Chapter 11
She raced to the edge of the rink, pushing people out of her way and without concern for the fact that she was wearing combat boots and not skates, she opened the door and hopped onto the rink. Carmilla slid on first contact but that was not going to stop her as she ran across the ice as best as she could, falling to her knees besides Laura’s limp body. There was static running through her own head and she was only vaguely aware of Kirsch and Danny coming up to them and the shouts for someone to call for help. People were asking if everything was okay but she could not answer.
Carmilla slid her arms under Laura’s body, holding her. There was a red spot on the ice and her lungs stopped working when her hand went up to touch the back of Laura’s head to find a sticky wet spot of blood. Her entire body slumped over Laura and she didn’t make a sound though tears froze to her face. Kirsch tried to touch Laura but Carmilla moved her body in protection of the girl and did not let go until the ambulance arrived and had to pry her off of Laura’s unconscious form.
Nothing around her seemed real anymore. People talked to her but she didn’t hear them. Her vision was blurry and she was only able to walk because someone’s hands were pulling her along, holding tightly so she did not fall over. The only thing she could think of was that she could not leave Laura alone. She had to be there. Someone pulled her up into the ambulance where the medics were speaking and moving really fast, connecting Laura to an IV and taking her pulse. She looked so pale and broken that Carmilla was not even sure if it was the same person who had been smiling and laughing just moments before.
A man’s face came into view, one she did not recognize. She could see his mouth was moving but no words were coming out. The ringing in her ears was growing and she shook her head to try and rid herself of it. Some switch was flicked and the loud sounds of the world collided down on her all at once. “Are you okay? Can you hear me?”
The man’s voice was deep and he looked away from her to another medic, “I think she’s in shock.”
A scratchy fabric was wrapped around her shoulders and she tried to look past the man to see Laura but he was blocking her view, “Honey, can you hear me?”
“I need to see her,” Carmilla croaked out.
“What? Can you repeat that?”
Carmilla threw a hand out and pointed, “I need to see her.”
A large hand settled on her shoulder, “You can’t do anything for her right now. We’re going to hospital. We’ll be there soon. They’ll take care of her.”
She could not even bother a glare at that man who deemed it necessary to separate her from Laura and instead, shrugged off his hand and pushed forward trying to get to her but he firmly kept Carmilla where she was and no amount of fighting was making any difference
The pity she was receiving was not doing anything but heighten her anger and her yelling was not getting her anywhere but it felt like her body was releasing all its tension in this moment and she could not help it. They weren’t listening to her, which could only mean that they could not hear her and so the louder and louder she got. Her rational mind, though most of that was clouded over by instinctual actions of anger and fear, told her that she should have been escorted out by security a long time ago and that the only reason she had not been yet was because everyone seeing her despair felt something for her. They were doing their best to get her to calm down but as soon as the nurse had pushed her away from the double doors behind which Laura disappeared she had been inconsolable.
The automatic doors opened and Carmilla was thankful to have someone new to yell at when Kirsch and Danny ran in. Upon seeing her, Kirsch closed the distance in a manner of a few, large steps and she was wrapped up in his arms, barely able to move, his strength tightening. Usually she would have shrunk at the casual physical contact but how close he held her and how strong his grip was, was bringing her back to some sort of sanity. Her hands turned into fists and beat at his chest and he took it all without wincing. She choked out sobs so loud that she was surprised he could hear her words, “She’s…she’s in there alone. A-a-and they won’t let me in. I’m not her family.”
A piece of Carmilla broke with that statement because it was true in the technical sense but false in all sense of actual responsibilities. She was such a part of Laura’s life that the distinction between friends and family no longer existed. Kirsch’s head fell on top of her own, “You are her family. Same as me. But you are her everything.”
Wet fabric moved against Carmilla’s face but she felt no remorse at Kirsch’s ruined shirt. She stuttered out more words that she was surprised formed a sentence, “And they wo-won’t tell me anything. She could be dead and I would never know.”
Kirsch pushed Carmilla out to half his arm’s length and stared at her with more intensity than she thought was possible for him, “She is not going to die, Carmilla. Are you listening to me? Laura is not going to die.”
