The Great Roasting of A.Ham™
Laflyette sent a message to group chat Hamilbroes and Hoes
Laflyette: Guess what today it is?
SmolHamMan: A day that ends in y?
J. Laur: Alex do you seriously not know what day it is
SmolHamMan: Maybe
J. Laur: You're a lost cause jfc
SmolHamMan: Shut up we aren't talking about me
Laflyette: Oh but we very much are
Laflyette changed group name to The Great Roasting of A.Ham™
Laflyette: Today, my dear friend, you will receive the roasting of your life
Herc Nochilligan: I heard roasting
Peggles: FUk yes
Peggles: I have so many reciepts
SmolHamMan: Oh my god no
SmolHamMan: Please
SmolHamMan: Spare me and my weave job
Peggles: That weave will be snatched and thrown in the sewer where it belongs
T. Jeffersinn: Am I late
Laflyette: Nah
Laflyette: Will James be joining us, Thomas?
T. Jeffersinn: Yes, but a little later
T. Jeffersinn: He's making breakfast
irlANGEL: Yes hello I am present for The Great Roasting of A.Ham™
Elizard: ^^^^
AyAyRon: ^^^^^^
SmolHamMan: I have some of the worst friends ever
Laflyette: Who wants to go first?
AyAyRon: Me
SmolHamMan: HA
SmolHamMan: I'm sorry Aaron but you couldn't roast someone even if they gave you a flamethrower, turned it on high, and put your hand on the trigger before aiming it at themselves
AyAyRon: Okay first off
AyAyRon: That insult was almost as weak as your pull out game
AyAyRon: I can't roast somebody?
AyAyRon: You wouldn't know the definition of roasting if it hit you in the face while wearing Donald Trump's crusty toupee and spitting slurs and then shoved a flame thrower so far up your ass that every time you spoke nothing but smoke came out
AyAyRon: You have no room to talk
AyAyRon: With your middle aged father looking ass
AyAyRon: Like damn your hair is greasier than the fryer at Denny's
AyAyRon: I can hear John Travolta trying to hit high notes I swear
AyAyRon: Please take your rat's nest out of my face and find a new stylist hunty
Peggles: I-
J. Laur: gUYS
irlANGEL: W HO POING
SmolHamMan: I wasn't expecting that
Elizard: NOBODY WAS
T. Jeffersinn: Save his soul
Herc Nochilligan: OkaY I WANNA GO AT HIM
SmolHamMan: OH fuck this leave me beee
SmolHamMan left the chat
Herc Nochilligan added SmolHamMan to the chat
Herc Nochilligan: Take this asswhoopin that you are about to receive because you KNOW you deserve it
Laflyette: FUCKING SAVE HIM
Herc Nochilligan: Now Alex
Herc Nochilligan: There are so many things I can say about you but I'll start small
Herc Nochilligan: Now I'll spare your looks
Herc Nochilligan: Since Burr already took care of that for me
Herc Nochilligan: But because of that I have bring out my List of Alexander's Fuck-Ups
Laflyette: He pulled out aN ACTUAL LIST
Laflyette: DAMN ALEX WHY IS IT SO LONG
Laflyette: Add a sex joke to that and I'll fucking kill you
SmolHamMan: Noted
Herc Nochilligan: Okay so I skimmed the list
Herc Nochilligan: And if we aren't doing looks then that cuts my list down by like 1/4
Herc Nochilligan: Meaning the next topic is hobbies and BOI do I have a lot of complaints
Herc Nochilligan: First off: You can't clean for SHIT
Herc Nochilligan: Everyone, listen while I describe the current condition of his dorm
J. Laur: Alex babe you're fucked
SmolHamMan: Wow John I love you too
Herc Nochilligan: Shut
Herc Nochilligan: Anyway
Herc Nochilligan: On Laf's side of the dorm, everything is neat
Herc Nochilligan: Their bed is made, clothes are put away, no food or anything ANYWHERE because they like being sanitary if you haven't noticed
Herc Nochilligan: Now our dear, dear, sweet Alexander lives like a literal pig
Herc Nochilligan: There are cup noodles under his bed
Herc Nochilligan: There are piles of clothes on his actual bed that he refuses to put away
Herc Nochilligan: Matter of fact, take this picture
Herc Nochilligan: alxndrhamilhog.png
irlANGEL: I,,,,,,,,
T.Jeffersinn: Am disgusted
Elizard: Is that a pizza box
Herc Nochilligan: From three nights ago yes
Herc Nochilligan: And those takeout boxes are about a week old
J. Laur: Babe how the hell-
Peggles: My room looks clean compared to this tf
JemMads: Oh
JemMads: Oh no
AyAyRon: Wow Alex your room is as messy as your life
AyAyRon: Bet even if we threw everything out we wouldn't be able to find your morals
SmolHamMan: I am actually being bullied today I hate this
Herc Nochilligan: Damn Burr you're back with the heat
Herc Nochilligan: Anyway, that's not even the beginning
Herc Nochilligan: Alex when you sleep you grind your teeth s o o o o loud
Herc Nochilligan: I wake up thinking we left the garbage disposal on
Herc Nochilligan: AND you have the nerve to snore like who even are you
Herc Nochilligan: I'm surprised I can even sleep with you, and that's only if you crash and pass out
Herc Nochilligan: Did I also mention how loud you are?
