Chapter 21
**Lexas POV**
“Lexa we have to go in.”
She just stared at the door for a moment longer before turning to Roan and nodding her head, he had his worried face on. But he shouldn’t, she was okay the pain she usually felt that accompanied thinking about Clarke was gone for the moment.
She didn’t know what that meant. It scared her not knowing what it meant. But it was something she knew she wanted to figure out.
She took a deep breathe in and walked forward. There were people milling around but the inside was beautiful and what took her attention right away. The white lights were everywhere, the beautiful butterflies were flying all around. Along with the flowers that garden usually had Lincoln had white lilies spread throughout the entire place which were Octavias favorites. It was honestly breathtaking.
Anya pulled on her arm and smiled at her taking everything in around herself.
“This is amazing.”
She nodded her head but her attention was taken by Raven making her way towards them. Raven looked amazing, she turned to look at her brother whose jaw had literally dropped open. She laughed and untangled herself from Anyas hold and physically lifted his jaw.
He stopped staring at Raven long enough to glare at her but then Raven was standing in front of him.
“Hey guys how-“
Raven didn’t get to finish speaking because he pulled her into a kiss pulling her in by her waist.
She smiled watching them. They were pretty darn cute she even had to admit it to herself.
When Raven pulled away with a blush and a smack to his arm he just shrugged.
“You look beautiful.”
Raven smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“Thank you. You guys look amazing too.”
Lexa nodded her head in thanks but noticed Raven inspecting Anya next to her more than anyone else.
“Oh, Raven this is Anya, Anya this is Roans girlfriend and my friend Raven.”
Both women just sort of seemed to stare at each other neither moving to shake hands or even to acknowledge that she had said anything. She nudged Anya with her elbow and glared at her for a moment until Anya stepped forward and put out a hand. Raven glanced between Anyas hand and Lexas face with a slight glare. She moved forward and shook her hand before stepping away again.
“I should go… Clarke seems to have disappeared.”
Lexa nodded her head and surveyed the space, the blonde had in fact seemed to have disappeared.
“We just saw her outside a moment ago, she came in here.”
“You saw Clarke already?”
She nodded her head.
“Damn it okay.”
She watched as Raven continued to survey the room unsure of where to look.
“Is everything okay?”
Raven glared at her for a moment before motioning for her to walk with her. She nodded her head and stepped away from both Anya and Roan knowing they would be fine alone as long as it wasn’t for too long. When she stood next to Raven in a corner away from everyone Raven began to speak.
“How could you bring someone and not let someone warn her?”
Raven stepped closer to her visibly trying to contain her anger so that no one but her would notice. She hadn’t done anything wrong and wasn’t going to made out to have. She stood taller and took a step closer to Raven now with her own glare.
“How about you ask instead of assuming Raven.”
“What is there to ask? You showed up today with some hot girl on your arm when you know how Clarke feels about you. Do you not care if you hurt her? Shes fucking going through enough with…. She doesn’t need this.”
She caught the almost slip up but decided to ignore it knowing she wouldn’t get Raven to tell her anything.
“You are assuming Raven. Anya is just a friend, don’t question me on what I do and don’t feel for Clarke because it is no ones business but my own.”
Raven glanced over at Anya who was watching them curiously. Raven gave her a small smile before turning back to her.
“So you aren’t here as a thing?”
She rolled her eyes. “No.”
Raven sighed out in relief. But began scanning around once again.
“You are worried about Clarke?”
She nodded her head. “If Clarke saw you guys together she will think you guys came together as a thing too, that’s not going to end well.”
She nodded her head and looked around too. “Go with Roan, play nice with Anya too please, they fight a lot. I will look for her.”
Ravens head snapped to look at her. She nodded her head and walked towards Roan and Anya stopping to shake Anyas hand once again with a real smile this time. She rolled her eyes then. Raven was so protective of Clarke sometimes, but she knew Clarke needed it once in awhile. She sighed and began looking around the garden but couldn’t see Clarke anywhere.
