Lifelines
Lexa paces nervously outside the bar. She’s been waiting for Raven for twenty minutes. She hates this feeling. She hates knowing that Clarke is in their struggling and there’s nothing she can do about it. She lost Clarke’s trust and now Clarke has relapsed. Lexa can’t help but feel responsible. If Lexa didn’t cheat, if she didn’t self destruct and lash out like always, she would be engaged to a happy healthy Clarke. Hell, they might even be married already. But instead, this is their reality. And that reality is hell.
“Lexa! I got here as quick as I could. Where is she?” Raven asks breathlessly. The girl is in sweats and a baggy sweatshirt with her hair up in a ponytail. She clearly was sleeping before being interrupted.
“She’s in the bar..um her girlfriend is with her.” Lexa says awkwardly. It feels bitter to call someone Clarke’s girlfriend. But it’s the truth. And like I said before, reality sucks.
“Fuck..I don’t get what Clarke is doing with that girl.” Raven mumbles under her breath before shaking her head and bringing her attention to Lexa. “Thanks for your help. I don’t know why you’re here but thanks for calling. I got it from here.”
“Oh I..well I was out having drinks with some friends and I ran into Clarke. Raven, she’s not just drinking again. She’s - she’s using. And it’s worse this time too.” Lexa shakily whispers. Raven’s eyes widen and she curses under her breath.
“Goddamnit.” Raven curses. “I knew she was bad but I didn’t..I didn’t think she was into drugs...at least not yet. What is she on?”
“I’m not sure about right now. But I saw track marks on her arm.” Lexa mumbles sadly, barely holding back her tears. This night has broken her even more than she was crushed before.
“Heroin?” Ravens asks in disbelief. “There’s no way Clarke would ever do that. That’s what..that’s…”
“That’s what killed her parents, I know.” Lexa cuts in for Raven. “She’s in a really bad place Raven. I...I can’t stand on the sidelines and watch her kill herself with drugs.” Lexa sobs out. Raven shakes her head and pulls Lexa into a hug.
“You don’t deserve my comfort, Lexa. You don’t deserve this hug. Not after what you did to Clarke.” Raven says firmly. Lexa cries even harder, mumbling “I know, I know, I know.’ Lexa tries to pull out of the embrace but Raven refuses to let go and holds onto the shivering brunette tighter. “But you’re still my family. And you love Clarke. Despite the shit you’ve put her through this past year, I know you love her more than life itself. And we are going to help her. She’s going to need you Lex. You were the only one who got her through it last time. You were her lifeline.”
“I..Raven, she hates me.” Lexa whispers out sadly.
“Clarke couldn’t hate you if she tried, honey. I wish you weren’t the one who had to help her. God, I wish it could be me. It would make things a hell of a lot easier, but you two will always be each other's lifeline. You two will always be each other’s hearts.” Raven breaks the hugs and Lexa hurriedly wipes her own tears away. “I’m so fucking angry at you. I want to punch you in the face, but that’s not even enough is it? You broke her, Lexa! I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you let alone Clarke. But you’re still the most important person in her life. You slipping it to someone else doesn’t change that fact.” Raven says firmly and Lexa winces at her last sentence. Raven never beat around the bush.
“Raven, I...that night..I” Lexa’s explanations were cut off with a steady wave of Raven’s hand.
“Not now and not to me. That explanation should be saved for Clarke and only when she’s stable enough to truly listen and absorb it. Until then, you keep your mouth shut about that bitch you fucked while the love of your life was on tour, being completely faithful to you might I add.”
“You’re right. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. This isn’t about me or even Clarke and I’s relationship. It’s all about Clarke. That’s all I want. Clarke never has to talk to me again after she’s sober again. All I want is for her to be okay.” Lexa says sincerely and Raven’s eyes soften. Lexa fucked up big time. Clarke may never be able to forgive her. But that doesn’t mean Lexa didn’t love Clarke with her everything. The way Lexa loved Clarke was out of storybooks. And that’s why Raven was baffled when she found out that Lexa had cheated and slept with someone else. It just didn’t make sense.
