The Den - Clarke
Alone in my bed I’m waiting
For you to call in the morning
“Clarke.”
It is soft and distant, a whisper of her name she's sure she's heard before. Somewhere.
“Clarke.”
The feminine yet childish voice calls once more, insistant and pleading.
“Yes?”
She answers the voice and it's a familiar laugh she hears this time. It's a giggle she knows by heart and she smiles. She knows to whom the voice is, knows every fluctuation of it, knows that she's dreaming again, of that world she wishes had never drifted away.
Slowly she sees pictures, images of a park in summer, chocolate and vanilla, the ducks' behinds emerging from the water, the green bench, the old lady feeding pigeons, and the girl. With her wild brown mane of hair, her bright green eyes and large hands. With her soft smiling lips, her love of cinema and the tiny star shaped scar on her knee.
Then the dreamy vision is blurred, swallowed by a white cloud and it's another voice resounding.
“Clarke wake up!”
With the words comes a touch, a grip, almost painful on her shoulders, enough to make her groan in discomfort.
“Clarke, remember which day we are?”
For a moment, Clarke stays silent, not moving from her position at her paper-covered desk, sitting in her comfortable chair, curled on herself, head nestled on her crossed arms. But then, as her friend's voice reaches her brain, as the first conscious neuronal connexion of the day finally happens, it hits her.
In one sudden move, she sits up and turns to the side, a wide smile on her face “No way!
It’s today!? Oh my god! What are we waiting for!”
The girl's friend's hand flies to her forehead and her eyes roll up, as if searching the ceiling for some kind of divine help “For YOU thickhead! You have ten minutes to prepare.”
Ten minutes? Clarke hasn't looked at herself yet but somehow she knows it won't do “Wait O-”
“No. I’ll wait in the car with the others. Hurry Princess!” Octavia says, clapping her hands together. Clarke winces at the sound, overly loud for her slowly resurrecting body and mind. She yawns, bracing herself. Octavia rolls her eyes “I'm serious Clarkey, move your ass.”
The brunette exits the room, making sure to slam the door – which is proved effective as Clarke's head pounds at the noise – leaving the blonde alone. In another yawn, Clarke stands then slowly stretches each and every muscle made sore by her poorly chosen sleeping position. It's her favourite part of the day, the sweet state between sleep and awakeness, that bliss of waking up. No matter if she's late, she'll take the time to enjoy it.
When she's done she finally gives herself and her surroundings the attention they need. She's still in yesterday's clothes of course. Well clothes might be a big word since all that's left from it is a light short sleeved T-shirt and plain black panties. And a crocodile sock. And her room is... Back to chaos. To think it was clean two days ago... Now the wooden floor is covered in music sheets, there is crumpled paper everywhere and pretty much everything that once was in the closet and drawers is spilled all around the place.
“The hell did that happen...”
Clarke knows her tendency to mess up everything around her when she's writing, it's part of her creation process apparently. But this time it's a record.
Calmly, trying not to think about the time she'll need to clean up her room tomorrow morning, she scavenges through the piles of clothes and finds some sweatpants, underwears and a random hoodie. Quickly she runs to the shower but stops dead in her tracks when she sees herself in the mirror. Her greesy blonde hair is a worst mess than her room, she has – god knows how old – make up on her cheeks and around her eyes and her T-shirt...
“Note to self, Griffin : Never wear this shirt without a bra if you don't want the police to arrest you.” Proud of her joke she smiles and finally undresses – not that it makes a big difference.
She exits her building twenty minutes later, hair dripping and breathing heavy from rushing after spending too long getting rid of her almost dread locks. She runs to Octavia's brother's car on the other side of the street and inside the vehicle, her friends cheer and claps their hands in mocking ovation. Clarke, out of breath so unable to speak and fight back, only shakes her head and jumps in the car, taking her place in the passenger seat.
“You owe me ten bucks Jas.” Clarke hears from behind her. She contorts herself to look at Octavia and frowns at her friend in quiet questionning. “I betted you could make it in less than forty minutes.”
Forty minutes? That's mean. I'm not that slow!
Clarke turns to Jasper then, already preparing herself to strangle the boy “If she said forty, what did YOU bet?”