She would have had to pass her in order to come out the same way they had gone in so she began walking towards the actual exit on the other side of the garden. She tightened her coat around herself when she stepped outside. It had already grown darker and she began walking the path outside.
She stopped when she saw a figure tracing the letters on one of the signs recognizing her immediately.
“Clarke?”
She saw Clarke stiffen in the way she stood but she didn’t turn to face her. She reached out a hand and let it drop before taking a deep breathe in and reaching forward once again reaching for the hand that had been tracing the letters of the sign.
**Clarkes POV**
She walked inside quickly but she felt her heart hammering inside of her and she couldn’t breathe the air was to warm so she kept walking, not looking at anyone around her. When she was outside she took a deep breath in a looked up biting her lip.
Raven was right, Lexa was here with someone else. She had moved on and she felt like an idiot for waiting for her hoping for so long that maybe one day Lexa would trust her enough to give her her heart. She closed her eyes and all she saw was the way Lexa used to look at her with so much love, a look that she had taken for granted. One she was probably never going to see again.
She began walking away from the garden knowing she would have to make her way back soon, because this night wasn’t about her and it wasn’t about Lexa either.
She walked over to one of the signs that lined the path and began reading it. She read it over and over again until she had it memorized and could probably say the whole thing without looking at it again. She reached forward and began tracing the letters trying to empty her mind enough to go back in.
When she heard footsteps coming down the path she tried to block them out and hope whoever it was would walk past her without saying anything. When the footsteps stopped near her she almost turned around to see who it was, almost.
“Clarke?”
Her entire body tensed.
Lexa.
She stopped tracing the letters but didn’t turn around, she didn’t have the courage right now, because it was time. She had to give up the fantasy in her mind that everything would eventually work itself out Lexa had someone. She wouldn’t stand in the way of her happiness.
When Lexa reached out and took her hand she closed her eyes for a moment, she had missed her simple touch for so long and the moment she turned she was sure it would be taken away from her.
She took a breathe in and turned to see Lexa watching her with question in her eyes. She didn’t pull away right away but squeezed Clarkes hand reassuringly with a small smile before releasing her and shoving her hands into her own pockets.
“Why did you come out here?”
She shrugged her shoulders and looked around trying to look at anything other than Lexa in this moment. It hurt too much.
“I needed a moment to….breathe.”
Lexa didn’t say anything for a moment but instead moved closer so she was leaning against the sign. Neither was facing the other but looking at the darkness that was growing around them.
“Ask me.”
She turned her head to take in Lexas face but Lexa was just looking forward legs crossed leaning back as if they hadn’t spent months without talking to each other.
“Ask you what?”
Lexa shrugged her shoulders glancing at her quickly before facing forward again.
“Just ask Clarke.”
She took a deep breath in looking around them. She didn’t want to talk, she spent months wishing for this for Lexa to talk to her but now she was wondering if she could run away instead. They stood in silence neither saying anything else. Lexa kept shifting her weight from foot to foot.
Clarke glanced down and saw she was wearing the shoes that always killed her after ten minutes of walking. Everytime they had gone out before she had to switch shoes with someone to make it through the night. She smiled quickly and looked forward again.
“Why would you wear those?”
Lexa shrugged her shoulders and shifted her weight again. She wasn’t going to let her change the subject that easily it seemed.
“If we miss the proposal I’m blaming you.”
She rolled her eyes and took a step towards the garden knowing they had to get back inside.
“Clarke. Ask me.”
She turned and saw Lexa was facing her looking so open. She went to run her hands through her hair but stopped when she realized it would mess it up.
“So you are with someone?”
Lexa seemed to search her face for something else and she wondered if she would find whatever it was she was looking for. Lexa eyes landed on hers and she shook her head no slowly.
She let out a breath she hadn’t known she had been holding and nodded her head.
“Anya is a coworker and friend. She is annoying with how flirty she is but she doesn’t ever mean what she says.” She seemed to think about something and made a disgusted face. “At least I hope not.”
She didn’t know what to say. So she just nodded her head.
“Raven was looking for you.”
