Chapter 3
Chapter three
Three weeks has now passed since the kiss, and Jane still hasn’t talked to Petra.
She is on better terms with Michael and Rafael. However, it does kind of seem like Michael hasn’t given up, even though she told him to. He’s been acting all sweet and flirty, and every time he gets the opportunity, he says something ugly about Petra. Jane is getting really tired of it.
It feels like Petra has been avoiding her, because Jane has hardly seen her, and when she does, Petra disappears immediately. Jane becomes more and more frustrated by the day, and today she’s had enough. During her break, she walks determinedly to Petra’s office and barges in.
Petra jumps a little in her chair, but quickly regains her posture.
“Have you heard of the term ‘knocking’? It’s when you tap the door with your hand before entering a room,” Petra says sarcastically. Jane scoffs.
“Petra, we need to talk.”
“However appealing that sounds, my answer must be a firm no,” she answers, not looking up from her paperwork.
“Seriously, Petra! You have been avoiding me for three weeks!” Jane throws her hands up in the air.
“I have done no such thing, Jane”.
“Oh, so you just happened to suddenly have some very important business to tend to every time you see me? Is that it?” Jane inquires. She doesn’t believe Petra for a second.
“… Yes. The hotel has kept me very busy and up to my elbows in paperwork,” Petra says, even though there are only three files on her desk at the moment.
“Cut it out, Petra,” Jane says, flopping down on the couch with a sigh. “You know, talking to you is like trying to navigate through a labyrinth of lies! Why don’t you just tell me the truth? I care about you, Petra!” Jane says, desperate to get Petra to open up. But she doesn’t. Instead Petra just looks up at her.
“Well, that was your first mistake,” she says coolly, before looking down again, shooing Jane away with her hand. “Please leave, I have work to do.”
Jane looks at Petra with a heartbroken look in her eyes. “What happened? We were friends, why are you acting like this?” Jane’s voice cracks a little.
It breaks my heart when you call me your friend, Petra thinks. She is fighting back the tears threatening to well up in her eyes. She keeps her head down, so Jane won’t notice.
“Please just go,” Petra’s voice betrays her a little, and she curses inwardly.
“Fine,” Jane says, “I’ll leave you alone.” Then she is out the door.
Alone. Petra feels so very alone, even when she is surrounded by people. She thinks of a quote by Stephen King that seems to fit perfectly. “Alone. Yes, that’s the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn’t hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym.”
Petra has lots of experience with murder. She killed Roman. Her mother even murdered a man once. He broke in to their tiny one bedroom apartment in Prague, and she stabbed him in the heart right in front of Petra. She felt like she was in hell for a long time after that. Everywhere she looked, she thought she saw the man’s face staring at her. So yeah, Petra knows both murder and hell. And feeling alone is definitely worse than both of them.
She can’t work anymore. She leaves her office, goes to her room and lays down on her bed. She can no longer hold the tears at bay, and they start pouring out of her eyes.
Xx
Jane is pacing outside of Petra’s door, trying to decide whether or not to knock. She is irritated. No, frustrated. No, that word doesn’t fit either. Angry. Yes, Jane is angry. But suddenly she hears quiet sobs from Petra’s apartment, and her anger disappears for a second, worry taking over her features.
“Petra?” Jane calls, knocking on the door. No answer.
Jane knocks a little harder, “Petra!”
Still no answer, but the sobbing stops. Jane knows Petra heard her, so she opens the door. Petra walks out from the bedroom wiping her cheeks, but her eyes are still red.
Jane hurries over to her.
“Petra! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m fine” Petra says, looking away.
Jane sends Petra a glare, but worry is still shining through it. “Petra… You’re not fine.”
Petra sighs and sits down on the couch. “Why are you here, Jane?”
Jane fidgets nervously with her hands. She had actually come to yell at Petra.