Jasper visibly sinks into his seat and mumbles a weak “An hour...” The blonde's jaw falls before she throws a friendly fist at Jasper's chest “Ow!”
“Clarke! Don't kill him please,” Octavia says, protecting the boy's body with her own, “He owes me money!”
Clarke growls in faked anger and sits back in her seat, crossing her arms on her chest.
“Come on buckle up Princess, we wasted enough time as it is.” the driver says and Clarke reluctantly obliges.
In a sigh, the blonde drops the previous argument – or to be more precise, archives it for later – and asks “Where are Monty and Raven?”
“Monty should join us at ten and Raven well... She may very well be waiting for us already.” Bellamy answers, unparking his car.
Silence falls then, Jasper probably knowing better than opening his mouth and Bellamy driving with a contagious smile at the corner of his lips. Thanks to him, Clarke too is smiling, giddy and enthusiastic, heart beating fast in scared anticipation. They've been waiting for this their entire lives and now it's finally here. It can mean paradise but also hell and the blonde can't help her leg bouncing in crazy rhythm with her heartbeat.
“Voice it Clarke.” Octavia says and it's like a switch.
Without control, words spill out from the blonde's mouth “What if the mail isn’t in the box when we arrive? What if it’s a no?”
“Oh god...”
“What? You're the one who told me to say it!”
“Yeah. I thought I was prepared to your dumbness but it seems I wasn't.”
Burrying her face in her hoody and sinking in her seat, Clarke mumbles “Fuck off.”
Bellamy clears his throat and asks with a mischievous grin “Clarke, is that your new lyrics I can read on your cheek ?”
“What !?” in an acces of panic, the blonde turns the rear-view mirror to look at her face. She sees nothing and suddenly remembers that for once she showered. “Bellamy! You Jerk!” she growls, punching his shoulder.
“Hey!” the boy yelps “It’s dangerous to hit the driver and play with the mirrors like that!” he scolds, adjusting the helpful tool that Clarke, in her eagerness, almost broke.
After another minute of silence, Jasper dares to speak again “Hey, O. remember this time when Clarke came out of her room with an entire page of lyrics printed on her thigh?”
The brunette claps her hands “Yes ! And the chorus was on her forearm!”
“And she had the title tattooed on her right cheek ! Remember it guys?”
In unison Clarke's three friends answer “I’m a mess !”
Clarke rolls her eyes but can't help her grin at the amusing memory. God she had spent so long on this one. To think she took the dubious feelings she had for the exam period and turned it into a love-hate story... And it worked. How it did is still a mystery for everyone but this song is the band's most popular title.
The blonde decides to play along. She huffs and says “What? I'm bad at picking titles.”
“Oh I think it was pretty accurate.”
“Shut up Jasper !” Clarke shouts with a smile, throwing her shoe behind her and earning a satisfying grunt.
To that follow laughs and then more shouting and other things flying into the car made battlefield until Bellamy stops them with a convincing 'Calm and silence or you walk'.
The threat of the driver is so effective that the rest of the way to the studio is spent in a relaxing – more than welcome – silence. After ten minutes of pouty faces, Bellamy finally parks his car in front of the tiny building he lives in with his sister. He has bought it for nothing and almost rebuilt it entirely to turn the ground floor into a music studio with sound proof isolation and the first floor into an apartment with two rooms. Clarke can recall the first day of the renovations like it was yesterday. She remembers the exact moment she opened the door and broke the handle. Or when she touched some wooden furniture and it crumbled. Or when a very old cutain changed into ashes between her fingers. There was also that night they all slept there and she heard weird noises all night that almost had her running away. She can still hear them sometimes.
Right now however, as she hops off her seat and meets the dark haired girl's eyes, she fears like ghosts won't be her biggest concern. She looks angry, pacing in front of the door, hands deep in her pockets and face burried under layers of hood and scarf. She looks like a turtle, Clarke thinks and she has to bite her cheek not to smile.
“Seriously I’ve been waiting for an eternity! What the heck were you doing!? Fucking grannies?!” Octavia bursts out laughing and Clarke giggles discreetly. Bellamy just sighs and shakes his head in despair. Jasper on another hand looks utterly disgusted which only pushes Octavia further in her laughter.
