Chapter 6
The voice outside was hard to hear but her dad cleared his throat, “Well then, come on in.”
Laura was straining her neck to look around the corner of the wall and her jaw dropped as a woman in all black walked into the empty doorway, removing her black beanie, a mess of hair falling against her shoulders. She could see her father look around the guest but he was not in focus as there was only one person who had all of her attention.
“Okay, well, I’ll just be…if you need me…” and he ducked out, leaving them alone.
“Carm?”
“Hey, cupcake.”
Laura shut her eyes against tears, and shook her head, “Carm, you can just –”
“I know,” the words came out heavy, “You want reasons. A trail of thoughts and justifications that you can follow back to somewhere safe. But, I don’t have justifiable reasons for any of it.”
“You left,” her voice cracked and she stared at her hands that were fidgeting in her lap. Carmilla’s usual silent footsteps brought her to the couch, and the sinking in the cushion was what notified Laura that she had moved. Laura still couldn’t look at her, “You said you wouldn’t leave and then you left,” a crazed laugh left Laura’s mouth, “And I know I told you you should. And I know how mixed the signals were. But you weren’t actually supposed to leave. You were supposed to choose us. But you didn’t. You left.”
“What did you want from me Laura?” Carmilla’s words were telling her truth but also desperate to have Laura understand and accept, “I came back and I tried so hard and then my insecurities toward my mother and my understanding that I am no where near worthy of you -” Laura’s head shot up and she finally looked at Carmilla, whose face was pulled so taut as she tried to keep her composure. Laura’s face on the other hand felt slack as her chest heaved for air and her wide eyes changed to one’s with creases in the corner, “-chased me out. Every time I looked at you I could see how I was hurting you and yeah, maybe it was selfish, but I couldn’t bear that anymore.”
Laura’s voice was so soft as she fought against the dryness of her throat, which was constricting as tears tried to burst forth. The surprise of Carmilla showing up had knocked down the weak defenses she had made and all of her thoughts about accepting that Carmilla was out of her life disappeared. Now the only thing she could see was the beautiful woman that she loved with her entire being sitting in front of her trying to fix what she knew she had ruined. There was a strange blame game going on in Laura’s head because as much as she blamed Carmilla because she left, she also didn’t. She blamed herself for telling Carmilla to leave but she never thought that she would. Laura had been trying to open dialogue and the plan had backfired.
Laura tilted her head to the side and her breath caught, “Worthiness? That’s what this is all about? Carm, you are worth so much more than you can even know and as of your fear of being worthy of me? What does that even mean? What does it even matter when you’re the only one I want? Its that simple.”
Carmilla’s lip trembled and her eyes scrunched, creating creases in her forehead. She looked almost in pain, “But its not.”
That’s all she said, leaving Laura to wrack her brain for an explanation and when she couldn’t find one, “What does that mean?”
Carmilla’s eyes took their time opening and they lifted to look Laura straight in the eyes. Their watery state allowed a brilliant gold to flash through. “You want the kind of love that clicks; like a key into a lock."
Carmilla’s head was nodding up and down as if this revelation was common knowledge that she had always known; maybe it had been which lent to the fact that she knew Laura much more than Laura knew herself. Carmilla’s lips pushed together until they were a flat line and a tear fell down her face, creating a shiny line on her cheek. Laura reached out, trailing her thumb across the skin to dry it. Carmilla’s hand found hers and held it to her cheek for a second before removing it and settling them both down between them on the couch. “But I don’t have any of that to give you. And I can’t make you think I’m enough for you.”
There was no stopping the onslaught of tears now, and Laura submitted to them, letting them fall off her cheeks and onto the blanket without even trying to stop them. Carmilla had only come to make it official, to tell Laura that they were over. Laura shook her head, not wanting to hear the words that were to come out of Carmilla’s mouth.
Carmilla reached out and tucked a strand of Laura’s hair behind her ear, her eyes searching for Laura’s who finally gave in and met her gaze. “But I am in love with you and I will give you all of the messy love I can give you. Everything I can give is yours, Laura. Everything I am is yours.”
