Chapter 12
**Lexas POV**
When she woke up in Clarkes bed the next morning she sat there and watched her for bit before moving forward and playing with her hair, combing her fingers through it. She lays so close to her it’s a miracle they aren’t touching anywhere else. She can sense when Clarke is starting to wake but she doesn’t move away.
When blue eyes open she can’t help but smile. But she stops when Clarke doesn’t return it.
“You shouldn’t have slept in here last night.”
She’s right, she knows she is, it’s not time for this, she has to talk to Luna. She has to figure out what she is going to do. She looks into the blue eyes and moves forward pressing there forheads together. She can’t help the smirk that comes to her lips when she hears her gasp.
“Lexa?” She closes her eyes enjoying the closeness.
“Clarke?
“Get away from me.”
Her eyes shoot open and she scoots back so quickly she almost falls off of the bed. Clarkes hand grabs her at the last second. But she stands up quickly standing awkwardly next to the bed hands clasped behind her back.
Clarke just sits up and watches her.
“You should go.”
She feels herself frown and the sting in her eyes.
“Clarke.”
“You cant do this you can’t push me away and pull me in again, I want to be your friend, I can’t lose you. But not yet Lexa, give me some time.”
“You want space from me?”
“Yes.”
“But Clarke….”
“No.”
She nodded and turned towards the door, she stopped with her hand on the door knob and looked over her shoulder. Her eyes met the blue she had been so happy to see only moments ago but now it only brought her pain.
She walked through the door closing it behind herself. Begging the tears not to fall from her eyes. She was going to tell her, she was going to tell her everything. She chose her she wanted her but was she too late?
Clarkes POV
Roan knew, everyone else would be able to figure it out soon enough, she couldn’t let that happen, she wouldn’t let that happen.
If that meant pushing Lexa away until her feelings went away so be it. There would be a day when she didn’t wish to know what her lips tasted like, if they were as soft as they looked. It wasn’t something she would ever figure it out. It wasn’t her place to. She laid in bed another hour before willing herself to get up.
Luna sat at the table swirling whatever was in her cup around. She walked over to her and sat across from her, reaching over and taking the cup from her. She took a sip and made a face. It was disgusting.
“What the hell kind of coffee is this?”
Luna gave her a small smile and shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not good at making coffee.”
“I’ve had your coffee before, its seriously good, you always leave me a cup in the morning.”
Luna shrugged her shoulders, “Lexa makes your coffee not me.”
Clarke felt herself deflate a little. Of course Lexa would. She looked over Lunas shoulder towards her room which was empty and towards the bathroom which was also empty.
“She isn’t here Clarke.”
Her eyes snapped back to Lunas. Luna was studying her she could feel it and she did her best to look as neutral as possible. Luna reached into her pocket and placed something on the table. Clarke looked down to see both bracelets on the table “She left before I woke up and these were on the table.”
Clarke didn’t know what to say so she just nodded her head and picked both bracelets up inspecting each charm.
“Why did she have these.”
“They are our friendship bracelets.”
She didn’t look up, she could feel Lunas eyes on her.
“Friendship bracelets?”
She just nodded her head.
“Clarke.”
She looked up then. “Why did she leave the bracelets?”
Clarke stood up and tried to walk to the bathroom but Luna moved faster and blocked her way.
“Luna move.”
“Clarke please just talk to me.”
She looked away guilt making her heart beat faster.
“She chose you Luna, that’s all that matters.”
Before she could say anything else she felt herself get slapped across the face. It happened so fast that the only thing that made her sure was that her cheek burned and she was looking at the wall instead of Luna.
She turned to see Lunas own shocked faced one hand covering her mouth.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
Luna grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the kitchen. She didn’t know what to do so she allowed herself to be pulled. Luna let go and ran to the freezer grabbing something and pressing it to her face. She lifted her hand and pressed it herself so Luna would let go.
She sat at the table still in shock. She kind of deserved it. She thought about the things she had said and done to Lexa. She did deserve it.
“I’m sorry Luna.” Luna shook her head eyes watering.
“Did she cheat on me?”
“No! I told you, she wants you not me.”
“I’m not sure about that.”
“She has told me Luna, I told her I needed my space to get over her that’s why she left them here.”
“You like her?”