Danny passed them, a phone up to her ear as she walked back outside, “…Mr . Hollis…”
Carmilla could not hear the rest of what she was saying but she also did not care. The only thing she could think about was getting to Laura and making sure she was okay but everyone in the hospital seemed to take it upon themselves to stop her.
“I called Laura’s dad,” the giant ginger was back but Carmilla could not find any strength in herself to muster up some sort of sarcastic remark, “He’s leaving now. He’ll be here as soon as he can.”
Of course, Mr. Hollis. And Danny called him. Danny called Laura’s father. The only bit of family that Carmilla was even aware that Laura had and the thought never crossed her mind. Not that she had anyway to contact him. “Good idea. Did you tell him what’s going on?”
“What I could. I asked the nurse but she wouldn’t give me any information. You’re not alone, Carmilla.”
She had no response and was lost. She had stopped yelling and now did not want to talk to anyone about anything. Kirsch tugged on her, “Let’s go sit down.”
Carmilla let him drag her to one of the seats in the waiting room and when he sat down, she buried her head in his side as well as she could due to the arm rests between them. He wrapped his arms around her in another hug. She understood why he was Laura’s best friend. He exuded calmness and warmth that soothed even despite how anxious Carmilla was feeling. Kirsch had been able to stop her angry ridden fit that she was throwing. She was starting to regret not using his number more often when he gave it to her after he drove her to Will’s birthday party. He had been kind and even after her insults, never got angry with her or developed any sort of hatred. It was like everything bounced off of him; he deflected. At this moment, she was grateful for Laura’s best friend.
For a few moments, Carmilla thought she was elsewhere but someone was gently shaking her arm and her blurry mind was becoming clearer and her senses were returning to normal. She breathed in the sick smell of a hospital and felt the soreness in her back from falling asleep in a waiting room chair. Her neck was kinked as well from leaning on Kirsch who happened to be the one waking her. She groaned. “Good, you’re awake. Mr. Hollis is here.”
Carmilla sat up straighter in her chair looking out to see Danny talking with a middle-aged gentleman who was very much shorter than her. In the haze of her mind, it seemed like she was seeing him for the first time. He seemed like he would be taller than Carmilla but she was not certain. He had dark brown hair that also grew out into a beard. He was wearing jeans, black shoes, and a black pea coat and a face of grave concern. Either he knew nothing and was worried about the status of his daughter or he knew everything and Carmilla should start freaking out again because it was all bad news.
Her chest started to tighten and her body was beginning to shake and she absolutely hated herself for this reaction. Of course, her body had to go make everything about her when this was clearly about Laura. She started gasping for air that did not seem to want to inflate her lungs and her vision was closing off. Carmilla’s deep gulps for air alerted Kirsch who immediately let go of her and instead knelt down in front of her. Her head was hanging down as her hands squeezed hard at her thighs.
“Carmilla. Listen to me. I know that you probably want Will and Laura here. And they are the only people I have ever seen bring you down from a panic attack. But they aren’t here right now and I’m trying. Okay? I’m trying. I don’t know what I’m doing though. But you’re okay, alright? And Laura is going to be okay. So breathe. Here, I’ll do it with you.” He grabbed one of her hands and held it to his chest so she could feel it rise and fall with his deep, slow inhales. She listened to him and she tried just as hard as he was to get her breathing back to normal. He did not remove his hand from on top of hers until her lungs opened their doors again, sending air rushing in. She became dizzy quite quickly and ended up tucking her head between her legs until the head rush dissipated.
She was disoriented by how fast the panic attack came and how quickly it went away. Her body had no time to adjust to either state and she was left in a weird in-between.
“Is she okay?” When she lifted her head, she noticed Danny and Mr. Hollis had come over to see what was happening. Kirsch nodded, “Just give her a minute and she will be.”
“Is Laura okay?” Carmilla blurted out. She could not wait any longer to hear news. Mr. Hollis sighed and frowned, “They are sending for the doctor to talk with me. The nurse’s couldn’t tell me anything,” he looked around to all of them, his eyes lingering on Danny, “I’ll let you all know what I find out.”
