Chapter 6
Anya: What the hell did you do, Clarke?
Clarke didn’t answer - she couldn't. She was sitting on her couch with her head in her hands, her eyes red and swollen and her chest heaving. As the tears ran down her cheeks she gripped her hair tightly and muffled out a scream. It was too much. The look on Lexa’s face and the heartbreaking tone of her voice had literally sliced through her like a knife and though Clarke had thought that she had been prepared, in the end, she was far from right.
She and Lexa would still see each other though, just not as much, right? It would be fine. They’d still talk and text, email and Skype. It would be fine.
She wasn't choosing one over the other. No. That's not what this was. She was simply taking a step back in an attempt to focus more on Finn. After over a year together, she owed him that much. Didn't she?
As Clake and Finn argued and talked, screamed and cried, she learned things. Things she had never thought about or honestly really considered. It seemed as though even Finn came to realize and understand things more too.
In the beginning, things with Finn had been good - really good, for a while actually, and then things slowly started to change. He became emotionally distant and would disappear for days on end without a word or even a reason. He’d say that he was working or hanging with the guys and after awhile it just became their kind of normal. What Clarke had never considered was that there was a reason. A real reason, and one that to Finn, was actually painful.
It was Lexa.
It had turned out that from Finn’s perspective - Lexa was golden and she could do no wrong. No matter what she faced, be it personal or in business, she always seemed to come out on top. Somehow, she always made it work, she’d always found a way and amazingly, even when people were disappointed, they still just loved her anyway.
He didn't miss the comments and jokes that were made by their friends, comparing the two of them and stating that there was no competition. In the beginning the comments didn't really bother him, but after awhile, they finally started to sink in.
Things had never come easy for Finn, and though Lexa had been made to walk a rougher path, she had been afforded more opportunities through her uncle’s connections and her own raw talent and that seemed to make all the difference. Didn't it matter how hard Finn had worked or tried, or even cared? It never seemed to - nothing had been good enough. The comments and jokes still flowed like wine and all that Finn could do was crack a smile and go with the flow.
But the reality is, you can only hear comments like that so many times before you actually start to believe them and eventually he did, so he just stopped trying. He did his thing and he let Clarke do hers, figuring that they’d would either make it or they wouldn't.
Finn and Lexa were friends, he loved her - he did, but, over time, he had also comes to resent her, through no real fault of her own.
When Clarke finally let all of this sink in she felt awful. Was it fair, really? To be in a relationship, but constantly hear that you’ll never be good enough – that you'll never measure up? And even worse, not to be compared to a former partner, but to your girlfriends best friend of all things.
Because Clarke had always taken the comments as jokes, she never considered how they might have been affecting Finn and she had never, not even once, said anything to assure him that they were, in fact, untrue. How different would things be if she had? How different would he be?
Would it even have been an issue if Clarke and Lexa’a history wasn't what it was? If they had never slept together, would anyone be comparing the two? No one compared Finn to Octavia, so why Lexa?
Finn deserved a chance to just be Finn, without the pressure of measuring up to Lexa. Didn't he?
The following day as she was leaving her gallery job to rush to her diner job things only got worse.
“Clarke Griffin,” Anya's voice echoed down the street as she stormed towards Clarke.
Clarke swallowed hard. She had been dreading this. While she honestly adored both of the sisters, Lexa really was the sweeter of the two. “Anya, listen…”
CRACK!
Light exploded in Clarke's vision as Anya's fist collided with her left cheekbone. “Anya!” she gasped as her hand went to her face and she stumbled backward.
“What the hell is wrong with you? After everything, you’re just going to cast Lexa aside for fuck-boy Finn?”
“Anya..”
“Don’t bother, Clarke. There is nothing you can say that makes what I came home to last night okay,” Anya cut her off. “You have the nerve to tell her that she’s the reason you and Finn have problems? Are you fucking kidding me? YOU and FINN are the reason you have problems - not, my sister!”
Clarke stood thunderstruck. She'd never seen Anya so angry.
“You really think that you're saving your relationship? What a joke." Anya raged on with fire in her eyes. “Everyone knows that you can only function for so long without my sister. What do you think is going to happen when you finally crash, hm?”
“Anya, I don't..I didn’t,” Clarke stuttered, feeling as though her brain was spinning inside her head. Without Lexa? "That's not..."
