Chapter 37
Lexa rolled over in her bed and yawned. She felt really good. She had miraculously cleared all of her work the night before, then had taken a long hot shower and gone straight to bed. She glanced at the clock. She had slept for almost ten hours. Damn. Forget good, she felt fucking great.
Slipping out of her bed, Lexa gave her body a good, long stretch and then quickly retrieved some clothes from her dresser. She knew that it was Sunday, but she was pretty sure that she would already have new items waiting in her inbox. That’s how it had been for weeks, a steady stream of work and it was, to put it simply - awesome. Pulling on jeans and a large, bulky hoodie Lexa made to the bathroom to brush her teeth and deal with the normal morning routine. Afterward, she made her way out to the kitchen - first things first, she needed some coffee.
“You're up early,” Lexa said as she spotted Anya on the couch.
“I am,” Anya acknowledged with a nod and took a sip of her coffee.
Lexa shrugged and made her way into the kitchen. After pouring herself a cup of coffee, she sat down at the table, ready to get back to it, however, something was missing. She thought for moment. Where did she last have her laptop? Getting up she walked into the living room and glanced at the coffee table. Nope. She turned down the hall and went to her bedroom to check her desk. Still nothing. What the hell?
“Anya,” Lexa called as she came back out. “Have you seen my laptop?”
Anya looked up. “The last time that I saw your laptop, it was in the hands of a very unhappy looking blonde,” she answered simply.
Lexa's eyes narrowed as a pang of fury instantly went off deep in her chest. “What?”
Anya nodded, a serious, yet smug look on her face.
Fucking Clarke.
“Are you kidding me?” Lexa mumbled to herself as she turned on her heel and stormed back to her bedroom. Ripping her phone off of the nightstand, she went to her recent calls and hit Clarke's name. Not a moment later, Clarke appeared on the screen. Great. A fucking FaceTime.
“Where the hell is my laptop?” Lexa demanded instantly.
Clarke looked at her, remaining seemingly calm. “Good morning to you too, Lexa,” she said simply.
“Clarke!” Lexa snapped fiercely. “Where the f…”
The screen went black.
Lexa stared at it for a second. Seriously? She took a deep breath and hit the redial button. Clarke quickly answered.
“Good morning, Clarke,” Lexa greeted her though her clenched teeth. “Where's my laptop?”
“You don't need your laptop, Lexa.” Clarke replied quickly.
“What the fuck do you mean I don't need it?” Lexa asked harshly. “Of course I fucking…”
Lexa caught a glimpse of an eye roll and the screen went black again.
“Ugh.” Lexa grunted. This bitch. She bit down on her knuckle hard and hit the redial button again, and again, Clarke answered.
“Stop fucking hanging up on me!” Lexa yelled quickly. “Now tell me where…”
Yet again, the screen went black.
“God damn it!” Lexa spat loudly as she kicked her nightstand. “Fuck!” She groaned as she fell over on to her bed, gripping her foot. She had totally forgotten that she was barefoot. Shit.
Lexa hit the redial button again, but this time, Clarke didn't answer. She tried again, nothing. Again, still nothing. Five calls in a row went unanswered before Lexa finally fired off a text as she continued to examine her toes.
Lexa: Answer your fucking phone!
Clarke: Exactly who the hell are you talking to?
Lexa: Clarke! Answer your phone.
Lexa: I need my laptop!
Clarke: You don't.
Lexa: I do!
Lexa: What the hell were you thinking???
Clarke: You know precisely what I was thinking. I told you what I was thinking.
Lexa: And I told you that I was fine.
Clarke: You're not fine.
Lexa: I am.
Lexa rubbed her eyes. this was unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable! Who the hell did Clarke think she was? She had no right. No fucking right!
Lexa: I want my laptop back.
Clarke: No.
Lexa: Now Clarke.
Lexa: Stop fucking around.
Clarke: I’m not fucking around, Lexa. You need to stop.
Lexa: I mean it, Clarke. I have work to do.
Clarke: It can wait.