“I uh… I heard you crying,” Jane says quietly, “and I wanted to see if maybe there is anything I can do?” she offers.
“It’s not your job to comfort me,” Petra says, still not looking at Jane.
Jane rushes over to the couch and sits beside Petra.
“But I want to!” Jane says, “You’re my… my friend, and I don’t like it when you’re upset”.
Friend. There is that word again, Petra thinks.
“Why do you even care? I’m horrible”.
Jane sighs. “Petra, I’ve known you for a year and a half now, and one thing I have learned is that you are not horrible. You just make bad decisions sometimes. When you’re stressed, mostly. So… what’s stressing you?”
“… you”
Jane looks a little hurt. “Me? What… Did I do something?”
“You’re everywhere, Jane! Every time I turn around, there you are. Why? Why won’t you leave me alone?” Petra says. “It’s so frustrating!”
Jane is speechless. The next thing she says just flies out of her mouth, before she can even think about it.
“I just… Petra, I think I’m falling in love with you”. Jane’s hand clasps over her mouth in shock. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I know you don’t like me very much, just forget about this. I’m sorry.”
Jane’s words caused fresh tears to fall from Petra’s eyes. She takes a deep breath. I can’t do it. I can’t lie to Jane anymore.
Jane stands up to leave, but Petra speaks before she can get out.
“How do you know that?”
“That I’m… falling on love with you?” Jane asks confused.
“No… How do you know that I’m not falling in love with you too? Have you even asked me how I feel?” Petra whispers, afraid that is she speaks louder, her voice will crack.
Jane is speechless again. “I… I just, with the way you’ve been acting towards me… I just thought you… hated me.” Jane looks down, tears forming in her eyes.
“You’re the first person who seems to care about me for who I am, and I’m not sure I can handle it,” Petra whispers. Jane’s eyes widen.
“What?” she asks softly.
“I’m falling in love with you too, Jane. And it scares the crap out of me. I-I’ve never felt like this before, not even with Rafael. All my life, my mother has taught me that money is the most important thing. It’s been burned into my brain. So, when these… feelings, for you, when they started, I just couldn’t deal with it. Every time I look at you, I hear my mother’s voice screaming in my head to get it together. That I’m being ridiculous, that I’m an idiot for falling in love with you, and that it will ruin my life”. Petra is full on sobbing at this point. Jane is crying too.
“And… Is that how you feel? That being with me will ruin your life?” she asks Petra quietly. Petra looks up at Jane with a tear streaked face.
“No.”
A small, relieved laugh escapes Jane’s lips. “I’m so happy to hear that”. Petra sends Jane a sad smile.
“Jane… Even though we have feelings for each other, I’m not sure I can do this.”
Jane’s face falls. “What? Why?”
Petra sighs. “Where I come from… Homophobia was big when I was growing up. I know we’re not in Czechoslovakia, but the fear is still in me.”
Jane takes Petra’s hand in her own. “No one will judge you, Petra.”
Petra laughs, but without a hint of humor. “They already do.”
Jane turns Petra’s face towards her own with her hand. “We can keep it a secret? Until you’re ready?”
Petra looks unsure. “I-“
“Come on, Petra. Please,” Jane pleads.
Petra smiles a little. “Okay. But we’re keeping it a secret.”
Jane’s face breaks into a face-splitting smile, and she pulls Petra towards her. Their lips meet in a soft, tender kiss. Completely different from the first kiss they shared, and even though that was good, really good, Jane thought, this is better. Instead of rough passion, this kiss is filled with sweet emotion.
When they pull back, their foreheads rest against the others. Jane wipes Petra’s cheek with her hand, and they both laugh quietly.
“God, look at us,” Petra chuckles. “We’re pathetic.”
Jane laughs. “Well, at least we’re pathetic together.” She smiles sweetly at Petra, who looks away from Jane’s face.
“I’m so sorry, Jane. For everything. For doing all those horrible things to you before we became friends. For treating you like shit the past three weeks.”