“Lexa never would have done that to you,” Anya cut her off again, her voice was thick with disgust. “Not for anyone.”
When Anya walked away Clarke just stood there. Her faced tensed up as tears threatened to spill from her eyes once more. She needed to get to work - right now. She couldn't fall apart here.
Finally reaching the diner, Clarke made her way into the bathroom and quickly changed. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror she sighed. Shit. That was going to leave a mark. She shouldn’t have been surprised that Anya had hit her, really she shouldn't have, but still, on a level, she was. Exiting the bathroom she made her way into the back are where she quickly fashioned an icepack and then went out front to get some coffee.
“Geez Clarke, who took a piece of you?” Raven said from the counter where she was sitting with Jasper.
“Raven? Jasper?” Clarke blinked. She hadn’t expected to see them. “What are you guys doing her?”
“Lunch, before I fly out,” Jasper answered with a simple shrug. “So, what happened?”
Clarke swallowed. “Anya,” she said motioning to her cheek.
“Anya?!” Raven's eyes widened with shock and then quickly narrowed with curiosity. It would take something pretty extreme for Anya to actually hit Clarke. “Why would Anya hit you?”
Clarke shook her head. “It’s a long story.”
Raven turned and glanced at the clock. “Your shift doesn’t start for another ten,” she told her. “Spill.”
Clarke sighed and proceeded to give them a very abridged version of what had happened, trying her best to stress all the points that she believed were relevant in her decision.
Amazingly enough, Raven remained silent for the entire explanation, and even at the end, said nothing.
“Hang on,” Jasper said quietly, his face twisted up in confusion, “so, because Finn was unintentionally hurt, you intentionally hurt Lexa?”
Clarke blinked and looked at him. She hadn’t expected that and somehow, it frustrated her. “Like you’ve never hurt anyone, Jasper,” she said, suddenly feeling defensive.
Jasper’s face dropped, he looked offended. “I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone. I might be a fuck up, but it’s never been on purpose,” he stood up and turned to Raven. “I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll meet you back at your place,” he said and walked out.
Clarke looked at Raven, her face stern. “Are you going to bite my head off too?”
Raven glanced at the clock. The ten minutes were up. “I’ll take a coffee, please,” she said, keeping her tone even.
Clarke stared at her for a second and then turned to retrieve the cup of coffee. Placing it in front of her, she sighed. “Is that all?”
Raven looked up, with what seemed to be some kind of disappointment showing in her face. “You know I support you, Clarke – always, but I can understand Anya’s anger.
Clarke felt her brow furrow as stared back at her just feeling all of her emotions churning inside. How did this get so bad, so fast?
As word of what happened spread within their group, several conversations were had and in the end the only two people who didn’t take a neutral position were, unsurprisingly, Anya and Jasper.
It was the third Wednesday of the month when Clarke found herself out to lunch with Octavia and Raven. It had been just over two weeks since she and Lexa had last spoke and she wasn’t surprised that Lexa had made no attempt to contact her, though so many times she had found herself picking up her phone wanting to share something with Lexa, only to remember a second later that she had been the one who requested the space.
She sighed as her mind went to Finn. Things had been better, but only slightly and there was no way to deny that it was a bit frustrating. With the way things had been for so long, they had basically had their own time mapped out to their own needs and now that they were trying to spend more time together, this was proving problematic.
Suddenly her eyes fell on a local events pamphlet and a bell went off in her head. Scooping up the pamphlet, she quickly began flipping through the pages.
Octavia and Raven were chatting over their salads when Clarke briskly returned to the table. “Who the hell is Costia?” She questioned, sitting down with a thump.
“Lexa’s new girl,” Raven answered offhandedly, without looking at her or apparently picking up on the annoyed tone in her voice.
Clarke’s eyes went wide. “Raven, give me your phone,” she demanded quickly and held out her hand.
“You have your own phone.” Raven pointed out. “Why do you need mine?”
“Because Lexa’s not going to answer if it’s me calling,” Clarke explained matter-of-factly, “and I want to know how long she’s known that this Costia is the one who filled my time slot.”
Octavia’s jaw slacked a bit as Raven’s eyebrows went up. “Clarke,” Raven began.
“Please,” Clarke said simply.
Clarke was so focused on Raven that she didn’t see Octavia take out her own phone and fire off a quick text.
Octavia: Incoming.
Lexa: The hell?
