Chapter 5
Clarke was frozen. Why was she frozen? Her voice was failing her. Caught in her throat, like a mouse in a trap. What was happening? This didn't make any sense. She was fully capable of speech. Fully capable of speaking her mind. Where were her words? She knew the answer. Why would her mouth speak it? Her eyes prickled and misted over as her mouth gaped ever slightly. Nothing was coming, so she did the only thing that she could think of and looked at Lexa. The blue hoping, pleading – silently praying that the green would just know what to do.
Fuck. That was all Lexa could think when Clarke looked at her. “Finn,” she began.
“Lexa, seriously,” Finn glared at her, “back the fuck off.”
Lexa stepped forward, her hands cupped behind her back as she inhaled deeply. She didn’t speak again, but only stared at Finn. Suddenly Bellamy turned, much in the same fashion and also faced Finn.
“You know, “ Finn sneered at Lexa, “this is all your fucking fault.”
Lexa didn’t flinch at his words. In fact, she showed no signs of emotion at all, but honestly, she was feeling them. Her fault? Really? What had she done? There was nothing going on between her and Clarke - nothing. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Finn,” she finally said.
“Seriously?” Finn scoffed. “You really think that I can't see it. That I don't know?”
Clarke's brow furrowed. What the hell was he talking about?
“You really need to stop, Finn.” Raven spoke up harshly.
“Yeah, you're acting like a total ass,” Octavia added.
“”Me?” Finn’s eyes widened.
“Yes, you.” Octavia responded. “There's nothing going on between Clarke and Lexa.”
Everyone knew that Clarke and Lexa had a history, but they also knew that Clarke and Lexa never cheated on their significant others. It just wasn't who they were. Had they messed around over the years? Sure. But, they'd never dated. Hell, they’d never even discussed dating.
“And really, if there was,” Anya's voice joined the argument. “Do you really think you'd stand a chance?”
Everyone turned to see that Anya had a appeared next to Lexa, her arms folded across her chest and a very arrogant look on her face. Lexa clenched her jaw as she slowly turned and looked at her sister. Not helping.
Finn looked like he was about to explode, but before he got the chance, another voice cut through the room. Monty’s.
“Okay guys, that’s enough.” He told them all. “We’re all hung over and edgy and this needs to stop before it passes the point of no return.”
Clarke stood silent, feeling absolutely mortified and then stormed forward, grabbing Finn’s wrist and dragging him back up to their room. Raven and Octavia exchanged a look and turned to Lexa. Hell no. Not this time. Lexa shook her head. She was not getting involved. Grabbing a bottle of water, she walked back out on to the deck and stared out over the railing.
Just like the previous argument with Finn, she knew that she hadn’t been doing anything wrong. But again, she suddenly felt guilty. Was Clarke’s friendship with her really putting that much of a strain on her relationship with Finn? It had been a couple of years since anything intimate like that had happened between her and Clarke. Why was it becoming an issue now?
Hearing slow approaching footsteps, Lexa didn’t have to turn to know who was coming up behind her.
“Was that really necessary, Anya?” Lexa asked turning around.
“Yes.” Anya replied simply as she sat down at the table and poured herself a glass of juice.
Lexa rolled her eyes, but remained silent.
“Listen Lexa,” Anya turned to face her. “Here's the thing; you are, well, you and Finn is, well, Finn. Anyone would choose you over Finn.”
“I know I would,” Octavia admitted as she sat down next to Anya.
Raven walked over and stood next to Lexa. “I would too,” she nodded. “Your remarkably defined body aside, you have way more to offer than Finn ever will.”
“I’m not offering anything though - that’s the point!” Lexa insisted loudly. “Clarke and I – it’s not like that. It’s never been like that!”
“Lexa, we know that,” Octavia assured her, “but sometimes, the way Clarke looks at you, or clings to you…”
“Or gets jealous when you take another girl to dinner.” Raven offered matter-of-factly. “Speaking of, what’s her name, anyway?”
“Costia.” Lexa answered. “But, it’s not a big deal. We’ve only had dinner a few times.”
“Is she nice?” Octavia asked curiously.
“Yes,” Lexa nodded, “she’s nice.”
“Do you think it could go somewhere?” Raven questioned as she went and sat down next to Anya.
Lexa shrugged. She hadn’t really given it too much thought. “I don’t know,” she answered softly. “I mean, I wouldn’t necessarily mind it if it went somewhere. I really enjoy spending time with her.”
Anya smiled. She had met Costia earlier in the week. She liked her.
For the next hour or more Finn and Clarke remained in their room, screaming at each other most of the time. Because Finn had been the last one to arrive, his a car was blocking the driveway, so no one could leave, and no one dared interrupt them and ask for it to be moved. So they waited, choosing to remain on the deck, as it was way too uncomfortable being anywhere in the house. When they finally emerged, Finn went directly to his car without speaking to anyone, but Clarke came out on the deck to let everyone know that she was leaving with him.