She nodded her head. Lexa nodded her head in response before walking past her and towards the garden. When she reached the doors she turned and saw that Clarke was still standing there.
“Are you coming?”
She nodded her head quickly and walked fast enough to catch up with Lexa who was holding the door open for her.
When they stepped inside Lexa walked quickly to where Roan, Raven, and Anya were standing and talking. She froze unsure if she keep following her, yes she had spoken to her outside but that didn’t mean Lexa would welcome her presence now.
**Lexas POV**
She was proud of herself, extremely, she was able to talk to Clarke without having a mini heart attack or feeling the need to be closer to her. Yes she knew she still had feelings for her but it felt as if she was in control of them now unlike before when they were in control of her. Her heart still skipped a beat at the site of her but she had come to accept that it might always do that. When she held her hand it wasn’t as hard to let go as she swore it would be, maybe she could handle this now.
She spotted their friends and began walking towards them. She made eye contact with Roan as she walked and he still seemed concerned so she smiled and nodded at him. He nodded in response before tuning back in to what Raven was saying.
When she stood in front of Raven, Raven looked behind her and began walking away. She watched to see where she was going and noticed that Clarke had stopped walking with her and was standing by the door still. She sighed knowing that she had done this to her, making Clarke uncertain about what to do, she had taken away her confidence and she felt the pain of doing that to her in her chest.
She turned and walked quickly trying not to wince as her feet were already killing her. She passed Raven letting her hand brush Ravens shoulder to let her know she had this.
Clarke watched her walk towards her with a suspicious look. She took a deep breath in hoping she was doing the right thing.
“We are here for Octavia and Lincoln, so can you just come and be with our friends?”
“Are you sure?”
She looked at her examining everything that seemed so different. “Clarke, just come on. Just be yourself, act as if I’m not there if you must, but I don’t want anyone to feel awkward.”
Clarke looked at her and nodded her head looking towards where Roan was standing. “I could never pretend you weren’t there though.”
She felt her heart jump and cursed herself. She rolled her eyes, “Okay no flirting Griffin.”
Clarke looked at her and smiled shrugging her shoulders. “You said be myself.”
She turned away from Clarke and rolled her eyes. She began walking away but checked quickly over her shoulder to make sure Clarke was actually walking with her this time and she was.
Raven was taking Roan and Anyas coats and eyed both her and Clarke when they joined the group together. She motioned for them to hand her their coats which they did. When she had her coat off she turned and froze staring at Clarke.
She had a white dress that hugged every curve in just the right way, she was completely covered and the dress wasn’t sluty but she swore it was made especially for Clarke. Her legs looked long in them with the black heals she was wearing. She was completely checking her out and it was like she couldn’t help it. Her mind was telling her to look away but everything else in her wanted to just stare.
“Hey guys.”
Her eyes snapped away from Clarke and she was entirely grateful for Lunas interruption. She turned to see her walking over with a man arm around her waist. That was new.
She felt Roans eyes on her probably trying to gage what her reaction would be but she was honestly just confused.
Luna walked to her making the man release her. She pressed a soft kiss to her cheek before stepping back into his arm.
“This is Atom we met at work.” Lexa nodded her head, Atom stuck out his hand for her to shake and she took it right away letting the surprise at him being there go. “It’s nice to meet you Atom how do you like working in a school?”
He smiled at her brightly, “It has gotten better since this one started a few weeks ago.” She nodded her head and smiled.
“She tends to have that effect.” She stepped back allowing Luna to introduce Atom to everyone else of the group. She wondered why Luna had never mentioned him. But she looked happy and that was what mattered most.
Anya moved closer to her and began whispering in her ear. “I’m sorry Luna is your ex correct?”
She nodded her head and didn’t say anything.
“And you are okay with her showing up with some guy?”
She rolled her eyes and took a step back so she could see Anyas face. “Luna and I are friends now, she is the best person I have ever met. If he makes her happy then I’m happy for her.”
Anya looked at her skeptically but nodded her head. She turned and looked at Raven and Clarke who were talking closely and it looked to be serious.
