Chapter 11
**Lexas POV**
She watched in silence as Octavia, Raven and Clarke talked on the couch. Her eye flicking between whoever was speaking at each moment but not really hearing what they were saying. Her phone vibrated in her hand and she looked to see she had a new message from Luna.
Luna: Almost there, can’t wait to see you.
Lexa: I miss you.
Her finger froze on the send button. She didn’t mean it, not really. She had been kept busy with Clarke since Luna left and hadn’t really missed her at all, not in the way she knows she should have. She pressed send anyway, going through the motions.
There was a knock on the door and she stood up motioning that she would get it. She opened to see her brother whose smile dropped when he saw it was her.
“Nice to see you too.”
He shrugged his shoulders and tried to look behind her. She felt someone standing behind her and turned to see Clarke looking questioningly at her brother.
“Hello, can I help you?”
“Lexa you didn’t tell her I was coming did you?”
She shrugged. “I forgot.”
He rolled his eyes and lightly pushed her to the side and extended his hand to Clarke.
“I’m Roan, Lexas brother.”
Clarke turned fast and looked at her. “You didn’t tell me you have a brother!”
She shrugged and looked at Roan for a second before closing the door in his face.
“He is easily forgettable.”
“Lexa!!!” She just laughed and opened the door again but before she could move Roan grabbed her and pulled her into the hallway. She yelped as he wrapped an arm around her waist and gently threw her to the ground. Soft enough to not actually hurt her but her breath still got knocked out of her for a second.
“Say sorry brat.” He stood above her one leg on either side of her legs.
She looked over to see Clarke staring wide eyed at the exchange happening in front of her. Raven and Octavia stood behind her looking very confused.
She just smiled and took her aim. The next second Roan was lying on the ground next to her. He groaned and his face turned red. “Low blow Lex, low blow.”
Lincoln chose that moment to appear in the hallway, “Seriously already Roan?”
Roan just lifted his middle finger towards Lincoln who chuckled and walked over them. She sat up and patted Roan on his shoulder before helping him up and everyone went back in.
She let Roan take her place on the couch and sat in front of his legs while introducing everyone to him. Ravens eyes kept going between the both of them.
“You guys don’t look alike. I mean don’t get me wrong, both very hot but I’m not seeing much resemblance.”
“Raven!”
“What, we were all thinking it!”
Lexa looked at Clarkes mad face and smiled lightly. “It’s okay, we get that a lot.”
She looked at Roan and nodded for him to speak.
“We are half siblings, same biological father. He had me with my biological mother Nia, who lets just say kind of lost it. When he left her he took me with him and then he met mom, Lexas biological mom but she raised me as her own too. We are all actually really close.”
Lexa nodded her head, they were, she loved her brother and mother they grew closer after her fathers death but since Costia…. She shook the thought from her mind.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Clarke watching her with a question in her eyes, she shook her head and gave a small smile to reassure her that she was okay. Clarke nodded in response and moved her hand away.
Lexa looked at Roan and saw that he was looking between her and Clarke. She elbowed his leg and shook her head. He knew her, he knew her too well.
There was the sound of the door being unlocked and everyone turned to see Luna walking in. “Guess who I found downstairs?”
A tan man walked in and stood behind her smiling.
“Bellamy!” Octavia jumped up and ran to him and threw her arms around his neck.
Bellamy? She watched as Luna smiled at him the way that was reserved for her. Right. The super hot older brother. She studied him for a moment and shrugged to herself, she couldn’t see it but it was obvious to her that Luna did.
When Luna turned her attention away from Bellamy her eyes lit up brighter and made Lexa lose her breathe for a moment. She saw the love, she felt it to her core, how could Luna show so much with one look? How was that even possible? What could she do to feel the same way?
When Luna walked towards where she was sitting on the floor she opened her arms to her and Luna sat directly in her lap pressing a kiss to her lips. It felt comfortable, she didn’t have that spark from her almost kiss with Clarke but that isn’t something that lasts, was it?
She had never felt that spark with Luna, but this feeling, it was nice too. She nuzzled her nose into Lunas neck breathing her in, it was all so familiar. She looked to the side and saw Clarke watching their exchange and quickly dropped her arms from around Luna and poked her side signaling for her to get up. Luna looked at her and frowned, before moving to sit on the other side of her.