Herc Nochilligan: Because I SWEAR every time you open your mouth a poor kid goes deaf
Herc Nochilligan: Do you call that singing or being brutally murdered
Herc Nochilligan: Honestly your worst trait is your laziness
Herc Nochilligan: The saying "A cow at rest stays at rest" is probably based off of you
Herc Nochilligan: Somebody must've dreamed about your ass and woke up in the middle of the night just to write a saying about you
Herc Nochilligan: I'll spare you the rest of the list since I need a good amount of shit to talk
Herc Nochilligan: But long story short you're a hot effin mess and you make me want to slam my head in a door repeatedly for ten years
Laflyette: Wow Hercules kept it mild
SmolHamMan: THAT WAS M I L D?!?!??????? ???!!!
Herc Nochilligan: Oh very
SmolHamMan: I don't think anybody can be worse than Herc
SmolHamMan: COME AT ME
Laflyette: Oh really
Laflyette: OH R E A L L Y
Herc Nochilligan: Laf's rubbin their hands together get ready
Laflyette: Alexander I'm sorry to say that your fashion sense is absolute SHIT
Laflyette: I've seen some five year olds with better style
Laflyette: Even JOHN ADAMS dresses better than you and you know how much I HATE his fashion choices
Laflyette: I will gladly pay you to burn half of your wardrobe
Laflyette: And then I'd pay you AGAIN just so you'd let me buy all of your clothes for the rest of your life
Laflyette: You know I have the money to throw away on you and you won't let me which is fucking stupid but whatever floats your boat
Laflyette: Who's next
SmolHamMan: Why are we friends
Laflyette: <3
JemMads: If I'm being honest Alex is the most controversial person I know
JemMads: I'm surprised he hasn't ended up in jail yet
Peggles: Can I just say that every time Alex takes off his shoes I gag a little
Peggles: I want to burn his sneakers and dump the ashes in his bed
Peggles: No scratch that I want to burn his feet
Peggles: I swear those things have never seen a pedicure
irlANGEL: Do you guys remember that time Alex made a complete fool of himself
T. Jeffersinn: You mean all the time
irlANGEL: Good point
irlANGEL: I mean that last big party we had
irlANGEL: Where he said some rather "unsavory" things about Mr. Washington
Herc Nochilligan: Oh my god that was hilarious
Elizard: I remember that
Elizard: Poor Alex was so embarrassed once he sobered up
Washingdone: What did he say about me?
J. Laur: Speak of the devil and he shall appear
SmolHamMan: HEY NO WE AREN'T SHARING THAT
Washingdone: Alexander what did you say about me?
irlANGEL: Well...
