Chapter 20
**One Month Later**
**Lexas POV**
“I’m starting to think you guys lied to us.”
She opened her eyes and fought to stay conscious but Lunas fingers combing through her hair wasn’t helping so she sat up lifting her head from Lunas lap and rubbing her eyes.
“About what?”
Lincoln rolled his eyes and motioned between the two of them.
“You guys seem more like a couple now than when you were actually dating. Luna spends the night more now than she ever did before.”
“We do not.”
She turned to Luna for confirmation but Luna shrugged instead. “He actually is right but I mean we both know we are just friends now.”
“That’s my point you two know but no one else does, a guy was checking Luna out at the bar last night but then he saw her with you so he didn’t talk to her.”
She felt a bit of guilt at the idea that she was keeping Luna from finding someone else.
“I just like spending time with you Lun, I’m sorry.”
Luna just shook her head and pushed at her shoulder, “shut up, I wouldn’t be around you so much if I didn’t feel the same way. Besides I saw the guy he wasn’t cute at all. If he was I so would have pushed you away.”
She shoved Lunas shoulder this time and rolled her eyes but she couldn’t help the small smile that came to her face.
When her phone vibrated, she picked it up quickly looking at her texts.
Anya: Are you going to do it?
Lexa: Do what?
Anya: Trikru magazine wants us to come back for another shoot this weekend.
Lexa: Really? You’d think they would be tired of our faces by now.
Anya: I can see why they would be tired of yours.
Lexa: Shut up. Where you staying in the city this time?
Anya: Haven’t figured it out yet.
Lexa: You can have my couch if you want.
Anya: How about your bed ;)
She laughed out loud which made Luna look at her questioningly.
Lexa: LMAO I almost puked.
Anya: Bitch
Lexa: ??
Anya: Fine the couch will do.
She put her phone back down on the coffee table trying to tune back into Luna and Lincolns conversation.
“So its happening this weekend then officially?”
Lincoln nodded his head and reached into his pocket and took out the ring box. She reached forward and took it from his hand opening the box to reveal a beautiful ring with a vine/leaf design to it. It was one of the most beautiful rings she had ever seen.
“This is amazing.”
Lincoln nodded his head and a little blush came to his cheeks. “I just hope she think so too.”
Luna took the ring and examined it. “If she says no can I keep it? I mean I could totally marry you for this ring.”
Lincoln just laughed and stood up taking the ring from her hands. Lexa just shook her head at Lunas words knowing she was kidding.
“So how and when is this happening?”
“Saturday night and well I want to do it in the butterfly garden at the Bronx zoo.”
“The butterfly garden?”
He nodded his head, that is her favorite place in the city.”
Luna spoke up next both of them trying to figure everything out.
“It is kind of cold to go to the zoo though, how are you going to get her there?”
“Conveniently there is a show happening there that she wants to go to. Which really makes this perfect. And spring is here its getting warmer. The flowers should be out.”
She nodded her head. “Wait this Saturday?”
He nodded his head.
“Do you mind if I bring someone? I literally just told her she could spend the weekend with me.”
Lincoln and Luna both stared at her with their mouths open. She just looked between the two of them confused as to why they were reacting like this.
“It’s just Anya.” They both looked at eachother and seemed to communicate without using any words both nodding at the same time.
Lincoln turned to look at her. “Can you and Clarke be civil?” That familiar skip of her heart beat at Clarkes name seemed to always take her by surprise. “I need to know you guys wont make this about yourselves.”
Apart of her wanted to defend them to say they would be fine, that they could be around eachother and not making everything about themselves but that seemed to be what had gotten them into this mess, when they were together they seemed to only see eachother.
“We spoke before, awhile ago, we can be around eachother for that night and be okay.”
“When did you guys talk?” She tuned to look at Luna who seemed to be confused once again.
“When you fell asleep on the couch a few weeks ago, she came home we spoke quickly.” She turned back to Lincoln, “Clarke and I may have our issues but we both love you and Octavia too much to ruin this for you guys.”
Lincoln nodded but didn’t look convinced, if anything he looked more worried. She dint want him to worry about them the whole time, this was supposed to be a special day one of the best of his life. She began speaking before she could think.
“I will talk to her tell her you are worried explain that we must be on our best behavior. Okay?”
“You will talk to her?”
She nodded her head and her heart began beating rapidly at the thoughtof what she was offering, it would just be once, and only one night of actually seeing each other. They didn’t even have say anything to each other or really be near each other.
“I will text her tonight if you want.”