Unamused, the annoyed girl crosses her arms on her chest and turns to Bellamy, eyebrows crazily furrowed. “Hey, don't look at me Rav, ask the princess.”
Raven then turns to Clarke and the blonde chokes on her laughter, straightens her back and stops breathing. The brunette approaches, radiating anger. She looks at her friend, then squints her eyes and finally leans in to sniff at Clarke's hair. When she pulls back she sighs, turns back, pats Bellamy's shoulder and states “I'm sorry dude, I take back what I've said guys, I know you did your best.” Jasper brushes an invisible tear off his cheek and Octavia places a hand on her heart.
“Hey what does that mean?” Clarke asks, wary of the message her friends shared by telepathy.
Raven turns back to her with a glare “You know, you wouldn't need so long to shower if you did it more often.”
Outraged, the blonde gasps and yells “Hey, I spent my last three nights writing new lyris and music for our next audition, you should be grateful!”
Waving a hand and walking to the door, the brunette answers nonchalantly “Yeah, yeah. Stop bragging and open this door blondie my ass literally froze waiting for you.”
At that a spark of guilt hits Clarke as she doesn't see Raven's car anywhere, meaning that Finn probably drove her here and she has been waiting outside all along. Still angry though, the blonde can't hold back a weak “Drama queen...”
“What ?”
“Nothing.” Clarke answers Raven with a mischievous grin, grabbing the keys from Bellamy's hand. It would be her job to open the door, they all decided after she broke it the first time. Every time they're together like today, the keys are Clarke's and the building is not where the Blake siblings live, it's their band's studio. Without wasting any more time, Clarke turns the key, then the handle and finally pushed the door open. Eagerly she steps inside, takes off her hoodie and discards it on the first piece of furniture aviable before running to the desk to switch on the computer. Following her, Octavia, Jasper and Raven toss their coats on the couch and quickly join the girl at the desk, leaving Bellamy behind to pick up and hang their clothes on the coatrack, as usual.
Problem. No matter how many times the blonde presses the button, the screen refuses to come to tife. Jasper and Raven both try too – as if Clarke couldn't push a button correctly – but without success.
“Bellamy, why isn’t it working!?” Clarke whines and the man sighs, passing a hand through his hair. He slowly walks to the desk, ignoring his friend's pleas to 'hurry up. At some point he bends down and picks up a wire only to wave the plug in front of Clarke's face “If the computer is not plugged in it won’t work you know that right?” the girl snatches it from his hands and with a sigh he turns to Raven and Jasper. “Seriously though coming from O. and Clarke I’m not surprised. But ou two? I’m disappointed…” the self-proclaimed manager says with one of his characteristic smirks before exiting the room. As soon as he has disappeared, from the kitchen he yells “Raven, I already know how magnifiscent your middle finger is, no need to show me. And, because I know it will come, same goes for your tongue”
Clarke turns back to her friends with a mischievous smile, just in time to catch a glimpse of the blush on Raven's cheeks. With an offended scoff, the brunette ignores everyone and sits on the desk next to the laptop. “So? Mail received?”
Suddenly reminded of her real goal, the blonde turns back to her screen only to read 'Update 3/15'. “No! Why now!?”
Raven laughs, patting Clarke's back “It seems you're not the only one to make us wait this morning princess.” In a long moan of despair, the blonde lets her head fall, her forehead hitting the desk in a loud thud.
That's when the bell rings and the entry door opens. Clarke shivers from the cold engulfing in the room and sitting up to glare at the intruder, she groans loudly until the sweet voice of her favorite boy in the world echoes in the studio “Hey everyone, I'm here. Do we know yet?”
“Monty!” Clarke yells, standing “I missed you!” she says running to hug him, happy to see her friend for the first time in three weeks “How was Alaska?”
The boy hugs her back and laughs “Cold. But whatever, do we know?” he asks again pulling back, more insistant.
Clarke sighs “No. Because that ducking computer is currently updating!” She throws her arms to the ceiling before returning to the desk and letting herself crumble back on the chair, glad to read 'Update 10/15' on the screen.
Monty steps in further and takes off his coat, carefully hanging it on the rack. He greets everyone, hugging Octavia, punching Raven and half hugging half beating the crap out of Jasper saying some “Missed you lil' bitch!”
