Shiny Things

Red vs. Blue
F/F
F/M
M/M
G
Shiny Things
Summary
They never asked to be heroes, but they've been chosen to keep the galaxy safe anyways. With middle fingers raised, they'll take on the universe's sick sense of humor.Find out what happens when a group of idiots become mech pilots in an intergalactic battle....We're (maybe?) (probably?) most definitely screwed.{An AU inspired by Voltron: Legendary Defender and Mass Effect.}
Note
Legal Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue or any of the show’s characters. They are the rightful properties of Rooster Teeth.
All Chapters Forward

Noobs Rush In (Part One)

The red-haired woman stood perfectly still on the catwalk, gripping the guardrail lightly with her hands.  Her green eyes glanced down at the slightly glowing cyan “lines” splayed out on what was visible of her hands and arms.

Carolina was only half Veroni and had never felt comfortable covering her arms in the second skin nano-mesh that so many of her younger brother’s people did.  The few times when she had attempted to do so had made her feel like her body’s movements were oddly restricted, despite how she knew that that logically wasn’t the case.

Towering above her was the gigantic, oddly humanoid form of the mech unit Black.  It was the only one of its kind to have survived the escape from Earth.  A testament, the woman supposed, of its pilot’s skill. 

As it was, Black was an imposing sight even when offline.  Its presence seemed to fill the giant hangar completely despite the space around it, so used to housing fleets of spaceships, currently unoccupied.

Perhaps it was the fact that, even with the repairs for Black underway, the piece of ancient technology had obviously gone through hell and back that made it such an intimidating sight.

The mech was indeed a battered weapon with bullet holes that still needed to be repaired and scorch marks that needed to be removed.  The right arm and left leg both needed replacements, instead of the rough shod patchwork they had to rely on earlier to keep it functioning during a previous fight.

According to Black’s specs, repairs would take a few more days.  The mech still needed some functionality in the meanwhile.  She sighed, leaning somewhat against the guardrail.

It had been a little over a year since they had found safe harbor here on Chorus, and the fighting against Charon in the Outer Colonies never seemed to let up.  Three years since the fall of Project Freelancer and their harried escape from Earth.

The half human frowned, not liking the direction her thoughts had turned to.  She tried to avoid thinking too much of that time, mostly because it was still so hard to process exactly what had happened.

They had lost so many, all on account of the selfishness and pride of one man.  North.  South.  C.T. Florida.  The siblings she’d only begun to start knowing, and…

York.

Her grip tightened on the guardrail.  The redhead closed her eyes, willing her mind towards less turbulent and not as painful thoughts.

It was probably a mistake to have come to “visit” Black considering that she was, yet again, not even its pilot.  All it did was distract her from what she should be focusing on: keeping Chorus safe so that they could continue the fight that had started even before Freelancer had burned to ash.

…Which meant that Carolina had a mission to prep for.

The former Freelancer was about to pull away and do just that when she was greeted by the resounding beat of footsteps heading towards her on the metal of the catwalk.

“I thought I saw you up here.” Vanessa Kimball said in way of greeting, joining Carolina in looking up at Black’s head that had been designed for some reason to look rather similar to a helmeted face.

The dark-skinned woman belonged to the Elvari, one of the more diplomatic minded of the spacefaring peoples that humanity had encountered as they had foraged out into space.  They very much resembled humans save for being slightly smaller in stature and with pointed ears, their main difference being that most were quite adept at empathy or telepathy.  Often humans gave them the nickname of “elves” as they bore a striking similarity to many characters found in Earth’s fantasy stories.

Chorus had been a predominantly Elvari colony world in the past, though it had ended up becoming a melting port of sorts following a lengthy civil war that had only recently ended thanks to the joint efforts of the planet’s citizenry.

Kimball was now the leader of the new government of Chorus.  She had been the one to finally offer the survivors of Project Freelancer a place to call home.  Carolina, Church, and the others would always be indebted to her and the planet in general for that.

