Change
After their afternoon spent in the vastness of outer space, Clarke and Lexas friendship did in fact start to change.
They began spending almost every day together whether it was studying, or grabbing food, or hanging out to binge watch Lost on Netflix, and they were together so much that they unconsciously started adapting to the others little quirks.
Clarke hated tomatoes, for example, so no matter where they went, Lexa started automatically ordering her food without tomatoes, just in case the blonde wanted to try some.
Lexa was secretly terrified of rats, so whenever they were walking through the city, Clarke would automatically walk on the side with the dumpsters and allies, just in case a rat came scampering out by her feet.
They would walk around parks, telling each other stories of their pasts and hopes for their futures, each girl chipping away at the others defenses.
They would call each other whenever something funny happened because they knew no one else would appreciate it like they did.
They would even find themselves buying each other little things that they knew the other girl wouldn’t, out of stubbornness and maybe even laziness.
Clarke would never forget the night Lexa showed up at her door with some groceries, new plates, and plastic cups, claiming that she was really just looking out for herself because she was sick of eating cereal out of dixie cups when she was at Clarkes. She knew deep down that she just wanted to take care of Clarke the way she deserved.
And similarly, Lexa would never forget the day she and Clarke met up to walk around town and Clarke showed up late, having bought Lexa a new scarf and a big pull over sweater, knowing full well that if was freezing outside and Lexa was always too stubborn to dress properly for the weather.
They were quickly becoming very comfortable around each other, maybe even more comfortable than with any one else they knew, and with each day spent exploring new places, their affections for each other grew. Being together was becoming second nature to them, and they both knew that there was something different about their bond. Something stronger.
They were on their way to being inseparable, and the people around them were beginning to take notice.
-----------------------
Lexa had just finished getting dressed and was about to walk out of her apartment to go meet Clarke for movie night, when Costia walked through the door.
She lifted her brow at Lexas put together outfit, and the bottle of wine in her hands, and crossed her arms waiting for an explanation from her recently absentee girlfriend.
“Lexa where are you going?” She asked in a biting tone.
“I’m going to hangout with a friend for a little.” She tried to sound nonchalant.
Costia bore her eyes into Lexa.
“Were you even going to tell me you were leaving?”
Lexa huffed in mild aggravation before replying, “I wasn’t aware I had to tell you everywhere I went.”
Costia rolled her eyes in disgust.
“You’re going to hangout with Clarke aren’t you?”
Lexa opened her mouth to defend her actions but Costia spoke up first.
“Lexa don’t even try to pretend you’re not, you’ve been hanging out with her constantly for the past 3 weeks. It’s like you’re obsessed with her or something!” Costias voice was getting higher and higher and Lexa knew this was going to turn in to a fight.
“Costia she’s my friend! Am I not allowed to have friends? I hang out with Anya and Lincoln all the time and you don’t get mad about that! What is it about Clarke that makes you so angry?” Lexa tried to defend herself.
“I just don’t see what’s so great about Clarke fucking Griffin!” Costia practically yelled.
Lexa was quick to reply.
“She’s my best friend Costia!” Lexa yelled much louder then she intended, and the silence that followed was deafening. She knew she shouldn’t have said that, that she had gone too far, but something about the way Costia said Clarkes name made her defensive.
Costia looked at her in defeat before her eyes started welling up with tears.
Lexa could deal with a lot, but seeing someone cry was not one of them. She immediately regretted opening her mouth and rushed over to Costia, feeling like the terrible girlfriend she had been lately.
She placed her palm on Costia cheek, forcing her to look at Lexa.
“Costia I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” She tried to no avail.
Costia shook her head in disbelief before quietly replying, “Yes you did Lexa. You’re with her 24/7. Do you even know the last time you and I did something together?”
Lexa hung her head in shame, knowing that her girlfriend was right.
“Clarke is a good friend of mine, yes, and maybe I’ve been hanging out with her a lot lately, but thats just because she’s new and we have a lot in common. Thats it. I promise I will make more time for us from now on.” Lexa felt an odd pang in her chest belittling her and Clarkes friendship, but she knew it was necessary right now.
She pulled Costia into her arms and muttered, “How about you and I do something tonight. We could go to that restaurant downtown that you love.”
Costia gave in and smiled before pulling Lexa in for a kiss.
