Therapy

“It was an irresponsible decision, Tony, and I want you to reconsider it,” Obadiah says and Tony resists the urge to reach across the table and smack the man.

“It was ethically necessary and I’ve told you that I’m not reconsidering the decision. Besides, there’s no reason to, the company is more profitable now than it’s ever been without the weapons so why are we even having this discussion?” he asks somewhat calmly. He barely keeps his voice under control but yelling at Obi wouldn’t do anyone any good. The man responded to that worse than Tony did and his reactions were to either lash out or shut down. Unfortunately that meant that he had to keep his cool when he half wanted to punch Obi out. Pepper calmly sits out of the way taking notes and looking over files, doing whatever it was that she needed to do to keep busy.

Normally she’d be more vocal, standing up for Tony where she could, but with Obadiah she remained uncharacteristically silent. Tony wanted to ask Natasha about that, ask if Pepper was even okay with being in the same room as the man, and where her fear seemed to come from. And it was fear, not simple dislike, Pepper didn’t care if she didn’t like people she learned to work with them, but Obadiah was a whole new case. She was civil with him of course, and he got the information he needed to keep business running smoothly, which was transmitted via Pepper, but she never spoke to him first. Pepper was not the type of person to remain silent unless spoken to; she had too much to say to do that.

“Look Tony, I get that you had some… I don’t know, moral revelation or something but weapons aren’t all bad. You know that, or at least you used to, and once upon a time Stark Industries was known for its weapons,” he says gently, like he’s trying to cajole Tony into listening. He’s known Tony for the better part of his life; he should know that Tony didn’t respond to people babying him. He didn’t much respond to threats, bribes, bargaining, or pretty much anything else either, not unless he wanted to. There was a time and a place for negotiation and bargaining and he found it near useless in these sorts of situations. Of course business always required you to do things that were unpleasant, but he wasn’t going to kill people for profit.

Contrary to popular opinion he wasn’t that much of a piece of shit. Besides, Obi already pointed it out, that was Howard’s legacy, not his. Maybe he had wanted to follow in Howard’s footsteps once, but he hated the man, it made no sense to want to be anything like him and he realized that now. “It wasn’t a moral revelation, Obi, it was common sense. Blowing people up for money is pretty shitty thing to do and I’m done with that. Clean energy took off just like I predicted it would, the rest of the tech branches of the company are doing far better than they ever have, and there is no reason to consider weapons. You told me you’d drop the subject if my plan panned out and I’d say international fame and billions of dollars speaks for itself,” Tony says firmly.

Obi doesn’t look impressed but he doesn’t have much of a counter argument. The company wasn’t suffering, it was the opposite of suffering, and Tony’s new inventions had skyrocketed him into mainstream fame. When he managed to get popular outside of the science and business community obi would have known that it was senseless to try and argue his point on weapons. Clearly Tony didn’t need that particular branch of business to make money because he was doing damn well without it. “Are there any other business ideas for me to shoot down?” he asks. Obi clenches his jaw but he doesn’t say anything to further his point, which proved his point sucked anyways. If he hadn’t been prepared to argue with Tony than he should have kept his mouth shut.

“Sex toys,” Pepper says, making her presence known.

“Sex toys?” Tony asks, frowning.

“Natasha’s been harassing me about Stark dildos for years. It’d be just as profitable as weapons,” Pepper points out, eyes flicking over to Obi. So that’s what she’s been doing over there while he argued with Obi. Tony was certain she had an entire business plan laid out, complete with expected costs, profits, and long-term effects on the company. Pepper was a planner, he was certain she was more than capable of arguing her stance, not that she had to because she was right. Sex toys would make millions.

“That would also ruin our reputation,” Obadiah says and Tony lets out a sharp laugh.

“Really? You seriously think I should consider war profiteering over orgasm profiteering? No, Pep’s right, it’s a brilliant idea, and it won’t do much to effect our image considering I’m pretty known for my sexual exploits. Seems to fit the image more than breaking it, so what’s real hang up, Obi?” he asks, getting straight to the point.

“No ulterior motive, Tony, just worried about the company image. You know those vanilla movements won’t like you much and they’re loud, it’ll bring unwanted attention,” Obi says.

“Like my public, sometimes literally, sex life doesn’t? Besides, vanilla movements aren’t taken seriously by anyone because they took ideas that might have been good and butchered them with bullshit propaganda that makes the majority of the population out to be evil. The fact that they’ll hate us will probably up sales because people will buy shit out of spite,” he says. It’s what he would do.

“Not everyone thinks like you, Tony,” Obi says, eyebrow raised.

“Of course not, but he’s right. Natasha’s done that. Besides, the fact that he thinks differently is why he’s successful, if you need reminding,” Pepper says in a cool tone and she tacks a chilly smile on to add insult to injury. Tony was going to give her a raise for being so awesome.

