Chapter 2
Chapter 2: (Tw: mention of child abuse)
August 31th, Black Manor, 4pm
Bellatrix doesn't have a good feeling about all that. The three sisters spent the rest of the summer grounded. Not that they are allowed to go out much but they are usually invited to their parents’ fancy soirées where they can see their cousins from time to time.
Sirius is the oldest of them, he's the same age as Andromeda, so one year younger than Bellatrix. She can hardly stand him, always doing everything he can to stand out and be noticed, be the center of the attention. As if he never learnt anything from growing up in their family. Anyway, he has a gift to piss her off every chance he gets.
Bellatrix always preferred Regulus, and from far. He's the youngest, exactly 4 months younger than Narcissa. Always has been the most discreet of them all, ever since he was a kid he never tried to cause a scene, or even talk back to his parents. Basically, the exact opposite of his brother. It is better that way, makes him look less stupid somehow.
Bellatrix found herself missing Regulus over the holiday, actually, she spent so much time inside that she started to miss messing with Sirius as well.
Cygnus wasn’t fooled about the nature of Rita and Bellatrix’s relationship, which led him to take the decision to send them to a boarding school. When he announced his decision, he said it was to “keep them on the right track and help them become proper ladies”, meaning he’s gonna pay a school to kick the gay out of her before he has to do it himself.
Bellatrix also knows he’s sending them all to “prevent” Andromeda and Narcissa from turning that way too. She even suspects him to have waited for the perfect excuse to send them to those old fashioned schools, the kind where every single adult still believes in the “the harsher the better” educational crap. Let’s say that Bellatrix’s time at school probably didn’t play in their favor.
It’s not that she likes to fight, but stupid people tend to quickly get on her nerves, and somehow, she finds most people stupid. Andromeda tried to get her to stop several times, and she knew she should, every time she beat someone up she knew she’d get twice as bad once home. But it didn’t stop her, because when she’s angry, she doesn’t think, she just acts.
Anyway, everything about it is most certainly related to Bellatrix. Her temper, her lack of self control, her secret meetings not so secret anymore, her relationship with a girl and her incapacity to stand up against her own father. All that led to her life getting a little more miserable. Not that she doesn’t feel like she deserves it, but her sisters definitely don’t. Yet she somehow managed to make their existence even harder, again. Andromeda and Narcissa are the only people Bellatrix really cares about, they’re the only people she managed to keep around. She knows they are kinda forced to, but they could also just ignore her, hate her, despise her for everything she is. Because being the only people she cares about means being the people having to put up with her, and everything that means. And she doesn’t get why they do that. If she could, she would avoid herself forever, punch herself in the face or something like that.
For the rest of the summer, she stayed locked in her room. She assumed none of her sisters wanted to deal with her so she made sure none of them would have to. The first couple of days Andromeda and Narcissa tried to see her, talk to her or at least come inside. But everytime, Bellatrix sort of told them to fuck off. Eventually they stopped trying.
That day, Bellatrix sits on her bed, watching her baggage in front of her when she hears a gentle knock on the door. She can recognize it everytime. “What?” But no one answers. Bellatrix looks towards the door and sees a little envelope slipping under it. She goes to pick it up and open it. It was just a piece of paper with only one sentence written : “I’m sorry if I did something bad.” She frowns and opens the door, unsurprised to see Narcissa. “What are you talking about?” Narcissa jumps slightly at the sudden opening and Bellatrix’s frown softens when she sees her sister’s face. “Why don’t you want to see us anymore, what did we do?” Narcissa’s voice is quiet. “You didn’t do anything.” Bellatrix answers blankly. “Are you mad at me?”
Narcissa didn’t really understand how Bellatrix worked yet, she just knew that her sister was angry, like, most of the time, since she was like, 8 years old. She never knew why she was angry, but she was, and then she withdrew, not letting her a chance to understand.
And Andromeda always kept her away from Bellatrix when she was like that. Probably because she was the youngest or something. But anyway, she never got to understand that Bellatrix was never angry at her, even if that wasn’t what she showed.
