Chapter 9
Anya stood in the doorway watching as her sister paced all through the apartment with a pair of earbuds planted firmly in her ears. It seemed that Lexa hadn't noticed her there because she seemed lost in a world of her one. simply shifting back forth between steps and slick movements, something between walking and dancing. Anya glanced at the table and saw the laptop. Lexa was working. Ah. Anya knew that this little routine was a way that her sister would untangle all of the thoughts in her head when she was working on something important. Deciding it was best to leave her be, she picked up her keys and left quietly.
Lexa saw Anya leave, but just kept pacing through the apartment, every now and again glancing at her computer screen. Her head was full, too full and none of her words were coming out right. She spun three times on her heels and walked into the kitchen.
It had been weeks since she'd called and left Clarke that voicemail, but Clarke never called her back. Maybe she’d waited too long? Maybe if she had just listened to the voicemails and called her back in the beginning, things would be different? It didn't really matter though, because she didn't and so her first real face to face interaction with Clarke in weeks consisted of Clarke jumping down her throat at Polis about Costia and Kane. The worst part was that it was a total misunderstanding.
Lexa had been getting ready for a date with Costia when a call came though from one of the magazines that she freelanced for asking her to meet with Kane that night. The person who was supposed to meet with him had fallen ill and they needed it taken care of for an article about an upcoming event. Not wanting to break her plans, and knowing Kane personally, Lexa simply called him and asked if they could meet at Polis, thinking that they could have their meeting, and then she could just transition right into her date.
Then Clarke appeared - God. The way that she walked up and pulled Lexa aside, you really wouldn't have known that it had been so long since they'd spoken, but was the look in her eyes, and the audacity of her questions that had set Lexa off.
She knew that Clarke could be really insecure - really insecure, but was it insecurity that caused her to accuse Lexa of possibly doing something that would effect her job, or even her reputation in the gallery? Perhaps more had been broken between them than either of them realized.
“Asshole,” Lexa said loudly as she slammed her glass down hard on the counter. The music in her ears changed. She shifted her feet, swaying her hips slightly and moved across the room.
She had thought about calling Clarke out in the event update last Saturday, she really, really had, but it wasn't a conversation that she wanted to have publicly. She thought about calling her again, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She’d done her part - she put herself out there. If Clarke really wanted to talk, she'd call.
Her thoughts went to Finn as she stood in place moving from side to side following the beat. This fucking guy. It was true, Clarke is a grown woman and could drink whatever she'd like, but, whiskey, really? Everyone knew how bad whiskey was for Clarke, and Finn should have been looking out for her. She could tell that Monty had been apprehensive, and hell, even Raven spoke up, but not Finn. Nope. Nothing. If anything, he was all for it.
Lexa leaned back against the counter and gave her neck a long stretch. She wasn't surprised when the message came through this morning in last weeks news event. She knew that it would and she knew that Clarke would hate the fact that she'd been right. Though now, she couldn't help but wonder what could have possibly happened this time. After all, the last time Clarke had drank whiskey she was almost arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct.
Costia: Morning. Want to go have breakfast?
Lexa glanced at her phone and then looked at the blank document that was glaring back at her from her computer screen. Her stomach rumbled lightly.
Lexa: Can’t. Working. Lunch?
Costia: Hmm. I going to hold you to that.
Lexa: Please do.
Pushing her phone aside, Lexa stared at her laptop. She needed to work on the article for the gallery, it was due the following night at midnight. This particular magazine released monthly issues and the next one was due out soon. It had to get finished. Unfortunately, the article in question was about a series of showcases featuring local artists that would be happening in the upcoming months. One of them, of course, being the very talented, Clarke Griffin.
Because naturally, Lexa needed more reasons to have Clarke's name fresh in her mind.
Clarke was a very talented artist, there was no denying that. There was just something in her work that always seemed to pull an emotional response out of people. It was in the lines and the details, in the choice she made. It was like she just knew how to bring it all together in perfection. She poured so much of herself into her work, that it seemed to spill out and wash over people when they looked at it. Lexa knew that her go-to was working with charcoal, but she could do amazing things with a paintbrush too, bringing out details that she wasn't even sure a camera could catch.
“Okay,” Lexa mumbled to herself as she sat up in her chair. “Let's do this.”
A little while later Anya returned and as she passed by Lexa, she set an apple on the table next to her computer. Lexa released a warm smile and simply shook her head.