Obadiah rolls his eyes, “oh what do you know, you’re his assistant” he snaps.

Tony doesn’t even realize he’s jumped out of his seat and almost across the table until he’s all but up Obi’s nose, “apologize for that,” he snaps, “in case you forgot she’s more qualified to run this business than I am considering she’s the one with the business degree from an Ivy League college. I might have seven PhDs but not one of them relate to business, actually none of my degrees do. So where ever you got that opinion you can throw it out, right after you apologize to Pepper.”

Obi’s eyebrows hit his hairline, well, where his hairline would be if he had one, “are two together?” he asks, “I knew it!” he says excitedly.

“We’re not together, she’s dating Natasha happily and has been for years you ass. I just happen to think she’s deserving of basic decency and respect so apologize,” he snaps. He could not believe that Obadiah assumed he was dating Pepper when she has been in a committed relationship for years. He does apologize though, not that he meant it, before winking at Tony and leaving.

“Did that skeeze just wink at you?” Pepper asks, looking disgusted.

“Yeah, he did. Does that subtly imply that I’m lying about dating you and that Natasha is… oh I don’t know, not dating you or something?” he asks. If it did he was going to have words with Obadiah about this later.

Pepper lays a hand on his shoulder, “don’t bother Tony, you already knew he was homophobic, it makes sense that he would assume that Nat is… to be honest I have no clue what he thinks she’s doing. Unless he thinks you’re dating both of us, which is absolutely never happening. Sorry,” Pepper says, not sounding sorry at all.

It was more than a little weird that Tony’s first instinct was to think of Bucky and what he would think of that so he brushes it off. “No thanks, I’m good. I mean I love you but in the strictly platonic kind of way, we’d never work romantically anyways. We’ve been business partners too long to look at each other naked. Well, for me to see you naked, you’ve seen me naked probably more times than you really wanted to. Sorry about that,” he says and Pepper snorts, telling him he was not sorry at all. Which he was not but still, it was nice to apologize for his nutty sex life. Natasha told him so.

“Don’t be sorry, I would never date you. I love you of course, but you are not dating material,” Pepper says. He’d be hurt by that if it wasn’t so true.

“Think Nat would be willing to date me?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Absolutely not,” Pepper tells him with a hurtful amount of certainty.

“I’m gunna text her and find out,” he says.

“Anthony Stark you put that phone down!” Pepper says, trying to get to his phone but it was too late, the text was sent.

He doesn’t have to wait long for a reply, “what’d she say?” Pepper asks anxiously.

“That she’d rather drink battery acid and bathe in lye. You guys are hurtful, she’d rather bathe in lye, I have been reliably informed that my oral sex skills are great and I feel like a use for that,” Tony says. Honestly, he wasn’t that bad. Okay he was but still.

“She already has me, why would she possibly need you. I’m more efficient,” Pepper tells him proudly.

*

Bucky might not pay attention to tabloids but he did know that information was important, so he employed Phil on an information expedition. “He’s involved in a lot of charities, good charities too, its clear he’s done his research. There are several for abused and battered teens, and some stuff for underprivileged students. He also seems hell bent of recalling every weapon he’s ever distributed, seriously, he has made effort. This must have cost him a fortune,” Phil says, frowning at the computer screen.

“Is that… a bad thing?” Bucky asks, because he really didn’t see how any of this could be a bad thing. Tony sounded fantastic and Bucky was happy for that because he really enjoyed talking to him. They had been texting frequently and Tony’s commentary on business meetings was hilarious, more than once he’s laughed so hard he forgot to breathe. He didn’t miss the hurt looks on Steve’s face every time that happened but he was staving off their conversation for now. Truth be told he had no clue how to bring it up, so he sort of just tried to avoid Steve altogether.

“Obviously not,” Phil says, “but it’s a sharp contrast with his public image. Have you read this stuff?” he asks, holding up some magazines. “He sounds like a reckless, impulsive, abusive jackass,” Phil spits, “but if that was true than why spend millions, I have an actual figure now, trying to clean up damage you feel personally responsible for? And he does feel personally responsible; I have several first and second hand accounts of this. I also have several accounts of him personally speaking with the teens he’s set up charity for, most of them end with them saying Tony changed their life. Clearly the public image is a lie.”

Bucky raises an eyebrow, “what makes you think the public image is the one that’s constructed? Wouldn’t it make sense that the truth is like… a mix of both or something?” he asks. He wants to ignore the bad altogether but that was irresponsible, he knew from an experience he never wanted to repeat. That was why Phil was here, he would be objective and apparently he used to be a fucking spy, Bucky figured he would know what was up. Normally he’d ask Steve for advice on stuff like this but Wade went and ruined that with his stupid and probably true theory about Steve being in love with him.