Jealousy was raging inside of her. Mr. Hollis knew Danny so much better. They were close. They had spent who knows how much time together when she was dating Laura and he had met Carmilla once and was not giving her the attention she felt she deserved as Laura’s current girlfriend. Carmilla stood up, holding onto Kirsch’s shoulder as her legs wobbled, “Mr. Hollis. They wouldn’t let me in and they won’t tell me anything and I don’t have any idea what’s going on.”
“How about you come with me to talk to the doctor?”
Carmilla nodded in response and shuffled after him to wait by the double doors. She simply wanted to wait in silence for the doctor but it seemed as if Laura got her rambling from the man standing next to Carmilla because he started talking, “She’s a spitfire alright but -”
Carmilla turned to him, her hands trembling, “Mr. Hollis, I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not sure I can really talk right now.”
When he smiled, Carmilla saw her own father standing there. It was a knowing and comforting smile that Carmilla had only ever seen on her father before and now was considering that maybe it came with the territory. It was a more painful memory than she could handle at the moment and she squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that it would erase the image. She was not sure if it worked or if she had too many thoughts in her head to focus on any one of them for two long.
The double doors burst open and in strode a tall woman with long dark brown hair that laid in waves across her shoulders. She had on her white jacket but underneath was a black dress with pink and purples flowers and her black heels clicked across the linoleum on the hospital. She looked around and the urgent looks on Carmilla and Mr. Hollis’ faces must have given her the answer to her searching.
“Mr. Hollis?” her voice was rough and to the point. She strode over closer to them and Laura’s father shook his head to say ‘yes.’ She had a clipboard in her hand and gazed down at the sheet before speaking, “Laura is your daughter, correct?”
“Yes.” The woman’s eyes moved over to Carmilla, “Are you family?”
“She’s not but let her stay,” Mr. Hollis answered for her. Carmilla was glad he did because she was certain that if her voice could move past whatever was blocking her throat, she would have yelled at the doctor. The woman looked at them a little bit longer as if making up her mind but did not ask Carmilla to leave.
“I’m Doctor Corvae. I’ve been Laura’s doctor since she arrived tonight. Your daughter has several skull fractures, which she is currently in surgery to repair. Her head was wounded in the fall so surgery was necessary to close that wound. The bleeding has stopped. She was unconscious when she came in but her vitals were fine. She most likely has a pretty serious concussion but we’ll know more when she comes out of surgery. You can see her then but she’ll be in the ICU and visitors are limited.” Her eyes found Carmilla but Carmilla could not figure out if she was sympathetic or simply stating the rules.
“Is there a visitors list that I can put names on? She has people here who are very worried and would very much like to see her.”
“For now I can say only family members are allowed back there. When she comes out of surgery and I see her I’ll make the call on whether it would be okay. Only one person at a time though.”
“She’s going to be okay though?” Words finally spilled from Carmilla’s mouth.
“As of now, she’s doing well and as long as the surgery goes alright, she’ll have a good recovery.”
“What if doesn’t go right?” All of the possible situations were floating through Carmilla’s head but only the negative ones.
“Don’t think about that right now.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be in surgery with her if you’re her doctor?” Carmilla accused.
“We have a specified surgeon in residence here who is currently in the room with her. She is under his care; you have nothing to worry about,” she turned her attention away from Carmilla, “We’ll alert you when she’s out and when you can see her, Mr. Hollis.”
The doctor left them after than and Mr. Hollis set his hand on Carmilla’s shoulder leading her back to where Kirsch and Danny were waiting. “What’s going on? Could they tell you anything?”
Before Mr. Hollis could repeat what the doctor had told him Carmilla spoke, “Someone should call Lafontaine. Perry too.”
“They’ll be together,” Kirsch answered, “but I’ll do it.”
“No, I should. I need to tell someone,” Carmilla said, staring ahead but at nothing in particular. Not only that but she did not want to listen to a repeat of Laura’s injuries which would only make her more anxious than she already was if that was even possible. She somehow made her way to the entrance and out the doors. Fresh air blew into her face and she breathed in deep, clearing her lungs of the constriction that had been mounting ever so slowly since hearing ‘skull fracture.’