“That sounds great Lexa. All I wanted is for us to spend more time together. Maybe you and Clarke could just pick one day in the week to hangout or something. Go paint a picture with her or whatever it is that she does.”
At those words, Lexa felt the same sharp stab in her chest, but she knew better than to defend Clarke right now. No matter how much as she wanted to. Instead, she mustered up her best look of excitement and replied, “Sounds good Cos. Go get changed and we can go.”
Her girlfriend lovingly kissed her again before sauntering off toward Lexas bedroom to get dressed.
As soon as she was out the room, Lexa sighed regretfully and pulled out her phone to text Clarke.
Lexa
-Hey Clarke. I’m gonna have to
cancel tonight, I forgot I had a
date with Cos. Lets reschedule for
next week? I’m sorry. I’ll text you!
Without waiting for a response, she put her phone in her pocket and headed out the door with Costia.
------------
Clarke looked down at the message from Lexa and tried not to feel such disappointment. Lexa was just doing what other regular girlfriends did.
But that didn’t mean it didn’t still feel shitty.
She sighed before typing back.
Clarke
-No problem. Was feelin tired
tonight anyway. its probably good
we’re rescheduling. Have fun ttyl.
She hit send and fell back onto her bed trying not to think about Lexa and Costia on a date. Probably coming back to Lexas place to ‘screw each others brains out’ as Costia had so delicately put it.
With her evening suddenly free, she texted Raven, and within 20 minutes, the firey brunette was at her door.
She waltzed in and plopped herself on Clarkes bed.
“So blondie whats on the agenda tonight?” She asked while popping open the bottle of wine Clarke had purchased for her and Lexas movie night.
“Wanna order pizza and binge watch Love at First Kiss?” Clarke cheerily asked.
Raven made a face of disgust.
“As terrible as that show sounds, if there’s pizza involved i’m down.”
Clarke smiled at her, feeling grateful for her ever reliable friend.
------------
By the third episode of the painfully awkward show, Raven could practically hear the wheels turning in the blondes mind.
Raven cleared her throat before speaking up.
“So you gonna tell me what’s bothering you or are you just gonna sit and stew over there?”
Clarke sighed before turning to face her friend.
“Do you ever wish that that you had the power to just poof someone away. Like completely just poof them out of the picture with a wand or something?” Clarke looked skyward, as if fantasizing about it.
Raven chuckled and rolled her eyes.
“Hmm would you possibly be talking about one Costia Greene?”
Clarke felt her face flush as she opened her mouth to deny it. Right as she tried to speak however, Raven beat her to it.
“Don’t even try to deny it Clarke everybody knows you and Lexa secretly have a thing for each other.” Raven smirked at Clarkes shocked face.
“We do not! And besides, Lexa is in a relationship. That would be totally inappropriate.”
Raven just shook her head in amusement.
“I’ve known you for years Clarke, I can see right through you. I know that you and soccer stud have been hanging out fucking constantly. Everybody sees the way you two treat each other. Ordering what the other likes, having movie nights but not inviting anyone else, walking to your classes together. I personally find it disgusting, but regardless, you can’t deny that you two treat each other differently.”
Clarke slumped her shoulders in defeat, knowing there was no way she could excuse her behavior.
“I don’t know what to do Ray. I mean I really liker her, and when we are together I feel happier and hopeful and I just love hanging out with her. And she totally acts like she likes me too, but then I think, if she really did, wouldn’t she break up with Costia? I mean I know she feels some obligation to stay with her but it’s just frustrating.”
Raven looked at Clarke sympathetically.
“Well you know i’m not very good at this stuff, but the way I see it, if she won’t man up and fight for what she wants, why should you? And I know it might be hard, but maybe you should explore other options. Find someone who can be with you 100% you know?”
Clarke nodded because she knew Raven was right, but it still hurt to think about.
“Ya maybe you’re right. I mean maybe I could try going on a date. Get my mind off of Lexa.”
Raven patted her back encouragingly.
“There you go, thats the spirit blondie! Now...go getem..”
Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle at the awkwardness that was Raven Reyes giving advice, but she appreciated and loved her friend for it anyway.
“As a matter of fact, Niylah has been texting me lately wanting to hangout. Maybe I should take her up on that.”