Clarke didn’t stop looking she felt a tug on her heart and tried to ignore it but she knew, if it was reversed seeing Clarke like that with someone would have hurt her. She reached over and squeezed Clarkes hand reassuringly. Clarke snatched her hand away and took a deep breath in and glared at her for a second before she closed her eyes. Lexa just watched as she seemed to calme herself. She opened her eyes and just nodded her head at her before turning away.
**Clarkes POV**
She thought it was bad before seeing Lexa and Luna so close to each other. It was worse now because after every intimate moment Lexa would now look at her to make sure she was okay. She knew Lexa was trying to be considerate but it made her more upset each time.
Luna stood behind Lexa at the counter now both arms on either side of her and pressed a kiss to Lexas neck, she could see Lexa close her eyes and tilt her head to the side giving her more access before her eyes shot open and she pushed her away looking guilty.
“Lexa can you help me with something real quick?” Lexa looked at her questioningly pressing a hand to where Lunas lips had just been. She nodded and followed as she began walking towards her room. Clarke closed the door behind them.
“I need you to stop.”
Lexa looked at her guiltily. “I’m sorry, that’s just how she is, she’s affectionate Clarke.” She rolled her eyes at her.
“I have been around you and Luna since I met you guys, I know how she is, I need you stop looking at me like I’m a puppy repeatedly getting kicked Lexa. I’m okay stop doing that people are going to notice.”
Lexa nodded her head, “Sorry.” She just nodded in response and started walking towards the door but stopped when Lexa grabbed her hand. She looked at their hands questioningly and back to Lexas face who was also staring at their hands wondering how they had gotten like that. She let go a moment later before nodding and walking out of the door towards Luna.
She took a deep breathe in and headed back out ready to make sure everyone ate enough so she could start cleaning up.
After putting all of the food away she began wiping everything down while listening in on her friends conversation. She looked up and saw Raven explain something sciencey and Roan staring at her intently and then animatedly responding with the same kind of enthusiasm. She couldn’t figure out anything they were saying. Rocket science wasn’t her thing.
She focused in on the counter when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and saw Bellamy smiling at her and offering to take the rag from her. She smiled thankfully at him and handed it over to him while she began to wipe dished down to put in the dish washer.
“Thanks for helping me surprise O.”
She nodded her head. “She has missed you, longest business trip ever.”
“Yeah it was, but I’m back now so things should be back to normal.”
She smiled at him glad he would be back, she had missed him too.
“I’m sorry about Finn by the way, he was an idiot to let you go.”
She turned away from the dishes to look at him but she didn’t know what to say and he was a lot closer than she thought. He smiled at her and moved a stray blonde hair behind her ear before turning back to scrubbing down the counter.
She looked over at the group to see Luna watching her and sending her a wink. She just shook her head. That was weird.
A couple of hours later everyone began heading out, Lexa moved to say goodbye to Luna but she stopped her and insisted that she would spend the night. Lexa quickly sent her a look before nodding her head.
She watched as they made their way to Lunas room and closed the door behind them. She glared at the door for a moment before someones finger snapping in her face made her jump.
“Your jealousy is showing.”
Her eyes widened as Roan stood in front of her with a serious face.
“What?” She looked around to see everyone else was gone. “I’m not jealous.”
Roan rolled his eyes. “I may have just met you but I can tell with the way you look at my sister. She looks at you the same way.”
Her eyes widened at what he just said. “Roan don’t.”
He shrugged his shoulders, “I haven’t seen her look at someone the way she has looked at you tonight since Costia, not even Luna.”
Her heart began beating faster. “But she is stubborn, so good luck.”
“Are you encouraging me to go after your sister?”
“I didn’t say that. I better go, nice to meet you Clarke.”
**Lexas POV**
She walked out of Lunas room in a pair of pajamas. She made her way to the couch and grabbed the blanket. She heard a door open and smiled when she saw Clarke standing there.
“You are out here early.”
“Luna fell asleep fast.”
“You must have tired her out.”
“Clarke.”
Clarke shook her head. “I’m teasing.”
“Don’t.”
Clarke nodded and began closing the door, “You aren’t going to watch with me?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea right now Lex, goodnight.”
She felt her stomach drop as Clarke closed her bedroom door without giving her a chance to say anything. She asked for this and she would deal with it. She laid down, the couch had never felt so big before, she couldn’t remember ever sleeping out here on her own.
She was laying on her back with her head on Costias lap as she played with her hair, her eyes closed. When she opened them she saw her brown eyes shining brightly at her with a sad smile on her face.
She raised her hand and traced her jaw, this was perfect, everything she could ever want was right in front of her, but the closer she looked at her face the sadder it seemed.
