Chapter 41
Lexa slowly opened her eyes. She was still lying on Clarke’s couch and Clarke was still lying across her with her head planted firmly on her chest. It was noticeably darker and definitely warmer. Glancing toward the television, Lexa found it off and then realized that there was a large blanket draped over them.
Octavia. She grinned at the thought just before becoming very aware of a strong ache in her shoulder blade. Shifting slightly to try and ease it she immediately felt the intense sting of Clarke blunt nails as she clamped down, ridiculously hard into the bare flesh of her hip. Lexa winced with a quick intake of breath, her abdomen tightening so fast that it actually pushed Clarke further up. “Shh,” she whispered against Clarke’s hair. “It’s okay, Clarke. I’m not leaving.”
Clarke tilted her head slightly, her nose grazing against Lexa’s chin. She was so obviously still asleep.
“It’s okay,” Lexa repeated as she rubbed her back. Fuck, that hurt.
After a moment, Clarke’s grip on her lightened and Lexa felt her body relax again. Clarke had always been really tangible, but in the last twenty four hours, it seemed to go to a new extreme. It was almost like Clarke was actually afraid that she was going to leave. Did Clarke really think that she’d do that? Well, obviously, because she specifically asked her not to leave her at the hospital. Lexa shook her head at the memory, she’d never just leave her there like that.
Clarke rolled her body and pushed herself up, burrowing further into her neck. Lexa just sighed as she continued to rub her back. Her thoughts kept drifting back to the accident and thinking about all of the horrible things that could have happened and what she would have possibly done if it had been worse. She felt her heart rate increasing just at the thought. She had been so absent lately and so preoccupied with her work that she had forgotten. She had forgotten that for reasons just like this, you need to take a step back and spend time with the people who mean the most, with the people that you love.
She hadn't meant to let it get so out of control, it just happened. There was so much that she wanted to do, so much that she wanted to accomplish. She had been working hard since high school to try and make something of herself and she finally felt like she was getting close to that goal. The work had been rolling in nonstop and she was making great connections, but she never took a step back to see what she was doing to herself or to the people that she cared about.
Clarke had tried to tell her. Hell, everyone had tried to tell her. She should have listened. She had given up weeks with her friends – with her family. Weeks with Clarke. If the accident had been worse, then the last time she would have ever seen Clarke would have been the day that Abby finally straightened her out. The last embrace that they would have ever shared, would have been one were they both so honestly called each other jerks. The last…
Something in Lexa's chest was beginning to tighten and breathing was becoming more and more difficult. It was the what ifs. The what ifs were starting to eat at her mind and she couldn't stop them. She couldn't stop thinking, stop wondering. Her chest was so tight now that it actually hurt.
Suddenly Clarke’s hand moved to her face, her thumb soothingly stroking along her jaw. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” Lexa replied quietly. “Go back to sleep.”
“Lexa,” Clarke sighed sleepily. “I can hear your heart beating. What is it?”
Lexa bit down on her tongue for a moment.
“I just…” she finally shook her head. “I was really scared.”
Clarke picked up her head and looked at her, but didn’t say anything.
Lexa cringed under her stare. “When I saw them take you out of the ambulance…” she shook her head again and averted her eyes. "I saw the blood and I just…”
“Lex,” Clarke said softly as she continued rubbing her jaw.
Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. “I don’t know what I would have done if…” her voice cracked as the tightness in her chest reared again. She felt her brow furrow as she closed her eyes and she took a deep breath.
As if Clarke just knew, she dropped her hand down on to her chest. “I’m okay,” she reminded her quickly. “I’m right here, with you.”
Lexa only nodded, still not looking at her. The weight and warmth of her hand was oddly soothing.
Clarke pushed up again and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.
Finally Lexa turned her head and looked at her. “I’m just going to wrap you up in bubble wrap,” she told her as she pulled her into a ridiculously tight hug.
Clarke giggled against her chest. “You’re squishing me,” her voice came out all muffled.
Lexa chuckled and let go. “Sorry.”
Clarke wrapped her arms around her. “I didn’t say stop,” she mumbled.
Lexa grinned and hugged her again.
“If I hadn’t run out on my fight with O,” Clarke sighed after a few minutes, “it never would have even happened.”
“The fiery Clarke Griffin ran out on a fight?” Lexa joked. “No.”
Clarke poked her in the ribs. “Shut up,” she muttered back.
“What were you two fighting about?” Lexa asked curiously and distinctly felt Clarke’s entire body tense.
Weird.
“I was being stubborn,” Clarke answered after a beat. “I didn’t want to listen to what she was trying to tell me.”
“That doesn’t sound like you at all.” Lexa teased, earning herself another poke in the ribs.
Whatever the fight had been about, Clarke didn’t seem to want to talk about it, at least, not in any detail and Lexa wasn’t about to push her. Though it did seem slightly strange. Normally if something was going on with Clarke, Lexa was her goto person to talk to, but knowing that this was between Clarke and Octavia, Lexa decided not pry. If Clarke wanted to discuss it, she would. It was as simple as that.
They stayed like that for a while, not really speaking, but just hanging on to one another. Both lost in their own thoughts, until Clarke finally broke the silence. “Lex?”
“You’re hungry,” Lexa replied without opening her eyes, “aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” Clarke grinned sheepishly.
Lexa pulled out her phone. Five in the morning. This woman. “You know that if I start cooking, it’ll wake Octavia,” she told her.
“She won’t be too mad,” Clarke shrugged, “if we feed her.”
“True,” Lexa reasoned. “Alright, fine. I’ll make breakfast”
“Yes!” Clarke breathed happily.
“But, you’re on coffee duty,” Lexa told her quickly.
“Yes ma’am.” Clarke nodded as she sat up.
“The things I do for you,” Lexa rolled her eyes playfully and shook her head.
“Well, you love me,” Clarke said cheerfully as she hopped off of the couch and walked toward the kitchen.
Lexa grinned. “Worst idea ever,” she cracked.
Clarke spun around with a feigned look of offense. “Bitch,” she breathed with a slight smile.
Lexa shrugged and stood up. “Yeah well, you love me,” she grinned again.
Clarke seemed to flush a light shade of pink and quickly turned her attention to the coffeemaker.
Lexa joined Clarke in the kitchen and they set themselves to their separate tasks. But twenty minutes later, when Clarke knocked over the bowl of pancake batter as she attempted to retrieve a few mugs from the cabinet, Lexa shook her head. “Nope. You're out,” she said quickly. “Out of my kitchen, Clarke.”
Clarke’s eyes went wide, but her smile was even wider. “Lexa!”
“Who’s kitchen?” Octavia interrupted as she suddenly appeared in the doorway.
“If I’m cooking in it,” Lexa explained without hesitation, “it’s mine.”
Octavia crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow looking thoroughly unimpressed by that response.
“Your kitchen,” Lexa muttered as she looked down and began cleaning up the batter.
“Ha,” Clarke scoffed happily.
“God, you two suck,” Octavia whined as she made her way to the coffeemaker.
Lexa looked up and she and Clarke exchanged similar grins. Maybe they did, but it was okay.