Moments
Moments
‘’No!’’
Hannah laughed as Grace pointed at the screen and said: ‘’Yep! She has to be!’’.
They were looking at a new movie with an ‘’uprising Hollywood star’’ in it. This girl called Shibvan Lasacur was the main character, and they had a heated discussion about her.
‘’No way. No way she is gay!’’ Hannah grinned.
‘’What, like you didn’t look at me and said: ‘Well, there goes my chance. She can’t like girls’?’’
Hannah lost the playful grin on her lips and looked away.
‘’Sorry, Han. I forgot’’ Grace muttered under her breath.
She put down the bowl filled with cheerios and custard and placed her hand on Hannah’s thigh. Hannah immediately shifted under her touch and turned to face Grace.
‘’Rules’’ she said between gritted teeth.
Grace withdrew her hand and whispered ‘’I know’’.
It was 7 weeks since The Incident. That’s what Hannah called it. The night when they had crumbled beneath each other. And when they had set up a set of rules that applied to whenever they were together.
Hannah brought forth the piece of paper.
Rules regarding Miss Hart and Miss Helbig
§1 No touching
_ Exception: 1. When hugs are initiated. 2. When one needs comfort_
§2 No kissing
_ No exceptions_
§3 No lying in bed together
_ Exception: 1. If the couch or bed is destroyed. 2. If there has been a party, and the couch or bed has been dirtied. _
§4 Have at least 3 inches between bodies at all times
_ Exception: Look at §1._
§5 No talking about The Incident.
_ No exceptions_
She pointed to §1.
‘’The first rule, Grace. You managed to break the first rule’’
Grace looked at her bowl.
‘’I’m sorry, Hannah. But in all fairness, it is the hardest one to uphold’’
‘’I know. But they’re there for a reason’’ Hannah whispered.
Hannah opened her eyes when her phone started buzzing, but she didn’t want to face the light from the screen. So she just turned it around and waited for the buzzing to stop. And it did eventually. And she closed her eyes again.
She had nearly driven off into a deep slumber when the phone buzzed again.
Fuck, just let me sleep, she thought to herself as she groaned and picked up the phone. It buzzed once more in her hand and she saw she had four unread messages. All of them from Grace.
I miss you. Even though I just saw you. And I could just walk through the door to see you again.
But that would be breaking the rules, right?
I probably shouldn’t text you right now, because that is also breaking the rules. Right?
Right. I’m sorry.
Hannah unlocked her phone and another text buzzed in. Wow, Grace was certainly wide awake right now.
I think I’m going to stop texting you now.
Hannah blinked her eyes for a few seconds to try and wake herself up a bit. And yet another text buzzed in.
I’m sorry.
Hannah began to type out an answer, but she didn’t really know what to type. So she settled for the easiest.
_No, It’s okay. _
But it wasn’t really the easiest. The easiest would have been to tell Grace to go to sleep, but now she invited a conversation she was sure she didn’t want to have.
You sure?
This was her way out. If she only told Grace to go to sleep now, everything would be okay. She looked at her phone, only to learn that she had already typed out and sent an answer.
Yeah, I can’t sleep anyways.
_Really? Can’t you sleep? Really? You were just sound asleep, not a worry in your head. _Hannah cursed herself as she waited for an answer.
Are you mad at me?
She tried to think for a moment. Was she mad at Grace? Or was she mad at the situation. She decided that she was mad at the situation.
No, dude. Of course I’m not mad at you.
She put the phone down on her chest and closed her eyes again, hoping that Grace had fallen asleep. But of course she hadn’t.
Then come in here and sleep in the bed. The couch is horrid!
Hannah sighed deeply and started typing.
Grace… The Rules.
She hit send and thought that maybe Grace would let it go now. But of course she didn’t.
I know.
I know, but I don’t like them. You know?
Hannah read the last two words and wrote:
Yeah
Because; Yeah, she knew. She knew exactly what Grace meant, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t there for a reason.
She hit send and got up from the couch. She started walking towards the bedroom and sat down outside it for a while. She heard something shift against the other side and realized that Grace had done the same.
‘’I know’’ she muttered sleepy to the body on the other side.
‘’I know too’’ Grace slurred through tired lips.
They sat like that for a while, listening to the other’s breathing, and Hannah thought that maybe Grace had fallen asleep. But after a while she heard her shift again and the door slowly opened.