“What’s wrong baby?”
Costia leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, the simple kiss sent shivers down her spine.
“I want you to be happy Lexa.”
She furrowed her eyebrows and sat up pressing a kiss to Costias lips, but she moved back quickly with a serious face.
She sighed and pushed Costias curls out of her face. “I’m happy as long as I’m with you.”
She stood up and began pacing back and forth, Lexa just stayed sitting and watched her girlfriend move about.
“That’s the thing Lexa we aren’t together.”
She felt herself furrow her eyebrows in confusion, what was she talking about? Costia must have seen her confused expression and she waved her hands to the room around them. Lexa finally took in their surroundings, eyes focusing on the painting hanging on the wall and the closed bedroom doors.
She looked at Costia and felt tears coming to her eyes, “You aren’t really here? You’re gone.”
Costia nodded, “I’m gone because of you.”
Lexa shook her head as tears began sliding down her cheeks. “One of them will be gone soon too because of you, its only a matter of time.” She had one hand pointing at each of the bedroom doors.
“I won’t let anything happen to them, I will protect them.”
Costia laughed and it sounded nothing like the laugh she remembered, it was cold.
Lexa felt herself jump when both doors began to be banged on loudly from the inside.
“Lexa, Lexa, Lexa, help me!”
She stared between both doors frozen. What was happening? Costia walked to Lunas door and in a mimicking voice cried out for help too with an evil grin on her face.
She covered her ears trying to drown out the noises, “What are you doing? Stop it!”
“They are hurting Lexa.”
“Stop hurting them!”
Costia walked up to her and grabbed her face with one hand and squeezed tightly. “I’m not the one hurting them it’s you.” She flinched from both the pain and her words.
All of a sudden the room began to fill with smoke and she began coughing, Costia was gone but the screams intensified.
She heard Costias voice in her head. You can only choose one.
She was frozen she didn’t know what to do. She dropped to the floor between both bedroom doors, Luna and Clarkes face flashing in her mind as she heard their screams. She couldn’t move, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. She stood up and looked between the doors ready to choose.
“Lexa! Lex! Wake up!” She sat up quickly banging her head onto Clarkes. She felt the pain and it woke her up quicker. She looked up to the now standing blonde and jumped up and threw her arms around her.
“I’m so sorry.” Tears began streaming down her face as Clarke quickly began rubbing her back.
“Breath Lex, it’s okay it’s just a dream.”
“I’m sorry Clarke, I’m so sorry, I will fix this I promise.”
Clarke loosed her hold on her and took a step back to be able to look her in the eyes. She began wiping the tears away from her face.
“You aren’t making any sense baby.”
Lexas heart jumped at the term of endearment, and everything in her body told her to kiss the woman standing in front of her. But she wouldn’t.
Not like this, Clarke deserved better, and she would do her best to give it to her so instead she moved forward and pulled Clarke into her arms once again as the blonde tried to calm her down. If only she knew that her presence did just that.
She pictured Lunas face in her mind, she knew Luna, she was comfortable with her, but Luna deserved better than that. She deserved to have someone feel about her the way she felt about Clarke. She thought of the kisses they shared earlier and knew it wasn’t the spark she needed to keep herself alive anymore.
** A couple of hours earlier**
After the bedroom door closed she laid down on Lunas bed and stared at the ceiling. Luna climbed on top of her straddling her. She looked at Luna as she moved to kiss her. She kissed her a few moments before pulling away. If she really let herself she could enjoy it, she knew she could but she didn’t.
Luna looked at her with a puzzled face before going to kiss her neck the way she had earlier. But earlier when Lexa closed her eyes she had imagined it was Clarke and stopped her. She did the same thing again.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m not in the mood?”
Luna frowned and traced her hand along her jaw. “Why?”
“Luna just no okay?”
She saw the anger rise is Lunas eyes but it disappeared a moment later, Luna stood and changed into pajamas, handing her hers. They both changed in silence.
They laid back down with a space between that usually wasn’t there. “I booked the hotel for us for my birthday next month.”
She nodded her head. Right the trip to the Poconos, ski trip with Lunas family. They didn’t say anything after that, they didn’t touch, it felt awkward to lay in bed with Luna at this moment and she couldn’t take it. After fifteen minutes just laying that way she turned over and pulled Luna into her arms and began playing with her hair until she fell asleep.
Once she was asleep for a while she pressed a kiss to her forward before getting up and leaving the room. She took a deep breath on the other side of the door, her heart hurt for both of the girls in their rooms.