“Well right now, you should go home.” Raven says and Lexa looks like she’s about to protest. “I know you want to help, but the best you can do right now is just go home. Clarke is drunk and probably high out of her mind right now and seeing you will only make it worse. I’ll get her out of here and back to my place. She’s sleep it off and rest with me all day tomorrow. I’ll call you sometime in the next few days and you can help me figure out how to make sure she doesn’t reach rock bottom. She lives alone now Lex. It’s scary to think what could have happened last time if you weren’t there.” Raven says worriedly and Lexa gasps slightly. She doesn’t ever want to think about that night ever again.
2 Years Ago
Lexa was working late on guest starring in Nate’s new TV show. She is the season one antagonist who kills Nate’s brother in the season finale. After a long day of filming, all Lexa wants to do is curl up next to Clarke and sleep until tomorrow afternoon. She misses Clarke. They haven’t seen much of each other lately.
Clarke has been struggling with drinking drugs a lot. She has been in and out rehabs for the past few years. Sometimes she has a few really good months and other times her recovery barely lasts a few weeks. It’s been a hard few years but Lexa loves Clarke and she will never give up on her.
Clarke promised Lexa that she will really commit to rehab this time. The blonde scheduled the whole rehab stay on her own, without Lexa’s usual worrisome self helping her. Lexa is so proud that her girlfriend is trying. That’s all Lexa can ask for. Clarke is set up to leave in a few days so Lexa really wants to spend as much time as she can with her before she leaves for three months. Lexa will visit her but it’ll be tough to be away from her love for so long. But Clarke needs this.
Lexa unlocks their apartment door and immediately yawns. She places her bag and keys on the couch and makes her way to her and Clarke’s bedroom.
“Baby, I’m home. I think I need a massage. Do you think you could give me one?” Lexa says loudly as she gets undressed and changes into her pajamas. The bathroom door is opened slightly. Lexa can hear the sink on so she assumes Clarke is getting ready for bed. When she gets no response, Lexa curiously walks towards the bathroom.
“Baby? What are you doing in-” Lexa pushes open the door and sees her girlfriend unconscious on the cold tiles of their bathroom floor, white powder sprawled out on the kitchen sink.
“No no no no. Fuck Clarke, don’t do this!” Lexa sobs out, immediately falling to her knees. Lexa’s heart rate is pounding, her movements are frantic, yet everything seems to have slowed down. She can no longer hear the splash of the bathroom sink. Everything is dulled.
Clarke’s body is cold, freezing actually. Lexa pales and starts hysterical crying. She hurries to find Clarke’s pulse. There’s a moment of complete and utter silence when all that can be heard are Lexa’s soft frantic hiccups as she tries to locate Clarke’s heartbeat. In that moment, Lexa thinks her one and only love is dead. She thinks about how she stopped by the market around the corner after work. She wanted to buy Clarke’s favorite snacks so they can stay in bed all day tomorrow. Maybe if she just came straight home, she could have gotten here in time. She could have-
Lexa finds a weak pulse and gasps out in relief. She pushes her emotions aside and pushes Clarke onto her side so she won’t choke on her own vomit. Lexa grabs Clarke’s phone on the counter and dials 911. She knows she isn’t suppose to move Clarke or put her in the shower like she’s seen in the movies. All she can do is wait.
The waiting seems like forever. She cries and begs and pleads to a god she doesn’t believe in. She barters and sobs. Lexa will do anything, anything if it means getting her love back.
‘Don’t let her die. Please. I need her. She’s my everything. She’s everything. Please.’ Lexa knows she won’t survive this. If Clarke is gone, that’s it. Everything she’s ever loved and cherished is gone with her.
“Please Clarke. Fight for me. I need you to be strong. The ambulance is almost here.” Lexa pushes Clarke’s sweaty hair out of the blonde’s face. She kisses Clarke’s temple and mumbles to Clarke how much she loves and needs her. Lexa has never felt so helpless in her life. She’s never been so close to losing Clarke. And she refuses to ever let something like this happen again.
///
“Come on Clarke, just a few more steps and you’ll be in bed.” Raven says, a little out of breath. Clarke is leaning all her weight on her best friend.