Lexa: Bring me my fucking laptop or so help me, I’m coming over there and getting it myself.
Clarke: You want it?
Lexa: Yes!!!
Clarke: Come and get it.
Clarke: IMG_287
Lexa stared at the picture and her eyes rolled with annoyance. No fucking way.
Lincoln’s words rang out in her head…. Since when does Clarke play fair?
She clenched her teeth, suddenly feeling sick.
Lexa: So not fair.
Clarke: So don't care.
Clarke: You want it, come and get it.
Lexa glanced at the picture again. There on the screen, was her laptop and it was resting firmly on the lap of a very disappointed looking Abigail Griffin.
Fuck.
Lexa limped out of her room grumbling.
“You alright?” Anya asked as she glanced up.
“Clarke,” Lexa spat angrily. “She gave my fucking laptop to Abby.”
“Ha” Anya scoffed and shook her head. “She called in Abby? You're screwed.”
“Shut up,” Lexa snapped quickly. “Why would you even let her take it?”
“Because she's worried about you.” Anya said as she stood up. “We all are.”
“I'm fine!” Lexa said loudly.
“You're not,” Anya fired back at her, “and everyone can see that, except for you.”
Lexa took a deep breath and glared at her sister. This was bullshit.
Slipping into her boots, Lexa grabbed her keys and stormed out to her car. Such bullshit.
The drive to Jake and Abby’s wasn't exceptionally long, but it wasn't exactly short either and it did nothing to calm Lexa's nerves or her temper. Clarke taking her laptop was bad enough, but the fact that she had involved Jake and Abby, that was just unnecessary – uncalled for even. Betrayed. That was exactly how Lexa felt. Betrayed and angry. No. Betrayed and furious. Fucking furious.
As she pulled up in front of the house, Lexa took a deep breath. No sooner had she stepped out of the car and Jake stepped out of the front door. He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave her a sad and almost sympathetic look as he waited for her. “She’s in her office,” he told her when she approached.
Lexa nodded and stepped through the front door. The first thing that she saw was Clarke and that pang of fury went off in her chest again. Clarke stood up, her blue eyes hardened and stern, she raised her chin as if to show that she was ready for anything that Lexa was going to throw at her. Lexa took a deep breath and stepped forward.
“Lexa?” Abby's voice broke into the silence and Lexa froze. With one more piercing look at Clarke, she turned and walked toward Abby's office. Sticking her head inside, she found Abby sitting at her desk with the laptop in front of her.
“Come in and have a seat, Lexa,” Abby said quickly. “Sit.”
“I'm not staying,” Lexa shook her head as she stepped inside. “I just came for my laptop.”
“Sit.” Abby said firmly and just like that, Lexa sat down. Such bullshit.
They sat in silence for a few moments. Abby seemed to just be taking her in. It was rather unnerving and honestly, kind of annoying.
“Do you want to tell me what's going on?” Abby finally asked.
“Nothing.” Lexa answered. “Nothing is going on.”
“Well, everyone seems to think somethings going on,” Abby shook her head, “so, I guess I’m just going to call bullshit on that response.”
“Everyone’s wrong,” Lexa crossed her arms. “I've just been busy.”
“Busy,” Abby echoed.
“Working,” Lexa clarified for her.
“From what I hear, you're working too much.” Abby told her.
“I'm not.” Lexa shook her head. “You don't understand.”
“Then make me understand,” Abby now crossed her arms. “Your pumping out article after article, meeting with clients, taking meetings, barely eating and from what I know, barely sleeping either, so, make me understand.”
“It's important,” Lexa answered without looking at her. “Damn it, I'm trying to make something of myself.”
“You've already done that,” Abby shook her head.
“I haven't,” Lexa snapped lightly. “It's not enough.”
“What's not enough?” Abby questioned her curiously.
Lexa was suddenly hot, too hot. She pulled off her hoodie, which left her in only a tank top. “Me,” she spat furiously.
Abby's eyes softened. “Lexa,” she said tenderly. “You're more than enough.”