Lincoln nodded his head but Luna shook hers. “You don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to. I can tell her to behave.”
She gave Luna a small smile and shook her head no, she knew she was just trying to protect her but this wasn’t about her and Clarke and that’s why she could do it.
“I can do this.”
**Clarkes POV**
She sat in her room painting from memory, it seemed this was the only thing she could paint over and over again, different angles, zoom ins of the parts that she had etched into her memory. If she was honest it was her favorite thing to paint, made her feel closer to her. Her fingers hovered over the drying paint, A zoom in of a small smirk being given over a shoulder, the edges of a neck tattoo barely visible in the corner.
She sighed and pulled her hand away before she could ruin her work. When her phone vibrated and a ringtone she hadn’t heard in what felt like forever filled the room she ran jumped up from her seat so fast she almost knocked the painting over.
She fell onto her grabbing her phone, her entire face lighting up at the name displayed on her screen.
Lexa: I’m guessing you know about Lincolns plans?
She felt a little sadness seep into her because Lexa was talking to her for something other than just to talk to her.
Clarke: Yes. Why?
Lexa: We will both be there, for them.
Clarke: So we will be seeing each other?
She felt a spark of hope at having the possibility to see Lexa again, to hear her voice, see her smile.
Lexa: Yes, but that is all. This is about them. We will make sure it stays that way.
She felt anger rise, but instead of responding right away she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply for a few minutes. She threw her phone across her bed and rolled over onto her back and just stared at the ceiling. How long could she do this?
She looked over at all of the paintings stacked against her wall. As long as it took. Lexa loved her she knew it and one day Lexa would accept herself. When her phone vibrated again she reached for it.
Lexa: Clarke we have to for them.
Lexa was right this wasn’t about them as much as she wished there actually was a them.
Clarke: I know.
Clarke: You are right, it will be all about Octavia and Lincoln.
She stayed waiting for a response but when none came she stood up stretching and walking out into the living room. She noticed all of the paint on her arms and decided she might as well shower now.
As she showered her mind actually began going over the fact that she would soon being Lexa again, and she was excited. Lincoln had told her he wanted everyone dressed up, dresses and button shirts. Lexa in a dress was going to be amazing and she couldn’t wait. She would get more inspiration for her next paintings.
**Saturday Night**
She stood in front of her mirror looking at her hair and makeup, she had never felt so nervous for something before, not even the first time she had her own gallery showing. She sighed and sat down grabbing her heals and putting them on. When Raven walked in with her hair cascading over her shoulders and her pink form fitting dress her jaw almost dropped.
Raven noticed and nodded her head smiling.
“Roan is going to be all over you.”
Raven turned to the mirror and looked at herself.
“I sure hope so.”
She scrunched her face up in disgust. She had hung out with Roan a few times never one on one and he seemed to somewhat avoid being left alone with her. She figured he was upset with her for hurting Lexa which she couldn’t really blame him for but he seemed like a nice guy.
Sometimes he said or did something that reminded her of Lexa and she felt a small ache. Every day it got harder and harder to not speak to her or see her, she swore when she first decided that she would give Lexa space that it couldn’t feel possibly worse but as time went on it did.
There were times when some of the group would be together and she thought of something funny and would turn to tell Lexa but she was never there. It amazed her that she and Lexa had still only known each other for less than a year closer to eight months. Crazy that tonight Lincoln and Octavia were getting engaged.
She shook her head and stood up once again giving herself a once over.
“You look good Griffin.”
She smiled at Raven before reaching over and grabbing her coat and bag.
“We are going to be early you know? And you are never early.”
She shrugged her shoulders and grabbed Ravens coat too handing it to her.
“We have to get there before Octavia and Lincoln you know.”
Raven raised her eyebrow, “Yeah that’s why you want to get there early, has nothing to do with who else will be there. Are you really not over Lexa yet?”
She felt her anger rise quickly. “ Don’t Raven not again.”
“It’s been months, she hasn’t spoken to you or seen you, why wait? Just try to move on. Date a little.”
She spun around to face her buttoning her coat at the same time.
“I am in love with her Raven. That isn’t going to go away and I have hope, I have to have hope because I have never felt this way for anyone in my entire life and I don’t think I will ever feel this way for anyone else.”
“I don’t want you to waste your time waiting for something that will never happen.”
“Why won’t it ever happen?”
Raven sighed and glared at her and returned the look just as fiercely. “She doesn’t want you. How much more obvious can she make that? She doesn’t want to talk to you Clarke, she doesn’t want to see you. She doesn’t want you.”