Raven stormed into the bar and grabbed Clarke who was grinding on the dance floor with none other than Octavia Blake. Octavia drunkenly protested to Raven taking Clarke away from her but one death glare from Raven and Octavia immediately shut up. Octavia knows that Clarke will always listen to Raven first so she knows not to push her luck.
“Where’s Lex?” Clarke mumbles into Raven’s neck, stumbling. Raven’s eyes widen. Clarke never talks about Lexa even when she’s drunk.
“I told her to go home. Come on Clarke, let’s get you into be-”
“Why?! I misssssss her.” Clarke slurs out as Raven gently places her on the bed.
“Clarke, let’s talk about this in the morning.” Raven instructs gently as she undresses her best friend and puts on some pajamas.
“I know what you’re doing Rae.” Clarke slurs.
“Oh yeah? What am I doing?” Raven says lightly as she struggles to get Clarke’s pants out. Clarke stares up at the ceiling dreamily as Raven grunts, trying to get the blonde out of her tight jeans.
“You’re hiding Lexa.” Clarke closes her eyes. “Whoa the world is dizzzzy! When did that happen? You know if Lex was here..” Clarke yawns and rubs at her eyes, smudging her makeup even more. “If Lexa was here..everything...every single thing… would be not dizzy. It would be the opposite of that. You know what I mean?”
Raven chuckles sadly. Clarke isn’t making all that much sense right now, but Raven still gets what she’s trying to say. Lexa is Clarke’s anchor. She’s her everything. And even if they both think they are ‘no good’ for the other, one thing won’t change. Lexa Woods is the center of Clarke Griffin’s universe. And Clarke Griffin is center of Lexa Wood’s.
“Rae?” Clarke mumbles out as she cuddles into her best friend’s bed.
“Yeah C?” Raven says patiently.
“I love her.” Clarke says sadly before drifting off into a deep slumber.
"I know C. I know." Raven sighs and kisses her best friend’s forehead. She doesn’t know when it got so fucked up. She remembers helping Lexa pick out a ring like it was just yesterday.
One Year Ago
“I don’t get the big fuss. You could literally make a ring out of twill string and she’d say yes.” Anya quips as Lexa drags her and Raven to another store.
“Anya..” Lexa whines. “It has to be perfect. Clarke deserves the best.” Lexa mumbles sweetly.
“Wow that’s grossly romantic. I wonder when I’m going to find someone to spoil me rotten.” Raven says casually.
“I wouldn’t hold your breath on that one, Reyes.” Anya jokes and Raven frowns.
“Hey well you’re not some great catch either, Forrest.” Raven sasses back. This is the usual for them. Lexa and Clarke have a theory they’re so mean to each other because they have pent up sexual tension for one another. But both are too stubborn to do anything about it.
“Guys, can you quit it for one second? I need help finding the right...Oh” Lexa pauses mid sentence and both girls look over at her curiously. She’s peering at a black velvet box in the display mirror of a cute antique jewelry store. “That’s the one.” Lexa breathes out, mesmerized.
Raven and Anya move in close to see what all the fuss is about. They both gasp audibly. It’s absolutely perfect. It’s engraved with intricate curves throughout the rose gold band. There’s a modest yet stunning diamond perched at the top. It just screams Clarke. It’s old. It carries the love story of generations past. It glistens in the sunlight. It is artistic and unique. It’s meant to be worn on Clarke Griffin’s fourth finger on her left hand. That’s the ring, the ring Clarke will wear for the rest of her life. It’s the ring that will see them make love on their honeymoon. It’s the ring that will witness them raise their future children. It’s the ring that will be their for their last beautifully tragic kiss decades and decades from now.
“That’s it. That’s the ring.” Lexa mumbles happily, her eyes watering up at the sight. Anya smiles and rubs Lexa’s back supportingly. Raven looks on in awe at how much love Lexa has for Clarke. She doesn’t think anything can break them. Clarke and Lexa are indestructible.
Oh how wrong she was.
But they were all right about one thing. That will one day be Clarke Griffin’s ring. It’s just going to be one hell of a road to get it on her finger.