Laura’s breath caught in surprise. There were a lot of thoughts flying through her head that she wanted to say. She wanted to blame, she wanted to apologize, but she really wanted to forgive and she just gave over to that feeling. Laura leaned forward on the couch until her forehead was touching Carmilla’s. They were both breathing deeply, their breath mixing in the air in front of them. Her words came out in a release of breath, “I love you.”
Carmilla stared at her for a split second and then Laura was putting her hands on both sides of Carmilla’s head and pulling their lips together. Carmilla reached around to her back and her neck and pulled them even closer so there was no space between them. They connected in a fury and if they could have, they would have set off sparks. Laura didn’t know where to settle her hands because she just wanted to touch all of Carmilla at once; she needed to make sure she was really there with her. Her hand got tangled in Carmilla’s hair. She noticed something different about this kiss. There was none of Carmilla nipping at her lips, there were none of the little touches Carmilla always did to urge Laura on because she wasn’t this time. Carmilla wholeheartedly just wanted to kiss her and leave it at that.
When their lips detached for just a second, Laura tried to pull her back in, not caring about her lack of air, but Carmilla dipped her head so their foreheads were touching once again. Her voice was a whisper of sincere hope; a declaration of need for Laura to understand, “I just need you to be patient. You are already kind. You’ve shown me that more than anyone in my life ever has. Because you think everyone deserves better than what they get…even me.”
A small laugh escaped Laura mouth because sometimes the things Carmilla said sounded so ridiculous to her. Carmilla had always deserved everything in the world and that was something she had never believed herself. Laura had over and over again tried to show her just that but nothing ever stuck. The only option was to forgive Carmilla because there was no vision of her future that the girl didn’t exist in. “I can’t pretend what I feel about you is some stupid frothy thing that doesn’t matter because it is like the axis my world turns on.”
Carmilla was looking at her intently and she pushed her fingers through the hair on either side of Carmilla’s face. “And we could talk ourselves out of it because yeah, this is scary and hard but I want us to have something good to hold onto. Why can’t this be something good?”
The faintest hint of a smile appeared on Carmilla’s lips as her chin trembled, “You know what, cupcake? Out of all your little rants. I think I like this one the best.”
Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura in a tight hug, their lips colliding again. And it was chaste and easy, their lips simply connecting and pushing against each other with all of their might to get their feelings across. Carmilla’s hands lightly brushed Laura’s cheeks and she pulled away again. Laura pouted.
“As much as I would love to continue this, sweetheart. I’m not sure your dad would approve.”
Her father had totally escaped her mind as soon as he had left Carmilla and herself alone in the living room. Laura clenched her teeth together and sent Carmilla an awkward smile, making the girl chuckle and shake her head.
Laura hadn’t really talked to her dad since Carmilla had shown up the night before; he had let them have their space which she was grateful for but she knew sooner of later, he was going to have some questions he wanted answered. First and foremost was probably going to be why he didn’t know she had been dating anyone.
She turned over in bed and smiled at the sleeping form next to her all cuddled under the blankets, hair spread across the pillow in ripples and her face lacking the usual façade it wore. She scooted closer to Carmilla and kissed her. Carmilla stirred and smiled against her lips, “Hmmm, I don’t mind being woken up if it’s like this.”
Laura could have swooned at Carmilla’s morning voice; it was a low intoxicating sound that reverberated through her chest, making her warm. Carmilla’s arms slid around her waist and pulled her closer, kissing her deeper.
“Hey, Carm?”
“Yeah, cutie?” Carmilla’s eyes were still shut.
“Happy Christmas.”
Carmilla nuzzled their noses together, “Happy Christmas, cupcake.”
Over Carmilla’s body, through the thin curtains that draped over the window, Laura could see the snow falling almost as it had last night and she wondered if it had ever stopped. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”
Carmilla said it almost like a little kid, making Laura giggle. “Snow.”