Raven nodded, her attention already back on the show she was secretly enjoying the shit out of.
With that, Clarke pulled out her phone at opened a new text.
Clarke
Hey Niylah, it’s Clarke! I was
wondering if maybe you wanted
to hangout soon? Lmk:)
Niylahs response was immediate, as she had been crushing on the blonde for a while now, and she agreed to go out with Clarke that upcoming Saturday. Clarke smiled at her phone, suddenly feeling much happier than before.
------------
As Lexa lay in bed that night after her date, Costias naked body wrapped around her, her thoughts once again wandered back to Clarke.
She thought about the blondes short text, letting her know that she was tired anyway and was glad they were postponing, and she couldn’t help but feel a little stab of hurt.
She knew that wasn’t fair at all, seeing as how she was the one to bail, but Clarkes indifference still stung a bit. She decided to sleep it off and text her back in the morning.
------------
When morning came however, Clarke texted Lexa to let her know that she was hanging out with Octavia and Raven all day, but she was free at night. Lexa responded that she had promised to go with Costia to some student fashion show that she was positively dreading, so they would have to reschedule.
When the next day came around, Lexa once again found herself having to accompany Costia somewhere, and she regretfully had to decline Clarkes invitation to hangout.
These back and fourth failed attempts to hang out, became the pattern of the week, and by the time Friday rolled around, Clarke and Lexa hadn’t seen each other in almost 6 days. A new record for them.
Their dry spell was coming to an end however, because tonight the gang was meeting up to attend the BU football game.
------------
They all drove separately -Lexa with Costia, Anya, and Lincoln, Clarke with Niylah, Raven, and Octavia, and Bellamy with Finn, Monty, Murphy, and Jasper- and agreed to meet at the stadium parking lot at 6:00 for a tailgating bbq.
When Lexa arrived at the parking lot, she immediately began seeking out her favorite blue eyed blonde. When she spotted her chatting away with Monty and Raven, wearing shorts and a BU tshirt, looking beautiful as ever, she felt her heart pick up speed.
Clarke looked up right as Lexa was approaching and broke out into a wide toothy grin. Oh how Lexa had missed that smile.
She never ever wanted to go a week without seeing her again, (and maybe it was the couple shots that Costia insisted they take beforehand that had Lexa more relaxed), but the gravity of that admission didn’t scare Lexa as much as it probably should have.
Instead she walked right up to the blonde and pulled her into a tight hug, not noticing how Raven and Monty, sporting amused looks, quickly dispersed to give the pair a moment to catch up.
Clarke released Lexas body and the two immediately got to talking.
“So what have you been up to this past week? I’ve missed you Griffin.” Lexa got lost in Clarkes blue eyes for the umpteenth time.
Clarke just shrugged her shoulders innocently and replied, “Oh just the usual. Snappin’ necks and cashin checks. You know me.”
Lexa chuckled amusedly because that’s all she seemed to do in Clarkes presence and damn it she had missed their friendly banter.
After about 10 minutes of conversation Lexa felt, more than saw, someone come up behind Clarke and snake their arms around her waist. She whipped her head around to find Niylah gently holding Clarke while whispering something in her ear. The blonde smiled and Lexa felt her stomach roll.
Niylah looked up to meet Lexas blank expression before muttering a hello and leaving the pair alone once again.
All at once Lexa felt light headed and terribly confused by what had just happened. She felt blindsided by Niylahs clear advance on Clarke and she mentally kicked herself for not being able to form a sentence.
When her vision finally cleared and she could speak again, she turned to Clarke and raised her eyebrows expectantly.
When an oblivious Clarke said nothing Lexa tried to quickly calm her temper before verbalizing a response.
“Uh what was that about Clarke?”
At Lexas question, Clarke finally turned to face Lexa and innocently shrugged her shoulders.
“Oh with Niylah? She was just telling me that she was gonna go get a beer and then she’d meet up with me in a little.”
Lexa felt her blood boil at Clarkes nonchalance and she couldn’t help but bite back a response.
“So do all of your friends hug you from behind that way?”
Clarke was taken aback by Lexas sudden coldness.
“I mean, if they want to, yeah.” Clarke knew that her calm demeanor was only making things worse, but she couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that Lexa had bailed on her so many times that week and then had the audacity to be mad about a hug. So ya, maybe she was acting unfazed on purpose, but she tended to do things without thinking around Lexa.
