Chapter 36
Clarke was frustrated. A few days had passed since her explosive dinner with Lexa and now she was just, frustrated. Frustrated and worried, definitely worried.
When she had first opened the door to find Lexa standing there, her heart damn near burst with joy, five minutes later though, as Lexa’s eyes kept bouncing to the clock and she took in that nervous tick about her, her heart simply sank. She should have known that this was coming. She should have seen it. All those weeks ago, when they had fought at Monty’s over Lexa spending Christmas alone and working – that should have been her warning, but, she had let it go. She had let it go for the sake of peace and now Lexa had clearly gone from bad to worse.
“Excuse me?’ An older woman asked, raising her hand slightly.
Clarke smiled and made her way over the table. “What can I get you?”
“Just some cream, please.” The woman replied sweetly. “Try as I may, I just can’t drink my coffee without it.”
“Sorry about that,” Clarke replied pleasantly. “I’ll be right back.”
She returned just a moment later and placed the cream on the table before apologizing for having forgot it in the first place. Clearly, her mind was not completely focused on her job at the moment.
Clarke knew that it had irritated Lexa when she had called her obsessed, but that exactly how she’d been behaving. She had chosen that word specifically, as she was trying to make a point. A point, which Lexa quickly disregarded. No one knew exactly how many articles Lexa had been putting out lately, only that they just kept coming. The girl was on fire, there was no doubt about that, everyone could see it, but the toll that it was taking on her was not one that Clarke felt should be ignored. She’d seen that look in Lexa before, it had frightened her then and it frightened her now and really, the only thing that she found more frightening, was the blind eye that Lexa was turning to the obvious. Eventually, she was going to crash. She was going to crash and it was going to be bad, just like last time.
Clarke sighed as she leaned her elbows on to the counter and rubbed her temples. Lexa just wouldn’t listen, not to her or anyone else apparently. Hell, at this point, she was probably so far gone that she was actually incapable of listening. All she was seeing was the work that needed to be done.
Everyone knew that Lexa was driven - excessively driven, she always had been. Her work was extremely important to her and she poured everything that she had into it. She was a workaholic - everyone knew it. However, the problem was that Lexa wasn’t just a typical workaholic in the terms that she really enjoyed her work and was heavily devoted to her career, no. For Lexa, it ran deeper – dangerously deeper. It was a behavioral pattern, an inner compulsion and when it reared, Lexa saw nothing else. Nothing. The blinders would go up and she would just force herself forward, insistent on work and pretty much nothing else. It was a serious problem and something that she usually kept in check, but the sight of her the other night told Clarke that it was obviously anything but in check.
“Hey,” Raven said as she slipped onto a stool in front of her.
“Hey,” Clarke replied softly as she straightened up.
“Thinking about Lexa?” Raven asked, clearly already knowing the answer.
Clarke nodded and turned around to get her a cup of coffee. “Have you seen her?” She asked without looking at her.
“I have,” Raven acknowledged with a long, slow nod.
“And?” Clarke set the cup down in front of her.
“Anya’s worried.” Raven responded and Clarke could see that there was concern in her eyes too.
“She won’t listen to me,” Clarke shook her head. Not even a little bit.
“You tried to talk to her about it?” Raven inquired curiously.
“Not exactly,” Clarke shrugged. “I told her that I thought she needed to take a step back. It didn’t go so well from there.”
“I should have known,” Raven shook her head, “when she got all crazy over her laptop screen getting busted.”
“I should have known, when she spent Christmas working.” Clarke crossed her arms. “There’s no way that we could have though. It’s been a long time.”
It was true. It had been a long time since Lexa had acted like this. Not since college. The last time it got away from her, it had ended badly and Clarke really didn’t want to see that happen again. It was scary and had shaken everyone right to their cores. There had only been one other thing that had ever shaken them all like that and that had been the day that Raven had her car accident.
Raven took a sip of her coffee. “I was over there last night,” she shook her head again. “God, she was awful. She finally ended up storming off to her room to work because she said that she could hear us breathing and it was distracting.”
That was another thing that would happen. Lexa, who was generally beyond sweet, would become a much meaner version of herself. She would become short and aggressive, lashing out over the smallest, most ridiculous things ever and not even thinking twice about it. Clarke blamed it on the lack of rest that she would allow both her mind and body to have, the rest that they both needed.
“Well, what were you two doing?” Clarke chuckled jokingly.
Raven shot her a playful glare. “Watching a movie,” she answered quickly. “Asshole.”
Clarke knew that she had to do something, she simply didn't have a clue what to do though. Lexa wouldn’t listen - she wouldn't and Clarke was afraid that if she pushed too hard, Lexa would just push her away completely and then throw herself even further into her work, effectively making herself much worse. A lose-lose situation. That’s what it felt like.
Clarke felt her phone buzz inside her apron.
Anya: This jerk.
Anya: IMG_262
Clarke stared down at the picture. Lexa was asleep at the kitchen table, her head resting on top of her closed laptop and her glasses slightly skewed on her face. It would have been absolutely adorable, if she hadn’t known what had led to it. Lexa looked smaller somehow, weaker and Clarke's heart broke at the sight, until something else in the corner of the picture caught her attention and her heart suddenly burst into flames of anger instead.
Clarke: Are those energy drinks???
Anya: Uh huh.
Anya: She’s been going through them like they're water.
This fucking idiot.
“What is it?” Raven asked curiously, obviously taking in the look on her face.
Clarke flipped the phone around and showed her the picture, zooming in on the cans captured in the corner. “Apparently, she needs a little help staying up to work now,” she explained.
“Ugh,” Raven shook her head, clearly disgusted. “That’s stuff is so bad for you and you know she’s probably barely eating as it is.”
“I know,” Clarke sighed. “That’s the last thing she needs to be putting into her system right now.”
Clarke: Stupid.
Anya: She is.
Clarke felt her jaw clench as she took a steadying breath. Lexa never drank energy drinks - ever, she knew better. She was a health nut - a personal trainer for crying out loud, she knew that they were nothing but garbage. Shaking her head quickly, Clarke gave her eyes a hard rub. Okay, that's it. Red flag. Huge red flag. This has to stop. It has to stop right now.
Fuck it. Let her be pissed.
Clarke: As soon as you get the chance, bring me that fucking laptop.