Chapter 15
She was pissed by the time she got home and had yet to receive a reply. She tossed her phone around in her hand as she laid back on her bed. She sighed and went to her messages with Lexa.
Clarke: When will you be home?
Her phone vibrated almost instantly.
Lexa: We want to make sure Aden is good before we leave.
She stares extra hard at the word We. We referring to her and Luna because it felt like it would never refer to Lexa and herself.
If Lexa really chose her then why didn’t it feel like it? Why was she the one left alone? Why did Luna get Lexa and her brother while she got nothing?
She sat up and put her jacket back on she couldn’t just sit here and wait for her. She wouldn’t.
She found herself walking away from her home and towards the little coffee shop. She walked straight in and sat down, she stared at the people passing by wondering if any of them were as broken as she felt. Can you tell when someone is losing their mind or is it only something you feel in yourself?
“Clarke.”
She looked up at the sound of her name to see Niylah standing above her with a shy smile. She was very pretty, she looked her up and down eyes pausing on Niylahs fingers. She gulped loudly and looked back up to her face.
“Hey Niylah.”
She looked nervous in a cute way. “Do you have a break soon?”
Niylah looked around and shrugged her shoulders. “Give me your order so I can put it in and I can sit for a bit.” She nodded her head and ordered the chocolate chip banana pancakes. Niylah walked off but was back only a moment later before sitting across from her.
“Your friend was here about a week ago. Brunette, long hair, green eyes, looks like a model.”
Clarke tried not wince at the mention of her. “Lexa.”
Niylah nodded and looked away awkwardly.
“She gave me your number.”
Niylah nerves seemed to disappear a flirty smile taking hold of her face. “You haven’t called.”
Clarke shrugged her shoulders and reached across the table to grab Niylahs hand, running her fingers up and down her palm. “I have been away, I’m back now though.”
She looked up to see Niylah watching her play with her hand. “You are more forward than I thought you would be.”
“We only live once.”
Niylah burst out laughing then catching her by surprise.
“What?”
“Did you really just YOLO me?”
Clarke smiled lightly, “I guess I did.”
A customer called for a refill and Niylah stood up, “Back to work I go.”
She turned to walk away but before she could Clarke grabbed her wrist and smiled up at her.
“What time do you get off?”
Niylah stared at her for a moment.
“Are you going to get me in trouble?”
“There is nothing wrong with being a little bad.”
Niylahs eyes widened and Clarke could swear she heard her gasp.
“Five.”
Clarke let go of her wrist smiling as big as she could. “See you then.”
“Are you going to wait for me?”
She felt as if those words were a punch to her gut and Lexas face flashed in her mind but she shook her out. Lexa wasn’t here, Lexa left her.
“I will pick you up.”
Her phone vibrated on the table.
Finn: When do you want me to be there?
Clarke: Maybe 2mm.
**Lexas POV**
“Please Lexa.”
She looked up from her phone wishing it would vibrate, Aden had a small pout on his face. She rolled her eyes and passed her phone to him.
She tried to glare at him but he was too cute with his face full of concentration, so she just stood up and ruffled his hair earning a grunt.
“Wait Lex, where you going?” She turned and tried to give him an assuring smile, he had gotten attached to her in the last few days but she didn’t mind.
“Going to figure out where your sister ran off to I’m starving.”
He nodded and focused back on the phone in his hands.
She walked into the hall and saw Luna talking on her phone back facing her.
“What do you mean she isn’t talking to anyone? No I haven’t spoken to her. Yes I will ask. Okay see you soon O.”
When Luna turned she jumped. Lexa smiled and stuck her tongue out.
“Scardy cat. What was the phone call about?”
Luna looked nervous which only made her heart beat faster. Something wasn’t right.
“Have you spoken to Clarke?”
“Not really.” She felt panic rise, her hands began to shake. This couldn’t happen again, she couldn’t lose Clarke too. “What’s wrong, is she okay?”
Luna grabbed her face between her hands. “Breathe Lex, she is okay she has just been avoiding everyone, O just called to see if she has been giving us the same kind of treatment.”
Lexa nodded taking a deep breathe. “She has been avoiding me too. I thought..” She looked away from Luna before speaking again. “ I thought she might just be mad for the way I just left her.”
Luna nodded and looked away awkwardly. “Try talking to her, everyone over there is worried.”
Luna began walking toward Adens door but she grabbed her hand. “When are we going back?”
She looked back at her with a sad smile. “I don’t know if I want to go back Lex, I went there for you remember?”
Lexa felt her stomach drop, she never considered not coming home with her. The idea brought tears to her eyes and she looked away trying to make sure she wouldn’t see. That wouldn’t be fair to her. The last almost two weeks with Luna had been amazing learning to be friends again. She didn’t want to lose it.
Luna smiled at her lightly and pressed a kiss to her forhead. “I’m still thinking about it.”
