Chapter 26
**Ravens Birthday (Thursday)**
*Lexas POV*
Roan: I’m freaking out.
She walked out of Kanes office building with a smile on her face, she felt good, really good. Better than she had in a while and she knew why.
Lexa: It will be fine.
Roan: I really like her…..
She was surprised Roan was telling her this. It was obvious but he was never one to be so open about his feelings.
Lexa: I know. Show her that.
Roan: I’m trying.
She closed their conversation and opened one with Clarke. She hadn’t left her until Monday afternoon and only because she had a class she couldn’t miss and she knew Luna was on her way home. She had told Clarke to text or call if she needed her but she hadn’t.
Lexa: How are you getting to the club tonight?
She stared at her phone wishing she would get an answer right away. She sighed and got into her car throwing her phone onto the passenger seat. She hadn’t texted her because she wanted to wait for Clarke to reach out to her, maybe she shouldn’t have waited?
She sat in her car trying to figure out what she wanted to do. It was nearly four in the after noon and everyone was to meet up at the club at eight. She picked up her phone and diaed Lunas number. She picked up on the fourth ring.
“Hey Lex.”
“Hey, are you home?”
“Yeah why?”
“Is Clarke there?”
“Showering.”
“Okay, I’m grabbing Chinese want anything?”
“No thanks, heading out soon, dinner with Atom before we meet up with Raven.”
“Okay see you tonight. Love you.”
“Love you too Lexa.”
She hung up her phone and turned the car on heading to Luna and Clarkes apartment. Heart over head, that’s what she was working on and she was following her heart right now. But it seemed lately her heart and head were usually telling her the same thing. Her heart wanted Clarke, her mind was finally telling her that maybe it was okay, maybe loving Clarke didn’t mean saying she no longer loved Costia.
She grabbed the food and was soon standing in front of the door, Luna was probably gone. She didn’t know if she should use her key or knock. Screw it the food was getting cold. She opened the door and walked in placing the food on the kitchen table.
She walked over to Clarkes room and knocked on the door, there was no answer. She took a step away from the door but changed her mind and lightly turned the knob and opened the door.
Clarke was laying I bed asleep under the covers. She could see a towel peek up from under the covers too. So Clarke was in bed naked. She gulped and looked away for a moment. She shook her head and walked over to the bed.
She bent down and began stroking Clarkes hair.
“Clarke?” Clarke didn’t open her eyes but there was a mumbled no and she turned onto her stomach the shifting causing the covers and towel to go down. Almost her entire back was exposed.
She took a step back from the bed then. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. She opened one eye and peeked. She couldn’t help it. Clarke began moving again and she covered her eyes with her hands.
“Clarke. I brought food and I’m going to go eat it all if you don’t get up get dressed and come out.”
“Mmmm food.”
With her eyes still covered she smiled and turned around walking out of the room closing the door behind herself. This girl was going to be the death of her.
**Clarkes POV**
She turned to look at Lexa who was walking out of her room covering her eyes. That wasn’t werird? She looked at herself and realized she was naked under the covers her entired back exposed and now that she had turned over her breasts. She face palmed and felt her face heat up.
She sat up clutched the sheet and towel to her body fully waking up. Lexa was here for her? They had not spoken since Lexa had left, she didn’t want to be a bother and hadn’t tried to contact her.
“Clarke!”
She got up grabbing the clothes she had taken out earlier, running shirts and a tanktop. She threw them on and grabbed her brush wishing she would have combed her hair out when it was still wet.
She opened her door to find Lexa sitting on the couch eating the food surfing through the channels. She could have sworn she saw Lexa look her up and down before shaking her head and taking an obnoxiously big bite of rice.
She walked over to the table and served herself, she was starving. She plopped down on the couch content with Lexa choosing whatever. Turned out to be big bang theory.
They sat there eating in silence until the episode was over. She turned to watch Lexa who was just moving what remained of her food on her plate around.
“So what brought you here?”
Lexa didn’t look up, but shrugged. “I texted you, decided to stop by. I wanted to see you.” Lexa looked at her quickly and then down at her plate once again shrugging. ‘I missed you. You never texted.”
She watched Lexa curiously not used to seeing this side of her.
“I didn’t want to bother you more than I already had.”