She fumbled trying to get her phone out of her pocket and paced frantically while she flipped through her contacts before alighting on ‘Ginger #1’ and hitting the call button. It rang a few times more than she wished it had until a groggy voice spoke, “Hello?”
“Lafontaine?”
“Carmilla?” they sounded surprised, “It’s 2 in the morning, what the hell?”
“Laura’s in the hospital and I thought you and Perry would like to know.” There was a muffled ruffling sound on the other end and an almost indiscernible, “Perr? Perr, wake up.”
“You’re on speaker,” their voice was audibly less full of sleep.
“What happened, Carmilla?” Perry sounded fully awake and her voice sound just about as full of fear as Carmilla’s entire being was currently. Her pacing was doing nothing to calm her and only riling her up more but there was nothing else she could do. The thought of sitting still made her want to vomit.
Her voice cracked as she spoke and her eyes started to water, “She fell and it was so bad and the ambulance came and now she’s in surgery and they won’t let me see her. The doctor said something about a wound and a skull fracture and I thought you should know.”
“Are you alright, sweetie?”
“No,” she cried out. The obligatory ‘I’m fine’ died in her throat because that would be a tremendous lie and even if her voice was steady, Perry was not going to believe that bullshit.
“Okay, do you have anyone there with you?”
Carmilla nodded before she realized Perry could not see her, “Yeah. Kirsch and Danny and Laura’s dad is here too.”
“Lafontaine and I are on our way. It’s going to be okay.”
Carmilla did not understand why everyone kept saying that word. Okay. Nothing was okay and she had been through enough to know that okay did not always cover it and make everything better. Sometimes things were just how they were and they didn’t get better. And when she started thinking about those times, she remembered her brother and immediately called him.
“What’s up, Millie?” He did not sound nearly as annoyed as Lafontaine did with being woken up so late or early, however he was looking at it.
“I need you, Will.”
“What’s wrong, Millie? Are you okay? Where are you?”
She sniffled, “No, it’s not me. It’s Laura. But I really need you here.”
“Okay, where are you?”
“Styrian General.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Hold on, Millie.” The call ended and she dragged herself back inside, falling into the nearest chair.
Perry and Lafontaine had arrived before Will who was in Silas. Carmilla must have fallen asleep again but how, she had no idea. Every time she was awake her mind continuously buzzed and she did not feel any less exhausted so the sleep was just a way of her mind shutting itself off for a few minutes. Will woke her up when he arrived and crushed her in a hug that she did not have the strength to return. After the initial ‘how is she?,’ ‘what’s the news?,” that Perry and Lafontaine went through when they arrived, everyone had fallen silent until Doctor Corvae had come out and made a bee line for Mr. Hollis. Carmilla had jumped up out of her chair but she could not hear anything and the doctor had led Laura’s father through the doors and out of sight.
It was close to five in the morning when Mr. Hollis had reappeared and after saying something to the nurse’s, motioned to Carmilla to join him and she did not need to be asked twice. “They said I can show you the way back. She woke up briefly but she’s sleeping again. She’s only allowed one visitor so you’ll have to go in alone. Is that okay?”
Carmilla nodded. All she wanted was to see Laura; she did not care how it happened. She padded quickly after Laura’s father, down a cold and forbearing hallway until he stopped outside a room. There was a sliding door entrance that was entirely made of glass. It was small inside, only enough room for Laura’s bed, the machines and a couple of chairs for visitors. The blinds on the windows were drawn shut against the night and the lamp in the corner was on, the overhead lights turned off. Mr. Hollis gestured forward, “Go ahead. I’m going to go back out and see if anyone wants to go to the cafeteria. You should eat too.”
Carmilla fell through the doorway, not really hearing what he had said. Her jaw clenched tightly when she saw Laura’s head wrapped in a bandage, the IV dripping, drip, drip, drip, and the machine beeping regularly, keeping track of her heart rate. Laura’s eyes were shut with sleep, blankets pulled up only halfway across her stomach. The girl was small already but she looked so tiny lying there. Her skin was pale with a purplish hue.