“Don’t come back for me, come back for yourself, I know you came for me, but you have a good life there too, you will miss our friends if you stay here.”
Luna nodded her head. “I would still miss you most of all.”
“Me too.”
Luna rolled her eyes at that and she couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “I mean if you were to stay here I would really miss you.”
Luna lifted a bag Lexa hadn’t even noticed. “You just want me to feed you.”
She smiled and nodded following Luna into the room.
Aden looked up from her phone and gave them both big smiles. He passed Lexa her phone and motioned that she would be right back.
She stepped into the hall and clicked the name deciding that texts weren’t enough. She wasn’t surprised when it went straight to voicemail.
“Clarke…. Look I’m worried about you and I really miss you. I’m going to be coming home soon, I hope I speak to you before then but when I do go I’m going straight to see you. We have to figure out what we are doing here. I…. I want you Clarke and I mean it. I think you want me too. Call me please.”
She hung up her phone and stared at it hoping it would ring but of course it didn’t, she wasn’t that lucky.
**Four Days Later**
“Lexa you have been here long enough, I know you can’t cancel on another job.”
Luna sat on her bed packing Lexas clothes for her but for every item she put in Lexa took out. Luna huffed in frustration and glared at her.
“When are you coming back? Are you just going to get your stuff or will you be staying?”
“I don’t know Lexa.”
She sat next to her bag on the bed pouting, no longer stopping Lunas packing.
“Change the face.”
Lexa turned so Luna had to look at her more fully, “No.”
Luna laughed and shoved her shoulder, “You are annoying.”
“Yeah but you love me anyway.” Luna looked at her with sad eyes for a moment and seemed to be lost in thought.
“Are you going to tell everyone?”
“Tell them what?”
Luna rolled her eyes and sat down. “Are you going to tell them we broke up?”
“Do you not want me to?”
Luna shook her head, “You should, if you are going to be with Clarke they should know.”
“Luna…..” Was she hurting her? They hadn’t talked much about Clarke the entire time they were there. Clarke had never called her back and it hurt. But she wanted to be with her, she felt it in her heart. That is who she was meant to be with.
“I will be okay…. I think I need to stay here a day or two without you here to figure out what I need and want.”
Lexa nodded her head and Luna zipped up her bag and handed it to her. “Come on let me drive you before you miss your train.”
The drive to the train was faster than she wanted it to be and it was time to say goodbye. She pulled Luna in close breathing her in. This may be one of the last times it would be just them and easy, no stress or awkwardness from their break up. “I love you Luna.”
Luna nuzzled into her neck and she felt her warm breath on her neck as Luna let out a sigh. “I love you too Lexa.”
**Hours later**
She stood outside of the door her bag slung over her shoulder unsure of what to do. She had called to let Clarke know she was coming when she got off the train but as every other day this week there was no answer. She went into her pocket and took out her keys placing the one Luna had given to her into the lock.
The Livingroom was dark and she fumbled around for the light switch, the pouring rain outside and clouds didn’t help to light the room. When she was able to adjust to the light she placed her bag down on the floor and walked deeper in. She noticed the empty bottle of liquor near the garbage, it looked like way too much for just one person to have consumed even in the amount of time she and Luna had been gone.
Her head snapped up at a sound coming from Clarkes room. As soon as she heard it it was gone. She began walking towards the room, maybe Clarke was sleeping. Her nerves got the better of her and she backed away from the door.
She dug out her phone from her pocket and began calling clarkes number. She heard it begin ringing on the other side of the door. Along with what sounded like Clarke muttering, “Shit,” before it was silenced and she was sent straight to voicemail.
She felt anger rise and it gave her the confidence she needed to take another step forward and turn the knob of Clarkes bedroom opening it and taking a step inside.
All of the air went out of her lungs and the force of the pain caused her to take a step back so that she was leaning on the doorway for physical support.
Clarke was in bed with someone, fingers scratching down their back leaving red marks, their face buried into her chest as Clarke panted beneath the other woman. She couldn’t move, couldn’t look away she was paralyzed.
She heard what sounded like a whimper and didn’t realize it had come from her until Clarkes eyes snapped open and connected with her own, blue eyes darker than she had ever seen. For a moment neither did anything, Clarkes eyes began to look bluer in the seconds they stared at eachother.
The woman noticed the lack of response from Clarke and must have turned to see what was wrong when she spotted her standing there.
“Oh my god Lexa!”
Niylah rolled off of Clarke and hid under the covers.
Hearing her name snapped her out of her shock and she felt the tears coming. She turned and slammed the door closed behind herself. She took in a deep breath and half ran to the other door slamming the apartment door closed behind herself.
Running down the stairs was a blur to her. But she didn’t make it far. She sat on the steps to the entrance of the building letting the rain wash down on her. She sat there for a few moments her mind blank, she came back for Clarke and Clarke was with Niylah, she practically gift wrapped Niylah and delivered her to Clarke weeks ago.