Lexa looked up at her and put her plate on the coffee table. Reached over took hers and did the same. Grabbing her hand and squeezing it, “Clarke you didn’t bother me. I want to be here for you. I told you I asked Luna to let me pick you up instead.”
She knew this was true but she never figured out why.
“Why?”
“We don’t have to talk about that just know I want you in my life and Ishouldn’t have pushed you away for so long it wasn’t fair.”
Lexa took a deep breath. “ I was scared, because I care about you so much it felt overwhelming it scared me.” Lexa turned so she was fully facing her. Her heart was beating so fast she felt dizzy. “I’ve been seeing a therapist.”
Her eyes widened. A therapist?
“Why?”
Lexa gave her a small smile. “I need to deal with Costias death, like actually deal with it because honestly the idea of letting her go, that’s why I ran from you. I was and am still scared of letting her go. But the thought of being with you mad me want to try. It felt like I was betraying her even though I know I’m not. That’s why I tell you not to think you ruined us because I think I did, I was too scared before.”
She stood quiet for a while trying to take everything in that Lexa was saying.
“And now?”
Lexa smiled. “I’m working on it. I can’t promise you that I will be ready tomorrow or next week or next month but I’m trying Clarke.”
Lexa reached over and brushed a piece of hair out of her face.
She smiled brightly for the first time in what felt like months. She wasn’t crazy Lexa did want her and maybe it would take some time, but sitting here with Lexa now talking about it eating and just being together was enough for now.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” She nodded her head. She leaned forward and pulled Lexa in for a hug. Lexa nuzzled into her relaxing completely. “By the way maybe they were on a break.”
Her eyes widened and her grip slackened for a moment making Lexa giggle. She actually giggled. Lexa pulled away and pressed a kiss to her forehead before standing and grabbing their plates and walking to the kitchen.
Lexa read the letter.
** Lexas POV**
Clarke was waiting in the living room as she got dressed. She felt completely giddy. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this way. She had been honest and it felt so freeing, to tell the girl that you still want her. To have her not say its too late. She knew had to do this slowly if it was going to work.
But just the idea made her feel lighter. She wanted to call Kane and tell him what she did, was It too soon? Should she have waited to tell her everything? Was it selfish to tell her when Clarke had enough going on with her dad? She sat on the edge of her bed and her heart began beating faster. She was panicking.
Did she mess up? She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down. There was nothing she could do now. Their friends were waiting for them. She looked at her door, Clarke was waiting for her. Clarke had been waiting for months.
She grabbed her boots and zipped them up. Walkingout her room to find Clarke playing on her phone. Clarke looked up and smiled at her. “You look good.”
She looked away and smiled feeling nervous. “Thanks, come on.”
“Are you sure you want to drive?”
She nodded her head. “I don’t plan on drinking.” Clarke nodded her head.
They walked down to the car and headed out to the club.
They seemed to be the lasts to arrive, their friends had a table already and were chatting excitedly among each other. She ended up sitting next to Luna and Roan while Clarke was between Bellamy and Jasper.
Raven reached over Roan and poked her.
“Look what Roan got me.”
Lexa leaned in to look at the locket that had a picture of them together along with their official anniversary inscribed on it.
“It’s beautiful.”
Raven nodded excitedly and pressed a kiss to Roans cheek who just smiled and put his arm around her pulling her in closer to him.
She looked around taking everyone in. Monty and Jasper yelling about who knows what. Octavia and Lincoln kissing and giggling at the same time. Roan whispering something to Raven that made her laugh loudly. Clarke.. Clarke watching her with a small smile as Bellamy tried to get her attention. She smiled back and glanced at Bellamy trying to listen to what he was saying.
“You look beautiful Clarke.”
Clarke turned to look at him with a small smile. “Thanks Bell.”
“How have you been?”
“Getting through it you know? I’m heading back home Saturday morning.”
He nodded his head and moved in even closer to Clarke who seemed oblivious to how close he was.
“Yeah I get it. So you will be here tomorrow night?”
Clarke seemed half focused on folding the napkin in front of her now but nodded her head.
“Cool. I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie or something?”
Her eyes widened. Was Bellamy really asking her out? Everyone in their group knew Clarke was into her so why would he even try? Clarke eyes shot to hers and she looked away quickly trying to act as if she hadn’t been listening in.
