Sinning is an Art
Washingdone sent a message to group chat Ham Spam Wham Bam
Washingdone: WAKE UP
Washingdone: IT'S TIME TO R E P E N T
SmolHamMan: It is 6:00 bossman what r you doni
Washingdone: It's Sunday morning and church starts at 8
Washingdone: You are to be dressed and at my house by 6:30 for breakfast and then we'll leave around 7:30
T. Jeffersinn: I just woke up what are we talking about
T. Jeffersinn: Nvm
T. Jeffersinn: I'm nt goiing
Peggles: This is the most bullshittiest thing i've ever seen in my life
Queen Martha: It's funny how you thought he was kidding
Washingdone: I was at first but then Martha said "I wanna see them interact in a church it should be hilarious"
Peggles: Mom
Peggles: I trusted you
SmolHamMan: We aLL TRUSTED YOU
SmolHamMan: Ugh I have to wake up the others then this is terrible you are all terrible
AyAyRon: Theo and I are heading out the door
Theo.doe.eyes: We can bring over stuff for breakfast if you need it
Queen Martha: No I'll be fine just bring yourselves and 8 million
Washingdone: Martha
Queen Martha: FIne just bring the 8 mil
Washingdone: Martha please
Queen Martha: Don't ruin my fun old man I'll fucking benchpress you with my feet
T. Jeffersinn: He'd enjoy that tho
Washingdone has left the chat
Queen Martha added Washingdone to the chat
SmolHamMan: Oh my fuck
SmolHamMan: I'm too tired for this
SmolHamMan: Also @ Burr hOW are you reAD Y ??????
AyAyRon: Theo and I go like every other Sunday because sometimes I need to cleanse myself from this chat
JemMads: Nice to know you have a schedule
Peggles: ELIZA JUST S M A C K E D ME
Elizard: She dumped ice water on my head
Elizard: I think I deserve patment
SmolHamMan: Payment
Elizard: It is before 7 do not test me shortstack
SmolHamMan: Anyway I'm gonna go wake up my babes
SmolHamMan: Wish me luck
T. Jeffersinn: I hope they kick you
SmolHamMan: Aw thx Jeffershit I needed this
J. Laur: Good morning you sickos what's on the agenda
Peggles: The lord apparently
Elizard: How'd you wake up so fast
J. Laur: Well you see
J. Laur: When Alexander is kissing your face and then whispers "Buenos dias papi" into my ear with his voice still husky from sleep you get a little woke
Washingdone: This is exactly why y'all need church
SmolHamMan: John wake up Laf
J. Laur: You wake up Laf
SmolHamMan: Last time I did they /hit me with a shoe/
J. Laur: And you think Hercules is easier?
SmolHamMan: I'm willing to bet money on it
SmolHamMan: $20
J. Laur: Deal brb
Elizard: Who do you think is gonna win?
JemMads: I don't know if I care enough to think about it
--
SmolHamMan: V I C T O R Y
Laflyette: I hate you all
Herc.Nochilligan: I'll go start the coffee
J. Laur: I'm never waking Laf up again goodbyee
irlANGEL: Why what happened
Laflyette: I reacted accordingly
J. Laur: You almost landed a perfect right hook to my nose how is that a reasonable reaction
Laflyette: You also blasted Never Gonna Give You Up in my ears to wake me up so that hit was deserved
Peggles: Lmao good choice Johnster
J. Laur: I wish I could agree with you
Prada.Mama: I have nothing to wear that is a shame looks like I can't go srry folks
Elizard: Maria is literally attempting to throw all of her Sunday dresses out the window but she can't get it open
Prada.Mama: I am just becoming alive you try to pull open a window
irlANGEL: Theo have you seen my black dress with the slits in the back I plan to Slay today
Theo.doe.eyes: It's behind the cardboard cutout of Dwayne Johnson
T. Jeffersinn: Why do you have a cut out of The Rock
irlANGEL: He's a babe
Laflyette: Shit that be true
JemMads: I would dump Thomas for The Rock
T. Jeffersinn: Same tbh
J. Laur: I'm pretty sure we'd all dump our lovers for The Rock
J. Laur: Well Except for Hetero McGee
AyAyRon: If The Rock asked me to get on my knees and blow him I would say thank you
Queen Martha: Okay then that's enough internet for the day
--
Herc.Nochilligan: There's a rip in my suit pants I'm crying
Laflyette: I! Don't! KNow! What! To! Wear!