Carmilla made her way to the side of the bed opposite the IV and found barely enough room for herself on the bed. She did not care if someone kicked her out; she just needed to be close to Laura. She needed to touch her and let her know she was here. When her arm touched Laura’s she almost jumped back at how cold it felt and so she slid her own legs under the blanket and pulled it up so that it covered Laura’s arms as she nestled her head against Laura’s shoulder. Carmilla counted the sound of the beeping and tried to keep her breathing the same speed as Laura’s. She closed her eyes yet again, trying to erase the image of the bruises on Laura’s face and only count her breaths. In, out. In, out. In, out.
That’s how she woke up next to Laura in the hospital. The sun was trying to break through the cracks in the blinds but to no avail, the room still layered in semi-darkness. She quickly sat up at the sound of a cough and saw that Laura’s chest was heaving and her eyes were crinkled shut as her mouth opened and her head lurched forward. Carmilla scrambled off the bed and stood at the side, grabbing a hold of her and just holding it there. After the coughing fit, Laura mumbled something that Carmilla could not make out. “Do you want water?”
Laura nodded and Carmilla poured a small cup out of the pitcher that sat on the tray off to the side of the bed. She held it to Laura’s mouth and helped her take a sip, trying not to jostle her head too much in the process. Laura sighed as she sunk back into the bed, “Why did you call my dad?”
“Um,” that had not been the first thing Carmilla thought would come out of the Laura’s mouth, “I didn’t call your dad.”
Her eyes were still closed and it looked like it took a lot of energy for her to merely speak, “Then why is he here?”
Carmilla was not sure how to respond. Laura’s dissatisfaction seemed misplaced so she did the only thing she thought she could do, “I’m going to find the doctor now that you’re awake.”
The nurse’s station was right outside of Laura’s door. “I was looking for the doctor. She woke up.”
“We’ll send a nurse in to look in on her and I’ll page her.” Carmilla nodded and returned to the room where Laura was looking at the window. Carmilla quietly opened the blinds, thinking that was what Laura wanted but instead, she turned her head to the other side, looking anywhere but at Carmilla.
The nurse came in and checked on the machine, the IV, and then said, “The doctor will be in within the hour.”
When the nurse left, Carmilla stood in awkward silence until Laura repeated her question, “Why is he here?”
“They wouldn’t tell anyone anything or let anyone see you unless they were family so Danny called him -”
“Of course she did.” Even in her weak state, it was not hard for Carmilla to hear the anger in her voice; it was even clearer on her face.
There was a fumbling as the door to the room opened once again and Mr. Hollis rushed in, “A nurse came and told me you were awake.”
He completely ignored Carmilla and went straight to his daughter’s bedside. Carmilla knew the rules and though she did not want to leave, she knew a nurse would escort her out soon enough. She backed out of the room, “I’ll be back later.”
Back in the waiting room, Perry and Kirsch assaulted her with questions about how Laura was doing, why Mr. Hollis went back, and what was going to happen now. She stuck her hands out in front of her trying to deflect the onslaught, “I don’t know. I don’t know.”
She slumped into a chair because even though she had been in and out of sleep since they had arrived, it was not restful. Kirsch sat down next to her, “Well, how’s Laura anyway?”
“I don’t know.” He looked confused but didn’t pry. “Where’s Clifford and the science nerd?”
“They went to the caf to find food for everyone. They should be back in a little bit.”
No one talked while they waited for food and when Carmilla saw Danny walking down the hallway, she was out of her seat in one second, pulling Danny to the side, “Why am I getting the third degree for you calling her father?”
Danny looked sheepish and didn’t respond. “I want an answer, Xena.”
Danny looked up to the ceiling, “I didn’t think she would be mad. You said they’d been getting along better,” she finally looked Carmilla in the eye, “Anyway, it was the only way anyone was going to find out anything.”
Carmilla rubbed the bridge of her nose out of frustration and sighed, “I’m not mad at you,” she paused, “And if you tell anyone I said that to you, you’re dead.”
“There it is.”