“I just need a moment to myself.” Carolina said in way of explanation.

“So I see.” The Elvari glanced down at the hangar crew on the ground level below that very much resembled insects from their vantage point.  There was a tired resignation in Kimball’s tone and in the slump of her shoulders just then, and Carolina could fathom a guess as to why.

“You were visiting the memorial again.”

Kimball arched an eyebrow in mild amusement, “Was it really that obvious?” She asked.

“Well, you do cut through the hanger to shave time off the trip.” Carolina didn’t stop to think of when exactly she had become aware of that fact.  If Kimball thought it odd that the redhead knew that, she didn’t say.

Instead, the dark-haired woman glanced at Black with a self-deprecating smile on her face as she mused: “I guess we both needed some time to ourselves.”

The memorial was a park created to honor all those who had been killed during the civil war, including Donald Doyle.  He had been the co-leader of Chorus.  Doyle’s sacrifice towards the end of the fighting had made this new peace possible despite Charon’s machinations.

Carolina also knew that, despite some very strong differences in opinion that they’d held over the years, Doyle and Kimball had become very close to one another.

She chose not to say anything about that out loud though, feeling it wasn’t her place to pry and instead mumbled out an “I suppose so.”

For a moment, the two women stood there in amicable silence before Kimball’s mind went to the next task at hand: “You, Washington, Simmons, and Church are going to be joining Doctor Grey at the recovery site soon, correct?”

Carolina nodded, “I was just about to prepare everyone for departure.”

Kimball frowned, sparing a quick glance over at the monstrous machine nearby, “Are you sure it will be all right with just the four of you?” She asked carefully, “Perhaps Tex should—”

There was the familiar lurch in Carolina’s stomach that occurred whenever Tex’s name was brought up.  She quickly fought down the urge to scowl, but the Elvari must have noticed the change in the redhead’s demeanor seeing as how the Chorus leader cut herself off midsentence.    

“It would make more sense to have Tex and Black remain here in Armonia in case Charon starts sniffing around again.” Carolina reminded Kimball, “Besides, from what Doctor Grey’s report says, this should be a fairly routine retrieval mission even if the cargo isn’t.”

“I’m…” The half human trailed off, but when she saw the doubtful look on the other woman’s face she couldn’t help but admit, “I’m not entirely comfortable in Tex’s vicinity.”

Kimball looked curious, as if she wanted to ask a follow-up question.  Carolina’s face flushed slightly in embarrassment at realizing that she admitted something like that out loud, not wanting to divulge anything else at the moment.

“I still need to find Wash and make sure that he and the others are ready.” She added quickly to cover up her slip-up.

Kimball, thankfully, seemed to pick up on how the topic of Tex was still an uncomfortable subject for her.  Instead, the Chorus leader smiled knowingly at the mention of the other Freelancer, telling Carolina conspiratorially: “I have a fairly good idea where he is right now.”

*****

Washington was, yet again, observing training exercises for the new Chorus recruits.  He wasn’t entirely sure how or when it had happened, but he had been volunteered into that capacity around the time that their small knit group of five had found its way to the planet.

He wasn’t really complaining about the situation.  Far from it, actually.  It had provided a distraction.  Not to mention that it took his mind off of everything falling apart in his life: the loss of so many of his teammates and friends, of Steel, of nearly his entire self…

The blond knew it was best not to dwell on that any more than what was necessary.  Based off of personal experience, and for the sake of his own sanity, he was under the impression that it was never really often necessary.

Getting his mind back the matter at hand, Wash took in his surroundings and made tactical mental notes on the recruits and their training progress.  The lieutenants he was currently looking out for were ones who had only enlisted a few months ago.

There were two Arenians in their midst: an alien species that was actually an offshoot of the first humans who had left to colonize space, stranded from their counterparts on Earth until subtle and not-so-subtle cultural and evolutionary changes took place.  The most physically striking being their taller builds and increased strength.