“Hey,” Jane says softly, “I forgive you.”
Petra looks into Jane’s eyes, and sees nothing but affection in them. She can’t help herself, so she leans in for another kiss.
Xx
When Jane returns home, she is on cloud nine. As she walks through the door, she remembers that she agreed to keep her and Petra’s relationship a secret, so she tries to wipe the smile off her face. It’s not working out that well.
“Hola, mi amor” Alba says, as she walks out from the kitchen.
“Hi abuela,” Jane says, and gives her grandmother a hug.
“Ay, porque estas tan feliz?” (why are you so happy?) Alba says with a smile.
“No reason,” Jane says, and tries not to skip as she walks to the kitchen.
“No me engañas, Jane” (you don’t fool me) Alba says, raising an eyebrow at her granddaughter.
“It’s nothing, just a good day at work,” Jane said, not looking at Alba.
“Si tú lo dices,”(if you say so) Alba says, shaking her head at her granddaughter.
As Jane walks to her room, she passes Xiomara on her way.
“Hey Ma!” Jane says happily.
“Hey,” Xiomara says, and sends Alba a weird look.
“What is up with her today?” she asks.
“No lo sé, ella dijo que tenía un buen día en el trabajo,”(I don’t know, she said she had a good day at work) Alba says, looking confused.
“Hmm, well I don’t believe that,” Xiomara says, and starts walking towards Jane’s room.
Xiomara enters Jane’s room, and finds Jane sitting on her bed with Mateo.
“Hey, honey”
“Hi” Jane smiles.
“Soooo... What’s got you all smile-y today?” Xiomara inquires.
“It’s nothing, just a good day at work,” Jane repeats the same thing she said to Alba.
Xiomara looks at jane.
“See, I don’t believe that,” she says with a glint in her eye.
Jane decides that she can at least tell her mother that she and Petra talked. She doesn’t need to tell her about what.
“Okay, well... Petra finally talked to me!” Jane says with a big smile.
“Oh, what did you talk about?”
Damn.
“You know, just sortet things out and stuff,” Jane says, looking down at Mateo, smiling at the cute sounds he was making.
Xiomara narrowed her eyes. “Mhm, and then what?”
Jane looks questioningly at her mother, “What do you mean ‘and then what’? We just sortet things out.”
“Come on Jane, you look way too happy to have just ‘sortet things out’. Did anything happen?”
Maybe Petra won’t mind that I at least tell my mother... Jane thinks.
“Okay,” Jane sighs, “I told her about my feelings. You know, for her.”
Xiomara’s eyes open wide. “Really? How did she take it? Wait, she must have taken it well, or else you’d be crying instead of smiling.”
Jane smiles softly, looking down. “She did take it well. Really well actually. We kind of... kissed.”
“What?!” Xiomara asks surprised.
“Yeah. Ma...” Jane pauses, “I’m falling in love with her. And she’s falling in love with me! I know you don’t really like her, but please give her a chance. She’s changed.”
Xiomara sighs. “Well, if she makes you happy, then I guess I’ll try.”
Jane throws her arms around her mother.
“Thank you! It really means a lot to me. I get so anxious when people in my life don’t get along.”
Xiomara laughs, “I know honey.”
Jane smiles, but then realizes something.
“Oh, but don’t tell anyone! I promised Petra we’d keep it a secret for now.”
Xiomara strokes Jane’s hair. “I won’t.”
Xx
The next day Petra and Jane are laying outside on Petra’s balcony. The sun is slowly setting, and they are just enjoying each other’s company.
“Favorite food?” Jane asks. They are in the middle of a game of ‘favorites’.
Petra thinks. “Hmm... Kulajda.”
Jane looks confused. “Ku-what now?”
Petra laughs. “Kulajda. It’s a czech soup. Delicious. What about you? Favorite food?”
