Shitty Timing
Lexa stood frozen in the doorway, trying desperately to process what Costia had just told her. Stroke. Costias dad. She snapped back to reality and rushed over to her now sobbing girlfriend and wrapped her up in her arms, letting the girl calm down a little before she asked any questions.
She didn’t dare let herself think about what she was originally planning to say to Costia when she walked through the door. She couldn’t bare the thought right now.
So instead she held her until her sobs subsided before leading her over to the couch to sit down. When she felt ready, Costia took a shaky breathe and wiped at her eyes, to which Lexa took as her que to finally speak up.
“So what happened? Is he going to be okay?”
Costia started to cry again before replying, “I don’t know, my mom said he was fine one minute and then all of the sudden he was on the floor. She said that he’s in a coma right now and they don’t know much else yet.”
Lexa stroked her back consolingly and let her cry.
“Well at least he survived the stroke. As bad as that sounds a lot of people can die pretty quickly from the lack of oxygen. That’s one positive.”
Costia nodded her head slightly but didn’t look the slightest bit reassured.
“Well I need to get to the hospital as soon as possible just in case anything changes. You’re coming right?” She grasped at Lexas hand like it was a lifeline.
“Of course Cos. I’ll grab the keys and we can head out.”
They both jumped up, grabbed their things and headed out the door in a rush, neither bothering to tell anyone what had happened. There would be time for that later.
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Clarke had been practically floating since her talk with Lexa. She couldn’t wipe the enormous smile off of her face if she tried. And no matter how annoyed her roommate probably was she could not for the life of her stop humming the cheesiest love songs in her repertoire.
Lexa wanted to be with her. They were actually going to give this a shot.
She briefly felt guilty about having to tell Niylah that they would not be going on that second date after all, but she was was almost certain Niylah would understand and be cool with it, seeing as how they had only gone out once.
After a couple hours she decided if was probably safe to text Lexa and see how things went. She knew how cunning Costia could be and she was honestly a little bit concerned for Lexas well being at the moment. Costia seemed like the type to throw things when angry. Right as she grabbed her phone, it started ringing and Ravens face popped up on her screen.
She rolled her eyes at her friends constant terrible timing and picked up the phone.
“Hey Ray can I call you back I was just about to-” She was promptly cut off by Ravens.
“Clarke listen I just got off the phone with Octavia. Costia’s dad had a stroke. They’re at the hospital.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line as Clark tried to comprehend what Raven had just said.
“Oh my god is he okay? Is Lexa with her?” She felt her stomach drop just thinking about what Costia was no doubt going through. She wasn’t Costias number one fan but that didn’t mean the girl deserved this. Nobody should have to go through that.
“I’m not sure yet Octavia just said he had a stroke and was in a coma. You might want to shoot Lexa a text and see whats going on.”
“Ya I will do that right now. Thanks for letting me know Ray. I’ll call you later!”
“Okay ya just keep me updated. Ttyl.”
With that, Clarke hurriedly hung up and texted Lexa.
Clarke
-Hey Lexa, Raven just told me what happened! How is he? Is Costia okay?”
It was about 20 minutes before Clarkes phone vibrated with a message from Lexa.
Lexa
-Hey. He was in a coma for a few hours
but he woke up a little bit ago. The
doctors said he should be okay, but
they are keeping him for a week
just in case. Costias better now. Tired.
And obviously shaken up, but better.
Clarke
-Oh good thats really good news.
Tell Costia I’m thinking about her
and I’m glad her dad is okay.
Lexa
-Okay will do! Thanks for
checking in Clarke.
Clarke
-Of course! It’s a shitty
thing to go through.
There was an underlying awkwardness to their conversation. Neither girl saying what they were both thinking- that Lexa was about to break up with Costia, only moments before her dad had a stroke.
Clarke felt her heart sinking with every passing moment of silence. She knew what this meant. That Lexa and Costia were still very much together. She didn’t blame Lexa in the slightest bit. How could she? No one in their right mind could break up with someone while they were going through what Costia was going through. But it still broke her heart to know that they wouldn’t be getting that chance after all.
She sat on her bed, waiting for the text from Lexa that she knew she would soon be getting. Letting her know that she was not going to break up with Costia anymore.