Herc.Nochilligan: Well I'm now wearing my navy pants with a white shirt
Herc.Nochilligan: And assuming we're all color coding you can wear something along those lines
Laflyette: Wear your light purple tie and I'll take care of the other two
Laflyette: I have an idea
--
Washingdone: Alex you four are nearly late for breakfast
SmolHamMan: JOHN IS SPEEDING DOWN THE STREET WE'RE COMING IN HOTT
JemMads: I heard the tires screech
J. Laur: Okay I'm parked
Laflyette: We are never letting you drive ever again
irlANGEL: How did you not get pulled over????
J. Laur: I have skills
Herc.Nochilligan: We were pulled over twice
Herc.Nochilligan: John gave em those puppy dog eyes and batted his lashes
Herc.Nochilligan: They gave him two tickets each
Herc.Nochilligan: Then he paid them off
J. Laur: See skills
SmolHamMan: I still don't understand why you carry so much money with you
SmolHamMan: WHat if you're mugged????
J. Laur: Well I don't need it anyway so I hope whoever mugs me makes good use of it
T. Jeffersinn: John Laurens has true good in his heart
Washingdone: I hope you were all wearing seatbelts
SmolHamMan: Don't worry Dad we were fine
SmolHamMan: shIT W A I T
irlANGEL: Oh my god
Herc.Nochilligan: DEAR
J. Laur: Omf
Laflyette: Alex why
AyAyRon: I'm Laughing so hard someone help me
Peggles: IM,,,,DOWNN
JemMads: THomas just fell off the chair someone help us
SmolHamMan: Im regretting every moment in my life plz kill me
Theo.doe.eyes: "Don't worry /Dad/ we were fine"
Elizard: Dad
Prada.Mama: Daddio
SmolHamMan: I hate you all sO MUCH
Washingdone: Alex
Washingdone: Do you see me as a fatherly figure
SmolHamMan: I don't know why you make such blasphemous accusations, sir
SmolHamMan: If anything YOU see ME as a sonly figure
SmolHamMan: You brought this role onto yourself
Washingdone: It's true I do see you as a son
Washingdone: You're part of my family, Alexander. Never forget that.
SmolHamMan: Shit thanks Washington
SmolHamMan: I think I'm gonna cry
Theo.doe.eyes: This is so sweet Alex we love you
Peggles: Dicks out for Alex
AyAyRon: Please no
SmolHamMan: I love you all too
SmolHamMan: Now how close is breakfast to being done
Queen Martha: It's done now come serve yourselves
--
J. Laur: Okay this is great and all
J. Laur: But where are the grits
J. Laur: How can you have breakfast without grits
SmolHamMan: John not everybody eats grits
irlANGEL: I do
T. Jeffersinn: I do
Washingdone: I do
Elizard: I do
Peggles: I don't see the appeal its gross and grainy
SmolHamMan: Not to mention a pain in the ass to clean out of the pot
Herc.Nochilligan: They're a sometimes food
J. Laur: No they are an all the time food
Herc.Nochilligan: Some of us don't have grits running through their viens
JemMads: They aren't the best
J. Laur: But you're from the South
J. Laur: How do you not like grits
JemMads: Not everybody is a walking stereotype like you John
J. Laur: I
--
Peggles: Breakfast was great Marthmom thx
Laflyette: Now time for a healthy dose of smut
Peggles: Hamilton smut, that is
T. Jeffersinn: Washington when can I bow out of this
Washingdone: You can't but I wish we could
Queen Martha: Hey it's not that bad
Elizard: Please don't tell me they introduced you to smut
Queen Martha: ;)
AyAyRon: Why are you looking up Hamilton smut anyway
Peggles: I get bored
SmolHamMan: Okay but like
SmolHamMan: You're reading about your friends and/or family doing the diddly
Peggles: Yes, I am aware
Laflyette: It's fun pointing out stereotypes and such
Laflyette: Not to mention sometimes the personalities are perfect matches
Queen Martha: Oh my god have you ever read the Lauren's interlude by mihany because it's great
SmolHamMan: ...
