Queen of making the panties wet
My plan is brilliant.
It’s so good. Better than Leeksah’s long lesnian fingers. Almost.
Anyway so my plan is that we realease the coked up whores waiting inside Mount Feather. Ya know the Grounder Pounder’s dressed in nothing but small scraps of white fabric being used like lab rats and getting hot and swety and rubbing up against each other and…
…sorry I had to go pull a Jason’s twitter followers on myself. (Read: I had to go down on myself)
Where waz I? Ah yesh, my grand plan. Basically we free the hoes, diaable the fog, boom open the doors, and walk right in like the badass motherfuckers we are. Heda gives me head, I ascend to sapphic heaven and we all live gayly ever after.
We were gonna make it werk. It was working and we were riding our horsies through the forrest when some stalker people began trying to kill us. Me and Leeksah. They had a picture of us with our faces circled. Octavia pawned them asses but I kept the photo. For safe keeping and sank bank and excetera.
Then this jackass mout weather dude in his lame radiation suit was trying to bitch me out and I was not having any of that. My mum was already trying to be protective and shit even though she knows the grounders listen to me because my one true love told them to. I’m eighteen now (I’m legal Leeksah!!!!!) and I am a grown woeman. Sort of. Kind of. I killed my bf isn’t that like a right of passage? In my books it is.
I slay that bitch until she can hardly stand telling her exactly who is in charge. I don’t know why she looked so suprised I mean I’m probs adopted so of course her pussy bitching out doesn’t run in the family because my fine blonde self isn’t related to her mousy greying overthinking chancellor mess.
So backicaly I whoop this sniper dude’s butt and tell him he better hurry ta fuq up on his way home because this wee little piggy only has six hours to get his ais all the way home.
Then I pause dramtically and go to my room to rub one out to the photo of Lksah and me.
After a boring week of television the Clork Greefen show returns and blesses you with my good earth cleaveg strutting around the ark followed by my new guard dog Ryder. He’s my bodyguard now. Except then Ray has to give me this judgemental look so I let him go chill for a bit while I talk to O’s lover. Baloneu is late to call. Of course. In his little fantasy world everything revolves around his stuid hair and moobs.
I cuss him out.
Flabby, Payne and I fite a bit over who should go to Tondeecee but I tell my mum that I should go. Obvie. She does nothing. Plus Leeksah will be there.
Everything goes to shit as things on Erth tend to do when I find out a mutha fookin bomb is headed for TonDc. Where leeksah my future wife is. I can’t stand for that shit. SO I grab a horse and say fuck everyone else and miunt that wild stallion and ride as fast as my heteroness left me to my one true love. I look gorgeous doing it and my top nicely shows off my chest. ur welcome btw. I know I bless you thirsty hoes with my gorgeousness.
When I arrive after my long ride in which the saddle served better than a washing machine my angsty ass wife has the nerve to mock me for being late.
I ain’t having none of that rude shit and I straight (well… as straight as I can be) up ask to talk to her in private. The blood drains from her face and she attempts to swallow the gay aaway.
It doesn’t work because when I tell her that the village is about to go BAM she just asks me out on another date.
I’m like “Um, but what about the missile? Shoulodn;t we warn them and blah blah blah?!”
“No. Forest. You. Me. Gay loving agains the backdrop of a burning city.”
“Leeksah,” I gay, “But what about the people?”
She gives me this pericing gaze with her emerals orbs and says “do it for your people.”
And I can’t say no to that because doing it for my people is myfavourite hobby. She must have known this.
SO i accept her gift of a ratchet hoodie and slip away with her to the woods so we can make out against the trees.
Unfourtunately the wird then explodes. That takes a lot of my focus but mainly I care about how the bruning bodies cast this pretty pink light over Leeksah’s taned skin and make her green eyes shine really bright and makes beads of sweat trickle down her c-
-ahem!
She ruins the moment by talking.
God this one is always taliing.
Victory bulshit bulshit bulshit sacrifice bullshit bul;lshit bullshit fuck me Clork bullshit bullshit bullshit weakness bullshit bullshit bullshit i want to have your gaybies.
Commander of my pussy waffles on for a bit longer until we finally come across O and her beard. I’m pretyt sue they’re just friends but they might be in an open relatinshop. IDK. IDC. Mostly I’m just focusing on the fact that Leeksah’s hip keeps nocking against my body and that her lips keep getting moistened by her tongue. I never realised someoene could be so gay until I met myself. In addition to being the prettiest, smartest, badassest, and blondest I am now the gayest. Followed closely by heda when she pulls an Elsa and lets it go.
By the time I’m done contemplating my sexuality we have arrived at the evil spooter who sent the coordinates to Mount Fether and ruined my date.
THat homophobic bastard.
He tries to grab Lincoln and I’m tempted to let the guy die and end his suffering at the hands of Jrot the bully but his contract is still intact so I shoot through his shoulder into the heart of the spooter and bam wam down the evil man goes.
And I swear in that moment there is not a single dry panty in a kilometre radius.
When we walk back back to the ruined city heda looks horny.
I’m crying because I killed someone but also because of how shocked I am by my own beauty.
I am just so gd damn pretty.
My form is a work of art. Like damn. Maybe I really did fall from heaven.
I now Leksa feeks this too because she grabs my hand.
And even though she doesn’t let me hold hur hand in public I have already memorised the feeling of her long alien fingers around mine. Later she tells me she only held my hand so i couldn;t get lost.
Yeah and if that’s true I’m as straight as an arrow.