Clarkes eyes widened and she felt tears begin to build in her eyes because everything Raven just said she had thought on and off but she had never given up. She couldn’t help the gasp for air that came out of her mouth. She moved and dropped to sit on her bed.
She saw as Raven face fell. She bent down in front of her. Something she was impressed with because of how tight Raven dress was.
“Damn it I’m sorry Clarke I shouldn’t have said that. God Roan would kill me if he heard me say that.” Raven pressed her fingers to her nose and squeezed closing her eyes and breathing in deeply.
“I just….. She still cares about you. She asks how you are doing sometimes. But neither of you are doing anything to move forward or move on and its like this fucking limbo and its driving all of us crazy. We just want to be with our friends.”
She nodded her head and quickly wiped at the tears before they could ruin her makeup.
“I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Lexa has never said that Clarke.”
The tears wouldn’t stop coming which only frustrated her even more. “That doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel that way. I just can’t give up Raven, I need her.”
Raven nodded her head but didn’t say anything else she just rubbed circles on her knees until the tears finally began to slow down. She knew no one would understand apart of her didn’t understand but she just knew it in her heart that she would never feel this way again for anyone else. It wasn’t something that could be explained so she would wait because she had hope that Lexa loved her too even if she was trying her hardest not to.
She took a deep breath in and tapped the back of Ravens hands signaling for her to move. Raven stood and walked towards the door, she stopped and looked at herself in the mirror. Thankfully her makeup hadn’t messed up but it was obvious by the shine in her eyes and the redness in her cheeks and nose. She just hoped no one would look hard enough to notice.
They got there just a few minutes late. She told Raven to go in without her that she just needed a minute alone. She stood on the path looking around unsure of what she wanted to do. She was about to walk in when she heard footsteps behind her and then a familiar laugh.
“Damn it Anya behave yourself or I will send you back to my place.”
“Ohhhh will you give me a good spanking when you come home?”
“Anya! Don’t talk about my sister in front of me like that.”
She couldn’t move she was frozen. Who the hell was Anya? When the footsteps sounded like they were directly behind her now she turned to see for herself.
Her eyes connected directly with Lexas greens. Lexa froze abruptly which ended up tugging who Clarke assumed was Anya back because they had their arms looped together.
“The hell Lexa?”
She broke her staring with Lexa to look over at Anya who was glaring at Lexa now. She was pretty very exotic looking.
“Clarke?”
Her head snapped over to look at Roan who was watching her to see what she would do. She gave a soft smile keeping her eyes on him.
“Better get in before Octavia and Lincoln show up.”
With that she turned quickly pushing the door open. She walked quickly not looking at anyone she passed.
**Lexas POV**
The walk to the butterfly garden was already killing her feet. She should have known not to wear these. When they began approaching the entrance Anya pulled her arm into hers.
“Beauty is pain isn’t it?”
She nodded her head and used Anyas arm to take some weight off of her own feet. She wasn’t going to make the night in these.
Anya pulled her closer to whisper in her ear. “You ass does look fantastic though.” Anya pulled away quickly with a small teasing smirk not even looking at her. She let out a laugh quickly.
“Damn it Anya behave yourself or I will send you back to my place.”
She knew she was only kidding, simply because Lexa always got embarrassed from her comments but seriously they needed to stop.
“Ohhhh will you give me a good spanking when you come home?”
She was ready to reprimand her but Roan jumped to it instead. She was pretty sure all her remarks were driving him crazy.
“Anya! Don’t talk about my sister in front of me like that.”
She shook her head at the two of them when they turned the last corner and saw a woman standing there right in front of the door.
When the woman turned around she froze, she couldn’t take another step.
Clarke. She could do nothing but stare at her. She looked beautiful. Her hair was shorter right at her shoulders the pink ends gone. The twinkle lights around her making it look as if her eyes were shining. But something looked off. She couldn’t tell what it was but it was in Clarkes eyes.
When she stopped she didn’t let go of Anyas arm and Anya got pulled back.
“The hell Lexa?”
She watched as Clarke turned and took Anya in who she felt glaring at her. That’s when she became aware of still holding onto her. She wanted to pull her arm away but it was as if her body want listening to her mind.
“Clarke?”
Clarke head snapped up from Anya to look at Roan. She gave a small smile. It was fake.
“Better get in before Octavia and Lincoln show up.”
Clarke was gone as soon as the words were out of her mouth. And yet she had still yet to move or say a word since she realized who it was who was standing in front of her.