“No I’m not” Bellatrix's tone doesn’t change. “Are you sure? You look-” “Yes I am! Now go away.” Bellatrix snaps, closing the door. A few seconds pass before Narcissa calls again. “If you’re not mad then tell me what’s wrong, please.” Bellatrix doesn’t talk just yet, staring at the note. Then, with a softer voice she answers. “Just go talk to Andy okay?”
The thing about being taught to never show your feelings is that you grow up and think you have to keep everything inside. That it’s better for everyone. So Bellatrix doesn’t know how to tell her little sister she’s sorry, or that she isn’t angry at her. The only person she is angry at is herself, but she doesn’t know how to say that either.
Andromeda knows how to do all that, she’s good at it. Communication. Bellatrix envies her, she always says the right things, explains them properly, she manages her own emotions and her sisters’. How does she do that?
“I want to talk to you.” Narcissa mumbles through the door. Bellatrix doesn’t understand why she’s still here, didn’t she tell her to go away? She opens the door again, looking at her sister still standing there. “I’m not in a talking mood, Cissa.” “You’ve been avoiding us for weeks. I just want to see you, I miss you.” Bellatrix frowns. “No you don’t.” “I do. You’re my sister, I need you.” Bellatrix can feel her anger rise again. What is she talking about?
Needing her? Everything Bellatrix brought in the past months was only trouble, why on earth would she need her? “Just go, you don’t need to be here.” “Trix, you can’t just shut me out.” Bellatrix starts to lose patience. “Watch me.” And she closes the door, but Narcissa blocks her and tries to step in, which makes Bellatrix see red for a second. Without thinking, she steps forward and pushes her sister out of her room, making her fall on the floor. Bellatrix freezes.
She’s used to getting angry at her sisters, and as uncomfortable as it feels, they are used to her outbursts too. But it was always words, she’d yell, scream, insult, or at the very most slam doors. She never, not once, used physical violence on her sisters. She often fought with people but not them, never them. It was like an unspoken rule, or common sense. They grew up with violence, that’s all they ever knew. Punishments, anger, discipline. All that made them who they were, scared. They were scared. All those things supposed to “make them stronger”, it made them scared. Scared of adults, authority, drunk and angry people, scared of making the slightest mistake by fear of the consequences. That was their world, and they obviously knew better than to make it worse for each other. So Bellatrix never once raised her hand on her sisters, until today.
Narcissa catches her breath and looks at her sister, speechless. Bellatrix doesn’t talk either, she only steps back and closes the door, a glimpse of something looking like fear on her face.
°°°°°
About half an hour passes before Bellatrix hears someone knock again. She’s sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed and hugging her knees. She's been sitting there since she closed the door. Not daring to make a move at all. She doesn’t answer. Anyway, she hears her enter, she knows it’s Narcissa. She sits on the bed, letting her legs fall next to where Bellatrix was sitting.
“Hey.” Narcissa’s voice is calm and quiet, as usual. Bellatrix doesn’t understand why. She doesn’t even understand what she’s doing here in the first place. She doesn’t look up at her sister, just staring at the floor in front of her. “Why are you here?” She can feel Narcissa shrugging behind her. “Just checking on you.”
Bellatrix doesn’t answer right away, then even more quietly. “Checking on me? ” “Yeah.” Narcissa sounds unbothered, which confuses Bellatrix even more. She turns towards her. “What’s wrong with you?” But it doesn’t sound aggressive, and it isn’t. She’s genuinely confused. “I literally pushed you on the floor. Why do you even want to talk to me? Why do you act like nothing happened? Did we not live the same past hour?” Narcissa looks at her too. “Yes you did, and it was kind of scary, I admit.” Bellatrix frowns slightly. “And?” “And what? It’s okay, it’s over now.” Bellatrix keeps looking at her, startled. “You don’t care?" Narcissa shrugs again.
It doesn't make sense, why doesn’t she see the seriousness of the situation. Bellatrix turns away again, hugging her knees even harder. She doesn’t care what she looks like at the moment. She speaks again, barely above a whisper. “Did you talk to Andy?” Narcissa nods, only Bellatrix doesn’t see her. So she answers. “I did.” Bellatrix buries her face in her arms and mumbles. “Right, and now she hates me.” But Narcissa answers directly. “Of course not, she doesn’t.”