“Where is Bellamy?”
“In the kitchen, making coffee I think.” Raven answers, delighted by the idea of some good old boiling, burning, strong coffee.
“Okay, I'll join him, see if I can help.”
At that Monty leaves the room and the computer finally restarts, to Clarke's endearment and overflowing joy. She squeals and slaps Jasper in excitement.
“Hey! Why hitting me?”
The blonde shrugs “Just because. You were there.”
Raven laughs and mocks the boy but Clarke isn't listening. She's putting all her attention into opening the inbox.
Once it's done, she yells “Enough guys, it’s loading!”
Immediately they shushes and Octavia calls “Hey, Geeky and Big bro stop being perfect mommies and get your asses over here !”
Quickly – too quickly for the boy's “unaffected” act – Bellamy comes back from the kitchen, Monty right behind him. As if by magic, the mail's title appears on the screen a second later and Clarke freezes, heart stunned in her chest.
“What are you waiting for Clarke, click on It !” Jasper hurries.
She swallows the lump in her throat and takes a deep breath “Ok, ok I’m opening it ! Ready ?” slowly, with a shaky hand, she placed the mouse on the terrifying letters. In an incredible effort of concentration, her index pressed the button.
*CLICK*
The mail appear and they spend the next five minutes reading and rereading the tiny paragraph, making sure each word means what it's supposed to mean, that it's not fake, that it it't a dream. Then Clarke, tears in her eyes and sob in her voice, breaks the religious silence “Guys… We did it… We actually DID IT!”
“Holy shit…” Octavia mouthes, expressing out loud what everyone thinks, as usual.
Follows a session of too tight hugs and tears of joy and screamed swearwords. It is hard for Clarke to believe it, that their efforts finally payed , that the amazing is at their door.
Not caring about hiding his happiness anymore, Bellamy takes Clarke by the shoulders and pushes her aside without a care in the world “Move, I need to plan your next audition!”
The blonde is thrown into Raven's arms but she doesn't care, turns back to hug the girl even “I can’t believe we’re in fourth position among the five finalists...”
“Yes we are princess !” Raven's embrace tightens “Now let our 'momnager' work.”
Clarke pulls back and pounces further away from the desk she was almost sitting on “I’m so happy!”
Monty smiles “We all are.”
“Hey Princess, what’s our next song?” Octavia asks, sitting on the couch “The one you promised us! Show it!”
Legs still wobbly, Clarke goes to her coat, retreives a ball of paper out of one of her pockets and throws it to Raven who catches it without effort. She gives the poor thing in her hands a pitiful look “Seriously Clarke, even *I* am not so messy and disrespectful towards my things and creations…”
“Shut up and read the sheets.”
Waiting for her friend to tell her what they think about her three-days-and-night-in-a-row work, Clarke was slowly pacing along the longest wall of the room, hip bumping into the desk almost every time.
After what feels like a year, Octavia releases a huge sigh “Again? Clarke, it's been ten fucking years! Get over her already.”
Clarke expected that of course. Of all her friends Octavia is the one who still holds a grudge, who's still bitter and angry about what happened. After Clarke, she's the one who suffered the most from the harsh separation and each song the blonde writes, the lyrics always hit home with Octavia. A few years ago, the blonde would've been affected by such reproach but not today, not anymore. She's heard it so much already that it leaves her unphased.
Calmly and honest she answers “You know I can't.”
The brunette makes a face and turns to Bellamy “Bro please, say something!”
Eyes on his screen, already planning and reviewing and calculating, Bellamy answers distractedly “I don’t know a thing about female internal thoughts system functioning but I think if she's okay like that then, why not? Plus, Clarke’s best and most popular songs are those talking about her. No problem with this new song with me. See her as Clarke's muse.”
“Relax O. This song is good. I can already see what I'll do with it.” Monty added, winking at Clarke. Thankful, the blonde smiled at him and Bellamy, grateful to have them.
With another sigh and a head shake Octavia capitulates “Fine but it's the last time.” she says, giving the paper back to Jasper and putting her hands behind her head. Closing her eyes she adds “And just because it IS, in fact, a good song” At that Clarke throws herself on the couch, or more precisely on her friend, knocking the air out of her lungs.