SmolHamMan: Link it
T. Jefferson: Oh my god
--
J.Laur: Tbh I would have petty revenge sex in my dad's room I just don't think I'd bottom in that situation
Theo.doe.eyes: I wish I didn't read that and yet I want to read more
Prada.Mama: Can we just go to church now
Washingdone: Please
T. Jeffersinn: How are we all getting there? Because parking is sure to be hell and we aren't exactly getting there early
T. Jeffersinn: I know what the morning rush church service looks like and it isn't pretty
Peggles: ohmg Momtha
Peggles: Can we take the minivan
JemMads: Minivan?
Queen Martha: Yes we can take the minivan
Queen Martha: I had bought a minivan for group trips like a year ago but George doesn't approve
Washingdone: Because I'd rather not be Soccerdad
Washingdone: I don't even like soccer
irlANGEL: That's understandable
irlANGEL: But we should get going
Laflyette: I CALL FIRST MUSIC PICK
Herc.Nochilligan: Please help us lord
--
Laflyette: WE WHO ARE ABOUT TO BANG THEM DRUMS
Peggles: BANG
T.Jeffersinn: BEATIN ON A DEAD BODY RIDIN SHOTGUN
Queen Martha: TALKIN THAT SHIT BTCH BITE YOUR TONGUE
Theo.doe.eyes: SEE THAT SHIP OVER YOUR CITY, BETTER RUN, RUN
Prada.Mama: YOUR WAR IS LIKE A BOARD GAME WHERE IT COME FROM
JemMads: ALREADY BORED, CLAIMING YOUR GANG
J.Laur: "PYONG" GO THE GUN
SmolHamMan: Wow they really like clipping.
Elizard: THis is terrifying
AyAyRon: Agreed
--
Washingdone: We're here everybody get tf out
Laflyette: I step out the van and at least six people are staring
J. Laur: In their defense you look ready to kill somebody and use their blood as lipstick
irlANGEL: That's my look???
Prada.Mama: No you look more like the new queen of the world with an army at your feet and it's frightening but also I'm really gay for you right now
SmolHamMan: Hercules come hold my hand so that John can hold Laf's and then me and John can be squished between you two and hook arms
Theo.doe.eyes: Do you all insist on being disgusting and sappy
Herc.Nochilligan: Of course
Peggles: I'm in love with this suit okay okay goodbye
Peggles: Also @ Herc thanks fam you really came through
Herc.Nochilligan: I like the embroidered PS on your cuffs
Herc.Nochilligan: That took forever to do, btw so appreciate
Elizard: I haven't worn this dress in months and it still fits I'm shocked
Washingmom: It's a really pretty shade of green Eliza I love it
JemMads: Rt
AyAyRon: James??? Are you and Thomas already inside???
JemMads: We're fast walkers
irlANGEL: Did you find good seats
T. Jeffersinn: No we were making out in the bathroom
Peggles: Filthy sinners
Washingdone: God is watching
--
Theo.doe.eyes: Tfw JeffMads walks in disheveled and the people nearby turn to give them dirty looks
Theo.doe.eyes: Did you all really turn off your phones??