She just looked away.
“Since when?”
Clarke thought about it and it felt like she always did.
“The moment I saw her, before I realized she was your girlfriend.”
Luna let a tear fall. “She has that kind of effect.”
“She wants you.”
“I’m not too sure about that…… I know she doesn’t sleep with me. She thinks she’s sneaky but she isn’t. I know she goes to sleep on the couch. But recently she hasn’t been there Clarke she’s been with you.”
Clarkes eyes shot open at the confession. “She gets nightmares, I can help her.”
“I think she is going to leave me.”
“She won’t.”
Luna stood from the table and began walking to her room. “Don’t tell her I know. And Clarke I’m sorry I hit you.”
**Lexas POV**
When she got home she went straight to bed, glad to see that Roan was fast asleep on the couch. It would take an earthquake to wake him.
It took her a few moments to fall asleep. She couldn’t get Clarkes words out of her mind, she couldn’t get Lunas eyes out of it either. Whether Clarke would have her or not she knew she still needed to end things with her, for Luna and for herself.
When she wakes next the sun is high in the sky and she turns away from her window wishing she could go back to sleep even though she wasn’t physically tired.
Her phone vibrates and she grabs it to make it stop.
Luna: You left me.
Lexa: I’m sorry, I needed to get out of there.
Luna: Why?
She thought about it for a moment and knew she needed to start telling the truth and what better time to start than right now?
Lexa: Clarke and I need some time apart, felt weird to be there.
Luna: Okay.
She furrowed her eyesbrows at that response. That’s it?
Lexa: Just okay?
Luna: You’re telling me the truth. Thank you.
She stares at her phone wondering if Luna knows, she sounds like she does. She opens another conversation to Clarke and types out her message pressing send.
Lexa: What did you tell Luna?
Clarke: There is nothing to tell.
She huffs and throws her phone across the room in a burst of anger. She regrets it instantly and goes to pick it up, but of course it seems to be broken. The screen is shattered half of it completely black.
She stands up and walks out into the livingroom to see Roan sitting on the couch using her laptop.
“What are you doing?”
He glances up at her and gives her a lopsided smile, “Looking for apartments.”
She nods her head and sits down next to him throwing out comments now and then. He looks at her a little too closely and closes the computer.
“Talk.”
She shrugs her shoulders and looks away.
“Lex, come on. Something is wrong, is it Clarke?”
Her head snaps to look at him and sees the smile he is trying hard to fight.
“Why would it be about Clarke?”
“Because I know my little sister. You’re in love with her aren’t you?”
Her eyes widened. She wasn’t in love, she couldn’t be. She had given her all to Costia, it was why she couldn’t do it for Luna. But she felt it that feeling she used to get with Costia, she got it with Clarke. Did that mean she was in love with her? She didn’t say anything.
She felt Roan pat her shoulder lightly. “I think she is in love with you too.”
Her head snapped up, “She isn’t she doesn’t want me even near her anymore, I chose Luna over her, it hurt her.”
“But you don’t love Luna.”
“I do, I…. just not the way she loves me.”
“I know. Tell her, try and make things work with Clarke.”
“I will do what I must with Luna, Clarke I don’t think we are going to be good for each other not now, maybe not anytime soon.”
She looks at his face, he frowns at her and shakes his head.
“I get things were really bad after Costia…” She physically flinches when he says her name and she can tell he regrets saying it the moment he does.
“But you deserve to be happy Lexa. I think Clarke can be your happiness.”
She glares at him for a moment. “Clarke makes me happy yes, but I do not need her, as she does not need me. I can be happy without her.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself.”
She lets out a frustrated breath and walks back towards the door to her room. “Do me a favor and move out soon.” She glances over her shoulder. “Maybe you can stay with Raven.” She quickly closes her door behind herself before he can say anything else.
She can be happy without Clarke Griffin.
**Lunas POV**
She is on her phone lying in bed when the phone call comes in.
“Hey Dad, miss me already?”
She hears a gasp for breathe and sits up quickly.
“Daddy?”
“Aiden.” She hears a sob and is sitting up quickly.
“What happened? Where Aiden. Dad what happened to Aiden?!”
She looks up when her bedroom door slams open and Clarke is standing there looking alarmed. She feels tears rolling down her face.