Hannah looked up into heavy lids and whispered:
‘’The couch is broken’’
‘’Okay’’
After that there were many beds and couches that were broken, and Hannah fell into a rhythm of feeling Grace beside her wherever she was. Not skin against skin, but warmth reaching out between them. They upheld the other rules. They didn’t kiss. They didn’t talk about The Incident. They always had some space between them, but they had to feel the warmth radiating from the other person.
They felt more comfortable around each other. Small administrations like touching a thigh, or hugging were not so bad. Until they were.
There were moments when awkwardness and unresolved feeling showed themselves. Like when a touch lingered for a moment too long. Or when a hug was tighter than it should be. As if they were afraid they would never get to be in each other’s embrace again. It was moments like those that made it so unbearable to live with each other. To look at each other, but never get to really look. It was like having a bomb in their chests, ready to explode at any second and obliterate everything around them.
‘’You know what would be really good right now?’’ Hannah slurred through numb lips.
‘’Another shot of tequila?’’ Grace laughed.
‘’No’’ she smiled as Grace poured liquid in the two shot glasses. No, but it would be good that too.
‘’No, a bowl with cheerios and custard’’ she grinned as Grace handed her one of the shots. They poured it down and Hannah couldn’t feel the burning sensation in her throat anymore.
She got up from the couch and started walking towards the kitchen. Well, walking wasn’t the right word. She wasn’t walking at all. She was stumbling. Fighting to keep her body in a standing-walking position.
Grace tried to help her, but she soon realized that walking was a rather hard concept after this many shots. And helping another person walk when you couldn’t walk yourself was also a rather hard thing to do.
But they managed to stumble into the kitchen with limbs flying in the air. And somehow they managed to pour the ingredients into two clean bowls.
Hannah pushed herself on top of the kitchen counter because she was tired of trying to stand. So she settled for sitting, and Grace leaned over her bowl.
‘’You know’’ she said thoughtful.
‘’It’s not the kiss itself that is the best part’’ she continued and looked up at Hannah.
‘’It’s the moments leading up to it’’ she said while she left her bowl and walked in between Hannah’s legs.
‘’It’s…’’
Grace grabbed the bowl out of Hannah’s hands and put it on the kitchen counter. She looked up into blue orbs, staring back with an undistinguished look in them, as she put her hands on Hannah’s thighs. She stroked her fingers up to Hannah’s hips and traced small circles there.
‘’The touches’’ she smiled sheepishly.
She inched closer, still holding Hannah’s gaze.
‘’The expectations’’ she whispered staring into the blue before her.
‘’The warm breath sweeping over lips’’ she sighed as her breath trickled Hannah’s parted lips.
Grace closed her eyes, and Hannah kept looking at her face. All she could think was ‘’Rules, rules, rules. We are breaking The Rules’’, but all she wanted to do was give in to the mouth that was so close to her own. She wanted to shred the piece of paper and forget The Rules were ever in the equation.
‘’The feeling of the world disappearing’’ Grace whispered inching even closer to Hannah.
‘’Feeling how close you are’’
‘’Don’t’’ Hannah whispered as her hand traveled through brown locks. She clenched her fist in Grace’s hair and intended to push her away. But all she could do was stay as she was. Sitting on the cold surface with Grace between her legs. Their bodies so close it ached not to feel them together.
‘’Don’t’’ she whispered again as Grace brushed her lips against Hannah’s.
‘’The Rules…’’ she whispered, but they both knew it was long past breaking them. They both knew neither of them really cared about the piece of paper anymore. They were way to drunk, and this had been a long-time coming.
‘’I know’’ Grace sighed before placing her lips against Hannah’s once again. She didn’t withdraw, and they stayed like that for a while. Feeling soft skin against one another. But then Hannah shifted hers slightly and Grace realized that Hannah was kissing her. And then she was kissing her back.
Lips parted and tongues pushed against each other. Grace moved her hand from Hannah’s hip and to somewhere behind her, never actually touching Hannah’s back. Then it cupped Hannah’s cheek. But it wasn’t a sensation of soft skin against hers. It was… something different entirely.
Hannah pulled away from Grace and leaned her hands against the cold and flat surface.
‘’I thought the best part wasn’t the kiss’’ she breathed.