Phil shakes his head, “oh I have no doubt he’s reckless and impulsive, that’s abundantly clear in the way he deals with the media. But everything that’s pushed out by a media source is meant to sell so of course it’s going to be embellished and played up. The stories are probably only half true at best. Now if the rest of the information I got was pushed out by Stark Industries I’d say the same, but a lot of this information is coming from sources that have no reason to lie, no reason to like Tony or say anything nice about him. Ergo the information is probably closer to the truth. It isn’t completely unbiased but you never find information without taint so. The good news is that Tony Stark is mostly a good person according to the information I have gathered, but he’s also a bit of an asshole. Can’t find ‘em perfect, I guess, minus Clint of course,” he says, smiling proudly at the mention of his Dom.

Clint being perfect was as likely as Bucky asking Steve to bend him over his knee and call him daddy. Absolutely fucking not. “Yeah okay, let’s pretend Clint doesn’t have cockroaches following his every move,” Bucky says, earning a disgusted look from Phil.

“We dealt with those, they’re gone now,” he says in an ominous tone. Poor roaches.

“So, all this ‘objective image’ business, did ya learn this being a spy or…” Bucky trails off, raising an eyebrow.

Phil lets out an exaggerated sigh, “Bucky, you know I can’t talk about my spy work without killing you after,” he says in a far too serious tone. “And most of it was boring work like this, gathering information and comparing it to try and gain the most objective image possible. So, when’s your next date with Stark?” he asks, effectively changing the subject.

He rolls his eyes because Phil’s spy career was probably way more exciting than he let on if that confrontation with Brock was any indication. He wanted to know where Phil learned to beat the hell out of a dude with a bag of flour, then he wanted to learn. “Okay but like… have ever killed anyone? Come on, we know the government does some fucked up shit, Guantanamo Bay and all that, you had to have gotten into some sketchy government messes. I swear I won’t tell anyone but Clint, Steve, Wade, Weasel, maybe Tony. That isn’t really that many people and I mean Tony probably already knows government secrets so he doesn’t even count,” Bucky says. “Oh, and we’re supposed to meet tonight. Hence you cyber stalking him and such.”

“You waited until almost the second date to get me to vet him? Bucky Barnes, you know better than that. And spy work isn’t a Bond movie but yes, people have died, maybe because I killed them, maybe because a building fell on their head. You’ll never know and neither will the government. And you tell no one about this, Barnes, because I am trusting you with a maybe government secret that could get us both killed, possibly. Have you talked to Steve about this yet? You’re going to have to break your contract if this gets serious,” Phil points out.

Great, he was going to get a lecture from Phil too. “First off your maybe sort of could be secret if you look sideways sucked and told me mostly nothing possibly. And to be fair I did try and get you to come over yesterday but then Clint’s dogs escaped and you had to go chase them all down. Also, and I am trusting you with this knowledge on the assumption that you aren’t going to lecture me; I don’t have a contract to break with Steve. Never did,” he says bluntly.

For a second Phil looks as if he’s waiting for Bucky to say more, or maybe take back the information he gave out but he doesn’t. “You never had a contract? Then how the hell did you function? Where were the limits and the and the planning and the organization and… and you can’t do that there needs to be communication,” Phil says with meaning.

Right, Bucky forgot how detail oriented Phil was on any given occasion. There wasn’t a situation he didn’t micromanage with maybe the exception of whatever he and Clint did behind closed doors and even then Bucky had his doubts. Phil was a planner; it was hard to imagine him doing anything that didn’t have him in control. And Clint was so laid back in comparison, Bucky had always wondered how the hell that worked, particularly because Phil’s control issues must act as a problem, the had to. The man micromanaged things so much his date book had a date book, and they were both color coded and organized by level of importance. Clearly he wouldn’t understand the lack of contract thing.

“We’ve known each other since forever, I mean he knows what I’m comfortable with mostly,” he says. Plus Steve would never hurt him, and it hadn’t really occurred to him to make a contract. At the time he was more concerned with other things and he just needed comfort.

“Mostly,” Phil repeats, “is why contracts exist. Look, I get your actions, I saw what you were like after Brock and honestly you had more important things to worry about. But Steve should have known better, and he should have known that you’re a completely different person since Brock. Don’t look so upset Bucky, it isn’t a bad thing, but situations like that, they change you. The person that Steve knew so well doesn’t exist any more and it was his job to know that as the more mentally competent person in this situation. I guess that explains all the lovesick looks Steve gives you when he thinks you aren’t looking. I did wonder about that but I figured it wasn’t my business, and you weren’t being hurt, I would have seen the signs. Clearly I should have said something.”

“Why does this even matter if I’m not being hurt, then?” he snaps, irritated with this damn situation. And as if Wade has never done anything irresponsible, he regularly ate food that Peter could probably run experiments on not to mention the rest of his general existence. Phil, well, he panicked if people didn’t use coasters, he wasn’t really the best judge of mental competence. Bucky clenches his jaw and looks away because that was cruel of him to think, even if he hadn’t said it out loud.