Of course the brunette yells out her anger and of course Clarke laughs. The blonde pulls up and whispers in her friend's ear “I love you O.”
* * *
At five pm Bellamy is ready and done with packing everything in his car their instruments in his car.
Closing the trunk he complains “I know that you always insist on playing with your own instruments but it’s still a pain in my ass.”
Playfully, Clarke teases “I thought you loved tetris.” In answer he groans and pinches her nose before turning around the car to adjust god knows what on the backseat. The blonde admires him though. She could never make her favourite mic, Monty’s synthesizer, Raven’s bass, Octavia’s guitar fit in this car. Family car but still.
“Don’t forget you have to be at the bar at eight. Be ready and properly showered and dressed please.” the boy adds, side eyeing Clarke, Raven and his sister hard.
With a large smile, the girls answer “Yes mom !”
Bellamy only rolls his eyes and hopps his seat “Don’t forget, eight. Don’t be late !” he waves to them one last time before driving away, dirrectly to The Den.
* * *
Clarke's phone is vibrating for the fifth time in her backpocket when she and her band enter the bar.
“We’re back bitches !” Octavia yells and some regular customers clap their hands, cheering to which Octavia bos her head, a hand on her heart saying “Thank you, thank you!”
“You’re late.” Bellamy scolds, showing on his phone the alarmingly long list of unanswered calls.
Raven clicks her tongue “Oh please mommy, it’s eight. We’re in time.”
With a huge sigh Bellamy leads the way behind the scenes, followed by his punk-rock little band. In backstage they toss their coats all around the place once more, just to annoy their manager a little bit more. Clarke won't tell him they arrived, in fact, in advance but waited in the car, just to piss him off.
The pressure and stress Clarke used to feel before stepping on stage used to be overwhelming but today it's nothing more than a friendly ghost she learned to love. Now she's excited, and happy, eager and joyful.
When they're ready, they all take their usual places on the scene. Jasper in the back on the left, is wearing a red, lose and torn tank top, black pants with chains and nails, and black unlaced bover boots. Of course and as always, his steam punk goggles – lucky charm – dangle loosely around his neck. Monty next to him is more discreet, just wearing a simple short sleeved white T-shirt with the Japanese kanji for “strength” printed in red on his back, with torn black jeans and black boots. Raven at the front on the left has her hair tied in a high and tight ponytail. She's wearing a grey torn long hoodie without sleeves with its zipper open, letting her red sport bra and raven pendant show. She also has black essential denim shorts with dark red strapped leather boots. Octavia at the front on the right iss wearing thick leather black boots with heels and platform sole. She has black low-waisted pair of nailed shorts with torn tights. She also decided to wear the short tank top her brother hates because the sneaky animal hid it under his bed. He never really got along with the idea of his sister showing her belly to hundreds of unknown people.
And there's Clarke. In the centre of course. Her hair is wild, her eyes were encircled by dark make-up highlighting her blue irises everyone praises her for. A black simple ribbon is wrapped tightly around her neck. She's wearing a dark grey jean jacket with its sleeves rolled-up to her elbows. Under it, a dark red leopard translucent tank top and to go with it all she decided to wear her favourite jeans, dark and tight and torn and worn out but still cool. And of course her own good-luck charm, her bloody red Doc Martens.
And here they were again, on the stage of an old small concert hall, reorganized in a bar-like kind of place by the owner. With the bar on one side, the scene at the back and the space left filled with chairs, tables and people, The Den was the most frequented bar in town and Clarke's favorite place, her band's place. Echo's goal when she opened the bar was to promote young artists while doing some benefits so every night the stage welcomed different bands from everywhere around. Except saturday nights, nights like tonight. On saturdays, the stage was The Arkers' stage where they started playing two years ago and never stopped since.
Clarke can't help her smile, the swell of her heart, and the songs flooding her mind. Slowly she wraps her hand around the mic, fingertips burning in anticipation, lips tickling from not singing.
As usual, like every saturday night, she greets “Good night everyone! Hope you'll enjoy the show!”
Then it's Jasper's beat, Raven's bass, Monty's synth, Octavia's guitar and... finally she can sing.