde needed to run out.
She was met with nothing but genuine concern and care, however, and she didn’t know what to do with it. Clarke knew what Indra really meant by her statement. The fact that Indra didn’t outright ask Clarke why she came to her house showed the medical student that it wasn’t necessarily a problem.
The blonde studied the darker woman while she started speaking. “I couldn’t stay. They had three more guys tonight, and two were already done. I had the option of staying or leaving and I opted to leave. That was the wrong answer and they made sure I stayed,” she said, indicating her raw wrists. “After the last guy was done, they told me to get the fuck out. I didn’t know where to go.”
Clarke looked back into the distance, thinking about what to say next. She could be honest, tell Indra the truth about how she felt at that moment, something that had never proven to work for her; or she could bullshit something about wandering around. Looking back at the officer’s face, though, she saw nothing but understanding, care, and concern. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Clarke started talking again.
“I didn’t know where to go. I don’t have anyone anymore. You all are the only people I could think of. I didn’t want to come by and bother anyone, but I won’t be allowed to go back for a few days and the janitors are away from school already.
“I didn’t know who else I could go to. Mr. Gre – um, Lincoln came to mind first, but I couldn’t do that to him. He’s too pure, still, to hear shit like this. Anya isn’t here. Mister and Missus Woods are so incredibly kind, they’ve done so much and they’re still trying to do so much more, but I can’t bother them with this too. On top of everything else that they’re already going through, I can’t add this on top of it.”
Indra reached her hands forward and placed them gently atop Clarke’s. It seemed as though the blonde didn’t actually notice how badly they were shaking until Indra stopped them. The dark woman wanted nothing more than to be able to comfort this girl sitting on her sofa, trying so hard not to seem vulnerable. “Clarke, you can trust that you’re never bothering any of us. It’s what we’re here for. Especially the Woods. They’re trying to adopt you, that means they want absolutely everything to do with you. Nothing you tell them is going to scare them away.”
Clarke studied her face, searching for any possible indication of deception. Seeing none, she nodded once, softly, and maintained eye-contact. She didn’t say anything for a moment, and Indra raised an eyebrow. The officer could tell that Clarke had intentionally not mentioned anything about Lexa, and she wanted to know why. Considering the way the younger girl acted around the green-eyed brunette, though, Indra had some idea as to why.
Clarke sighed, “Lexa is something else. She’s too pure, like Lincoln, and she shouldn’t have to hear things like this. Lincoln plans on going into Law Enforcement, Anya is in the military, you’re already an officer and I knew you wouldn’t judge. Lexa is so delicate, so precious, she deserves better than to have her bubble popped by something like this. I can’t be the one to take that innocence from her, that beauty and radiance that she’s probably not even aware of, but lights up the whole world. She has this – “
Clarke cut off abruptly, finally taking note of the soft smile on Indra’s face, and she knew she was caught.
That was the moment they both knew they would have a special relationship. Indra was the first one out of everybody who knew about Clarke’s feelings for Lexa, apparently before even Clarke figured it out. They had a distinct bond after that, Indra being the person that Clarke knew she could trust with anything she couldn’t trust to anyone else.
Indra sighed, sitting up on her sofa once more. She had thought that their relationship had been unbreakable, that the blonde wouldn’t have just disappeared from her life with no warning. She had thought that, at the very least, Clarke would have stayed in touch with her.
The Sergeant was brought out of her musings by a knock at her door. She flashed back to the first time Clarke knocked on her door once again, but quickly shook the memory from her head.
Indra could hardly recognize the person standing in front of her door. It was Clarke, there was no doubt in that, but it wasn’t a Clarke that Indra had seen in a long time. The Clarke on her doorstep was a replica of the Clarke that had first shown up at Indra’s, telling tales of horrors no one could ever imagine living.
She ushered the medical intern into her apartment and made to grab drinks from the fridge. Noticing the way Clarke stood in the middle of the living room, taking stock of her surroundings, the older woman realized that this was Clarke’s first time at her new home. Indra used to live in the home provided to them by the military, a provision for families of fallen soldiers. When Lincoln made it into the police academy, she asked if they could downsize to apartments as opposed to a big home for just the two of them. They were more than happy to save the money.
Indra allowed the girl some time to look around and get familiarized with the area before meeting her in the room. She placed the Sprite bottles on the table at the end of the sofa and took a seat in the middle. Clarke had always enjoyed that corner seat everywhere they went, and it seemed as though that hadn’t changed at all.