Theo.doe.eyes: That means I can
Theo.doe.eyes: Live-tweet
Theo.doe.eyes: From this fourth row of pews
Theo.doe.eyes: My time has come
--
Theo.doe.eyes: Log # 1: Squad Goes to Church
Theo.doe.eyes: So far everybody is still awake, though Thomas looks rather sleepy
Theo.doe.eyes: No casualties have occurred yet
Theo.doe.eyes: To my left John keeps staring lovingly at Lafayette and the pastor hasn't come out yet
Theo.doe.eyes: I say that there is a 97% chance that they will kiss during this service
Theo.doe.eyes: My lovely Aaron is playing Abyssrium on his phone, meaning he either can't see these texts or is ignoring them
Theo.doe.eyes: If it is the latter then I am very offended
Theo.doe.eyes: Wait he's looking up
Theo.doe.eyes: He kissed me on the cheek and squeezed my hand I love this man
Theo.doe.eyes: To my right the Washingtons are engaged in a serious conversation
Theo.doe.eyes: If I listen closely enough ut sounds like teasing
Theo.doe.eyes: Angelica and Maria are holding hands while resting their heads on one another
Theo.doe.eyes: I'm taking so many pictures right now
Theo.doe.eyes: mY FLASH WENT OFF ABORT ABORT
Theo.doe.eyes: Aww Angelica is blushing
Theo.doe.eyes: These couples are so beautiful how am I friends with an of you
Theo.doe.eyes: Anyway
Theo.doe.eyes: Peggy, who is sitting right next to me, says "420 Blaze It" and Eliza just snorts
Theo.doe.eyes: Siblings are so pretty
Theo.doe.eyes: A glance over to the poly squad shows that Alexander and Hercules are talking while Laf is playing with John's hair
Theo.doe.eyes: Behind them Thomas and James seem to be whispering in to each other
Theo.doe.eyes: Thomas is trying not to laugh while James fixes his tie with a soft smile
Theo.doe.eyes: How domestic is this freaking group
Theo.doe.eyes: Someone just came and passed today's itinerary to our row
Theo.doe.eyes: They seem to be smiling at us so I waved and they mouthed 'You have a beautiful group of friends' looks like this person is not an asshole I'll need to get their number later on
Theo.doe.eyes: Apparently James seems to know the person??? Interesting
Theo.doe.eyes: Thomas looks a little nervous and maybe uncomfortable? The stranger smiles and ruffles his hair while causing him to blush
Theo.doe.eyes: THey walk away and now JeffMads is in a hushed whisper with James giggling and Thomas being really flustered
Theo.doe.eyes: Here comes the pastor let's get this show on the road
--
Theo.doe.eyes: Dear church goers we are ten minutes in and everybody looks extremely bored
Theo.doe.eyes: Alexander looks to be inwardly groaning while resting his head on Lafayette's shoulder
Theo.doe.eyes: John seems kind of rigid but I think this is understandable considering how church was deeply related into his upbringing bless his soul
Theo.doe.eyes: Hercules is,,, knitting,,, while looking at the pastor??? Where did he get that from??? How???
Theo.doe.eyes: Upon further investigation he seemed to have brought a bag with him. I respect this man deeply
Theo.doe.eyes: Lafayette still looks stunning and I love the makeup today. It goes great with their dress
Theo.doe.eyes: They don't seem to care much for the service but still seem to be paying attention
Theo.doe.eyes: James and Thomas are sitting up straight, their pinkies linked, almost as if they've done thid multiple times before
Theo.doe.eyes: Very cute if I do say so myself
Theo.doe.eyes: Peggy is resting on Eliza's shoulder, both look tired
Theo.doe.eyes: Maria and the Washington's look vaguely interested
AyAyRon: Aaron is paying attention though he couldn't care less
Theo.doe.eyes: Get off your phone babe
AyAyRon: <3
Theo.doe.eyes: <3
Theo.doe.eyes: Angelica looks to be on snapchat maybe? Definitely taking a sneak picture of Maria
Theo.doe.eyes: The pastor starts off with the typical "Love thy neighbor as you love thy friend" thing, meaning we must all stand up and say I love you to the people on either side of us
Theo.doe.eyes: Aaron is grinning widely
Theo.doe.eyes: Peggy gives me a quick kiss on the cheek
Theo.doe.eyes: The Ot4 are being disgustingly cute as always
Theo.doe.eyes: James and Hercules laugh when saying 'I love you' to each other look at that
Theo.doe.eyes: John laughs at Eliza who is grinning as well, a lipstick stain on her cheek from Peggy
Theo.doe.eyes: John has a matching one from Lafayette, and so does Alex
Theo.doe.eyes: Maria and Angelica are doing the thing where they stare into each others eyes
Theo.doe.eyes: And I have yet to be caught texting in the holy home of the lord
Theo.doe.eyes: No conflict yet, which is good
Theo.doe.eyes: Maybe this will stay sweet and uneventful
--
Theo.doe.eyes: Hello church goers I am Theodosia Bartow and I was extremely wrong
Theo.doe.eyes: I have just looked at the itinerary and guess what scriptures we're reading??