None of them talk for a while. But eventually, Bellatrix states simply. “She should.” Narcissa looks at her. “Why?” But Bellatrix doesn’t say anything else. After another long minute of silence, Narcissa gets the message. She stands up and glances at her sister a last time before leaving the room.
°°°°°
Without any surprise, Andromeda enters the room not even 10 minutes later and sits on the floor next to Bellatrix. She starts to talk softly. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you. I don’t know why you refuse to see us, or talk to us. But we don’t deserve that.” Bellatrix doesn’t move, so she continues. “And you don’t deserve that either.” That makes Bellatrix flinch slightly and she whispers. “What do you know about it?” Andromeda turns her head towards her sister. “I’m worried about you Trix. You’re always on edge, you refuse to talk about anything you feel. I’m worried that if you continue to keep everything inside you’ll-” “Be like him.” Bellatrix cuts her off, her voice slightly louder than before. “What?” “That’s what happens, I’m acting like him. I’m turning into him, and I can’t do anything to stop it.”
Andromeda eventually gets where she’s going, she shifts, now kneeling to fully face her. “You’re nothing like him.” Bellatrix clenches her fists. “I hurt Cissa.” “You didn’t mean to.” “But I did.” “Trix you-” “And I didn’t even think about it, I didn’t think, I just did.” “Will you just-” “I’m turning into father, I’m a fucking monster, I-” “Bellatrix!” Bellatrix jumps out of her spiral and finally looks at her. “For God’s sake just listen to me. You are NOT him. You’re just-” “I’m just what? Constantly angry? Becoming violent? Taking it out on-” “You’re his victim, just like us. And even more, and you know it. It’s not a question of what you do but what you want.”
Bellatrix is hushed, anyway Andromeda doesn’t let her the time to say anything. “You don’t want to be him. You never wanted that and you don’t want it any more now. Now it’s about what you do to avoid it. And I’m sorry to tell you that, but withdrawing doesn’t help you, it makes it worse.” She gently reaches out and raises Bellatrix’s chin so she looks at her. “And we want to help you, we want to. You need to let us do it.” Bellatrix eventually talks, her voice barely audible, she knows that if she talks any louder she'll start crying. “It’s not your role to do that. You have other things to care about than my fucked up mind.” Andromeda doesn’t let go of her chin, not allowing her to look away. “And it wasn’t your role to protect us. It wasn’t your role to take blame for us, make sure we weren’t hungry, or to make sure that Cissa fell back asleep after a nightmare. But you did, you did and you keep doing it everyday. And I know you will keep doing it until we’re all safe. Even if it isn’t your role. Now it’s time to let us take care of you too, because you deserve to be okay too, you know that right?” Bellatrix doesn’t answer, a single tear rolls down on her cheek as she looks deeply into her sister’s brown eyes. Andromeda wipes her tear softly. “You’re not a bad person Trix, you’re just doing your best with what you got.” Bellatrix only whispers a quiet “Shut up.” Before pulling Andromeda into a tight embrace. It wasn’t exactly a hug, it was more urgent, as if Bellatrix needed it, vitally. The thing is, they both needed it.
After Bellatrix eventually lets go of her sister, she stands up, wiping her eyes a last time. She turns around to face the door. There she is, discreetly waiting in the doorway, Narcissa tentatively steps into the room. Bellatrix walks toward her and gently runs a hand through her blonde hair, looking at her right in the eyes. “I’m sorry.” She says quietly. “For everything.”
Narcissa smiles, a big genuine smile, almost childlike. And she wraps her arms tightly around her sister’s waist. Bellatrix hugs her back.
That was without taking into account the main current problem. Not even a minute after, the loud commanding voice of their father comes from downstairs. “Bellatrix, Andromeda, Narcissa! You better be ready. We’re leaving, now!” Andromeda rolls her eyes and grumbles while exiting the room. “What’s their problem? Can’t we have like one minute of peace?” Bellatrix regains her usual demeanor, but she keeps an arm wrapped around Narcissa who fell even more quiet at the mention of them leaving. Bellatrix gives her arm a gentle rub. “Let’s get your suitcase alright?” Narcissa simply nods, so Bellatrix kisses the top of her head. “It’ll be alright Cissa, we’ll be together, everything will be fine.”