Carmilla turned onto her back, turning her head towards the window. Laura made herself comfortable by laying her head on Carmilla’s chest and draping her arm across her stomach.
“We have to go downstairs at some point. It is Christmas. I have to spend it with my dad too.” Carmilla did not groan as Laura thought she would. She did not sigh in frustration or make any comment about how she would rather have Laura all to herself. She only made one observation, “Cutie, I don’t have any clothes.”
Laura felt her face heat up and turn a light shade of red when she remembered that under the covers, Carmilla was only wearing a black thong and one of Laura’s old Doctor Who t-shirts. “What is mine is yours.”
As she felt Carmilla wiggle underneath her, Laura moved off of her. Carmilla swung her legs out from underneath the covers and she pushed them back, “Oh, I’m sure I’ll love wearing one of your nerdy shirts.”
Laura did not even hear the dig because she was currently speechless at her view of Carmilla’s bare ass. Carmilla looked over her shoulder and winked at Laura, “See something you like.”
“I’m not a very good liar,” Laura climbed out of bed.
Carmilla shook her butt in a very silly manner making Laura laugh,” What about now?”
“Maybe not so much anymore.”
Carmilla feigned being offended, “Oh, really. Really.”
She took a few steps forward and all of a sudden Laura was swept up in her arms and spun around the room, “Do you like me now?”
“Carm,” Laura laughed, “Put me down.”
“Tell me you like me.”
“Just put me down.” Carmilla shook her head, “Not until you say it.”
“I like you,” Laura said, kicking her legs.
“I’m sorry, I don’t believe you.”
Laura’s hands were pushing on Carmilla’s shoulders to steady herself but then she wrapped them around Carmilla’s neck. She practically yelled, “Carmillia Karnstein, I like you and I am so in love with you.”
Her feet had yet to reach the floor and Carmilla kissed her and twirled her around again before setting her down. Carmilla shrugged and nonchalantly commented, “I know you are.”
Laura scrunched her eyebrows together and playfully hit Carmilla’s shoulder, “Put some pants on.”
“You sure you don’t want to continue having this wonderful view?”
“You’re so full of yourself,” but Laura, one hundred percent, would not mind.
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“I am not leaving the room like this.” She crossed her arms and planted her feet, making it clear that was her stance.
Laura rolled her eyes, “Oh, yes you are.”
Laura grabbed her by the hand and tugged her until she her shoulders sagged and she gave up, trailing after Laura wearing the most embarrassing sweater she had ever seen. Not only was it an annoying Christmas sweater, but it had the ugliest cat Carmilla had ever seen on it. When she had voiced that opinion, Laura became very defensive, calling the thing, “Grumpy Cat,” as if that was something she should already know. Laura had unceremoniously shoved it over Carmilla’s head and stood there snickering. Laura had put one on herself but hers was not only less humiliating but just as nerdy as the girl wearing it; the stupid sweater fit her, unlike Carmilla, who wanted to be anywhere but in that sweater. It was incriminating and she hated it yet she felt herself give over to her tiny girlfriend, just to make her smile. Her adoration for Laura always disgusted her because she let the girl do the worst possible things to her. Like wear this damn sweater.
Carmilla tried to regain control as Laura bounded down the stairs like a three year old on Christmas morning. She did enough to straighten herself so as not to fall over entirely. The Christmas tree was lit up bright in the living room to the right but Laura stormed right past it into the kitchen that full of the smell of cooking and Christmas music that made Carmilla think of Will.
Mr. Hollis’ eyes were cold when he took in their intertwined hands. Laura let go of her hand and ran up to kiss her dad on the cheek. It seemed as if they had returned to the father-daughter normal that they had been missing far too soon for comfort but it was not Carmilla’s place to question anything. Especially with the dagger eyes that Mr. Hollis directed her way whenever he was forced to look at her. “Dad, Carmilla Carmilla, my dad. You guys didn’t get properly introduced last night.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hollis.” Carmilla received a curt nod in return, “I hope you like ham.”
