Enter Maria
SmolHamMan sent a message to group chat The Great Roasting of A.Ham™
SmolHamMan: I still can't believe Laf did that
SmolHamMan: Wait
SmolHamMan changed group name to Ham Spam Wham Bam
SmolHamMan: Better
SmolHamMan: Anyway I can't believe Laf did that
irlANGEL: Alex the 4th was literally 9 days ago
Elizard: We know what Laf did
Peggles: And frankly we're tired of hearing it so shut up
SmolHamMan: Haters
Laflyette: Honestly mon ami I'm tired of hearing it too
Laflyette: And I did it so
Laflyette: You need to stop
SmolHamMan: Well I'm sorry that you have to live with your mistakes
SmolHamMan: Next time don't dye your hair the color of the American Flag
SmolHamMan: And remember to think twice before covering your whole dorm room in flags
SmolHamMan: Or offering a lap dance in your AMERICAN FLAG BIKINI
SmolHamMan: All I'm saying was that the 4th was fucking wild
J. Laur: How much did you pay John Adams to be Uncle Sam
Laflyette: Nothing actually
Laflyette: He owed me a favor
T. Jeffersinn: Who doesn't owe you a favor
JemMads: I don't
Elizard: Neither do I
Herc Nochilligan: Honestly I think everyone does except for those two
Washingdone: Martha doesn't owe you anything, does she?
Laflyette: Of course not
Laflyette: She's done so much for me already
AyAyRon: Luckily I don't owe them a favor
irlANGEL: I do but we'll talk about it later
irlANGEL: I have an announcement to make
SmolHamMan: Is this about that girl you go down on every night because John already told me
SmolHamMan: I'm so happy our little Angel is finally growing up and getting laid
Peggles: Hey that's my line
Peggles: And what happened to not telling Alex
Peggles: Huh Laurens
J. Laur: I only confirmed that Ang was dating
J. Laur: Never gave a name
irlANGEL: So loyal John this is why you're my favorite
Peggles: Rude
irlANGEL: Sorry sweaty
irlANGEL: Anyway I want to introduce her to y'all
irlANGEL added Prada.Mama to the chat
Prada.Mama: Yo guys what it do
Peggles: What do you want it to do?
Prada.Mama: Make me dinner and buy me expensive jewelry
Peggles: Relatable
Peggles: Anyways I'm Peggy, Angelica's youngest sibling, they/them pronouns
Peggles: Respect them
irlANGEL: Peggy don't scare my gf away I actually like her
Prada.Mama: No I actually like that
Prada.Mama: Peggy you're pretty cool
Elizard: And you know me so I'll skip the introductions and say welcome
Prada.Mama: Yes Eliza hello to you too
Prada.Mama: Who are the rest of y'all lovely people that Angelica goes on about?
T. Jeffersinn: Aw you talk about us
irlANGEL: Not in a nice way I promise
Laflyette: Bonjour my name is Lafayette, pronouns are they/them
Laflyette: It's so nice to meet you
Herc.Nochilligan: Hercules Mulligan, tailor's apprentice, and dating Laf up there
AyAyRon: Aaron Burr, nice to meet you
J. Laur: John Laurens, but we've met
T. Jeffersinn: Thomas Jefferson, the pleasure is mine
JemMads: James Madison
Washingdone: Professor Washington, but I'm sure you know that.
SmolHamMan: And I, the gf of my dear great friend, am Alexander Hamilton
SmolHamMan: Nice to finally meet who Angel here has been doing the diddly with
Prada.Mama: It's so nice to meet all of you
Prada.Mama: But not Alex
Prada.Mama: I'm Maria Reynolds, formerly Maria Lewis before I majorly fucked up in life but everything is good now
SmolHamMan: Holy shit
SmolHamMan left the chat
J. Laur: And there he goes
irlANGEL: He took that surprisingly well
irlANGEL: Wait nvm he's texting me
irlANGEL: Brb y'all
--
SmolHamMan sent a message to chat Smartest in the Room
SmolHamMan: Angelica Schuyler what the actual fuck
SmolHamMan: Why didn't you warn me oh my god
irlANGEL: Because I knew you'd react like this anyway
irlANGEL: Is this going to be a problem, Alexander?
irlANGEL: Because we can gladly never talk to each other again
SmolHamMan: No no no that's not what I meant it's just
SmolHamMan: HOLY SHIT
SmolHamMan: Never expected it but makes sense
SmolHamMan: I've just been avoiding her ever since The Incident
irlANGEL: And how long has it been
SmolHamMan: A year and a half I think
SmolHamMan: Anyway I'm really happy for you and I hope she makes you happy
SmolHamMan: In more ways than one ;)
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irlANGEL sent a message to group chat Ham Spam Wham Bam
irlANGEL: Alright everything is settled
irlANGEL added SmolHamMan to the chat
irlANGEL: Maria babe welcome to my fucked up but okay family
Prada.Mama: It's nice to be with you all
Prada.Mama: Even you Alex
SmolHamMan: Yeah yeah whatever
AyAyRon: Okay could someone shed some light on this situation because a lot of us are confused
J. Laur: Right
J. Laur: Who wants to tell this tale
SmolHamMan: I might as well
SmolHamMan: Things happened about a year and a half ago when I was stuck in a rut in my life
SmolHamMan: I was stressing over a bunch of unimportant shit and had decided to go party because hey what relieves stress better than booze am I right
SmolHamMan: So there was this party across campus that I went to, which is where I met Maria
SmolHamMan: Turns out we were both there to escape some stressful situations and we just
SmolHamMan: We slept together for the first time that night
Peggles: How many times after that
Prada.Mama: About three months
Prada.Mama: And then something happened with my ex, Alex paid him off, and we stopped talking
Prada.Mama: Mainly because I thought he fell off the face of the earth
SmolHamMan: I was avoiding her
SmolHamMan: But yeah that's the whole thing
T. Jeffersin: So that's the story
JemMads: I am surprisingly not surprised
JemMads: Look at that
Washingdone: As long as everything is sorted out
Washingdone: Welcome to the chat Maria
Prada.Mama: Thx GWash
J. Laurs: Literally only you and Alex call him that and you're new to the group
Prada.Mama: I have my ways
Prada.Mama: Plus who could say no to this face?
Prada.Mama: doggofilter.png
Laflyette: Wow,,,
Laflyette: I LOVE YOUR EYELINER BE MY NEW WIFE
Peggles: She used a meme Laf she's my wife back off
T. Jeffersinn: But your hair??? What conditioner do you use for those curls???
Prada.Mama: Shhh I'll be both of your wives
Prada.Mama: And it's Ogx Quenching Coconut Curls conditioner
T. Jeffersinn: I really like Maria
irlANGEL: Yeah so do I
SmolHamMan: Now we must follow tradition
JemMads: We have a tradition???
Laflyette: Yea
Laflyette: Whenever there's a new member of the squad, Alexander and I throw a slumber party at our dorm room
J. Laur: That makes sense actually
Elizard: It explains all of those constant parties we had there
T. Jeffersinn: I never had one
SmolHamMan: Oh no you did we just never invited you
JemMads: I remember that
SmolHamMan: Anyway Laf and I got snacks
SmolHamMan: Y'all bring a favorite movie, your jammies, and a blanket or something because once you arrive you can never leave
Prada.Mama: Chill
Herc.Nochilligan: I'm already here does that mean I have to help set up
J.Laur: ^^^
Laflyette: Yes you lazy sacks of shit
Laflyette: The latest you can arrive is 6:30
Laflyette: Any later and you cannot get in without an offering so plan ahead
SmolHamMan: We shall see you soon