They sat like that for a few moments, silent and reminiscing, thinking about but wanting to ignore the elephant in the room – the fact that they were essential strangers at this point.
Clarke couldn’t help but think about it. She was meeting with all of these people and spending time with them again; these people that she once used to live with, but knew nothing about anymore. Sure, the core parts of people rarely changed, the little nuances that were really a big part of who they were, but the whole crew was essentially strangers to Clarke at this point. She didn’t know their schedules and they didn’t know hers; she didn’t know what they did on holidays anymore and they didn’t know that she took double shifts to not have to be alone; they didn’t know the little things about each other anymore and it was a hard concept to comprehend.
Clarke decided to start the conversation, “I know it’s late, but congratulations on making Sergeant. You’re the youngest one in the history of your precinct, right?”
Indra looked over at the medical intern’s face, hearing the waiver and uncertainty in her voice, and nodded the affirmative.
Neither of them really knew what to say after that, and they reverted back to silence. That had always been there thing. They would sit in silence until one of them could figure out what to say. Indra never wanted to push Clarke, and Clarke cherished the time to be able to filter through her thoughts and transform them into something coherent.
At this moment, though, Indra was hurt. She didn’t know if she would have the self-control to keep calm. After everything that had happened between the two of them, to find that the young blonde had kept in touch with Anya and not her caused her a kind of pain that she didn’t quite understand.
“It’s been five years, Clarke. Five years with no contact, no indication that things were okay. You sent me birthday cards, that was it. That’s nothing, Clarke. Why? You stayed in touch with Anya; that wasn’t a problem for you. What was wrong with the rest of us?”
She hadn’t meant for it to be a rapid fire interrogation of sorts, but once she got started she couldn’t stop. Everything that had been swirling around in her head came pouring out of her once she released the lid. The dark woman had been burning with questions since Anya had shown up at her doorstep and she couldn’t contain in anymore.
Clarke stayed calm. She had prepared herself for the onslaught of questions beforehand and she was able to keep a cool head while Indra finally released her tension. Her inhaler was sitting in her pocket, just in case, but she felt as though she could manage this conversation. The blonde knew that, no matter what, Indra wouldn’t completely lose her mind during this conversation or confrontation, whatever you wanted to call it. She had always been able to rely on Indra for remaining in her wits.
“That’s a lot of questions, Sergeant. Ask whatever you want and I will try and answer in order.”
The Clarke sitting in front of Indra was not the same Clarke from a few years ago. Indra had known a much quieter, meeker, she seemed more afraid. Sitting in front of her was a person that Indra wouldn’t have been able to recognize, had she not known it was the same Clarke. The blonde was guarded, strong, hidden behind fortified walls that betrayed nothing. There was barely any inflection behind her words as she spoke and her body language remained completely in control.
“How could you just leave? You just left and we barely got a phone call. You just told us to go be with Lexa, that Lexa would need us, and that was it. You gave us nothing else.”
Clarke sighed. She knew this was going to be the first question – it always was. “There was a lot that went down between myself and Lexa in the months leading up to that. I’ve heard from Lincoln and Anya how much you all have heard about it, and you got a glimpse of it on the 20th that year. Things were getting rocky from the start of school and Cage and Costia were just the final nudges that were needed to push us over the edge.”
“Look, I know why you left that night. I know what happened between Lexa and Costia. What I haven’t been able to understand is why didn’t you ever come back? You didn’t try talking through it with Lexa and you didn’t try talking to us about it either.”
Clarke immediately flashed back to the memory of her conversation with Lexa that night. She thought about the words her then-girlfriend had said – “Just because you’re fucked up in the head doesn’t mean I’m going to do something to hurt you. Not everyone is out to fuck with you. God just get over it already.” – and had to take a moment to gather herself once again. The medical intern took a deep breath through her nose and a sharp release through her mouth. She took another moment to gather herself before resuming her explanation.
“Lexa didn’t tell you every detail, and that’s alright. It’s not my business to tell, either. What I can say, though, is that we did talk. We discussed many things that night and we talked – or, rather, I spoke and she took it. She didn’t say much and I really don’t know what was going through her mind during all of it. What I do know, though, is that she had no problem with letting me walk out that door.”
Clarke got more animated as she continued, “What was I supposed to say to you all? Did you really think that I was going to try and make you choose between me and Lexa? I would never have tried to pit you against your sister.”
“Clarke, if you thought that we would ever let either of you make us choose between you two, you don’t know us at all. You’re both our sisters, and we love both of you to no end. There was no choice there. We wanted both of you in our lives.”