Mr. Hollis did not wait for an answer but went back to cooking and Laura looked at her with “I’m sorry” written all over her features and shook her head. “Okay, Carm and I are going to go sit in the living room.”
“Are you sure there’s nothing I –“ She thought maybe offering help would soften Mr. Hollis to her presence. There was no blame to put on him for his attitude; she had hurt his daughter who had come running back to him. Her first impression had not been a great one at all. Laura squeezed her hand harder, whispered, “It won’t help,” and pulled her into the living room.
Laura plopped herself down on the carpet in front of the tree and the few gifts that were under it. She patted the floor next to her for Carmilla to sit but instead, she sat down behind Laura and spread her legs around her. Carmilla pulled her back to her chest and wrapped her arms around Laura, setting her chin on Laura’s shoulder and looking at the lights letting her eyes unfocus; all of the small lights blurred in her vision.
They sat there for a few moments just find but then Laura grabbed her arm tightly, making Carmilla grimace, “You do like ham don’t you.”
Carmilla couldn’t even find it in herself to laugh, “At this point, I’d eat whatever the man made.”
Laura sighed into her, “He’ll come around.”
“Sweetheart, I’m not blaming him. He has every right to not like me. I hurt you. I made his only daughter cry. How could he trust me?”
Laura turned her torso so that they were facing each other, “But he has to because I do.”
Carmilla pursed her lips, “That’s not how things work, cupcake. As much as that would be nice. I’ll earn my way if I have to. If you’ll have me, I’ll be here for a while.”
“Do you even have to ask that question?”
Now Carmilla smiled, “Just checkin’.”
Laura kissed her real quick before spinning around and throwing her own legs on top of Carmilla’s. They were sitting the same way now, bent towards each other. The lights of the tree caused the green in Laura’s swiling brown eyes to darken and Carmilla became entranced listening to her voice. What she rambled on about was not important, not meaning Carmilla wasn’t listening, but meaning that Carmilla would always listen to her no matter what was coming out of her mouth.
The smell of ham mixed with potatoes and gravy and something like the sweet smell of apples. “You’re dad is quite the cook.”
“Yeah he cooked a lot.” So much for talkative Laura; any mention of something near her mother always shut her down. That are maybe it was the whole not eating thing but if she stopped talking, Carmilla was never going to figure out the answer to that question.
She had her arms looped around Laura’s legs so that she was on a lower level, looking up at the all-giggly girl who had just become somber. Laura’s head was down, but her eyes were averted from Carmilla’s face. “What about Will?”
The sudden change of subject was not lost on Carmilla who acquiesced nonetheless, “What about Will?”
“This is kind of your holiday. You guys are always together –”
“What makes you think that, cupcake?”
“He told me last Christmas. When I was at your house, before…” she trailed off. “Before my mother came in and ruined everything.”
The shy nod that came from Laura made Carmilla believe she was not entirely comfortable with talking about the less fun parts of Carmilla’s life. “Honestly?”
“Always.” Carmilla sighed because she knew that would be Laura’s answer, “I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Will. He pushed me to come to you. And I hate that that’s how I finally got my wits about me, but it’s the truth. And I pretty much ruined our Christmas way before today.”
“So I have him to thank.” Carmilla’s heart dropped, “If you’d like.
“And he’s being selfless letting you be here instead of with him.” Carmilla hung her head because Laura telling her this just pushed it farther into the whole being without her brother had already created. She had broken their chain of traditions and he had let her go, pushing her to do so, because he knew how much Laura meant to her. She had run out with a “thank you” but not so much a second thought about what it would mean for Will, who would now be spending Christmas alone. Her little brother was her rock and she had never been his; she was just reiterating what they both already knew. What a goddamn failure
“But you didn’t have to come and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy that you’re here. Because you made a choice and that choice was me. And even if I know that you should have chosen your brother, I’m selfish and I want you here.”
Carmilla found Laura’s eyes and looked at her in disbelief. The girl had once again taken something she had clearly found the answer to and flipped it on its head to make it about something it was entirely not about. “Laura you didn’t make me come here? Why are you thinking this is your doing?”