The brunette in question turned to look anywhere but at Clarke and she could feel her anger boiling over. She chuckled sarcastically this time.
“So you’re really gonna pretend nothing is going on between you two? Thats’s bullshit Clarke and you know it.”
“Lexa, we’ve just been texting a lot lately, getting to know each other. And since you’ve been so busy with Costia lately I decided to hangout with Niylah. Am I not allowed to have other friends?” Clarke could feel herself getting angrier by the second. What the hell right did Lexa have to be mad at Clarke for this.
Lexa smiled icily again before shrugging one shoulder.
“Clarke you can do whatever you want. I don’t care. I just think maybe you should slow it down. I mean the way she she was whispering in your ear? She clearly thinks you guys are more than just friends.”
Clarkes face was getting redder and redder and she had to take a breathe before replying.
“Well I guess you could say we’re a little more than just friends. I mean she’s taking me on a date tomorrow night.” She smiled inwardly and hoped that would knock Lexas stupid cold smirk right off of her face. And even though she didn’t enjoy hurting her friends feeling, Lexa hadn’t exactly been acting like a friend lately.
At Clarkes admission, Lexa felt as if the someone had knocked the wind out of her. Her heart had surely stopped beating. She had to clench her fists just to keep from storming over to Niylah and clocking her in the face because she did not deserve someone like Clarke Griffin. Somewhere in the way way back of her mind she knew that she had absolutely no right to be mad at Clarke for liking Niylah. But the way the blondes eyes were sparkling as she looked off toward where Niylah was standing, made Lexa blind with fury. She clicked her tongue cooly, showing that she was done with this conversation and quickly replied, “Cool. Well have fun, I’m gonna go get a drink.”
Before Clark could even respond, Lexa was walking away toward Costia, who hadn’t seemed to notice the rigidity of Lexas back as she walked.
-------------
An hour later, the gang was seated in the stadium watching the game, and as hard as both girls tried, neither of them could concentrate on anything but their lingering anger.
Lexa and Costia were seated next to each other, and Clarke and Niylah were sitting together in the row in front of them. Lexa found herself staring at the pair throughout the entire game, shooting daggers at the back of their heads.
Every so often, Niylah would lean in to Clarke and mutter something that would make the blonde smile or laugh or blush, and each time that happened, Lexa felt her hatred for Niylah growing.
When she couldn’t take it anymore, she threw her arm around Costias shoulder and tried with all her might to pay attention only to her girlfriend.
At some point during the game -Lexa didn’t know when, because she wasn’t paying attention- Niylah had laced her hands through Clarkes and thats when Lexa lost it. She dramatically rolled her eyes and let out a disgusted huff before muttering quite loudly.
“God get a room.”
Although a few people heard her, it was only an oblivious Costia that replied.
“Who are you talking about?”
Lexa nodded to Clarke and Niylah.
“Those two. They’ve been all over each other since we got here and it’s gross. Nobody wants to see that.” Lexa knew she was being harsh but she couldn’t help it.
Costia chuckled before wrapping her arms around Lexas waist.
“Well maybe it’s a good thing if they get together. Then Clarke won’t have time to hangout with you everyday, and you will be all mine once again.” She kissed Lexas cheek.
Although Costia said it teasingly, Lexa knew there was some truth behind that statement and she suddenly felt sick again. Her anger had washed away as quickly as it had come, and was instead replaced with a sudden sadness. She could feel a wedge being forced between her and Clarke, and there wasn’t much she could do about it at the moment. She no longer had the energy to sit there and pretend to be watching the game, when all she wanted to do was go home alone and lay in bed.
Costia must have noticed that Lexa had gone rigid, so she brought her hands up and placed her palms on Lexas cheeks.
“Hey are you okay? You look a little sick.”
Lexa sadly smiled and silently nodded her head and apparently Costia was satisfied enough to turn her attention back to the game.
After only a moment however, Lexa spoke up again.
“Actually you know what, I do feel a little sick. Maybe I ate something weird idk but I’m gonna head back to my apartment.” Lexa made a move to get up and Costia immediately grabbed her arm.
“Well i’m coming with you.”
Lexa shook her arm off before replying, “No really, I’ll be fine by myself.”