“Dad!!”
“Come back home.”
The line goes dead and she just stares from her phone back to Clarke. What is happening? She runs around her room dumping her still full suitcase contents onto the floor and grabbing clothes out of her drawers to replace them.
She hears Clarke talking but its background noise, she can’t hear it she has to go home. Her brother something is wrong. But what?
She growls in frustration at the tears that won’t stop falling. Picking up her phone and trying to call her dad again but there is no answer.
“Fuck!”
“Luna what do you need?”
She spins and looks at Clarke, the blonde finally becoming clear.
“Ticket for the next train back home.”
Clarke nods and walks out. She comes back a moment later with her computer and sits on the floor as she paces the bedroom.
Her phone vibrates and she looks to see a message from her mom.
Momma: Aiden was riding his bike, drunk driver hit him. In hospital, come home.
She sits on her bed for a moment and just stares. When Clarke just looks at her she passes her phone for her to see.
“Aiden?”
“My ten year old brother.”
Clarkes nods in understanding. “Have you called Lexa? Maybe she can go with you.”
Luna laughs sarcastically. “Lexa never wanted to meet him.”
Clarke glares for a moment but she can tell it’s not at her. She stands and looks down at her. We leave in an hour for the train I will take you.
She sat on her bed staring at the wall for that hour, when Clarke came back and picked up her bag she followed her out of the apartment.
The cab to the train was fast. Clarke had her wait near the boarding area but when she heard name being called it wasn’t by Clarke. She turned to see the brunette standing beside with a bag of her own.
“Hi.”
She felt the tears spring to her eyes once again. She didn’t think she had any left.
“What are you doing here?”
Lexa shrugged and pulled her into a hug. “I wasn’t going to let you go alone no matter what I’m here for you.” Luna heard the last part she could feel what it meant but in this moment it didn’t matter. She needed Lexa, just Lexa no matter what was going to happen between them in the time to come.
“How?”
“Clarke got in contact with me through Lincoln….. I kind of broke my phone, so if you sent me any messages I didn’t get them.”
In that moment she realized she hadn’t, she hadn’t tried to get in contact with her. She was handling it without her.
**** Forty Five Minutes Earlier**
Lincoln slammed her door open making her jump.
“Where the fuck is your phone!?”
She glanced to her night stand where the shattered phone laid. Lincolns eyes followed hers and he glared at her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Lunas brother got in an accident.”
“What? Is he okay?”
“No! He’s not fucking okay!”
“Luna is about to head back home now.”
She grabbed her phone knowing it was broken but pressed the home button repeatedly.
“Damn it!”
“What time is her train?”
“Clarke didn’t say.”
“Give me your phone!”
She grabbed it as soon as he took it from his pocket unlocking it and dialing Lunas number right away, she growled when Luna didn’t pick up, she opted for calling Clarke instead.
She picked up on the first ring. “Lincoln?”
“No, what time is Lunas train?”
“9:15Pm. Why?”
“What do you mean why!?” She pulled the phone away from her ear and focused back in on Lincoln. “Get my computer, my wallet is on the table get me a ticket for 9:15.”
Lincoln nodded and walked out of her room. She put the phone back to her ear. “How is she? Her little brother means the world to her.”
“Not good…. So you are going?”
“Of course. Don’t sound so surprised.”
“She said you never wanted to meet him.” Lexa felt as if she was punched in the gut. Why was she so fucked up?
“I was wrong.”
“Meet me at the entrance to the station I’m taking Luna there.”
“Okay.”
**Clarkes POV**
She stood waiting to see Lexa get out of one of the many cabs. When she saw familiar brown hair and green eyes she ran towards her.
“She isn’t doing good Lexa, I’ve never her seen her like this.”
“I don’t understand what happened still.”
Clarke paused for a moment remembering Costia. “He was riding his bike, got hit by a drunk driver.”
Lexas eyes widened and she could see that Lexa for a moment wasn’t thinking about Aiden. She shook her quickly though her eyes gaining their focus.
She nodded her head and began walking away but turned quickly to look at her. “I’m here because she needs me…. Because I love her.” She felt the sting in her chest at hearing those words. “But Clarke, I choose you. We will talk when I get back.”
Before she could say anything Lexa was swallowed by the crowd.