“If I wasn’t in the picture, you wouldn’t have chosen me?”
“Do you realize that that logic could be used for every part of your life? No matter what it is about, you are here, and my god am I glad you are. If you weren’t here, your dad wouldn’t be angry with me. But then, I wouldn’t know your dad. And also, I might be dead. I almost walked myself in front of a car, Laura, save for you. I just went out and got myself beat up to stop from feeling anything. I drank all day and night and someone mentioning you is what pulled me back to my senses,” Carmilla stroked the side of her face, “So no matter what decisions you or I make, I think it would be infinitely more tragic if it stopped you from trying. If that means being a little selfish about me, I won’t complain.”
Carmilla’s sly smile at the end brought Laura to a laugh and she rubbed at her eyes to dry out the small amount of water that had begun to build up. She sniffled once, “Why do we always have these intense conversations?”
“That’s all you, cutie. But if it makes you feel better, why don’t I give will a call?”
Laura gave her a pointed look, “Are you sure that won’t make you feel better?”
Carmilla shrugged it off. “Whichever, I need to talk to my dad anyway.”
“Not about me,” Carmilla urged.
“Of course about you,” Laura kissed her forehead and leapt up, out of Carmilla’s reach, as Carmilla tried to pull her back down. She really did not want Laura interfering with her dad’s process of acceptance. Carmilla needed to go through any trial he put her through to prove herself good enough for his daughter because how else either her or Laura’s father know she was.
Will didn’t answer and Carmilla hoped he wasn’t furious with her; after all, he had been the one to tell her to go after Laura. Maybe he had expected it to take one night and she would be back. Another thing she couldn’t make up to him. Just add it to the list.
Not that she was eavesdropping persay, but the lack of phone call did tune her into the voices coming from the kitchen and if Carmilla thought she knew what Laura’s dad thought of her, she was getting quite the wake up call. “Dad, I don’t know -”
“Be careful, Laur.”
“What?” Laura sounded surprised. Carmilla wished she could see the expression on Mr. Hollis’ face.
“I want you to be careful.”
“Um…okay…”
“’Axis that your world turns on.’ That’s scary talk for me to hear, Laura. I’m not saying its not true,” his rushed words made Carmilla smile because she could just imagine the indignant look on Laura’s face, “I’m saying be careful with that type of love.”
There was ruffling but no talking and Carmilla imagined Laura had hugged him. “If it helps, she told me she loved me first.”
“She also hurt you.” Carmila winced.
Laura sighed, “You’re right. I’m not gonna lie about that.”
Carmilla hated to hear her affirm it but it was the best way to move forward; they could not pretend it had never happened because it had. Carmilla knew they would eventually get past it but it would be hanging over them for some time. “But I feel too much to not forgive her. I can’t let her go. I’m in too far.”
“I wish you weren’t. It feels fast.”
“You didn’t even know I was dating anyone.”
“Exactly why it seems to fast.”
Carmilla squirmed during the silence, not sure what the outcome of the conversation would be; at this point, it could go either way. It sounded like Mr. Hollis had accepted the situation but the question was whether he was going to try or show his displeasure. “She wishes she made a better first impression on you.”
“Well, anyone would.”
“Dad, please, give her a break. You don’t have to forget it. I know Carmilla, and she will never forget it. She’s not going to need you to remind her of it. But that’s the thing. I know her and I would like you to know her, besides this one thing. She’s so intelligent, she speaks like a hundred different languages -” Carmilla had to stop herself from snorting with laughter, “ – She has extensive knowledge of the most amazing things. Like art and philosophy. She’s caring and kind -” Carmilla wanted to gag, -“You should see her with her brother. There is so much that you just don’t know yet and you’ve seen a not so great thing but you can’t miss out on all the good just because of that.”
There was a heavy sigh, “Laura, I think you misunderstood me. Not about being worried because I am. Extremely worried that she’s going to just leave you again if it was so easy this time. But I’m not blind. I’ve been around her all of five minutes but I can just see this buzzing energy that exists between you too and how you seem to fit together in this strange, unrealistic way. That’s what scares me. I want you to love and love openly and freely and with all of your heart, but I don’t’ want it to consume everything you are. Be careful.”