Costia scoffed and grabbed Lexas arm once again.
“Don’t be ridiculous Lexa you’re my girlfriend, I wanna take of you. I hate sports anyway.”
Lexa nodded and threw one last glance in Clarkes direction before muttering a few goodbyes to the group and heading out of the stands.
She didn’t notice the way Clarkes eyes followed her all the way out of the stadium, a look of concern flashing over her features before her uninterested mask was back in place.
The only two who seemed to take notice were Anya, who rolled her eyes in annoyance and Raven, who knowingly smirked at each girls stubbornness.
This was going to get messy.
-------------
Three days.
It had been three whole days since Clarke and Lexa had last spoken.
Not that three days was all that much, but after the way things had ended Friday night, three days of utter silence between them seemed like a lifetime.
Lexa hadn’t gone more than 10 minutes without thinking about what happened. She knew she was in the wrong. The way she treated Clarke was inexcusable.
And she wanted to reach out. She did. She had typed out 5 different texts, 5 different ways to say she was sorry, but she ended up deleting every one of them before they could be sent.
Because although she was, in fact very sorry for her outburst, she still couldn’t help the anger that overcame her whenever she thought about Niylah being with Clarke.
She just couldn’t let it go.
She was jealous. Terribly, insanely jealous. She knew that. Anya knew that. Hell anyone with eyes probably knew that. She was jealous of Clarke and Niylahs budding relationship because she so badly wanted to be that person.
She wanted to explore everything that was Clarke Griffin. She wanted to hold her hand at football games, and whisper things in her ear, and take her out on dates.
She wanted to ignore every thought in her head that told her what she was feeling was wrong. That she was forgiven. That her dad didn’t hate her.
She wasn’t going to try and deny anymore. She wanted Clarke.
More than she had ever wanted anything in her life. She was numb to everything but Clarke. She was screwed. She was fucked. She was a terrible person. She knew that.
But she could not for the life of her stop wanting Clarke.
------------
She had just finished getting dressed for soccer practice and was eating at the kitchen table when Anya walked in and wordlessly sat beside her.
Lexa didn’t notice her at first, too lost in her own thoughts, so Anya pinched the brunettes arm to shake her out of her trance.
“Ow! What the fuck Anya.”
Anya just smirked and chuckled a little at her own actions.
“When are you gonna stop moping around? Because I’m getting really bored with this new brooding thing you’ve got going on.”
Lexa furrowed her brows in annoyance.
“What are you talking about Anya I’m just trying to eat in peace.”
Anya however could not be deterred and continued pushing.
“I’m talking about the way you have been sulking ever since you and blondie got in your little argument Friday night.”
Lexa cocked her head and tried to hide her embarrassment.
“How did you know we had an argument, did she talk to you? What did she say?”
Anya tried not to smirk at Lexas sudden flustered state.
“Woah cool it, I haven’t talked to little blondie. But I do know that I have eyes and I saw the way you were glaring at her through the entire game on Friday and then you left early and now you’ve been pouting for the last three days.”
Lexa raised her eyebrows challengingly.
“C’mon Lex give me a little more credit than that, I’ve known you your whole life. I know when something’s wrong.”
Lexa softened at Anyas rare display of concern. She sighed dejectedly before speaking.
“Okay fine yes we had an argument and yes i’ve been ‘sulking’ as you say. But it’s not my fault stupid Niylah decided to come in to the picture and steal my friend.”
Anya, unconvinced, continued.
“Is that why you’re so mad Lexa? Because Niylah took your friend? That’s why Clarke went from coming over almost every day, to not coming over at all this past week? Stop kidding yourself Lexa, you’re not mad she stole you friend, you’re mad she stole your crush.”
Even though Lexa had already come to terms with this, hearing someone say it out loud made it scarier. More real.
She opened her mouth to defend herself. To tell Anya that, no she didn’t like Clarke that way, but she knew it was pointless to try and deny it. When she didn’t say anything, Anya continued.
“Look, personally I think relationships are stupid. I think crushes are stupid and getting all mushy and weak is stupid, I think it’s all stupid. And pointless. But if you’re so keen on doing it anyway, shouldn’t you be with someone who actually makes you happy? Makes it worth it? I know that you think breaking up with Costia will make you a bad person, but Lex is it really fair to keep stringing her along when we both know you fell out of love with her a long time ago.”
