Chapter 40
Clarke's eyes fluttered open, squinting at the fluorescent lighting, she glanced around. What the hell? Oh, hospital room. Oh right, accident. Oh fuck, pain. Her head gave a particularly long throb. Suddenly something stirred beside her and she jumped, her eyes falling on a mass of chestnut locks and the sweetest face ever created. Lexa was right there with her. Her head on top of one hand, as the other lay interlocked with her own. Clarke's heart swelled at the sight, as a sudden warmth spread through her body.
Of course she was in love with Lexa. Of course it was true. It made complete sense. How could she not be? How could she not see it? Octavia was right. She just had to take a moment to actually feel it and when she did, everything that she had ever felt, suddenly made sense.
A sadness suddenly spread through her. This was bad. This was so fucking bad. God, so bad!
Fear gripped her once more. Lexa couldn't know. No. She absolutely could not fucking know. It would put everything that they were, everything that they had, into question. No. NO. Absolutely not. She loved Lexa. She loved what they had. She couldn’t lose it. Not for anything. Not ever.
A tiny whimper suddenly escaped the brunette and Clarke grinned, wondering curiously what she was dreaming about. Her hand went forward and pushed a strand of Lexa's hair out of her face. “Lexa,” she said softly.
“Hm?” Lexa shifted lightly.
“Lexa,” Clarke repeated as she touched her jaw. “You're dreaming.”
“Clarke,” Lexa mumbled sleepily and then her eyes shot open. “Clarke!”
Lexa's green eyes sparkled with such surprise and warm adoration that Clarke couldn't contain the smile that spread across her face. “Hi,” she said softly.
“You’re awake.” Lexa said quickly, a thin mist appearing in her eyes. “You're really okay?”
“I'm okay.” Clarke assured her. God, she was so damn cute.
Lexa leaned forward and hugged her waist. “You scared me to death,” she whispered as she hid her face.
“Hey,” Clarke said softly as her brow furrowed, “get up here.”
Lexa shook her head.
“It's okay,” Clarke told her quickly. “You won't hurt me.”
Lexa looked up, her eyes so wide and innocent. She nodded and crawled onto the bed, burrowing into Clarke’s side and hanging on for what felt like dear life.
Clarke grinned at seeing this side of Lexa. “Just stay close to me,” she found herself whispering as Lexa's arms tightened around her.
“Do you remember what happened?” Lexa asked after a few minutes.
“Not after the car spun out.” Clarke answered. ”I tried to get it back, but it just happened too fast.”
“Ice?” Lexa asked curiously.
“I think?” Clarke shrugged.
“I should tell someone that you're awake,” Lexa said as she went to move.
Clarke tightened her grip. “Don't you dare go,” she told her firmly. Please.
Lexa looked up at her. “Okay,” she nodded and as she dropped her head back down. Clarke felt her heart rate increase.
Fuck. This was wrong. All so wrong.
Stop. Nothing is different. Nothing has changed. Everything is the same as it was yesterday or a week ago. It's okay.
Clarke shifted a little and tried to shake the thoughts form her head. Ugh. “Okay,” she finally said. “You probably should get someone.”
“Of course,” Lexa nodded as she sat back up and slipped off the bed.
Clarke watched her as she left the room and pushed herself up. This made the throbbing in her head slightly worse, but not intolerable.
It didn’t take long for Lexa to return with a nurse that Clarke didn’t recognize. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes several times as the nurse checked her over. Lexa was quick to send her very uncompromising looks any time she tried to object, so finally she just bit the side of her cheek and got through it. She knew that she had to, but still, she hated it
“Is my mother here?” Clarke finally asked.
“Of course,” the response came quickly. "She's been down to check on you several times."
“I’ll find her,” Lexa nodded as she got to her feet and quickly disappeared again.
“You’re girlfriend seems very sweet,” The nurse smiled kindly.
Clarke blinked stupidly. “Oh, no,” she shook her head. “Lexa’s just a friend.”
The woman’s eyebrows went up as she gave Clarke a very skeptical stare. “Honey, you should really fix that,” she told her simply. “That girl looks at you like you hung the moon.”
The statement released another feeling of warmth through Clarke and she smiled, wondering for a moment if it could actually be true, before Lexa returned with her mother.
“How are you feeling?” Abby asked as she picked up her chart.
“Slight headache,” Clarke answered, “but, it's not so bad.”
“You scared the life out of everyone,” Abby said as she flipped the page.
“I didn’t mean to,” Clarke insisted. “I think I hit some ice. I can't believe I wrecked my car. I feel like I just got it.”
“You did,” Lexa shook her head and stared at the floor.
“It's not wrecked.” Abby told her as she set her chart down.
Clarke's eyes shot up. “It's not?”
Abby shook her head. “Banged up front fender and a shattered drivers side window,” she explained and pointed, “from your head.”
Clarke nodded. Well, that explained the headache.
“Your father is already on top of getting it fixed,” Abby said as she pushed some blonde locks out of Clarke's eyes.
“He doesn't have to do that.” Clarke shook her head. Absolutely not.
“Clarke,” Lexa spoke up, “don't argue.”