The blonde gave an emotionless chuckle. “You guys grew up together. She and Anya are literally sisters. You’ve been a family since you were little and no was in hell was I going to allow myself to get in the middle of that.” She raised her hand to stop whatever interruption the darker woman was about to make, “And it may not have been a conscious choice that you would have had to make, and it might not have even been a problem for a while, but it would have eventually messed things up. After a certain amount of time, you would have had to choose between whether you wanted to talk to me or to Lexa on a certain night; if you wanted to hang out with me or Lexa; if you were going to spend holidays with me or Lexa. I wasn’t going to put you in that situation then, and I’m not going to do it now, either.”
“I swear to God, Clarke, if you think we’re going to let you out of our lives again you’re delusional.”
“Indra, your lives have been running just fine for so long. You’ve all managed and you’re made beautiful relationships with wonderful people and you’re all settled in. Look at how much turmoil I’ve caused just in the last eight months!”
Indra shook her head. She had no idea how she was supposed to get it through to the haunted girl in front of her: they didn’t want to lose Clarke again.
“You know, you’re the one who used to say that people never change. You believed that people’s ideals change, their behaviors can change, their beliefs can change, but the person themself will never change. You said that a person and their personality are distinct entities and only one of them is elastic. However, a person’s ticks, the little things about them don’t change, and that’s all because of the frontal lobe. You’ve always been self-sacrificial, Clarke, and that’s one part of you that I don’t think will ever change. You never put yourself first because you don’t see the worth in it.” Indra turned to look at Clarke, making sure the medical intern felt her words, “You can’t just force yourself into isolation just because you think it’ll be easier for us. Easier would have been Lincoln not looking through the obituaries in the newspaper every day for the last five years. Easier would have been Anya not taking more responsibilities on base – which I’m not realizing was probably to avoid having to see us and keep such a big secret. Easier would have been not having to worry about Lexa’s stability as her whole world was ripped out of her hands.”
“That’s my point exactly!” Clarke exclaimed. “There was no need for you all to go through that. Who knows what’s going to happen tonight or tomorrow or next week? What is the point in getting attached again if it’s all going to be lost eventually anyways?”
There was a moment of silence then. Neither of them really knew what to say next.
Clarke started again, “Look. I’m sorry for the way things went down. I’m sorry that I put you all through that and I’m sorry I didn’t get in contact with any of you again. I just – I don’t know if I would have been able to talk to all of you and not talk to her.”
The young blonde finished in such a quiet voice that Indra almost would have missed it. The Sergeant sighed and scooted closer to the girl, placing a single arm on her back between her shoulder-blades.
“You really don’t have anything to apologize for, kiddo. Nobody has actually blamed you for what happened back then. I know I made it sound like you hurt us – which, I can’t deny that you leaving hurt – but we all understood why you left, even Lexa. I also know that you’ve probably taken full responsibility onto your own head for whatever happened back then, but none of us blame you for it. A lot of your problems then stemmed from Lexa’s mistakes, which were not few and far between.” She quickly stopped Clarke’s interruption, “You can try and protect her all you want, but if this were somebody else telling you a story about your relationship, you would agree with us. We know what Lexa said to you that night, we know how she attacked you, and we know that she let you take the blame completely onto yourself. Trust me, she got quite the earful from all of us for it. I don’t know if any of us have truly forgiven her for it yet. Sure, we understand that it was a tough situation for both of you, but nothing she said was justified.
“Clarke, she had no right to treat you the way she did. She had no right to say the things she said to you about your history. She had no right to have you comfort her the entire night and day without apologizing once, without stopping you from trying to apologize. After what happened at your birthday, we all figured that something big was going to happen and Anya and I had already planned on having a big conversation with her after her test. What she did, how she acted, and how she reacted to things that year were all so completely wrong. I’m just sorry that we weren’t able to help the two of you out sooner.”
Clarke was relieved that she had come prepared for a heavy discussion. She wasn’t sure she would have been able to handle hearing all of these things without having expected them. There was a lot here that she wasn’t quite ready to think about just yet, but as she turned her head and looked into brown eyes she realized that she might actually have the support to think about it now.
Indra could only imagine how much Clarke had been avoiding any and all thoughts about this stuff over the last many years and she was glad that they were finally able to discuss it. She wanted nothing more than to be able to help this girl out.
“You and I had a very special bond, Clarke, and it hurt me to lose that. I understand that you couldn’t have any reminders of Lexa and your life together while you were in so much pain yourself, but I’d hate to lose you again now. Anya told me about what happened that night that she saw you again, she told me about your condition, and I want to be able to help you if I can.”
