Locked Behind Bars
Chapter 3: Locked Behind Bars
Every girl's favourite day has finally come for Piper.
She glances at the expensive mirror before her, her own unemotional reflection meeting her pale blue eyes. Her hair is put into an elaborate do her mother chose for her and she's wearing more makeup than she will for the rest of her life combined. And everything is so carefully made, so intricate and expensive, so special.
Yet, she feels nothing special at all.
Sure, it is supposed to be special, having in mind the expensive white dress she has trouble walking in, the guest list which seems like a mile long and the excitement written on everyone's face but her own.
She forces herself to be happy because really she should be and manages to fake the feeling when she's with others who gush over how pretty she is and how they'll make the best family in the world. Problems start once she is alone.
"You look so beautiful!" Polly assures her for perhaps the hundredth time, 'You and Larry are going to be so happy!" she continues on and on and Piper notices the tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
For whatever reason there's sadness, disappointment even in her friend's voice no matter how hard she's trying to hide it. Perhaps she isn't the only one who's faking happiness that day.
"Just like you and Pete are happy, right?" Piper asks in a small voice, trying to read the expression on the other's face. She wonders – when did she stop being able to understand her best friend, when did they grow so far apart when they're together almost every day?
Polly sniffles and brushes away a runaway tear, smearing mascara in the process.
"Just like me and Pete." she says, voice breaking at the end.
"Now come on, it's time for last minute preparations!" Polly insists, trying to force as much enthusiasm as she can into the words, "Today's the best day of your life."
"Sure." Piper mumbles under her breath before she can stop herself. Luckily, the other pretends not to hear her and busies herself with adjusting her veil properly.
Two hours later, Piper Chapman is a married woman and she tries to relinquish in the fact, tries to assure herself that this was the right step for her and Larry, the logical continuation of their supposedly epic romance.
But it's not, there is nothing epic about it, it all feels mediocre, like a cheaply made ad on TV with bright lights and fake smiles but no emotion behind it.
xxx
After living on the edge for years and exploring the taste of a life of crime, sex and pleasure, Alex ends up in prison.
Really isn't all that surprising, she contemplates as she puts on the orange clothes, the bright colour starkly contrasting against the grey walls which have become her new home.
She takes a deep breath as she recalls how it happened. One of Kubra's infamous operations has gone wrong, police barges in and before she knows it she can feel the cold, binding metal of the handcuffs around her wrists.
Somewhere at the back of her mind she'd always thought about getting caught so once she's behind bars, she can't say she's surprised or disappointed. Really, she can't say she feels anything at all.
In an odd way jail feels like home – a very crappy, cold and sometimes smelly home with crazy people, fights and perverted prison guards but a home nonetheless. She makes friends, a curly haired woman named Nicky who's helplessly in love with her best friend, namely Lorna. And there's an eccentric Russian lady who has the craziest definition of a family, a strange weirdo with horrible teeth, and many more interesting people whom she over time learns to enjoy spending time with.
It's not as bad as people make it out to be and once she gets used to no alcohol and crappy cigarettes, it can be called fine on the good days.
xxx
"You up for some action, pretty eyes?" Nicki asks, raising a devious eyebrow at her and offering a playful smirk during one of the seemingly endless quiet afternoons in the library.
"Won't Lorna be mad?"
"Nah, she doesn't care. Says it's not cheating since I'm not the love of her life..." Nicky's bottom lips quivers, voice flat and hollow and she sounds so loyal, so desperate to love someone, it almost breaks Alex's heart.
"You really love her, don't you?" she asks, dropping the book she'd ben skimming over for the past half an hour and realizing she doesn't remember a word of it.
The curly-haired woman hesitates, looking away, her gaze estranged, almost as if it's set on something far away that Alex can't see. A few minutes pass and they seem to stretch into eternity which is nothing new really, time does pass in a different way in prison.
"Doesn't seem to change anything," she whispers in the end with a smile that speaks of surrender.
Alex looks at her straight in the eye, admiring the deep, intense brown colour. She doesn't love Nicky and the other doesn't love her but they are lonely and sad and in fucking jail, so they might as well try to forget about everything for half an hour.