John Elizabeth Andersmith was actually just a few years younger than Washington, but the dark-haired man had enlisted at a later age for reasons he still wanted to keep private.  He was an agreeable sort, though he seemed moved to emotional displays at rather odd intervals.

Antoine Bitters was from another colony world, unlike Andersmith who had been born on Chorus.  He evidently had come to the planet due to not fitting in with his family back home, though his apathetic and often angry attitude made it difficult to connect with his teammates here as well.

Wash had partnered the two Arenians together for this training exercise and, while they were completing it decently enough, he could already see the strains in their dynamic.

The other three lieutenants he had paired together seemed to be doing all right, albeit with the usual unorthodox flair one often just comes to expect from Charles Palomo, a half human and half Veroni native of Chorus.

About the only thing the dark-skinned rookie had in common with Carolina were the aqua glowing lines across his body, seeing as how he was always cheerful and coming up with rather off-the-wall approaches to things.  Sometimes those ideas were executed successfully, but oftentimes they were not.  Thankfully for his fellow lieutenants, this time his strategies seemed to have worked.

Matthews was another native of Chorus, and a friend of Palomo’s from before they had joined the army.  An Elvari, he apparently possessed rather powerful empathic skills, though the auburn-haired young man seemed reluctant to ever attempt using them in an actual combat situation.  Truthfully, Wash was slightly grateful for Matthews’ reluctance as the former Freelancer would need an Elvari soldier to help properly train the young man if that weren’t the case.

Volleyball, a recent transfer from Earth, was the only human of the group.  He didn’t know much about her beyond that the blonde worked well in just about any group situation he put her in.

However, not all of the lieutenants were at this training session.  Wash made a mental note that the missing member was Katie Jensen, a Strassian like himself.  She had asked permission to be removed from this training exercise to help her mentor repair something.  Even Wash couldn’t help but smile slightly at the sight of the brunette and Simmons off to the side of the training area, working on much needed tech maintenance.

It hadn’t been too long ago that the former Freelancer had helped Richard “Dick” Simmons out of a really bad situation.  So, to see the normally anxious wreck of a soldier form a positive, sibling-like bond with another of their people when they needed help was a sight that filled him with an odd sense of contentment.

Maybe he had come to consider Simmons something of a brother himself.  The younger man had definitely needed that type of mentor bond following what had happened to him, the same as Jensen did now from what Wash had gathered about the young girl’s past. 

Carolina would probably just say that mentoring somehow suited him.  Some days he was liable to agree with her.  After all, the adopted “mentor sibling” relationship was something of a common practice in Strassian culture and it wasn’t uncommon for a younger member of their species to look towards an older member for guidance.

“All right, let’s call it a day for now,” he finally remarked at length to all of the training participants, “But we’ll be back to do three hundred laps first thing in the morning.”

There were assorted groans (Bitters) and a few cheers (Palomo and Andersmith) at the news as the lieutenants dispersed to go about their daily tasks.

“Seems to me like you’re having fun.” A familiar female voice commented from behind him.

Wash turned around, not at all surprised to see the black-clad Tex standing there.  Tex was a Veroni, though her origins were murky at best and thinking too long on them could give someone quite a headache.  As it stood, the intimidating woman had a presence about her that definitely gave most people pause.

She crossed her arms over her chest and regarded him with a knowing smirk, the black glowing lines on her face fitting the expression perfectly.  Church had once dared to jokingly call Tex “Goth” during one of their arguments and had literally ended up through a wall.  The woman’s hands up to her elbows were covered with the dark nano-mesh gauntlets that allowed all Veroni the quickest access to technology out of all of the alien races.

Wash sighed, having gotten more or less used to the mech pilot’s comings and goings due to the years they had spent on the run together, “Training isn’t supposed to be fun.”