“She however is so… I cant even think of the right word to describe her.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Clarke?”
Anya nodded her head not taking her eyes off of her. Clarke looked up then catching them watching her and gave a small smile before returning to her conversation.
Lexa turned and stood so she was blocking Anyas view of Clarke.
“Nope not happening.”
“Lexaaaaa come on.”
She shook her head and Anya seemed to see how serious she was. “Fine, shes all yours then.”
Before she could say anything else Jasper ran into garden saying that Octavia and Lincoln would be there any second for everyone to be quiet. Raven ran over to a speaker getting ready to press play on the song Lincoln had chosen. They had spent hours looking for the perfect one.
Everyone quieted down and looked towards the entrance they knew they would be coming in through. Her heart began to pound with excitement knowing that today two of her friends would be starting their futures together.
When the door opened Octavia and Lincoln walked in, her jaw dropped when she saw everyone standing around the garden. Raven pressed play on the music. Truly Madly Deeply by savage garden began playing.
Octavia looked around at all her friends, her eyes froze somewhere and Lexa turned around to see Bellamy with tears in his eyes.
Lincoln took Octavias hand and brought her to the middle of the room.
“Will you dance with me?”
She nodded her head and Lexa could see from far that there were tears in her eyes as she nodded her head yes. Lincoln pulled her in close and they began slow dancing. She could tell with the movement of his lips that he was singing the song to her.
Once the song ended Lincoln stepped away from her but held onto her hands.
“Octavia Marie Blake. I have loved you from the moment I saw you. I know we haven’t been together very long but I have never been more sure of anything other than I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to be the man who makes you happy every single day because your smile is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You are so kind and loving and everything I could ever ask of a partner and more. Baby you make me feel like the luckiest man in the world and I can only hope to be deserving of you when I know I’m not. I can only try to be everything you could ever want or need. So I asked everyone we know, everyone we both care about to be here today so they can hear me ask you this.” Lincoln looked to Bellamy who walked forward handing him the ring box. He quickly hugged Octavia, who as fully crying now with a smile on her, and then stepped back again.
Lincoln bent down on one knee but before he could even say anything Octavia dropped down with him.
“Yes.”
He smiled at her and combed a piece of hair out of her face.
“I haven’t asked yet.”
“Answer is still going to be yes.”
Everyone laughed at her eagerness and she looked up smiling with a blush.
“Octavia, will you marry me?”
She threw herself at him pressing a kiss to his lips that seemed to last forever. They stood up continuing to kiss. When they broke apart Lincoln began laughing.
“Now you say yes O.”
She smacked his shoulder playfully.
“I would love to be your wife Lincoln. Yes.”
He removed the ring from the box and put it on her finger. All around people began cheering and screaming their congratulations.
**Clarkes POV**
Octavia and Lincoln began doing their rounds of thanking everyone for coming, she watched Octavia show her ring off to everyone with a smile.
Raven walked over to her with Roan, Lexa, Anya, and Bellamy trailing behind.
“Do you want that someday guys?”
She saw Raven watching Lincoln and Octavia and nodded her head. She couldn’t help but glance at Lexa who was also watching them.
“It’s an amazing feeling.”
Everyone turned to watch Lexa who seemed to not realize she had spoken out loud. She looked over to see everyone watching her.
“And you know what that feels like?”
Lexa nodded her head at Anyas question.
“So why aren’t you happily married?”
Roan took a step forward.
“Anya stop.” Clarke recognized Roans protective big brother stance right away. Lexa put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed to make him relax.
“She died, Anya.”
“So that’s it? You don’t think there is anyone else out there for you?”
Clarke looked away then not wanting to hear the answer. She began walking towards Luna and her date to have something to distract her.
**Lexas POV**
“So that’s it? You don’t think there is anyone else out there for you?”
She didn’t know why she was talking about Costia, she never spoke about her. She saw movement in her peripheral vision. She didn’t answer Anya out loud. But as she saw Clarke walk away the only thing she thought was, perhaps there is.