Lexa opened her mouth to talk, but she didn’t know what to say. She knew Anya was right. She was being unfair to both Clarke and Costia. It would be so much easier to break up with Costia and just be with Clarke instead. She would be so much happier. She knew she would. But she couldn’t help the anxiety that washed over her at the thought of breaking Costias heart. Hurting someone again. Disappointing her father.
Anya seemed to sense that she was waging war in her mind and she squeezed Lexas shoulder before getting up to leave. On her way out, she turned to look at her now stoic friend.
“Lex, I know you think your father would be disappointed by you leaving Costia, but don’t you think he would be more disappointed if you ruined your shot at real happiness? Isn’t that what it all comes down to in the end anyway?”
And with that she walked out the door, shutting it behind her quietly.
Lexa took a final deep breathe and knew she had her answer. She needed to talk to Clarke.
------------
Clarke had been sitting in her room sketching and relaxing when she saw a text from Lexa light up her phone. She rolled her eyes and contemplated ignoring it, but curiosity got the better of her. A part of her wanted to hear Lexa apologize and admit that she was out of line. Another part of her missed her friend and secretly wanted to know if she felt as miserable the past three days at Clarke had.
She hoped so.
She grabbed her phone and opened the message.
Lexa
Hi Clarke. Could we meet up
after soccer and talk? Please.
Clarke, although still angered by Lexas uncalled for behavior, couldn’t help the tinge of hope she felt at finally hearing from her. She waited 15 minutes (for suspense) before replying.
Clarke
Hi Lexa, sure I can meet you
in the stands when youre done.
Is 7 good?
Lexa
Yes 7 is good! See you soon.
Clarke was nervous to talk with Lexa but also happy to hopefully finally resolve this dumb argument so they could go back to normal. She missed movie night. And watching Lost alone was getting boring.
------------
She walked into the stadium right as the soccer team was finishing up practice and she had to physically force her legs to keep moving when she saw Lexa. She was wearing a practice jersey with athletic sweatpants, she had her hair in a messy pony, and she was dripping with sweat. Clarke thought she had never seen a more beautiful girl in her entire life. She wondered what it must be like to date Lexa Woods. She thought Costia must be insane for not taking the opportunity to come watch her practice. Wait for her to shower. Walk home hand in hand with her. She didn’t even know how lucky she was.
She quickly pushed that thought away and reminded herself that this beautiful complicated girl had been quite rude to her not three days ago and she should at least try to act a little more angry.
When Lexa looked up and noticed her, she dismissed her team and headed over, similar to how she had done all of those weeks ago.
When Lexa reached Clarke, she nodded up to the stands and they silently made their way to the top to sit down.
Clarke waited for Lexa to start since she was the one who asked to meet up. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Lexa spoke up.
She had to bite her tongue to keep from immediately asking ‘How was your date with dumb Niylah?’
Instead she pushed away her immaturity and started talking.
“Clarke, I’m really sorry for how I acted on Friday night. I shouldn’t have said what I said, I guess I was just caught off guard and I didn’t know how to react.”
Clarke nodded as she listened.
“I get that you felt blind sided Lexa but we hadn’t really seen each other that week and I didn’t think it would be a huge deal. You really had no right to be so mad.”
Lexa sighed before responding.
“I know, you’re right. And it shouldn’t have been such a big deal, I just lashed out at you and that wasn’t fair. I really am sorry Clarke. I miss you.”
Clarke felt her resolve give and she knew she had already forgiven Lexa.
“I miss you too Lex. I miss movie night. I even miss you judging me when I eat peanut butter out of a dixie cup for dinner.”
Lexa sighed in relief and let out a laugh, already feeling better than she had in at least a week.
“Can we go back to before I was a complete asshole to you? I want my best friend back. I’ll get you all of the peanut butter you want. I’ll even get you some dixie cups even though I don’t condone the use of those tiny excuses for cups.”
Clarke laughed and held out her hand.
“Deal.”
Lexa grabbed her by the arm and instead pulled into a her into a big hug. They stayed like that for a while until Clarke pulled back to look at Lexa.
“Lex? Why was it such a huge deal to you that I was talking to Niylah?”