Carmilla glared at her but ignored it, “It was the first thing she said when she woke up. I was really thrown off. I thought they were on a better path too.”
Danny rested her hand on Carmilla’s shoulder and at any other time Carmilla would have slapped it away but she was too exhausted to even consider moving, “I can’t explain their relationship. I don’t understand it. And I wouldn’t have done it if there were any other options. Don’t let her be mad at you, okay? Let her be mad at me.”
Carmilla nodded, “Now where’s this food that I was promised?”
Danny actually laughed and pointed behind Carmilla, “Come on. Lafontaine has a bunch of options.”
Carmilla entered the doorway with a sense of apprehension but Laura must have heard it slide open because she turned her head to look and her mouth turned up ever so slightly into a smile and her eyes softened. Her hand weakly lifted up from the bed and a finger beckoned Carmilla over so she obeyed. Even standing next to the bed, Laura was still asking for her to come closer so she leaned down and with more effort than would have normally been necessary, Laura stretched up and kissed Carmilla. Carmilla brought her hand to settle under Laura’s chin to connect their lips more securely.
Laura pulled her head back to lay softly against her pillows but Carmilla had leaned down far enough that she was still close enough to hear Laura whisper, “I’m sorry I’m not a very nice patient.”
Carmilla raised her eyebrows, “You came at my throat about your dad.”
Laura looked away and there was a longing expression in her eyes, “I’m…I’m just not used to him caring. I was confused when I woke up and I flipped back to how we used to be.”
Carmilla held her hand and rubbed circles with her thumb, “It’s been less than a year since you two decided to try and build a relationship. Things don’t have to be perfect yet. Setbacks happen. But I’m not sure this was one.”
Laura sighed deeply and hesitated, “I don’t want him to always run to my rescue.”
Carmilla folded her other hand on top of Laura’s and tried not to smile but the innocence of it was too cute, “Cupcake, you were brought to the hospital with head trauma. None of your friends were allowed any information. If you thought, your dad, no matter what terms you guys were on, would leave you all alone you’re wrong. I am positive, if this had happened two years ago, he still would have shown up just like he did today. He cared even if he didn’t show it. And so did you. You both have to realize that even if you gave up on a father-daughter relationship, there are some things you can’t forget.”
Laura did not say anything in return, her eyebrows scrunched up like she was mulling it over. The corner of her mouth was quirked in a way that made Carmilla smile, “I know you believe me.”
Laura side-eyed her and then smiled. She reached a hand out to cup Carmilla’s cheek, “You came to my rescue.”
“Always.” Laura looked like she was going to cry for a moment until her face lit up, “You just made a Harry Potter reference and didn’t even know it.”
Carmilla shook her head and brought her face closer to Laura’s, “Oh, I knew it.”
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"Do not get up.” Laura instantly laid back down, Carmilla’s tone of voice showing that she would not be having it today. Laura could admit that she had not been the best patient but ever since the doctor had sent her home, all she wanted to do was get back to her life. Carmilla on the other hand was taking all of the doctor’s rules and implementing them very strictly.
It was Christmas. She wanted to be up decorating, baking cookies, going for walks in the snow but instead, she was imprisoned on the couch, watching the holiday go by. Carmilla was standing on a stool, hanging lights around the window frame, “Laura, I know how much you wish you could do this but you had a head injury and surgery, you have to take care of yourself first.”
Laura grunted in response, crossing her arms and watching with wistfulness. “I’m not going to have another trip to the hospital because you wouldn’t listen and do what you’re told. You’ll get better faster this way.”
She knew Carmilla was right; the quicker she healed the better but it did not stop her from groaning about everything she was no allowed to do. Carmilla had put in a request to work from home and for the most part, was granted permission to do so but there had been a few days when Perry had shown up in the morning when Carmilla had to go into the office. She refused to leave Laura alone and Perry was even more hovering than Carmilla and almost just as concerned. Laura wasn’t sure anyone could actually be more anxious about the situation than Carmilla.
There was a knock at the door and Laura’s eyebrows furrowed as Carmilla jumped off the stool and smiled at Laura. The door opened and there was quick scrabbling at the tile floor when all of a sudden a ball of fur was on Laura’s chest and her face was being licked. She giggled and moved her head from side to side to try and avoid the assault.