“Are you sure?” Octavia questioned her.
“You’ve got to be kidding.” Raven scoffed and rolled her eyes.
Clarke gave Lexa an assuring look. “I’ll call you,” she said, keeping an unusual distance, “or something,” she added quietly.
Lexa felt her brow furrow. This was weird. Not knowing what else to do though, she simply responded with a short nod and watched her walk away.
But, Clarke didn’t call that night. In fact, three nights passed before Clarke finally tried to contact Lexa. Luckily, Lexa was sitting at her computer when the Skype call came through.
“Hey you,” Lexa smiled when she saw her.
“Hi,” Clarke responded, but her smile was less than halfhearted. “I was wondering if we could talk – alone?”
Lexa swallowed hard. “Anya’s not here right now, so,” she motioned at her surroundings.
Clake simply nodded.
“How are you?” Lexa asked her as she took a sip of her wine.
Clarke bit her lip, but didn’t say anything.
Lexa could see that there was something on her mind or perhaps ever wrong, but whatever it was, Clarke seemed to be struggling with the words that she needed. “Is everything alright?” She finally asked.
“Lexa,” Clarke sighed. “Listen, I…I need some space.”
Lexa automatically sat back.
“No, that’s not what I mean,” Clarke told her, but couldn’t suppress a small smile at the adorable gesture. “I mean, from you.”
“Wait, what? Me?” Lexa’s eyes went wide. “Why?” Now that, she did not see coming.
“Finn and I talked, a lot actually and we decided that if we want to try and make this work, we need to spend more time together and less time with our friends.”
Fuck. Lexa wished that she could pretend that she didn’t know what this was, but she couldn't. Deep in her chest, she could feel her heart sinking, but she wasn’t going to let Clarke see it. “So then, Octavia and Raven will be getting similar calls tonight?” She quickly questioned.
Clarke’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. She shook her head.
Lexa swallowed hard as her shoulders dropped. “How about you just tell me the truth?”
Clarke’s eyes flinched lightly. “You’re kind of a... a hindrance on us working things out.”
Lexa opened her mouth to object, but all that came out was a defeated sigh.
“But that doesn’t mean that we can’t still see each other, except maybe just, less.” Clarke offered quickly. “We can still have lunches? We’ll invite Octavia and Raven too.”
“Let me guess,” Lexa said as she averted her eyes from the screen. Her heart did something funny, causing her to inhale deeply. “He doesn’t want you to be alone with me?”
“Lexa,” Clarke released a doleful sigh. “I mean, can you really blame him?”
Lexa felt her entire demeanor change as she turned and stared at Clarke. There was no hiding the emotion she was feeling now. “Excuse me?”
Clarke cleared her throat. “He just thinks…”
“I don’t care what he thinks, Clarke.” Lexa said, her voice instantly somber.
“What about me, then?” Clarke tried. “Don’t you care what I think?”
“Not right now, I don’t.” Lexa replied, her voice was soft, but not warm.
Clarke was choosing Finn over her. She said that she wouldn’t do that. She had told her that she’d always choose her. What had changed in just a few weeks?
“Lexa, come on,” Clarke shrugged lightly. “Everyone sees the way…”
“Don’t you dare finish that fucking sentence, Clarke.” Lexa instantly warned her harshly. What the hell was going on?
Clark swallowed hard, her blue eyes lacking their normal sparkle.
“I get it, okay?” Lexa said as she reached for the mouse. “I have to go now.”
“Lexa…” Clarke began, but Lexa hit the End button.
When she finally released the breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, a rush of tears that she wasn't prepared for, came with it. Lexa never cried, but this time, she couldn't even help it. She sat back in her chair, trying to catch her breath as the tears just spilled from her eyes. Clarke didn’t want to be around her? It was like the world was spinning. Clarke was her best friend - how the hell was this really happening? Her hands shook as she raised them to her mouth, trying desperately to stifle the sounds that kept escaping it. No one had ever been able to come between them, not like this - not ever. Leaning forward onto the table, she closed her eyes and continued to cry as her chest ached as though it was actually being split apart. Was her heart physically breaking?
Suddenly strong arms surrounded her from behind and pulled her close. “Lexa?” Anya’s voice filled her ears. “Hey, squirt, what is it?”
Lexa turned her head slightly and looked up at her sister. Her face was tensed up and her wet eyes were pleading, but for what Anya didn’t know. “What did I do wrong?” Lexa finally asked, as tears filled her eyes once more. “What did I do?”
Anya stared back at her, not knowing what to say – she didn’t know what was going on, but she’d never seen Lexa so distraught. In fact, in that moment, there was just one thing that she absolutely knew for sure. There was only one person who could have possibly had this kind of an effect on Lexa.
Clarke.