She knew she probably shouldn’t be bringing that up right when they finally made up, but Clarke couldn’t stop wondering why Lexa reacted so aggressively. She hoped she knew the answer, but she couldn’t know for sure.
Lexas lips turned up into a small smile and she reached out to tuck a hair behind Clarkes ear before shrugging her shoulders.
“You know why.”
Clarke felt her heart beating a mile a minute. So their it was. Lexa liked her back, though lord only knew if she would ever do anything about it.
She nodded and matched Lexa small smile before both girls fell into a comfortable silence.
After a few moments, Clarke could feel a sudden tension rolling off of Lexas shoulders and she could tell the brunette was having an internal conflict. She nudged her playfully in the side to shake her out her sudden trance.
“Don’t hurt yourself Lex, I can practically hear you thinking from here.” Clarke smirked.
Lexa however remained stoic before she turned to completely face Clarke.
“Clarke there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
Clarke suddenly felt uneasy but nodded anyway, encouraging Lexa to go on.
She nervously started picking at her shirt before speaking.
“Clarke if I’ve learned anything this past week it’s that I don’t like being apart from you. And I know that’s silly to say because we just met a couple months ago, but you have this weird hold over me and I can’t explain it. I hated not speaking and it killed me to know that I had hurt you. I’ve thought about you constantly, and not just this week but since the moment I met you Clarke. Every time I went out with Costia I wished it was you, and every time she told me she loved me I had to remind myself to say it back because the truth is, I don’t love her. Not anymore. Not like that. And I think it took you coming in to my life for me to realize that. And as terrified as I am right now, I can’t help thinking that being with you would make it all worth it. Like maybe my father wouldn’t be so disappointed if he knew I was with someone I truly wanted to be with. And I want to be with you Clarke. I don’t want you to be with Niylah. The thought of that literally makes me feel nauseous. And I know I’m rambling and maybe this is stupid and maybe you don’t feel the same, and if you don’t that fine and I promise I will never bother you again, but Clarke I have to know. If I broke things off with Costia, would you be willing to give us a real shot?”
Clarke was stunned, and still trying to process everything Lexa just said. She wanted to be with her. She didn’t want to be with Costia. She wanted her. Lexa wanted her. Lexa wanted Clarke Griffin. Lexa fucking Woods wanted Clarke fucking Griffin.
She sat there, internally combusting, until she could finally form a sentence.
Slowly, a smile overtook her features and she nodded.
“Yes Lexa of course I would want to be with you. I’v wanted to be with you this entire time.”
Lexa let out the breathe she had been holding in and smiled as big as her face would allow. This was probably the part where she would pull Clarke into a crushing, mind blowing kiss, and they would walk off into the sunset.
But they couldn’t do that.
Not yet anyway. As of right now, she was still in a relationship, and Lexa Woods was no cheater.
She had to go home and take care of things with Costia right away, realizing it wouldn’t be fair to anyone to drag this out any longer.
Clarke seemed to understand as well, and they both settled for pulling the other in a hug. It was innocent but filled with the promise of a future. It was enough for now.
They walked back together, trading shy smiles and allowing their hearts to bubble over with excitement and hope.
They respectfully parted ways at Clarkes dorm building, giving each other one last hug before Lexa turned to walk away. When she was almost back to her place, she pulled out her phone to text Clarke one more thing.
Lexa
I’ll text you tomorrow after
I talk to Costia. Wish me
luck!
Clarkes response was immediate.
Clarke
Sounds good! Good luck
Lex. text me if you need to
talk. I know it’s never easy
to do this. Youre a brave soul:)
Lexa smiled at her phone as she walked down her hall.
Although she was overflowing with butterflies and happiness at the mere thought of being with Clarke, she knew she had to push that aside for right now. She needed to talk to Costia asap, and she felt nervousness and anxiety taking over for what was about to happen. Because as much as it would be worth it, it would still be hard to look Costia in the eyes and tell her she didn’t want to be with her anymore.
She took a final deep breathe and opened her door, knowing full well that Costia was probably already inside.
What she was met with, however, was not her soon to be ex girlfriend watching tv like she normally would be, but instead, it was Costia standing in the family room, phone clutched to her chest and eyes brimming with tears.
Lexa looked at her confused, before Costia muttered.
“My dad just had a stroke.”