“Cooper, let her breathe,” came a familiar voice from behind her. Kirsch was standing behind the couch, smiling at the sight of Cooper attacking Laura with kisses. “Kirsch!”
She started to get up but a curt, “Don’t move,” from Carmilla stopped her in her tracks and Kirsch bent down to hug her. “Better listen to her, L. I’ve heard all the rules. She’s not kidding.”
Carmilla lifted Laura legs to sit down, laying them across her own lap and reaching a hand out to scratch between Cooper’s ears. He turned his attention from Laura to Carmilla who was looking at Laura, making sure she was okay. Laura assured her with a nod. Carmilla shrugged, “I thought you could use the company. Something to distract you so I could decorate without you nagging me.”
“Hey, Danny wanted to know what to br-“ Carmilla reached behind the couch and slapped Kirsch, glaring at him until his eyes widened, “Oh.”
“Um…what was that?”
“Nothing,” they both awkwardly replied at the same time. Carmilla refused to make eye contact with her and instead got off the couch and returned to the lights. Kirsch took her place and grabbed the remote, “So, Laura, what’s it gonna be?”
Laura knew what he was asking and she started thinking, realizing she had not watched many Christmas movies yet this year. “Can we do a marathon of the stop-motion ones? I haven’t seen those in awhile.”
He nodded, “You’re wish is my command.”
Cooper eventually settled and laid down on the floor, next to the couch, falling asleep as Laura’s hand brushed slowly at his fur. They made it through Rudolph and Santa Clause Is Coming To Town before Carmilla was done decorating. She appeared next to Laura’s head, kissing her quickly on the temple and handing over a cup of hot cocoa. Kirsch patted Laura’s legs and woke Cooper up, “We should probably get going. You wanna see momma?” he asked Cooper who just stared at him, tongue hanging out of mouth. Laura and Carmilla exchanged a knowing look but didn’t say anything.
The two left, leaving Carmilla and Laura alone. “I saved something for you.”
“What?” Laura responded, getting excited that maybe she was allowed to do at least one thing. Carmilla held out a hand, helping Laura off the couch, not letting go of her once. “I can walk, Carm.”
“Okay,” she said but did not leg go. Carmilla guided her over to the tree next to the television. She handed Laura the star for the top, “Would you like to do the honors?”
“I would love to.” The tree wasn’t tall since it needed to fit into their apartment but Laura had to step up on the bottom step of the stool (Carmilla wouldn’t let her go any farther up) and stretch to place it on the top. When she was back on the floor she hugged Carmilla, “Thank you.”
Laura eventually found out what Kirsch and Carmlla’s secretive exchange had been when on Christmas, when Laura was sure she was going to be spending it alone with Carmilla, which she wasn’t upset about, a knock at the door had brought in Kirsch, Danny and Cooper with Lafontaine and Perry bringing up the rear. Will even showed up, tugging Mattie behind him who exchanged a civil “hello” with Carmilla. They were getting there. It was not easy and was slow going but Carmilla no longer ran from the room when Mattie answered. Even slow progress was progress.
It was crazy to think about how many years these people had been in her life and what each of them meant to her. No matter what she was going through, they were always there to lift her back up. They had saved her more times than she could count and seeing them all, sitting around her while she was still chained to the couch, laughing and talking made her feel warm inside.
And when she saw Carmilla there, laughing and talking right along with them like she had always fit in, she couldn’t help but smile. The holiday season made her nostalgic, it always had and she held back tears of happiness as she looked around the room at all the people who loved her and whom she loved. There was no one she’d rather have in her life aside from them.
Carmilla was sitting next to her on the couch. Laura was leaning against her, her hand settled in Carmilla’s, Cooper was lying next to Kirsch’s legs as he sat on the floor next to Danny. They hadn’t said anything to anyone yet, but it was clear they were no longer trying to hide it. The way Kirsch looked at Danny and the way she spoke to him made the situation clearer than day. Perry and Lafontaine were the same as they always had been. Inseparable. Will was lounging on the floor as well. Mattie was off alone, at the peripheral of the room. Laura couldn’t blame her and she felt a little bad. This woman was not a part of their family and she seemed to have no family of her own. It must’ve felt awkward for her to listen to everyone talk with so much history while she stayed silent, only here to try to mend things with her siblings. Laura nudged Carmilla, “Do you think it’s about time you two talked?”