‘’I know, but with you; everything is the best part’’ Grace grinned, her voice raspy.
It was cheesy. It was so, so cheesy, but Hannah wanted cheesy right now. Cheesy was funny. Cheesy was something you could laugh off. Only, they couldn’t really laugh this off. Because here they were, so close and so careless.
‘’You’ve got something there’’ Grace laughed and pointed to Hannah’s cheek.
‘’What?’’ she smiled, her eyes heavy and her expression turning into disbelief when she realized what Grace’s hand had brought with it.
‘’You didn’t’’ she laughed in mock shock when her fingers ran over warm chocolate. Because of course she did.
‘’Let me help you with it’’ Grace murmured as she nodded her head.
She put the chocolate-free hand in Hannah’s blonde hair and licked up her cheek. She grazed her teeth against damp skin to get it all away.
Hannah grinned as she reached behind herself and dipped her fingers in melted chocolate. With Grace still removing the one on her face Hannah smeared some on Grace’s throat. Grace hummed at the sensation and it sent shivers down Hannah’s spine.
She leaned back, and smirked.
‘’Oh, payback, huh?’’ Grace smiled, coyness written in every feature.
‘’Mhm’’ Hannah hummed as she leaned in to Grace’s throat.
She bit down and Grace threw her head back, grinning foolishly. Hannah traced a pattern with her tongue and sucked gently as she tried to remove every last bit of chocolate. And when there was nothing left, she kept on kissing Grace’s skin. She remembered the thought she had during The Incident. The thought of never wanting to do anything else than feel the damp skin beneath her lips, and the feeling was just as strong now.
She placed open-mouth kisses along Grace’s jaw and up to her ear.
‘’Payback’s a bitch’’ she whispered and felt Grace shiver underneath her lips when she placed them on her skin again.
Hannah put her legs around Grace’s waist and locked them, holding her in place. Because somewhere deep inside Hannah’s skin; she was afraid that Grace would disappear. She was afraid that Grace would leave her, in this heated moment, when she had finally thrown all caution to the wind. And that fright terrified her even more.
She heard Grace inhale deeply when Hannah bit down the slightest on her jaw. And then lips met lips again in a frenzied kiss.
Suddenly Hannah wasn’t sitting on the kitchen counter anymore. She was flying mid-air in Grace’s arms, and then she was horizontal. Grace was lying on top of her, her lips still locked with Hannah’s. And Hannah thought to herself that this was a better way to be right now. Bodies pushed together. Damp skin slightly sticking together where it was exposed. And hands, God the hands were everywhere. Touching every aching part of Hannah’s skin.
Hannah scraped at Grace’s scalp, and it elicited a mix of a pleasuring moan and a disbelieving laugh.
‘’Why did it take this long?’’ Grace mumbled against Hannah’s lips.
‘’Because you are ruining the mood with those questions’’ Hannah panted back.
‘’Oh, so there is a mood?’’ Grace grinned into the kiss.
‘’Shut up’’ Hannah laughed and rolled them around so she was lying on top of Grace.
She stroked Grace’s stomach. Her hip. The outside of her thigh, and when she reached her knee she pulled it up and behind her own. She withdrew from Grace’s lips and grinned. Gazing into the brown before her she pushed one lock of sweaty hair behind Grace’s ear.
‘’I’ve missed this feeling. The feeling of you underneath me’’ she whispered. And it was true. She had missed it every second of every day. The way Grace’s chest heaved under Hannah’s body. The way her skin felt against Hannah’s. The way her eyes shone when she looked up at Hannah.
‘’I know’’ Grace whispered, playing with the hem on the back of Hannah’s shirt.
‘’Me too’’
Grace slid her fingers under the hem of Hannah’s shirt and scratched slightly on her humid skin, and Hannah bit down on a kiss-swollen lower lip.
She rocked her hips once in between Grace’s legs, and a groan escaped Grace’s lips.
Hannah smiled smugly at the brown haired woman beneath her, and she was thanking the Gods that they were laying on the floor. Because she was pretty sure that her legs were too wobbly to stand. She didn’t know whether it was the alcohol or giving in to everything she had wanted to do for the past seven months, but she went with the last one.
‘’I love you’’ she whispered as Grace guided one of Hannah’s hand down her stomach.
‘’I love you too’’