The blonde shrugged, “It’s always nice to enjoy what you’re doing, Wash.” She stated in a voice that clearly indicated he wasn’t going to get anything past her.

She wasn’t exactly wrong per se, so it wasn’t like he could correct her or anything.  The Strassian sighed, hiding the embarrassed blush that crossed over his face then.  Damn it!  He wasn’t the fresh-faced rookie who got super flustered with teasing anymore.

There was a lull in the conversation as Wash tried to rein in his embarrassment even more before he coughed awkwardly and glanced over to the patiently waiting Tex.

“…I take it you heard about the mission from Church?” He asked her, realizing that was probably the reason she had come to visit her teammate in the first place.

Though their relationship could be described as “complicated,” Church and Tex still shared pretty much everything with one another when it came to missions.  Perhaps it was a reflection of everything they had been through before.

At least, they talked about the missions with each other eventually.  Usually after a lot of arguing and, if Church’s bragging was any indicator of truth, plenty of makeup sex.  That last part in particular Wash really had no desire to learn more about.

Tex tilted her head slightly in affirmation, “Sounds pretty routine to me.”

He couldn’t help but nod his head in agreement.  Even with the tech in question being a previously undiscovered mech without a current pilot, the mission was the same as any reclaimed tech mission ever was.

The only reason it was even their group that was going was due to their personal experiences with said pieces of technology.

“Still,” the woman seemed to be reading Wash’s thoughts, “I’d stay on guard anyways.  You never know when something routine could turn into something more.”

It was sound advice, especially with the potential for Wave Disruptions in the area that could mess up equipment.  Wash was about to thank her for it when suddenly Tex straightened from her more relaxed posture.

“I’ve got to go.  Later.” The Veroni said curtly, efficiently moving out of the area.

He raised a blond eyebrow and was about to question her sudden departure when the reason behind it suddenly came into view: Carolina and Kimball had entered the training field.

The former Freelancer watched as Carolina paused at the sight of Tex there before the blonde made herself scarce.  Kimball was glancing at the redhead quizzically, the Chorus leader obviously not sure if she should mention what had transpired or not.

Even from so far away, Wash could see Carolina relax visibly at Tex’s exit before striding over to Wash as if nothing had been amiss.

“Are you ready to leave soon?” She asked without pleasantries, so Wash knew the former Freelancer was doing head counts before they shipped out.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I’ll let Simmons know we’re getting ready to leave soon.”

The half Veroni nodded curtly before turning to leave once more, no doubt searching for where her brother had wandered off to as Kimball followed close by after shooting Wash an amused look.

Wash sighed for a moment before he turned to face where Simmons and Jensen were still knee-deep in whatever mechanical project they had been working on.  He couldn’t even tell what the contraption had been now that they had disassembled it so thoroughly.

“Simmons.” He informed the other man quickly, “We’re preparing to leave.”

“U—understood, sir!” Simmons hastily saluted before turning to Jensen apologetically, “Um…sorry, Jensen, but could you—?”

“Of course, sir!  Leave the clean-up to me!” Jensen smiled as she cut her mentor off while also saluting, blue-tinged freckles shiny in the training space’s light.

Simmons nodded to her gratefully before leaving with Wash.

“Good kid.” The former Freelancer remarked, glancing back at Jensen already hard at work, “They all are.”

“Yeah.” His fellow Strassian soldier nodded while looking lost in thought, and Wash couldn’t help taking a guess as to why that was.

“How has life here on Chorus been for you?” He asked the redhead quietly.

Simmons’ face turned slightly crimson at the focus being placed on him, though he shot the blond a grateful smile all the same, “It’s…it’s been an experience, sir,” he answered truthfully, “A positive one.  I only hope it stays that way.”

After all they’d been through, a quiet and more focused life was definitely something to be cherished.

“Me too.” Wash answered just as truthfully as the two headed towards their destination.