“Whatever it was that just went through your head right now that you didn’t like, that’s why this is important. Because Steve should have known that you weren’t in the best of places to be thinking about your own health and safety like that, and now you’re both dealing with the fallout of that irresponsibility. Whatever feelings he had in the beginning he should have made them clear, and he should have made them clear when hey changed too. Those are things you need to know, things that were relevant and important to your arrangement and would be important to you as well as him. You need to talk to him about this,” Phil says. Bucky wants to crawl under a rock because he knew that was coming and he didn’t want to hear it.

*

Unfortunately for Bucky the world hates him because Steve decides they need to talk when he comes home. He stands in Bucky’s doorway giving him puppy dog eyes and Bucky feels somewhat trapped, stuck within the four walls of his room because Steve is standing in his only exit. Technically he could go out the window but that would be socially unacceptable and he’s also pretty sure Steve could haul him back in before he escaped. So he feels a little claustrophobic despite having plenty of space but he doesn’t say anything about that.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Steve says and it feels like an accusation even though its true.

His first instinct is to deny it but that would be useless, “yeah, sort of,” he mumbles, looking away.

“Not sort of Bucky, every time you see me you all but run away. Are you okay?” he asks, taking a step into his room. Bucky gets off the bed and wanders further into the space, which wasn’t a whole lot father considering his bed sat against the back wall.

“I’m fine,” he says. Except for all the crap he was going to have to deal with because Steve hadn’t said anything about any possible feelings.

“Bucky,” Steve says in a warning tone, taking another step closer. Bucky fights the urge to skitter back because Steve was only trying to comfort him, even if he was doing a terrible job of it.

“Do you love me?” he blurts for lack of something better.

“Of course I do Bucky, what made you think I didn’t?” he asks, frowning at Bucky and looking hurt.

He rolls his eyes, “romantically, Steve. Are you in love with me?” Get to the point and maybe this would be less painful. Maybe. Probably not.

That seems to give Steve pause and Bucky takes the time to try and get his shit together. He was being ridiculous but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was under his skin. It was a familiar feeling, he knew that he was panicking but he was being stupid damnit, and he needed to calm down.

“I… I’ve been meaning to say something but-” Steve starts but Bucky cuts him off.

“For how long?” he asks.

He expects Steve to answer right away but he looks away instead and Bucky knew that was a bad sign. Steve was a pretty straightforward person; he didn’t much like skirting around things unless the subject was uncomfortable for him. “Since the beginning, but-” Bucky cuts him off again.

“The beginning, and you didn’t think it was important to say something?” he snaps. Come on, that was just common sense, you didn’t agree to act as someone’s stand in Dom when you were in love with them and they didn’t know. That was ridiculous!

“You had bigger things to worry about than my feeling and I thought… I guess I thought that maybe you might feel the same way. Eventually,” he throws in, seemingly remembering that Bucky had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and probably wasn’t thinking about moving on.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he snaps, “I told you that I had no interest in a relationship, I still don’t by the way. Not with you anyways, you’re my friend and I thought you understood that but instead you’ve apparently been creepily pining for me and you didn’t even tell me. And you know what, I would have been fine with you keeping your feelings to yourself if you didn’t agree to act as my Dom. But no, you knew about your unresolved feelings and you said yes anyways? That is so… so… irresponsible!” he says because he didn’t have anything better right now.

Who the hell even did that? And Steve has always been the more responsible of the two, at least later in life; he had a weird thing for getting into fights when he was younger. If anyone would know how fucking stupid a decision that was Bucky figured it would be Steve.

“You needed help, I wasn’t going to just… abandon you,” Steve says a little desperately.

“So instead you decided to keep your feelings to yourself in the hopes that you would like… Dom me into caring about you in the same way? Do you even understand how creepy that is? That’s so… so…” Brock he wants to say but Steve wouldn’t appreciate the comparison and it wasn’t totally true anyways, “violating.” It wasn’t a perfect choice in word but it suited Bucky’s feelings well enough.

“Bucky-”

“No, don’t ‘Bucky’ me. You kept important information to yourself and you did it in the hopes that it would work out to your benefit. And that was after I told you I wasn’t interested in a relationship, and I thought I’ve made that clear several times since then and you chose not to listen. That… that… I have to go,” he says suddenly. That prickly feeling under his skin was growing and his head hurt and there were spots in his vision and- he needed to leave.

Steve tries to reach out to him as he passes but Bucky jerks away quickly, moving faster as he heads to the door and to fresh air. God, this was a fucking disaster, Steve was supposed to be his friend and- he didn’t even know what to do with this information. He grabs his coat and heads out the door without any idea of where he was going; just that he wasn’t going to come home.