“How the article coming?” Anya asked as she hung up her jacket.
Lexa continued typing. “Some parts are easier than others,” she answered quietly.
“Because it's hard to write something positive about someone who's eliciting such negative feelings from you?”
“Pretty much,” Lexa replied without taking her eyes off of the screen.
Anya nodded, she could understand that. She cleared her throat. “Next we have the amazing Clarke Griffin, while her talent is one that no one could argue, her life choices have been shit lately. Check out the work, but stay away from the woman,” she suggested in a playful tone.
Lexa stopped typing. “While I like it, I'm not sure that's going to make the final edit,” she grinned lightly.
Anya nodded and watched as she resumed her typing. “So, have you thought about maybe trying to get a hold of her again?”
“I have.” Lexa admitted. “But, I won't.”
“Why not?” her sister asked curiously. She knew that Lexa still missed Clarke.
Unfortunately, it seemed like the more time that was passing, the more angry and resentful Lexa was becoming. Everyone was noticing the changes in them both. A few days prior she'd had lunch with Raven and they'd discussed the two. In the end it seemed that Clarke was a spiraling hot mess of emotion, while was Lexa was heading toward an emotional shut down.
“I just can't.” Lexa answered in short.
“Stop being so proud.” Anya told her suddenly and then blinked at her own words. When did she become team Griffin? “From what I've gathered, there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding happening with the two of you, but nothing's going to get better if one of you don't take an actual step forward.”
Lexa slammed her laptop shut. She’d already tried to take a step forward with Clarke. She called her, but Clarke never called her back. It was true, she could go to the gallery. She could show up at the diner or even Clarke's apartment, but why should she? No. She didn't start all of this. If it was going to get better, Clarke had to put forth the effort. He had to. She had called her back - regardless of how long it took, she did it. The ball was in Clarke's court now.
Lexa got up and started to walk away.
“Where are you going?” Anya asked her quickly.
“To shower.” Lexa answered without looking at her. “I'm having lunch with Costia.”
When Lexa was gone, Anya pulled out her phone and fired off a text to Raven.
Anya: These two dummies.
Raven: I know, I know. It's getting really bad.
Anya: So, what happened last night?
Raven: WWIII.
Anya: I really don't want to get involved in Lexa's business, but…
Raven: But, we may not have to.
Anya: ???
Raven: Clarke's going to see Jake.
Anya: Finally.
Clarke was going to see her father. This meant several things. Clarke was crashing, and really couldn't cope with whatever was going on inside her head. If she was going to see her father, it meant that she had finally recognized how out of control she was. Everyone knew that if anyone could sort Clarke out - other than Lexa, it was Jake. Clarke had a way of getting lost inside herself and when that happened, one by one, pieces of Clarke would go into shutdown. But like Lexa, Jake was like a reboot button for her.
Everyone adored Jake, both of her parents, really. They were just genuinely good people, who had always treated all of them with acceptance and respect and Anya knew that Clarke was an amazing blend of these two wonderful people.
Another thing she knew was that as a human being, Clarke made mistakes. Hell, they all did. Unfortunately though, Clarke could be quite headstrong and when she really made a mistake, all she knew how to do was run with it. She'd flip into autopilot, flashing between hot and cold, convinced that she was being clear as day, while being anything but understandable. She'd become a volatile version of herself.
Normally, it was Lexa that helped maintain the balance.
Lexa... Anya shook her head.
She too was becoming a different version of herself. Regardless of whether Clarke had actually chosen Finn over her or not, in that moment, Lexa had taken it as such and the effect that it had had on her was devastating. It had cut too deep, reaching her very core and the wave of emotion that was released had left her shaken. Lexa was an amazing woman, everyone agreed, but she was also exceptionally proud. Anya knew that she was embarrassed that Clarke somehow had the ability to affect her so. Her pride had taken a hit and now her stubborn steak would kick in and prevent her from doing something that would allow that to happen again.
And then there was Costia. Anya pinched the bridge of her nose as she released the tiniest of grins and shook her head.
She had only been around her a handful of times, but she seemed nice enough. She knew that Lexa had been spending more time with her, but wasn’t exactly sure of what they really were. On a level though, she felt for the woman. She had basically come into the picture right at the beginning of all of this, and in truth, things would likely be completely different if Lexa and Clarke were finally able to reconcile. She would be introduced to a whole new world of crazy with those two dummies, but the question was, would she be able to adapt?