SmolHamMan: Hey Lafayette had brought it up so if we expose me they have to get exposed to
Laflyette: Angelica shut yOUR MOUTH
irlANGEL: Okay fair
irlANGEL: Sorry GWash maybe another time
T. Jeffersinn: Did Hamilton ever tell you guys about that time he dyed half his head bright orange
Peggles: WHAT NO
SmolHamMan: S H U T T H E F U C K U P
J. Laur: Wait when was this
JemMads: A month or two ago actually
T. Jeffersinn: I have pictures
T. Jeffersinn: alexmorelikeclownexlol.png
T. Jeffersinn: whofuckedhimup.png
T. Jeffersinn: potentialblackmail.png
Laflyette: WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS ANYMORE ALEXANDER
Washingdone: Son I-
Washingdone: No you have lost your son privileges
Washingdone: This is just bad
J. Laur: BBY Y
AyAyRon: Holy shit
Elizard: Put me in a coffin
irlANGEL: IM SAVING ALL OF THESEE SUCK IT
SmolHamMan: It was a PHASE
J. Laur: I'M SORRY,,,
J. Laur: BUT YOU HAVING TRAFFIC CONE HAIR IS NOT A PHASE ITS FUCKING STUPID
J. Laur: HOW DID I EVER HAVE SEX WITH YOU WHAT
J. Laur: IM DATING MARLIN FROM FINDING NEMO GUYS HELPPPP
J. Laur: CUT OFF MY SCHLONG
Laflyette: Tag urself I'm "TRAFFIC CONE HAIR IS NOT A PHASE ITS FUCKING STUPID"
Washingdone: ^^^
Peggles: I'm how did I ever have sex with you what
AyAyRon: I'm "cut off my schlong"
Herc Nochilligan: Okay same
SmolHamMan: This family is toxic tf
SmolHamMan: I'm leavinggg
SmolHamMan left the chat
Laflyette: Shit he won't let me add him backk
J. Laur: Same
irlANGEL: Yeah he blocked all of us
Washingdone: How long will this take
Elizard: Until tomorrow
Elizard: Then he'll steal John's phone and add himself back
Peggles: Does that mean it's over
T. Jeffersinn: Seems like it
JemMads: Thank god I want to go back to sleep
AyAyRon: James its only like 12:30 in the pm
JemMads: I don't care
JemMads: My allergies are killing me
JemMads: So I'm gonna avoid being alive
T. Jeffersinn: He turned off his phone guys he'll talk later
Laflyette: HErcules come to my dorm
Laflyette: We can ;;)
Elizard: BARRF
Herc Nochilligan: At the door open the hecc up
J. Laur: JEEz at least WAIT before you start undressing god
J. Laur: Herc I'm going back to our dorm
J. Laur: Alexander would treat me so much better
irlANGEL: No he won't
J. Laur: Shit you right
irlANGEL: Speaking of which I have to tell you guys something
irlANGEL: So I've been dating this girl
J. Laur: FUCKING KNEW IT
irlANGEL: Wait what
Elizard: You aren't very good at being discreet Ang
Peggles: Especially not when you're giggling at 2 am on the phone
T. Jeffersinn: We all knew
Washingdone: I never knew this
AyAyRon: We never told you
AyAyRon: Anyway who is she
irlANGEL: Maria Reynolds
T. Jeffersinn: I thought she looked familiar
Laflyette: Taking a break to say congrats mon ami
Laflyette: That's from both Herc and I
Laflyette: Oops gotta zayn
Laflyette left the chat
Elizard: Ignoring that
J. Laur: Oh shit I know her
J. Laur: More like Alex knows her
J. Laur: Remember Eliza
Elizard: I don't underst-WAIT NO YEAH I DO
Elizard: Nobody tell Alexx yet
irlANGEL: Now you know why I didn't tell him
T. Jeffersinn: Whoa okay what'd I miss
T. Jeffersinn: Why is Alex knowing bad
AyAyRon: ^^^
Peggles: Well I'm darn diddly confused
irlANGEL: I'll explain later
irlANGEL: I gotta go be gay so byee
Elizard: Tell Maria I said hi!!!!
J. Laur: ^^^
irlANGEL: I will!!!!
irlANGEL left the chat
Elizard: Peggy let's go out for sibling bonding time
Peggles: Shit fam what upp
Washingdone: You kids take care
Peggles: You know we won't
J. Laur: Everybody's leaving so Imma go be homo with my boyfriend
J. Laur: Don't do anything I wouldn't do
T. Jeffersinn: Why would we want to
J. Laur: Good point
AyAyRon: I was gonna complain but Theo is over so-
AyAyRon left the chat
T. Jeffersinn: Wow adieu to you too
T. Jeffersinn: Oh James is calling
T. Jeffersinn: Later taters
T. Jeffersinn left the chat