When Raven finally handed over her phone Clarke immediately went to the recent list and hit Lexa’s name. To her surprise, it opened a video chat screen and began dialing Lexa, who after a moment answered. There she was, with her chestnut curls wildly untamed and a pair of glasses on the tip of her nose. Her focus seemed to be elsewhere and the distant clicking told Clarke she was typing, probably working on an article. A pang of emotion went off deep in Clarke chest. Focus.
“What’s up, Raven?” Lexa finally said, without looking at the screen. “I’m a little busy right now.”
“Hello Lexa,” Clarke replied in an even tone.
The typing stopped instantly and Lexa’s jaw went tight, slowly her eyes dragged over toward the screen. “Clarke,” she said quietly. “What do you want?”
“I want to know how long you’ve known that it was your girlfriend took my time slot,” Clarke replied rather harshly.
Lexa didn’t react to the word girlfriend or the accusation of how Clarke’s spot had been taken. “Not long,” Lexa told her as she simply resumed her typing, “but, thank you for reminding me. I’d hate to miss it.”
Clarke was stung by Lexa’s nonchalant response. “Is this your way of getting back at me?”
“No Clarke,” Lexa sighed without looking at the screen. “Costia had your spot before you stopped speaking to me.”
“I didn’t stop speaking to you, Lexa.” Clarke insisted. Seriously?
Lexa paused and looked blankly at the screen, but she didn’t say anything and after a few seconds simply went back to her typing.
“Do you think you can stop that for a moment?” Clarke lightly snapped. “It’s kind of rude.”
“Actually, I can’t. I have a deadline.” Lexa told her briskly. “Give my best to Finn,” she added and the screen went black.
Two nights later Costia performed at Grouders. Clarke refused to go.
Saturday morning Clarke’s phone began buzzing with excitement.
*******New Event Created********
Reyes: Who’s ready for a relaxing weekend at the lovely, albeit cramped, Casa de Rae???
Jasper: Relaxing? Stop lying. Though the cramped part it true…I’m in.
BabyBlake: Me too. I’ll bring food!
Reyes: Good. Food makes me happy.
Princess: Finn and I are in.
Reyes: Gross. Not so happy.
Princess: Oh, shut up.
BabyBlake: Ha. I love you, Rae.
Clarke wondered for a moment if Lexa would be there, but then had another thought.
Princess: Dibs on the spare bed!
JasperJ: Damn it!
BabyBlake: Shit. Now I’m not happy either.
Princess: :)
Linc: I’ll be there.
Clarke sighed. Ok. Lincoln was coming and he’d always been close to Lexa, so this was a good sign.
MontyG: Lincoln, can I ride with you?
Linc: Of course.
MontyG: Sweet. In.
Reyes: Jasper, beer?
Reyes: JASPER!!!
JasperJ: Got it. RoP?
Reyes: Hmmm. Cuervo.
Clarke groaned. Of course Raven would choose tequila for their Right of Passage.
BabyBlake:Nice!
JasperJ: No problem.
Princess: I hate you.
Collins: You just hate what tequila turns you into. ;)
Princess: Shut up, Finn!
Reyes: hahahaha
Reyes: Ok, so O’s on food. Jasper on booze. Anything else?
Reyes: Hang on…
Reyes: Anya! Commander! What say you?
Clarke held her breath.
A: No.
Commander: I have plans already.
Reyes: Seriously???
Linc: Come on…
BabyBlake: Boo.
MontyG :(
Clarke and Finn were the only ones to not respond to this news. Clarke sat staring at her phone with a prominent pout, she had really been hoping that they would be there. Suddenly, something in her stomach started to bubble.
Princess: What a crock of shit!
BabyBlake: CLARKE!!
Princess: What? It is!
Reyes: Clarke, stop!
Collins: They don’t want to come – leave it alone.
Princess: Fuck off, Finn.
A: Aw, trouble in paradise already?
Commander: Anya, don’t.
Princess: Fuck you, Anya.
A: Don’t make my hit you again.
Commander: Again?
Reyes: Uh oh…
A: Tell me Clarke, why would Lexa want to be anywhere near you?
Commander: Stop it.
Princess: Shut up!
A: Or Finn for that matter?
Commander: Anya – enough!
A: I thought you needed space?
Princess: Go to hell!
A: Hahaha.
Commander: Fuck. Raven!!!
Suddenly the conversation went blank. Raven had terminated the chat session.