She felt that her face was soaked and she was shivering, every part of her was shaking, she couldn’t tell if it was from the rain or not and she honestly didn’t want to know.
Her phone began to vibrate and she couldn’t look at it, what if it wasn’t her? Maybe even worse what if it was?
She stood up and began walking away from the building when she heard the door open and saw Niylah walking out. She walked faster wanting to get away from them both.
She should have taken the train or a cab home but she walked the entire way in the rain, she would regret that soon enough.
**Clarkes POV**
**30 Minutes earlier**
She took a shot when Niylah texted she was ten minutes away and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Her phone began vibrating and she saw it was Lexa again. She had called her everyday and left messages, none of which she had listened to. The more sober she was the more she wanted to answer, she shook her head and grabbed the bottle again takin a shot straight from it. Choosing to opt for a mint after this one.
When Niylah knocked on her door she wasted no time, she pulled her in for a kiss and pressed her against the door biting her lower lip until she heard a groan, she couldn’t tell if it was from pleasure or pain and since Niylah didn’t stop her she was too far gone to care.
She pulled back for a moment, “Hi.”
“Hello to you too Clarke.”
Niylah gave her a shy smile, they had been doing this for the past few days and it was exactly what she needed.
She took Niylahs coat off and hung it up before giving her a smile and grabbing her hand and pulling her towards her bedroom.
Niylah simply watched her as she undressed herself and when she removed her bra and Niylahs eyes darkened she couldn’t hold back anymore, she moved towards Niylah and took her hand in hers. Pulling them towards the bed until Niylah was lying half on top of her. She held onto her hand still while using the other to pull her face closer to kiss her roughly.
She wrapped a leg around her pulling her in closer, grinding into her trying to get herself off. It wasn’t working she growled frustrated and began tugging on Lunas shirt trying to get it off. Luna sat up helping her along.
“All of it.”
Niylah nodded at the command and stood up removing every piece of clothing standing before her as if she had won a prize. She growled again pulling Niylah down and climbing on top of her going straight for her neck biting and nibbling her way down knowing her bites must of caused more pain than pleasure.
She pulled a nipple into her mouth alternating in how hard she sucked making Niylah moan. She moved back up pressing a kiss to her lips. She pulled away and grabbed Niylahs hand and pulled them so she was once again on top of her.
She took two of Niylahs fingers into her mouth sucking on them softly as she watched in awe. She took them out of her mouth but held onto them as she licked them up and down before spreading her own legs and putting them inside of herself. She closed her eyes as she began moving her hips onto them only releasing Niylahs hands when she began thrusting them in and out on her own.
She closed her eyes and moan when Niylah began pressing kisses to her chest, swirling her tongue around her nipples. She felt close to release when her phone ringing broke her concentration.
“Shit!”
She reached over to the nightstand quickly grabbing it to turn it off grateful that Niylah had not stopped either of her movements. She saw Lexas name before it turned off and she froze in her movements for just a moment picturing those green eyes but she couldn’t think about her not right now not without needing another drink so she tossed her phone and closed her eyes focusing on the feelings Niylah was causing her.
She felt close once again and began scratching up and down Niylahs back biting her own tongue findng it harder and harder to breathe when she heard a sound she was sure hadn’t come from her. Her eyes snapped open to find Lexa leaning against the doorway with a look she had never seen on her face.
Lexa was here. She was frozen staring into those green eyes, no longer moving to bring her climax which moments ago felt so close. Niylah sensed something had changed and looked up to see what had happened.
“Oh my god Lexa!”
She felt Niylah get off of her in an instant but then Lexa was running slamming the door closed. Lexa was there, Lexa had seen her.
She sat up and began throwing her clothes on tossing Niylah her clothes as well. Niylah watched her but seemed to get the clue after a moment and began getting dressed. When they were both dressed Clarke grabbed her phone turned it on and called Lexa.
She didn’t know what she was going to say but the burning in her stomach told her she had to do something just not what. There was no answer and she began rubbing her hands over her face. She looked up to see Niylah watching her.
“I thought she was just your friend.”
Clarke ignored her and opened the door for her to get out.
“Will you call me?”
Was she serious right now? They were nothing. She glared at her for a moment before relaxing her face to look neutral.
“Most likely not.”
Niylah narrowed her eyes but just nodded her head before heading down the stairs.
Clarke went and sat on the couch and that’s when she noticed Lexas bag on the floor. She picked it up and opened it. Taking out one of Lexas hoodies and bringing it to her face to breathe it in before placing it on the couch and closing the bag back up.
She stood up grabbing her own coat and throwing the bag over her shoulder. She began walking to the door but turned back grabbing the bottle and drinking another shot relishing in the burn that it sent down her throat.