“Grilled cheese,” Jane answers without hesitating.“
Really? I’ve never really been one for grilled cheese sandwiches,” Petra says, and Jane whips her head towards Petra.
“What?! Petra, grilled cheese sandwiches are God’s gift to humanity!” she says seriously. Petra laughs.
“This is no laughing matter! I’m not sure we can date if you don’t like grilled cheese.” Jane says seriously, but with a smirk on her face.
Petra snorts, and looks at Jane with mirth in her eyes.
“Okay, make me a grilled cheese sandwich. I’ll eat it, and be completely honest about my opinion. If I like it, great. If I don’t, you never make me one again. But seriously, breaking up over grilled cheese? A little overdramatic, don’t you think?”
Jane is the one laughing now. “Oh, you’re gonna like it. Trust me, I make the best grilled cheese sandwich in Miama.”
“Hmm, I’m not so sure. We’ll see,” Petra winks at Jane, and laces their fingers together.
They enjoy a bit of silence, while Petra plays with Jane’s fingers. Jane takes a deep breath, before asking Petra something she’s been wanting to asks for a long time now.
“What happened in Czechoslovakia? I mean, remember about a year ago when me and Rafael found out that ‘Petra’ is not your birth name? I’ve been wondering ever since. You don’t have to tell me, of course. I’m just curious.”
Petra sighs. “No, I’ll tell you. If we’re gonna lie about our relationship to everyone else, we should at least be complelety honest to each other. Remeber that day where you found me crying in the stairwell and I told you about Milos?”
Jane nods.
“Well, all the stuff about the koruna, the cheating and the acid, that was true. But... I found out not long ago that the cheating wasn’t true, but I’ll get to that. My real name is not Petra, as you know. It’s actually Natalia. After Milos threw acid at my mother, she got hit by a truck and became paralyzed in her legs. Milos got arrested and thrown in jail, but then this guy Ivan comes up to me. He tells me that Milos would come after me once he was out. Then he told me about this girl named Petra Andel, who had recently and very unexpectedly died. He gave me her passport and ID, and after my mother got released from the hospital, we fled the country. A couple months ago Milos came to the hotel. He told me that he never cheated on me, that my mother lied, and she can actually walk. It turned out to be true. My mother had been using me for five years, pretending to be paralyzed so I would take care of her.”
Petra released a deep breath after saying all of this. She looked over at Jane, and found her staring wide eyed at nothing. Petra bit her lip.
“Has this changed how you look at me?” she asks nervously.
Jane looks over at Petra. “No, no not at all!” she says reasurringly. “It’s just a lot to take in. Petra, I hate to say this but... Your mother is horrible.”
Petra chuckles slightly.
“I know.”
She is so relieved that Jane doesn’t look at her differently after this revelation.
“Now we’re talking about mothers... I might have told my mother about us,” Jane says, nervously looking at Petra.
“Jane!” Petra says. “We agreed to keep it a secret!”
“I know, and I’m sorry!” Jane rushes to apologize. “But when I came home yesterday I was really happy, she just kind of guessed it.”
Petra shoots Jane a sceptical look.
“How could she possibly have guessed that you and I are dating? I mean, out of all the things that could make you happy, why would she guess this?”
“I uh... I kind of told her about what happened at the party and how I feel about you. That’s how she guessed it.”
Petra just looked at Jane.
“Oh,” she said.
"I’m sorry, but she asked and I just couldn’t lie to her,” Jane says, taking Petra’s hand in her own, stroking it gently. Petra looks at Jane and sighs.
“I know. And I guess it’s okay that your mother knows, as long as she doesn’t tell anyone. I mean, you guys are so close you talk about everything. It wouldn’t be fair of me to asks you to keep this secret from her.” Petra smiles, bringing Jane’s hands to her mouth and giving them a light kiss.
Jane smiles and kisses Petra on the lips. “Thank you,” she whispers.
“Okay, favorite movie?”