Theo.doe.eyes: Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, and Romans 1:26-28
Theo.doe.eyes: Upon this announcement, John and Madison visibly froze, and almost everyone else looks worried and/or slightly irritated
Theo.doe.eyes: Peggy looks confused, as does Lafayette
Theo.doe.eyes: It doesn't look like we're leaving yet, but it seems like we will if needed
Theo.doe.eyes: I, myself, am upset about this
Theo.doe.eyes: I was hoping this would be a good thing for everyone because not all churches are like this
Theo.doe.eyes: Updates will come soon
--
Theo.doe.eyes: And we are back
Theo.doe.eyes: Unfortunately, nothing has gotten better
Theo.doe.eyes: We are currently reading the first on the list and everybody looks extremely peeved
Theo.doe.eyes: Thomas is squeezing James' hand comfortingly
Theo.doe.eyes: Lafayette and Eliza are holding either on of John's hands
Theo.doe.eyes: Not as comfort it's to hold him back
Theo.doe.eyes: He looks ready to kill a man which I'm pretty sure he's capable of doing
Theo.doe.eyes: Angelica and Maria are furiously typing on their phones
Theo.doe.eyes: Alexander and Hercules look extremely upset
Theo.doe.eyes: Oh
Theo.doe.eyes: Wait
Theo.doe.eyes: Alexander is whispering to Hercules, who is whispering down the line to John and Laf while Alex shares his idea with Thomas and James
Theo.doe.eyes: They all have gleams in their eyes now
Theo.doe.eyes: I see that Maria and Ang have the same gleam
Theo.doe.eyes: Needless to say, I am interested
--
Theo.doe.eyes: This is the best plan I love these children so much
Theo.doe.eyes: They're all just making out now and the pastor has definitely noticed
Theo.doe.eyes: He's trying to ignore it but that's kinda hard when Maria is straddling Angelica, James is being really handsy, and the poly crew is just being obscene
Theo.doe.eyes: Okay that was a moan
Theo.doe.eyes: Everybody heard it
Theo.doe.eyes: People are whispering
Theo.doe.eyes: I look around and find that girl from earlier
Theo.doe.eyes: She's obviously not trying to giggle
Theo.doe.eyes: THE PASTOR IS SPEAKING
Theo.doe.eyes: 'How dare you do such things in the house of the lord'
Theo.doe.eyes: THomas: "This is a pretty shitty house of the lord in my opinion. Last time I checked it was love thy neighbor, not bash thy neighbor into the ground for being born who they were"
Theo.doe.eyes: 'H-how DARE-'
Theo.doe.eyes: John: "You would know all about that, wouldn't you THomas? Don't you have a bible kink?"
Theo.doe.eyes: James: "John, you have a bible kink. Thomas has a bible kink. I have a bible kink. This is not unknown knowledge."
Theo.doe.eyes: JOHNATHAN: "DICK ME DOWN, LEVITICUS"
Theo.doe.eyes: Hercules: "D A D D Y"
Theo.doe.eyes: I wonder how long it'll take for us to get kicked out
--
Theo.doe.eyes: Welcome back, viewers! Theo just in, we have escaped that church.
Theo.doe.eyes: Martha yelled: "NICKI MINAJ CAN EAT MY ASS AND I'D THANK HER" Washington blushed
Theo.doe.eyes: Then make out sessions became more heated while Aaron caught the whole thing on camera (bless his soul)
Theo.doe.eyes: Also, we've been banned from the church. What a great experience.
Theo.doe.eyes: This is Dosia Doddles, signing off.
--
T.Jeffersinn: The fact that Theo live-tweeted this whole thing is gold
J.Laur: I'm tired
Laflyette: Ditto
Peggles: Can we all take a nap before seeing Hamilton tonight?
Prada.Mama: Please