That was the end of the conversation. Carmilla heard utensils being used in the kitchen and Laura reappeared in the doorway, very slowly. Carmilla narrowly managed to bring her phone up to her ear like she was finishing a conversation with Will. “Thanks, Will. I’ll talk to you later. Have a happy Christmas.”
The look on Laura’s face of puzzlement and Carmilla knew she was not sure what her father had meant. But Carmilla did. And if that was his only wish, she would grant it. There had never been a part of her that wanted to consume Laura and take her away from her life. Now though, she vowed to make a conscious effort to see what he saw. Being on the same page as Mr. Hollis would make him much more tolerant of her. All he wanted to do was protect Laura and Carmilla could relate to that to her core; though if she ever let Laura know, she would get a good hour lecture about how Laura isn’t a little girl anymore and she can take care of herself. Carmilla never doubted that for a second but that wasn’t the reason she wanted to protect Laura. It was simply because she loved her and that was her first instinct.
After their talk, Laura’s dad made some type of effort to welcome her over dinner. It wasn’t much but then again, Carmilla could not blame him. She knew that Mr. Hollis’ feelings towards her were not the greatest. Showing up on Christmas Eve, intruding on their holiday, and having him make the correct assumption that she had hurt his daughter and was coming to try to make up for it, wouldn’t leave anything but a sour taste in anyone’s mouth. She couldn’t take back her first impression, but if he was going to be in Laura’s life, she was definitely going to make him change his mind about her.
It was not going to be easy to break that impression and Mr. Hollis was not going to make it any easier, but if she had to work for it, she would. His questions were the usual small talk about her major, if she had a job, about her family. Laura stepped in on that one and directed the conversation elsewhere but he had not missed the avoidance. “Dad, enough with the twenty questions interrogation.”
“Sorry, Carmilla. I’m just trying to get to know you a little better.”
“I understand, sir.” His eyebrows rose slightly with the honorific address.
“Then why don’t you just let her talk like a normal person,” Laura teased him. Carmilla watched as Laura’s smile relaxed him, There’s one more thing we have in common.
Laura was at the sink, washing dishes and Carmilla crept up behind her, snaking her arms around Laura’s waist and resting her chin on Laura’s shoulder. Laura’s body sunk into hers unconsciously and Carmilla kissed her cheek. And then again. And then again, until Laura laughed and shrugged her off, “Come on, Carm, I’m trying to clean these.”
“Yeah but I have other plans.”
“Do those plans include doing something we shouldn’t be doing in a place where my father could catch us?”
Carmilla mulled it over, giving Laura time to worry about her actual intentions, though they were less than innocent, “Depends on what is under the category of things we shouldn’t be doing.”
Laura shot her look that very much communicated, “you better be joking,” but instead of answering, Carmilla pick up the dish towels and forced it into Laura’s hands so she would dry them off. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, putting it on the counter and tapping the screen, sending a string of guitar through the air in the kitchen. Laura smiled apprehensively and Carmilla smiled at her, sliding her hand over the one of Laura’s that lay on the kitchen counter and laced their fingers together. She reached out to grab Laura’s other hand that was hanging by her side and then pulled Laura into the middle of the kitchen and in doing so, pulled their bodies close together. She places one of Laura’s hands over her shoulder and then rested her own on the lower part of Laura’s back.
The moved around the kitchen, their socks sliding across the wooden floorboards. Laura eventually rested her head against Carmilla’s shoulder. They didn’t need to talk, at least Carmilla didn’t but Laura was another thing altogether, “This song is kind of sad.”
“Sssshhhh, I like it. I think it fits.”
Laura’s head tilted up to look at her and Carmilla’s own angled down weirdly. Laura fixed the maybe inch of height difference, by getting up on her tiptoes to kiss Carmilla. Tender and unabashed. Carmilla could get used to the kisses that didn’t mean anything besides Laura wanted to kiss her. It wasn’t complicated that way and there were no expectations. Simplicity in a touch of lips.