Her phone began vibrating in her bag and she grabbed it seeing Anyas name. She stood from the table and walked towards the door, motioning to the bouncer she was only taking a call.
“Hello?”
“Lexaaa I was thinking about something.”
She smiled. Anya was too much.
“Yeah what is that?”
“Lincoln and O are getting married, right?”
She rolled her eyes. “You were at the proposal Anya.”
“Exactly… So can I move in with you?”
“Wait what?” She did not see this coming.
“He has to move in with her, and I’m assuming Roan will be moving in with Raven, which means you will have a free room.”
“You are moving to Ny?”
“Oh, I should have started with that.”
“You think?”
“Fuck off Woods.” She laughed and thought about it for a moment. Anya was turning out to be a really great friend.
“Let me talk to Lincoln and Roan okay?”
She heard a small mhm from the other line.
“I have to go though its Ravens birthday and we are out.”
“Okay tell everyone I said hello.”
“Will do.”
She walked back inside and took her seat. She looked up to see Clarke was gone. “Where did Clarke go?” everyone shrugged.
“She went to get us more drinks I think.”
They all looked towards the bar and Raven muttered, “Mother fucking asshole.”
There was a guy walking towards her with floppy hair.
“What?”
Octavia turned to her. “That’s Finn.”
Finn as in Clarkes asshole of an Ex. She and Bellamy stood up at the same time. She watched him as he studied her before sitting back down with a frown.
She walked quickly over to where Finn just got Clarke attention.
“Hey princess.”
Clarkes eyes widened when she saw who it was talking to her.
“Finn?”
She walked up next to Clarke placing a hand on her shoulder. “You good?”
Clarke nodded and turned back towards the bar, it looked like she was pretending Finn wasn’t there. Lexa stood behind her as if she were her human shield.
“Who are you?”
Lexa turned to see Finn looking her up and down, it made her skin crawl and made her want to pull her dress down more to cover her legs.
“Why do you care?”
“Maybe because you are all up on my girl right now.”
She felt her anger begin to rise. “She is not your girl, go crawl back into whatever sewer you came out of.”
Clarke turned and looked at her shaking her head no. She breathed in deeply and took a step closer to Clarke who wrapped and arm around her waist and pulled her in closer so she could whisper in her ear. “He isn’t worth it.”
“Oh I’m not worth it? So why did you text me asking for sex a few months ago? Get off your high fucking horse Clarke. Oh wait is she your girlfriend? How long you been together, I hope not long because then I guess you aren’t fucking her good if she was reaching out to me.”
Clarkes grip on her loosened before tightening up quickly. Clarke reached out to him for sex? She looked to see Clarkes face had gone pale and she had a look of fear on her face. Finn just laughed and shrugged his shoulders walking off.
Clarkes fingers were digging into her side and it was starting to hurt. She pulled away from her and turned to look at her. Clarke looked as if she were about to cry.
She grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the bathroom pushing everyone else out of the way receiving some curse words in the process.
She closed the door behind them. And turned to Clarke who had her face buried in her hands.
“Hey come on.” She moved Clarkes hands from her face to see a few tears had fallen.
“Oh come on don’t let that loser get to you Clarke.”
Clarke shook her head. “He was telling the truth, I reached out to him Lex. I’m sorry.”
She was sorry? She shook her head. “You don’t have to apologize Clarke. Stop saying sorry for everything you do. Please.”
Clarke looked at her with confused eyes. “You aren’t mad?”
She thought for a moment. She had known Finn was telling the truth but just as she had let go of the hurt from seeing Niylah and Clarke, it was the same kind of thing. Clarke wasn’t her girlfriend, while it did somewhat sting to know she had wanted him for sex it wasn’t her place to be mad about. It would be reopening a wound that she had worked to close to move forward for them to get back to here.
She shook her head no. "Clarke I told you, i was messed up back then too, if we had gotten together it wouldn't have worked out either way because of my stuff with Costia so stop blaming yourself."
Clarke took in a deep breath and studied her for a moment. She gave a soft smile in answer. She grabbed a tissue and wiped at Clarkes face.
“No more tears tonight okay?”
Clarke nodded her head. She took her hand and walked back towards their table each taking their own seats and falling back into the conversation as if nothing had happened.
Lexa turned to Luna who had been quiet all night.
“Everything okay?” Luna shook her head and took a shot wincing.
“Atom is married.”