Carmilla looked over at Mattie, “We have talked, Laura. Everything has been said.”
Laura didn’t believe her. “I promise, cupcake. We’ve had talks with no yelling and no anger. Resentment, of course. We are trying. It’s hard. I was older than Will; I understood more. She’s not going to be my sister like Will’s my brother and she knows that. Her being here though, that would not have happened last year or even six months ago. You have to let it go, okay? I know how much you just want us to move past everything and be a family but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”
“I just want you to be happy. I wish this wasn’t a part of your life,” Laura admitted. Laura had seen Carmilla deal and struggle with so much that seeing her not accept her sister back into her life seemed like a hardship she was bringing upon herself. The gold flashed in Carmilla’s eyes, “I am happy. And that’s because of you. I don’t need Mattie to be happy but that doesn’t mean she’s not a part of my life. I cannot imagine us ever being very close but I’m sure our relationship will continue to change. She’s not going anywhere and I believe her now.”
“I know I’ve said this before but the front you put on isn’t believable anymore,” Laura said, jokingly.
“That’s because I don’t put on a front for you.” Carmilla brought Laura’s hand up and kissed the back of it, “I love you, cutie.”
“I love you too, Carm.”
“Carm.”
“Yes, Laura.”
“We haven’t had sex.” Laura saw Carmilla pause, her head straightened and she turned around slowly. Laura almost laughed at the incredulous look plastered across the previously serene face. “You have a head injury.”
“I’m not sure you heard me right. Sex.”
“Head injury.”
Laura pouted, “It’s New Year’s Eve! Can’t we make an exception?”<
Carmilla stared at her; it seemed she was at a loss for words. Laura wasn’t sure exactly what about the statement had been so crazy. It had been weeks. Not since her injury and she understood that at the beginning that would have been an absolutely stupid question but now, almost a month later if she stretched, it should be plausible. “What?”
“No strenuous activity,” Carmilla was adamant.
“I think it’s a de-stressor.”
“Not until you’re fully healed or the doctor gives us the okay.”
“Do you not want to have sex with me?” Laura asked, knowing Carmilla’s response was going to be less than happy.
Her eyebrows lifted so high they would have disappeared into her hair if she had been a cartoon, “You did not seriously just ask me that.”
“Well…”
“Laura! You’re not guilting me into having sex with you when it could possibly not be safe for your recovery.”
“When you say if like that, it makes me sound like a bad person.” The word ‘guilting’ is what was off-putting to Laura.
“Well, I don’t know what you want from me. I think you know me well enough to know that I want to do that with you but we just can’t yet. You haven’t been the only one dealing with the lack of it.” Laura narrowed her eyes at Carmilla, “Do not even think I haven’t noticed whenever your showers last longer than they should.”
Laura would have blushed at the insinuation but Carmilla just smirked, “A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.”
“So I have been the only one forced to completely abstain.” Carmilla crawled across the couch, just seductively enough for it to be a tease for Laura. She nipped at Laura’s ear and whispered, “Believe me, its not even close to when I’m with you.”
“Get off me.”Carmilla laughed. “I’m serious. That’s so unfair.”
Carmilla backed off, but pulled Laura into her arms, “I’m not going anywhere, creampuff. Oh,” Carmilla pointed at the muted television, “also, Happy New Year, love.”
Laura tried to take the New Year’s kiss to the next level and though Carmilla let it go on for a while, she was obstinate to keep it just where it was. Laura sighed against her lips making Carmilla ask, “What’s wrong?”
“Though I’m not giving in, kissing you is always enough.”
Carmilla kissed her again, smiling against her lips, “You’re always enough.”
“And you’re just as cheesy in the new year.”
“You love me,” Carmilla said. Laura laughed, “Of course I do.”