When the song ended, Carmilla held Laura in the middle kitchen, not wanting the moment to end. Maybe it was fear of going back to where they had just managed to come out of or the knowledge that they were going to have to go back to the real world where things wouldn’t always be so easy and simple. Either way, when Laura pulled back, cold air filled the space making it feel hollow.
Laura’s eyes widened, “Uh, hi dad.”
Despite Laura’s obvious awkward feelings about her dad catching them dancing in the kitchen, Carmilla was not so much bothered. “Mr. Hollis.”
“Carmilla.” He said nothing more and didn’t move. Carmilla took the hint quickly, squeezed Laura’s hand, kissed her temple, before leaving the kitchen. If Mr. Hollis wanted to talk about her with Laura again she would let it happen; whatever he had to say needed to be said and she didn’t want to stop that. Laura had told her that they were working on mending their relationship. She knew beyond a doubt that she would do anything to have her father back in her life and she wouldn’t take that away from Laura. She’d make herself sparse.
Carmilla waited in the living room for them, this time their voices low enough that she could not hear them; she wasn’t sure she wanted to anyway. Their conversation before should have been private and it wasn’t so she made sure this one stayed that way. If Laura wanted to tell her what they spoke about, then she could make that decision herself.
It did not take too long before Laura was back, linking their arms together and resting her head on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla was looking out the window at the fallen snow, the sky was no longer spitting. The window was decorated with the reflections of the little tree lights and their faces were a mirage within the lighted glass.
“Well,” Laura began softly, “he doesn’t think you’re terrible.”
Carmilla smirked, “There’s hope then.”
She paused, not knowing how to begin what she wanted to say next, “Hey, cupcake?”
“Yeah?” Laura cocked her head.
“I have something for you -” Carmilla felt at the small bump in her pocket.
“Oh, Carm, no,” Laura said, taking ahold of her arms and pouting, “I didn’t get you anything.”
“Sweetheart, I believe that was my fault in the first place. It’s nothing big, just something I wanted you to have anyway,” Carmilla pulled the object out of her pocket, balling it in her palm so Laura could not see it, “Sorry it’s not wrapped.”
Carmilla opened her palm, displaying the black and gold bracelet that shimmered in the light, “I wanted you to have something to remind you of me.”
Laura gasped and put her hands over her mouth. She looked at Carmilla speechlessly and Carmilla felt a sheepish smile crawl over her face. Laura’s fingers reached out to touch it, lightly, as if she was afraid she would break it. Laura still wasn’t saying anything so Carmilla went on, “It’s gold and black diamonds. I just thought because -”
“Those are the colors in your eyes,” Laura was staring at her, not the piece of jewelry. Carmilla felt weird after she heard it said aloud but the feeling did not last long as Laura crushed their lips together so hard it was a little painful. Carmilla almost dropped the bracelet but just managed to keep ahold of it. Laura ended the kiss and Carmilla was left in weird limbo to recover. She motioned to Laura’s arm, “Can I?”
Laura nodded and Carmilla fastened the bracelet to her left wrist. “Carm, this must have cost you a fortune. I can’t believe you bought me diamonds for Christmas.”
Carmilla shrugged, “To be honest, it wasn’t necessarily going to be a Christmas present but with everything that – I just thought I might as well.”
“So not diamonds for Christmas, just diamonds because? Carmilla Karnstein you are ridiculous.”
“I do my best,” Carmilla smiled.
Laura jumped, “You know what? I do have a gift for you.”
Laura pulled out her phone and pulled Carmilla close to her, “Here’s a picture to capture how wonderful you look in that sweater.”
“Laura, no.” But it was too late, Laura had snapped the photo and was beaming at her phone screen. So, it wasn’t too bad. Laura had the biggest grin on her face that Carmilla had ever seen and she herself was looking at Laura with irritation but with so much love. It was a perfect representation of them. She did not hate it.