Brown eyes remained locked on brown eyes for a while, both of them staring intently at each other. Eventually, Clarke offered the older woman a small smile and Indra returned it with a beaming smile of her own.
“So, Hot-Shot, I see that you got the damn car finally!”
Clarke was happy that the conversation had left the more serious topics. She grinned, remembering her car and the stories that came with it. Her mom and dad had left her little homemade storybooks in random places in the car in the hopes that she would keep it and take good care of it. Of course, they had no idea how her life would turn out so it had all been wishful thinking on their part, but still.
“Yes, I did. She’s a beauty and she runs like a charm.”
“How did you manage to get her in such good conditions?”
The medical intern faltered at that, questioning how far she should go with this. She tread carefully, “She was in the shop for a while a few years ago, so I had some extra modifications made, just to stay on the safe side.”
Indra could immediately tell that there was more to the story. She squinted her eyes slightly and kept a level gaze on the blonde, watching her expectantly.
Clarke sighed, “There was an accident, a few weeks after I saw Anya again. I was driving around, trying to find a place to stay, and a car rammed into the front side of my car. Lilith, the car, was damaged pretty bad and she was in the shop for about a month.”
Brown eyes remained locked on her face.
Clarke rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, “I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. That was when my TBI escalated and things got really bad.”
Indra just looked at the girl. She sighed and dropped her head, “You know, Clarke, there was once a time where you would actually talk to me. You used to tell me things on your own instead of giving me some plain bullshit with no information at all. I don’t know what happened to you, Clarke, but I just want my little sister back.”
If Clarke hadn’t been keeping the tightest possible grip on her emotions, she would have started crying. She had never heard Indra sound so small and hurt, and the fact that she herself had caused this made guilt flare up through her whole body.
She took a deep breath and started telling the story. “It was a few weeks after the fight at that bar, so my head was already sensitive. I had been told to avoid any hits to the head, but that’s kind of difficult to do when you’re T-boned, you know? I was out for a week, according to the doctors. I went into a coma upon arrival, which the doctors thought was due to the plethora of injuries I had sustained in the crash. When my brain waves started showing seizures and other abnormalities, my neurosurgeon decided to take more brain scans. Apparently, I had a blood clot in my brain, that hit the same area that was affected in the fight. The brain cells in the area went ischemic and don’t function properly under stress. They kept me for another week after that and didn’t exactly like what they saw.
“When I woke up in the hospital, Anya was once again beside my bed and she told me that I either had to go and live with her for a while or she was going to call all of you. I know that you wish you were called and that you would have waned to help and all that, but I didn’t want her to call you.” Seeing the flash of hurt in Indra’s eyes, Clarke spoke up quickly, “It’s not that I didn’t want you guys around or that I didn’t want to see any of you – I had literally almost died; I wanted nothing more than to see you guys. My life was over at that point, though. I’m never going to be the same again and this thing dictates practically everything about my life. There was no way in hell I was going to make any of you guys deal with that.”
Indra felt tears in her eyes for the first time in quite a while. She was currently questioning whether or not it was a good thing that she asked for this story. The sergeant quickly resolved that she would never regret finding this out.
“Clarke, you are a part of our family. Nothing, absolutely nothing, about you could ever change that. You may have had a new obstacle in your life, but we would never resent you. In fact, I can guarantee you that we want to help you through that.” Indra turned and grabbed Clarke’s hands in her own, bringing blue eyes back to her own. The milky look in them reminded the darker woman about a raging storm, or swirling depths of the deepest ocean – yet unexplored and unknown to the masses, but the few that have ventured into their core know the wonders lurking around. “You are still a part of our family. You may have been gone for some time, but that doesn’t change anything for us. And look! Our family has even grown since you were last with us. Those two girls have never been so excited about a stranger since they met Lexa. They talk about you every time we get together. I can promise you, with 100% certainty, that you will be welcomed back into all of our lives without a second glance.”
Clarke studied the older woman’s face, for the first time in many years seriously considering what it would be like to be a part of her family again. She had spent so much time on her own over the years, thinking about the family that she lost but never truly thinking that she would ever get them back, but now they were the ones asking for her to return. They knew about her fuck-ups and they still wanted her back.
Indra saw the small smile that crossed the younger blonde’s features and took that to be a good thing. Tears added to the beauty of blue eyes as Indra looked into them, trying to get any reading she could, and the darker woman saw a new light in their depths. In that moment, Indra felt like their family might actually be coming back together.