Chapter 3
Chapter 3: (Tw: mention of child abuse/self-harm(scratching))
August 31th, Boarding school, 6pm
The sun started to set when the sisters and their parents entered the school’s enclosure. Cygnus is walking in front, followed by the girls and carefully behind, Druella, their mother.
The school looks immense, judging by the vast inner courtyard and the long building surrounding it. Narcissa instinctively steps closer to her sisters.
A tall woman dressed in a dark skirt suit approaches them. Her dark brown hair tied up in a tight bun. She walks toward them with a severe expression. Narcissa discreetly leans toward Andromeda and whispers “Why does she kinda look like aunt Walburga?” But immediately straightens up as her father glances towards her.
The woman starts talking in a strict voice. “Welcome to the Elmwood Institute, boarding school for girls.” She looks at Cygnus to shake his hand. “It’s an honour to take your daughters in, M. Black.” The man doesn’t look impressed in the slightest but shakes her hand anyway. The woman clears her throat and straightens up before turning towards the girls, her look severe. “Ladies, I am Miss Turpide , I will be your headmistress here at the Institute. It’s important for me that you know that discipline is primordial for us, naturally, no depraved behavior will be tolerated within the school.” As she pronounces her last words, she glances towards Bellatrix who clenches her fists. Then, just like a proud child would look at their parents after they accomplished something, Miss Turpide turns toward Cygnus, which makes Bellatrix feel sick with anger.
A minute later, the headmistress and the girls’ parents -father essentially- are engaged in one of those discussions you know you don’t wanna know about. Narcissa, starting to get bored, whispers. “Turpide? Isn’t it a French word?” Andromeda smiles slightly, visibly trying to contain it. “Yes it is, it basically means morally ugly.” Bellatrix scoffs. “Perfect fit then.”
Somehow, it’s also the moment Cygnus chose to bring his attention back to his daughters and look at Bellatrix, who is visibly too happy for the situation. Fortunately for her, Miss Turpide starts talking before he can say anything. “Well, I guess it’s time to say goodbye. It will be dinner time soon and the girls still need to get to their rooms. Mrs. Black, M. Black, it was a pleasure. I will let you have a moment.” With that, she steps away and enters the closest door.
Druella is the first to say goodbye, she is quiet, she usually is when Cygnus is around. She is afraid of him, Bellatrix can see it, she has this look in her eyes, the same as Andy and Cissa’s, probably the same as hers too. Druella takes the time to gently stroke the hair of each of them, not saying anything, but not thinking any less. When Bellatrix's turn comes, she looks into her eyes for a moment. Druella’s eyes are full of sadness, Bellatrix doesn't really know if it’s for her or because of her, probably both. Druella keeps her hand on her daughter’s cheek and rubs it gently with her thumb. Bellatrix feels a pang of pain in her chest. She misses her mother, she is right in front of her, but she suddenly wants to throw herself in her arms and let her hold her for a very long time, feel her hand in her hair, her gentle words, humming her to sleep. She misses her mum. And Druella can see it too, but Bellatrix knows she can’t do anything about it. Anyway, a 16 years old asking for her mummy? It’s pathetic, she needs to be better. Yet she can’t bring herself to get aways from her mother’s touch. It’s only when Cygnus steps in that Druella lets go, a bit reluctantly.
The whole atmosphere changes as he takes her place. Bellatrix can feel his hand replaces her mother’s on her shoulder. His grip is tight, bruising. He leans forward slightly, his face a few centimetres away from hers and speaks, loud enough only for her to hear him. “I will see you next holiday, I better see change. Otherwise, be sure that I will make it happen.” Bellatrix frowns, she never had been the kind to try and satisfy her father in any way. Even when she does try, it isn't enough for him. But she knows better than acting out in front of him, so she simply nods.
Cygnus knows she doesn’t mean it, she never does. Threats and corrections have never been effective on her, it is for a time, maybe, but she quickly finds a way to anger him again, somehow. He tightens his grip again, making Bellatrix wince. He whispers, looking to the side. “If you’re too stubborn to get it, they will.”
Bellatrix follows her father’s gaze, directed at her sisters. Her eyes widen slightly in fear.
Bellatrix will never be the one who surrenders. She is strong and knows it. She is stubborn, indeed. Nothing her father could try would make her change her behavior in the long run. Nothing, except maybe this.
Andromeda and Narcissa have always been Bellatrix’s weakness, if you have younger siblings, you will understand why. Everything she ever handled in this house, she did it for them. If it weren’t for them, she would have left a long time ago. She would literally give her life to protect them. And Cygnus knows it. If the only way to make her behave is by using her sisters, he will.
He looks back at her with the exact same stern face. “Did I make myself clear?”
Bellatrix looks back at him as well, she’s not sure if she ever hated him that much in her life. With a frown, she answers. “Yes, father.” Then, in a sudden move, she frees her shoulder from his grip and without looking back she drags her sisters to the door Mrs Turpide took earlier.
Narcissa, startled at her determination, asks quietly. “Are you okay?” Bellatrix doesn’t look at her. “Just walk.” When her 2 sisters walk through the door, Bellatrix turns around, looking a last time at her mother. Druella had a lot of things to say, and Bellatrix wished she could hear them all, or maybe just some of it. She shakes her head slightly, pushing the thought away, and enters the dark building as well.