Clarke felt her eyes narrow slightly. Really?
“You'll just make your headache worse.” Lexa crossed her arm and cocked her eyebrow challengingly.
Clarke rolled her eyes and submitted. Her head did already hurt and she really didn't want it to get any worse.
Lexa grinned and sat back down next to her.
“So,” Clarke said as she dropped her head onto Lexa's shoulder, “how long do I have to stay here?”
“Maybe one more night,” Abby answered almost tentatively.
“Mom!” Clarke whined quickly.
“Clarke, I just want…” Abby began.
“What if I stay with her?” Lexa interjected, raising a hand.
Clarke's head popped up. “Really?”
“Lexa, are you sure?” Abby asked.
“Of course.” Lexa nodded. “It's not like I've never spent the night at Clarke's before.”
Clarke gave her mother her best pleading look.
“Alright,” Abby sighed. “But, I want her resting, Lexa.”
“Absolutely,” Lexa said with a playful salute.
Abby reached forward an touched Clarke cheek. “I'll have them write up your discharge papers,” she told her.
“Thank you,” Clarke nodded and just like that Abby turned and left the room.
As soon as the door shut Clarke turned and looked at Lexa with a grin. “You're awesome,” she told her happily.
“I do what I can.” Lexa shrugged. “Besides, she told me that all of your scans came back good.”
“Thank you,” Clarke said as she placed a quick kiss on her cheek.
“Any time.” Lexa nodded. “Just don't go scaring me like that again. I’m not sure that my heart can take it.”
As Clarke waited for her discharge papers, Lexa went and retrieved her car from where she had left it the day before. Clarke was rather surprised to hear about how she ran to the hospital rather than bothering with her car.
“By the way, Clarke,” Abby said as reappeared in the doorway. “Your father dropped this off this morning.”
Clarke looked up and smiled. “My phone? Thanks.”
“You should let everyone know that you're going home,” Abby said pointedly.
“Okay,” Clarke nodded. Oh, right. “Good idea.”
Clarke: FYI I'm going home.
Raven: Yes! Awesome.
O: So soon?
Clarke: Mom agreed, as long as Lexa stays with me tonight.
Anya: Good. How is the squirt?
Clarke: Tired? But, okay. I think?
Jasper: Great!
O: Fair enough.
Lincoln: Glad to hear it.
Bellamy: Good. Don't do that to us again.
Monty: :)
Clarke: I didn't do it on purpose. :(
Clarke tucked her phone into her pocket as she made her way through the double doors to where Lexa was waiting for her.
“Hey,” she said as she slipped into the passenger seat. “Thanks again.”
Lexa smiled warmly. “I don't mind,” she told her.
Just as Lexa was getting ready to pull out of her spot, Clarke caught a glimpse of her reflection and practically screamed.
“What?” Lexa asked as she slammed on the brakes.
Clarke ripped down the visor and stared it the mirror. “Oh my f…” she breathed. “My face.”
“Clarke, it's fine.” Lexa told her quickly.
“Fine?” Clarke unintentionally snapped. “Lexa, I look like I got into a fight with a cheese grater!” It was true.
“Clarke,” Lexa said as she shifted the car back into park. “You were in a car accident.”
“I know,” Clarke said as she shook her head, trying desperately not to cry. "I just, I didn't know I looked so…”
“It'll heal,” Lexa assured her. “Your mother doesn't even think that there will be much scarring.”
“It's so ugly,” Clarke's hands moved to cover her face.
Lexa reached out and took her hands. “No,” she shook her head.
Clarke stared at her, fighting the urge to rip her hands away and cover her face, but as she looked into Lexa's eyes, she suddenly felt calm. “Okay,” she finally said.
“Okay,” Lexa nodded and gave her hands a squeeze before letting go.
When they were getting close to Clarke's, Lexa cleared her throat. “You should talk to O,” she said quietly.
Clarke's brow furrowed. “About what?”
“She said you two got into it yesterday,” Lexa answered.
Clarke felt her heart freeze. Oh shit. Fuck. What did Octavia do?
“She’s feeling pretty guilty about what happened to you,” Lexa explained. "I can tell."
Clarke felt her face slip into a frown. “It’s not her fault.”
“I know,” Lexa responded quickly. “But, she said something about pushing too hard and you leaving, and then the accident. So, talk to her.”
“I will,” Clarke nodded. ”I absolutely will.”
Octavia didn't have anything to feel guilty about. It was just an accident. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault.
Hours later they were lounging together on the couch. After food, a nap and more food, there really wasn't much else that Clarke could do besides lounge and watch television, so that's what they were doing. Lexa was stretched out with Clarke laying across her, her head resting on her stomach. It had been a do nothing day, basically exactly what her mother ordered.
There had always been something about being close to Lexa that made Clarke feel good. It made her feel safe and warm - it made her feel at home and right now, she needed that, perhaps more than ever before. Several times, she found herself wondering if it was wrong to be cuddling with Lexa now, but every time she thought it, quickly she pushed it away. Nothing could ever be wrong about cuddling with Lexa. Of all the crazy things going through her mind right now, that was the one thing that she adamantly refused to have any doubt in.