This whole situation was just shitty. And what made it even more shitty was that she couldn’t even be mad about it. She couldn’t hate Costia or blame Lexa. That would have been much easier, but no. There was no one to blame here. Except maybe the universe for having such shitty timing.
She didn’t have to wait much longer until her phone buzzed with a text from Lexa. She knew what this would be.
Lexa
-Hey would it be okay if I
stopped by later so we could
talk?
Well there it was. This was the beginning of the end. It hurt worse than Clarke would have thought.
Clarke
-Ya that’s fine. See
you in a little bit.
And with that, Clarke opened a bottle of wine and tried not to let herself think too much about how sad she actually was.
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A few hours later, Lexa called her to say she was on her way. Their awkwardly polite phone conversation told Clarke all that she needed to know. Lexa was coming over to essentially break things off with her even though they weren’t even together. This was fucked.
She sat on her bed and waited for the inevitable knock at her door.
When it happened to jumped up to answer it, trying her best not to show how heart broken she was.
She opened the door to reveal a tired and upset looking Lexa.
“Clarke. Hey. How are you?”
“Hey Lex, I’m good. Just glad Costias dad is okay.” Clarke cringed at their fake formalities. She wished Lexa would just get to the damn point.
Lexa awkwardly looked anywhere but at Clarke before speaking up.
“Look Clarke, I know when we talked earlier I told you I was going to break up with Costia so we could be together, but now.....I can’t do that right now. She’s been through enough tonight and I can’t do that to her right now.”
Even though Clarke knew it was coming, it still felt like a punch to her gut. Why did this hurt so bad when she knew it was for the best?
She tried to school her features into something that looked like acceptance or understanding, but she could feel her eyes starting to get glassy.
“Ya I totally get it. She needs you right now. I don’t blame you.”
“Clarke..”
“I know Lexa.”
“Clarke, I’m sorry I-”
“Stop. Don’t be sorry. Do what you need to do. I get it. Really I do.”
“I wish things were different. I wish so badly that this never happened.”
“Me too, but it did. So the only thing left to do I guess is to just move on. Maybe we just weren’t meant to work out. I’ll see you around Lex.”
Clarke moved to close the door, but Lexa stopped it with her hand.
“Don’t say that. Clarke, I really am sorry I-”
“Lexa it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“But I-”
Clarke felt the tears threatening to overflow, but she was not going to let Lexa see her cry. Not like this. So she closed the door before Lexa got a chance to finish her sentence.
She knew she should have been mature and let her talk, but she couldn’t bear one more second of Lexa looking at her with those apologetic eyes. It made everything hurt more.
So she closed the door in Lexas face. Closing it on their future together, before letting herself feel the full weight of her sadness.
With her back pressed up against the door, she took a deep breathe and tried to steady her rapidly pounding heart.
It was only when her legs started to get tired and she she sank to the floor, that she finally allowed herself to cry.
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Lexa stared blankly at the closed door in front of her. She wanted nothing more than to burst through the door again, run into Clarkes arms and assure her that they could get through this together and come out okay.
But she also knew that Clarke probably needed space right now and wouldn’t want to talk to her. Clarke was hurt. Hell, she would be destroyed if it had been the other way around. She knew that Clarke understood why she couldn’t break up with Costia right now, but that didn’t make any of this any easier.
She placed her palm against Clarkes door one last time, trying not to picture the pained expression on the blondes face, before she took a deep breathe and walked away.
When had everything in her life gotten so messed up?
Just hours ago she was ready to finally move on from her past and start a new chapter with Clarke, and now she was ripping apart their future plans and breaking her own heart in the process.
She knew that rationally, she and Clarke could still have the future together that they wanted. That this small set back would only postpone their plans instead of destroy them completely.
But somewhere deep down she also knew that Clarke was probably done standing on the sidelines. She had been through too much in her life. Lost too much. Hurt too much in the past. She knew Clarke didn’t let people in easily, and Lexa had betrayed her trust too many times lately. It was selfish of her to ask Clarke to wait for her. She knew that. But she also knew that she wanted Clarke so badly that she was willing to do just about anything to be with her.
So she decided then and there that once things with Costia settled down more, she would make it her mission to get Clarke back. She was not ready to let go of the one real thing that was good in her life. She would beg, she would plead, she would do literally whatever Clarke asked and she wouldn’t stop until they were together. It would take as long as it would take.
She needed Clarke. If the past 24 hours taught her anything, it was that.