*****

“Isn’t this spectacular?” Doctor Emily Grey, Chorus’ resident alien tech expert, said without preamble the second their feet landed on the excavation site, “To find a mech right under our very noses, and to be able to research it together!”

“It’s…something, all right.” Carolina, who had always been somewhat off put by the other woman’s eccentric behavior, managed to force out politely enough with a slight smile to match.

“Oh, I just can’t wait to really have a crack at the nuts and bolts of it!” Doctor Grey continued, oblivious to Carolina’s less-than-enthused reaction.  The dark skinned Veroni woman clapped her gauntleted hands together excitedly, a grin splitting her face, “Who wants to check out the amazing specs we already have for it?”

With that, the “mad scientist” was practically tugging both Wash and Carolina over to her nearby work station.  Simmons, being the inquisitive person that he was, was about to join them when his eyes fell on the mech in question.

For the fact that it had only recently been excavated, it looked incredibly as well-maintained as Black did, if not more so since Black had recently seen battle.  It made the Strassian wonder about the durability of the ancient alien tech and materials that went into these machines, especially for them to still be in such pristine condition.

His green eyes spotted color poking through the mud and dirt still covering large portions of the gigantic, humanoid-shaped creation…

“What is that—maroon?”

He started, having forgotten in his own dorky excitement that Leonard Church was still there.  The Veroni was staring at the mech with measured curiosity.

Simmons nodded his head, “I think so.”

“Pretty sure you’d know since it makes up your entire wardrobe for some reason.” Church rolled his eyes at his teammate, “Though “Maroon” really doesn’t make for an intimidating name.  Maybe Sis should rethink the color codenames.”

Since Church was clearly in his complaining mode, as always, Simmons ignored him to regard the mech itself some more.

It was in a sitting position in the hole it had been found in, the cockpit in the chest area on land level.  The cockpit was closed, just like how Black’s usually was.  Simmons was oh-so-tempted to reach out and touch the metallic surface…

“I mean, why am I here again?” he distantly heard Church saying as if they weren’t standing near each other, “Tex didn’t have to come and she’s a fucking pilot!”

The Veroni had his back turned to Simmons during his ranting, but the lack of any response from his kiss-ass teammate struck Church as unusual.  When he suddenly turned back to see what it was that his nerd team member was doing that was so important he couldn’t even bother to listen to his bitching, Church found Simmons standing awfully close to the mech with his hand outstretched towards it as if in a trance.

“Hey!  Don’t touch anything, asshole!” He called out to the Strassian, making his way over to him quickly.

The redhead blinked, pulling his hand away, “I—I’m not—!” he began when suddenly the ground violently shook beneath them.

Simmons lurched forward upon losing his balance, hand hitting the hard chest area of the mech in the process.  He could only gawk in horror as the metal dissolved at his touch and he fell face first, landing halfway into the now open cockpit of the mech that was suddenly whirring to life all around him.

“Oh, shit.” He couldn’t help but mutter under his breath, his blue-tinged freckled face bathed in the light from the now active mech’s terminals.

“Hey!  What did I say about not fucking touching anything?” Church demanded, having reached where Simmons was still lying a second later.

“I didn’t mean to!” Simmons muttered weakly in his own defense, though another violent tremor suddenly threw both men fully into the cockpit.

The door solidified into existence once more just as the other three team members had come back to investigate what was going on.  Seeing them on the monitor caused Simmons to panic even more, wondering what exactly was happening.

Tremors on a planet as tectonically stable as Chorus was could only mean…

“Shit.  It’s a Wave Disruption.” Church muttered out loud, practically groaning.

“C—Charon?” Simmons squeaked out, knowing that the human rights group’s own mechs could generate the dimensional fluctuations.

The Veroni closed his eyes for a moment, touching a sensor panel on the mech as his gauntlet glowed, “No, this is a naturally occurring one.” Church stated after a moment, still looking grim, “But it’s still not a good thing for this area.”