°°°°°
During the visit of the school, Bellatrix doesn't pay attention to anything the headmistress says. She's thinking about her father's words. Before that, her comportment wasn't really a big deal. She didn't care much if her father was angry at her or not. He'd always find a reason to correct her anyway. But now it was different, she had to do better. If anything happened to her sisters because of her she wouldn't forgive herself. She can feel her blood boiling with every passing second.
This thought stayed on her mind until the little group reached the dorm chambers.
Mrs Turpide turns around to face the girls. “So this is the night area. The chambers are shared, and no, it is not possible to change your roommates.”
She points to a door on her right. “Ladies, here's yours.”
Andromeda and Narcissa are once again the first to walk in and Bellatrix starts to follow them before Mrs Turpide clears her throat. “Not you miss Bellatrix.”
Bellatrix stops in front of her. “Pardon?”
The headmistress looks at her in the eyes. “Your father asked for you to be in a separate room. He wouldn’t want your comportment to rub off on your younger siblings.”
That’s the final straw. Bellatrix feels like she could explode in the moment. She knows what her father is trying to do. The only thing that ever mattered in Bellatrix’s life is her sisters. They are everything to her and always have been. The only reason why she’s here is her sisters. And if her father achieves his ends, she’ll lose everything.
The second Mrs Turpide indicates the door to her own room, Bellatrix storms in it. She finds the only door inside, assuming it to be the bathroom, she shuts the door behind her and locks the bolt, not paying attention to the girl sitting on one of the beds.
In the bathroom, Bellatrix doesn’t know what she feels anymore. She just knows that it’s too much, way too much. She feels like her body’s burning from inside. Her eyes stings and her skin’s aching with hot shivers. It’s overwhelming. She needs to make it go away.
Without giving a second thought, she takes off her shirt and starts manically scratching her arms up to her shoulders, as hard as she can. She starts to feel her skin burn. She doesn’t stop. It stings and burns, physically, which eases the burning sensation she feels inside.
Anger burns. It always had. The more she grew, the more intense it got. Until she couldn’t deal with it any more. When Bellatrix was 13, she discovered that she could stop the inner feeling. If she made it hurt outside, it would stop hurting inside. At least for a while. So that’s how she did it.
A couple of minutes later, Bellatrix finds herself sitting on the bathroom cold floor, her arms burning. When she looks at them, she sees angry red welts, almost bleeding. But she feels calm. Exhausted would be more accurate. Now everything feels slowed.
She stands up and puts her shirt back on, going to open the door.
When she steps out, she comes face to face with the girl she remembers catching a sight of when she stormed in. She looks at her for a moment. She is a sort of walking rainbow. Her hair, neck, wrists and clothes are covered in colorful jewelry and accessories. She has deep blue eyes, the kind staring directly at your soul. Her hair is curly bright blonde, tending towards white. In any other circumstances, Bellatrix would have found all that outrageous. But right now, she doesn’t have the energy to care.
The blonde girl is curiously staring back at her, her big blue eyes directly looking into hers. She doesn’t say anything but point at the bed facing the one she's sitting on. Bellatrix follows her finger and looks at the bed, which is apparently hers since her luggage is already next to it. However, resting on the bed, a headset, connected to a record player placed between the 2 beds. It isn't hers. She frowns slightly and looks back at the girl who naturally starts to explain in a sweet and kind voice, a genuine sort of kindness, which feels weird to Bellatrix.
“We’re not expected outside before an hour, I figured you’d like to rest, you look like you need to rest. I won’t be noisy, but music usually helps.”
Bellatrix blinks, everything still feels sort of blurry around her, and this strange girl isn’t helping her dizziness. Seeing that Bellatrix doesn’t move, she continues.
“You can just lie down and listen to the records, or don’t listen, or don’t lay down.”
Bellatrix blinks, again. Actually, she’s too tired to deal with that right now. She doesn’t say anything and without even knowing why, she walks toward the bed, picks up the headset, lies on the bed, and eventually puts the headset on her ears. A record was already playing, she realises that it isn’t music, but sounds, nature sounds. And strangely enough, it does help. She turns around, facing the wall. She wonders who’s this girl, and what was different with her. Because something definitely was.
°°°°°
Bellatrix wakes up a moment later, the headset still on her ears but nothing is playing anymore, she guesses she fell asleep. Slowly, she sits up on the bed. She feels better than when she first lied down, things feel more in place.
She turns toward the other girl who is immersed in a book, Bellatrix notices a couple of open books on her bed but can’t see what they are about. When she sits on the edge of the bed, the blonde girl looks up from her reading, smiling as she sees her. “Do you feel better? You look better.”
Bellatrix frowns slightly, that girl is confusing, she shouldn’t even think about it. Most of the time people are uninteresting to her, especially that… kind of person. She’d just ignore them, and feel annoyed if they’d try to get anywhere close to her.
But right now she isn’t. Which is strange to her.
She answers defensively. “What makes you think I was feeling bad?”
The girl simply answers. “Your eyes were red, you stayed 15 minutes locked in the bathroom and didn’t say a word once you got out, it was pretty obvious that you weren’t doing well.”
Bellatrix didn’t expect her to actually answer, and the fact that she did irritated her. “Anyway, whatever I feel like is none of your business.” She looks at her luggage at the foot of the bed, reminding her that she will have to bear this situation for at least a year. She turns back to the girl. “What’s your name anyway?”
The blonde girl answers, a kind smile still on her face. “Pandora, Pandora Lestrange.”