“I'm not.” Lexa shook her head. “I've never been and I need to be, if I…” she stopped short and shook her head. "Fuck.”
Abby got up and moved into a seat next to her. “Lexa, you’ve already come so far, but what you're doing now, it's just not healthy.”
“I'm fine.” Lexa insisted as she averted her eyes.
Abby's hand suddenly went to the side of Lexa's head, her thumb stroking over a scar that lay hidden beneath her mass of dark curls. “Do you remember?” She asked quietly.
Lexa turned and looked at her for a moment, then closed her eyes and sighed softly. Of course, she remembered. How could she forget?
Her mind flashed back
She had run herself ragged in college. She had pushed her body too far. Between her heavy course schedule and working multiple jobs, food and sleep were often forgotten or cast aside and finally her body revolted, causing her to pass out at the top of a stairwell. She didn't remember the fall, only waking up in the hospital two days later to learn that she’d suffered a collapsed lung, a broken arm and that her skull had been split wide open. Abby had kept her admitted for more than a week. It was beyond embarrassing and had scared the life out of everyone, especially Clarke.
Suddenly similarities between then and now flooded Lexa's mind and her heart sank. Shit. She looked down at her hands and nodded. “I remember.”
“You were lucky last time,” Abby told her. “Now you need to stop.”
“I’m just…,” Lexa shook her head as she quickly brushed the moisture from her eyes. “I'm trying to be somebody.”
“Lexa,” Abby's voice was soft and kind. “Sweetheart, you are somebody.”
Lexa shook her head and rubbed her eyes.
It wasn't enough. It had never been enough. Hell, maybe it would ever be enough, but Abby was right. She needed to stop. Clearly she had already gone too far. She wasn't trying to hurt herself or anyone else, and didn't want to end up back in the hospital. It was time to back off. She had to get it back under control.
“You have so many people who love and respect you,” Abby continued. “You have them all so worried.”
“I didn't mean to,” Lexa shook her head. Fuck.
“I know.” Abby shook her head and she pulled her into a hug. "I know that you didn't."
They stayed that way for a few minutes. Damn Clarke. How the hell did she know that it would be Abby that would make a dent? How the hell did Abby know how?
“So,” Lexa said as she finally pulled away. “Are you going to let me have my laptop?”
“Can I trust you to take care of yourself?” Abby asked her.
Lexa nodded.
“You know that I have eyes everywhere,” Abby reminded her as she stood up.
Lexa grinned. “I know,” she nodded again. “You can trust me,” she told her. It was true.
“I know,” Abby nodded as she walked over to her desk and picked up the laptop. “Don't make me regret this,” she added as she held it out to her.
Lexa stood up and took her laptop. “I won't,” she promised.
“Next time,” Abby said as she crossed her arms. “I’ll let Jake experiment with his power saw.”
Lexa chuckled, but she knew that Abby was being completely serious.
Scooping up her hoodie, Lexa made her way to the door.
“One more thing,” Abby stopped her.
Lexa turned and looked at her. "Yes?”
“Go easy on Clarke,” Abby said sternly as she met her eyes. “She had good reasons.”
Lexa swallowed hard, but only nodded before she turned and walked out of the room.
Right. Clarke.
Lexa walked down the hall and deposited her laptop and hoodie on the dining room table as she glanced into the living room where Clarke was sitting. As soon as she entered the room, Clarke stood up, that same unapologetic look on her face as she squared her shoulders and set her jaw.
Lexa eyed her and stepped forward. “You took my laptop,” she said firmly.
“I did,” Clarke responded with a nod, her eyebrow lifting slightly. Fearless.
"You gave it to Abby," Lexa kept her tone even.
Clarke only nodded, her eyes completely unwavering.
They stared at each other.
Lexa felt her features soften. “Thank you,” she said softly.
Clarke stared at her, her eyes misting over. Clearly the emotion was just too much. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. “You're such a jerk,” she whispered.
Lexa grinned in spite of herself as she pulled her closer. “So are you,” she reminded her quietly.