Simmons hadn’t even realized in all the stress that he had sat down in the cockpit’s one pilot seat until just then.  When he did, he nearly bolted out of it, “R—right.  So what do we—?”

We?” Church cut Simmons off with a glance that said he thought the redhead was an idiot, “You’re the fucking pilot, not me.”

“B—but, I can’t!”

“Relax.  Mindless Wave Disruptions are easy.” Church sounded impatient as he talked, “Just let the mech tell you what to do.”

Simmons stared at the dark-haired man incredulously when a control panel to his left instinctively lit up.  He frowned, reaching out to touch it.  Immediately there was a huge pull downwards on their bodies before they were suddenly flying, a patch of sky above them a swirling vortex of light that seemed to be battering the ground just below it.  Simmons recognized it as the airborne view of the mech’s dig site.

Another control panel, to his right this time, lit up and Simmons didn’t hesitate to hit it.

Maroon arched forward, fist crashing into the vortex.  There was an instantaneous rumble throughout the machine’s frame before the Wave Disruption disappeared as if it was never there.

I—!  We did it!

Simmons would have spoken out loud just then, but he suddenly felt so tired.  The Strassian felt his heavy hands leaving the control panels as Maroon dipped into a free fall.

His last conscious thought was that he hoped he didn’t throw up as he heard Church yelling something along the lines of “Oh, shit!”

The redhead could just barely make out the Veroni’s gauntleted hands glowing fervently as they reached past him for the flight controls.

*****

The first thing Simmons woke up to was the ceiling of the clinic area that had been set up near the dig site.  He groaned, the bright lights doing nothing to help ease him back to consciousness.  But the holographic star map that suddenly filled the area was something he was not expecting to see.

This became active at the same time as the mech did.” Doctor Grey was saying from a few meters away, “Isn’t it exciting?”

“Oh, tons.” Church was muttering sarcastically from somewhere nearby.

“So, what does it mean exactly?” Wash asked the question that Simmons’ too loopy brain was having a hard time voicing.

These are all of the other mechs that became activated around the time that Maroon did.” Church half-heartedly explained, pointing to flickering points on the colorful star map.

“Which means we have to find them before Charon does.” Carolina succinctly stated, “Along with their respective pilots.”

“Meaning,” Doctor Grey chimed in giddily, clapping her hands, “It’s interstellar road trip time!”

“…Yay.” Church muttered sarcastically.

Carolina glanced away from the star map, noticing for the first time that Simmons had woken up.

“Simmons.” She stated, causing the others to look at him too as his face flushed with embarrassment at the sudden attention pouring his way, “How are you feeling?”

He honestly couldn’t help but speak the question that he had known was last on his mind before his passing out, “D—did I puke or something?  My stomach feels strange and I’m tired,” he frowned, glancing at all of them, “But what happened?”

“Seriously?” Church scoffed annoyingly at the redhead’s question, “Even a cockbite like you should remember something as big as becoming a mech pilot.”

“W—what?” Simmons groaned, his head hurting as images of falling into the cockpit filled his mind.  Memories of flying and falling…

Oh.  There went his stomach again.

“Give it time.” Carolina advised, putting a steadying hand on his shoulder for a split second.

He breathed in and out before glancing at the assembled group nervously, “Uh, the thing about the road trip?” Simmons began, “That’s true?”

Wash nodded, gray eyes and face somber, “Given your new mech pilot status, we’ll likely need your assistance on this one.”

“Under—understood, sir!” Simmons still had trouble believing he of all people was a pilot now, especially considering his only comparison was Tex and she was fucking incredible as one, but his constant desire to please had him agreeing before he could second guess himself.

The Strassian glanced at the map, green eyes making note of the several different blinking locations where the new mechs were located.  Hopefully, their pilots would be at those locations as well.

“I wonder what the other pilots will be like.” Simmons mused out loud.

“Who knows?” Church shrugged in response, “Knowing our luck though?  They’ll probably all turn out to be assholes.”

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