The brunette leans in, sealing her lips with the other. Nicky responds eagerly, her lips smooth, her breath smelling of whatever Eastern European dish Red has cooked up that day.
She pulls away for a brief second, offering Alex a smile, "The two of us – we could work really well."
Vause smiles back, almost by instinct, "We could," she agrees, her pale hands around the other's waist and travelling up, under the grey T-shirt.
Nicky moans when her skilled fingers caress her breasts and for a second there Alex feels as if she's thirteen again, the first time she'd touched a girl for more than just a friendly hug in the lockers after playing basketball.
"You're good." the other woman states and she smirks at her.
"I know."
xxx
Sex becomes a routine for Alex and Nicky, something they're both good at, something fun and easy, something colourful between the black bars of prison.
At first the brunette is somewhat worried about Lorna's reaction but the short girl with a pretty face and the brightest lipstick she's ever seen just gives her a warm smile and waves it off.
"I just want Nicky to be happy." She explains, in between fixing her glossy brown hair with her skilled hands.
"The only way for her to be happy is with you." Alex says, words slipping from her lips before her brain has fully processed them.
Lorna freezes upon hearing the words and almost drops the bobby pin she'd been holding. She hesitates to say something, give an explanation, make up an excuse as to why she can't love the other but she doesn't come up with anything.
In the end, the mask is back on and she just sends a reassuring smile to her, "Give yourself more credit, Vause. I'm sure you can make someone happy.".
Alex forces a smile but mentally scoffs at the idea. The prospect of finding love has become obscure and unrealistic to her much like freedom does in prison. It seems strange, wrong to even think about it.
And so, when her face's between Nicky's thighs and she's moaning in pleasure she feels somewhat happy. It's a strange kind of happy, not the real deal, but something close to it. There's no emotion behind the moans but that doesn't take away from the ecstasy.
At very least, as Alex reminiscent, this way she doesn't feel completely empty all the time.
xxx
Married life with Larry proves to be okay. After the wedding nothing changes and they continue just like before. They go on dates where they watch silly blockbusters and listen to cheesy pop songs, trying to find meaning behind lyrics where there is none.
The years pass quickly and Piper can't really remember much of them. They go to work, they go on dates, they go back home and eat Chinese food. The most interesting thing that happens are the cliffhangers of the TV shows they watch in bed.
On weekends they have barbeque with Polly and Pete and their adorable two children as they assure themselves that they are livign the American Dream. Then again Piper leisurely wonders - who the hell defined this dream and does it really apply to everyone?
But such questions are dangerous as they lead to places she hasn't dared explored and has no intetion to. So she steals a glance at her best friend as she munches on whatever vegeterian dish she has prepaped because that is the new "it" thing.
Polly looks bored, taking care of children having become a routine for her. She assures Piper motherhood is great, that it is the best thing in the world but the words sound empty and rehearsed, almost as if she's trying to convince herself in the first place.
"Are you happy?" Piper asks on one warm and seemingly endless Sunday evening, words slipping from her mouth before her brain can register them.
Polly pauses, the question catching her off guard. For a second or so she seems unsure of the answer and her face looks wary, like she's tired but not because of the house work done. It looks as if she's tired, tired of Pete and changing diapers and tired of stereotypical barbecues in the suburbs.
"Of course I am." She responds after a pause that stretches on longer than necessary, the same mechanical smile having returned to her pale face.
They stand in the warm silence of August, the only sounds that can be heard are from the TV inside, where Pete and Larry are watching some sport event that neither of them really cares about.
"Why, aren't you?" Polly asks in the end and Piper can read some long forgotten friendly concern in her intelligent eyes. She wonders when did they stop being friends? When did they suddenly forget each other when they meet every Sunday and Wednesday for brunch?
"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" she mirrors the answer, forcing a trained smile of her own.
And really she has to ask – why wouldn't she be?
Life with Larry is easy and rehearsed, she plays the role society and her parents and even she herself has picked up and Larry plays his and it's all good. It's good but it's not great and she feels as though she has settled for normal when she never wanted normal in the first place.
As ungrateful and horrible as it sounds, marriage, one of the most desired things on Earth, seems like prison. It feels as if she's locked behind bars in the suburban prison of the so called American dream.
It's strange, she feels a want, a need to go to places she's never been and love someone she's never met.